Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

Abner Littleton, a highly respected jack-of-all-trades for the colony, was taking a shift at the main settlement's radio shack. Several of the Greedorks were studying his actions; they had grown up with much more sophisticated voice comms, and were thinking over ways to improve the colony's radio suite within the available resources.

The call from the former Dark Headgear turned everyone's attention to the happy prospect of a friendly visit. Within minutes, Boone Crockett had been carried to the radio shack by Tarp Kanvas. When the settlement's chief planner took the microphone, a female voice came to him.

"This is Lizzy Ricosuave, Movable Infantry retired, speaking for the Stellar Assembly. The sailors of your catamaran, with their boat, are coming with us, E.T.A. eighteen minutes from now. They have given General Pufferton a comprehensive mind-to-mind summary of your planet's recent history, and all of us are looking forward to meeting your non-human colonists."

"Roger that. Understand that your own news is important to us. In your big picture, is a new invasion by Creepycrawlids likely?"

"Knocking on synthetic wood, there SHOULD be no more Bug Peril. Details to come soon."

A new voice took over at the Starship Grunts' end. "It's me, Krayzee. None of their details will say that we face any immediate hostile threat. But the universe has gotten bigger for them. Us joining their Freesoil colony; two other species joining also; those mythological superhumans helping them against an invasion of homeworld; most solemn of all, they've been made aware that MANY worlds are ahead of them in technology."

"If your brains provided our history to the telepath," said Boone, "he presumably knows that the Greedorks, especially, can teach plenty about their civilization's level of science."

"For sure. And eight or ten Unified Services technicians, who AREN'T mind-readers, will want to spend brainstorming time with the Greedorks."

Lylah's voice cut in: "And to get familiar with our Spacebullion hardware as well."
 
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~~~~ Assume that some time passes. Imagine this to be whatever span of time fits best with other plot arcs. ~~~~

The Freesoil community now possessed six catamaran sailboats, useful for many travel purposes which were not time-urgent. Earl Pufferton was of no use for locating underground resources, but crewmembers of the Marco Polo had ground-penetrating radar to hunt for mineral veins. They soon found substantial deposits of petroleum, natural gas and coal. The coal was easiest to put into use immediately, and facilitated the building of a steel industry.

The Federal Earthers were still working with Boone Crockett's people when a new player entered the star system and entered the game.

"Calling Freesoil! Calling personnel of the Human Federation! This is Woodrow Ackerman of the Bubblewrap Coalition, in command of the starship Queen Yessa. Please respond; I have knowledge of your activities, and wish to offer alliance with both of your entities."

On the surface, the six-limbed Tarp Kanvas was manning the subspace radio, an invention which he found fascinating. He shouted for the nearby Abner Littleton to join him at the comms desk, then answered Captain Ackerman. "This is Tarp Kanvas, leader of one component of the Freesoil settlement. Please elaborate on how you come to know about us."

Another voice came up on the frequency before Woodrow could answer Tarp. "Calling Queen Yessa, this is Commander Alice Huang, executive officer of the Marco Polo from the Human Federation. Subject to learning more about you, my government is open to exploring friendly relations with your coalition. Please coordinate with the Freesoil authorities to arrange landing of your personnel, AFTER we perform a closer scan of your armaments."

"Just a formality!" Tarp hastily interjected from the surface.

"No offense taken," said Woodrow. "In good faith, let me mention that we have a few special passengers on board: representatives of a large contingent of liberated slaves, about three thousand in all. Most of them are back in the Upsydaisylon System right now, or employed as free people with the Snitsnobbies. All of them formerly were held in bondage on Planet Takniss, within the territory of the Empire of Evil Badness. They wish to meet the Freesoilers, and possibly request a land grant to live here."

"Acknowledged. Again subject to deepening the acquaintance, chances are good that your liberated slaves will be welcomed here. We of the Human Federation have heard about the Empire of Evil Badness, and would likely make common cause with you against it."

The Mudpackises and the Cardsharpers, when hearing about the new visitors, all felt that this was an encouraging development.
 
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PLANET GUMWAD, in the Dune-derived reality: The effort to find a buried Starhatch was well underway. Sister Biddymickie of the local Penny Jezebels was overseeing leg-shackled Hotblood Matrons, who had been sentenced to forced labor in punishment for their violent invasion. Jazzica Ashtrayides, with her daughter Trala-Lalia and grandchildren Stillneater and Gladiola, were acting as Biddymickie's deputies, each one exercising close-up supervision over one of four digging sites.

The prisoners were operating excavation machinery: a sort of labor which, in their homelands on faraway planets, had always been performed by their downtrodden males. For many generations, Hotblood Matrons had regarded themselves pretty much as goddesses, and now they hotly resented having to do menial work themselves. But the needless cruelty they had shown when they briefly ruled Gumwad now came back to bite them. No one cut them any slack; least of all did Giles Magg. Five Hotblood Matrons, who tried to get away with disobedience, were dead before they saw Giles coming. Each one's head hit the ground three or four paces away from her toppling body. Nine more provoked other guards into wounding them with bullets. But after those added executions, and after a sixth mutinous Matron in Giles' presence hit the ground in FOUR pieces, the remainder of them grew much more compliant.

Groan Starr and Princess Vixen found their way to Gumwad, and had a reunion with the Ashtrayides side of the family, while the search for a Starhatch still was going on. Success finally came at a site not close to the Penny Jezebels' headquarters for this planet.

Groaner, Vixen and Puke were with Giles at a worksite. Vixen, a crack rifle shot, was keeping the Matrons in line, while Groaner enjoyed getting to know his deceased father Duke Neato at last-- sort of.

"When I found out that my own mother had arranged for Father to be slain by that mutated arena bull, I came close to beheading her with my own hand. But the Truth-Babbler Deyusexmashna told me that my mother had been influenced to commit her crime by some evil power called 'Hopecrusher Central,' an unseen force which wanted all stories to end unhappily. So, to spite the Hopecrushers, I only exiled Mother to a remote quarter of Planet Waterpark."

It was weird for Groan Starr to realize that (unlike Bunkem Isotope) this Goulash clone didn't really contain the genuine consciousness of Duke Neato, but did possess many of Neato's memories. Fully conscious of the paradox, Giles Magg regarded it as his duty to let Groaner "meet" Neato in this vicarious fashion.
 
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Two days after the conversation excerpted above, this plot arc finally got into major action again.

One of the excavations reached a certain depth-- and all at once, Trala-Lalia felt a horrible premonition. She cried out to those located nearby: "Bunkem! Duskwing! Mother! Niece! Puke! Echo of my father! We have to pause the digging!"

"What is it, daughter?" asked Jazzica.

"A premonition through The Japaneno, Mother. We are not prepared for what waits beyond that portal. At the very least, we'll need to have ALL our power gathered here before we proceed. Especially our heavy hitters: Groan, Raisin, Spiderweb-Man and Cyberdork. I'm not sure WHAT foes await at the other end, but I am certain that those foes are aware of the Starhatch link."

"All right, we'll suspend the work," Jazzica replied. To the clone of her late husband she said, "Make sure the Hotblood Matrons keep far away from the excavation until we tell them to resume digging." Giles Magg accordingly told the convict laborers to take a rest break for food and other necessities-- and to take it more than two hundred yards away from the work site.

What no one anticipated was the intervention of Yolesha, the eldest surviving Penny Jezebel on Gumwad. Yolesha naturally held a grudge against the Matrons for murdering some of her sisters; but she also presented having needed help from outsiders. She didn't exactly hate Cyberdork, Chip Thursday, Luchador Hidalgo and the rest, but she did wish to show herself superior to them. She wanted an unassisted accomplishment for her own fellowship to boast about. Therefore, she quietly summoned several more Jezebels to the scene, and resumed the digging as quietly as the machinery allowed. In fact, more quietly than might have been expected-- because they set up a "personal shield" to muffle the noise.

Duskwing was the first to suspect that something was amiss..... but at that instant, Yolesha uncovered the Starhatch! On its frame, the Starhatch had a big red button, with a placard which said, "NEVER PRESS THIS BUTTON WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT'S AT THE OTHER END."

But of course......
 
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On the exile-planet Lousy Sekondhanstor, the deposed Emperor Candham still was visited periodically by Naughtygators of the Spaced-Out Guild. This was technically illegal; but ever since Duke Paul Muddy-Drip Ashtrayides had died the third or fourth of his many deaths, the remnant of House Ashtrayides had somewhat relaxed the restrictions on the remnant of House Calamari.

The Ashtrayides were, after all, rather embarrassed over the fact that their Paul had failed to break free of the externally-imposed fate which made him wage a senseless interstellar war-- simply because Original Earth's Frank Herbert had loved pessimism and had WANTED the canonical Paul Muad'Dib to be unable to prevent cosmic jihad. So they deemed it grossly hypocritical to be TOO harsh on Candham Calamari. This being so, Jazzica and her family had looked the other way as House Calamari resumed pulling political strings here and there, in small ways; this, of course, had led to Princess Eerilake being allowed openly to travel back and forth. And they had completely failed to detect Candham's boldest action since being deposed, when he sent his elite soldiers to assist the villain Block Atom over in the sub-reality based on Justice League stories.

CANDHAM personally leaving Lousy Sekondhanstor still would have brought an open-ended in-absentia death sentence upon the evil ex-monarch, but now he was allowed to receive news of the universe at large at frequent intervals. Thus, he knew at least vaguely of the existence of Seedubb Earth, where Groan Starr Ashtrayides had spent some time; and he knew that Naughtygators had meddled in the affairs of another Earth-variant, what we are calling Federal Earth. He even had known for some while that the Hotblood Matrons still existed, and had cautiously made overtures to them via the Naughtygators. But he didn't TRUST the Matrons any farther than he could have thrown an Habanero monster.

Candham would not deal those man-haters into his game unless he had a hole card strong enough to defeat them.

He was about to find out that he did have such a card: his niece-or-whatever, the Jalapeno-powered Lady Serrimu, who had left her swordsman husband for the above-mentioned Block Atom. Block was lawful evil, not chaotic evil; therefore, he could feel true affection for Serrimu. And, even though he had been driven away from Planet Senphatori, he could also feel gratitude for House Calamari having tried to help him there.

Scarcely a day before the end of the previous post, Serrimu was brought back to Lousy Sekondhanstor by her new man, who was prepared to repay Candham for being an ally. To bolster the combat power he represented, Block brought along two big, ugly humanoids: the sisters of the monster Plasstar. Danrufa and Belcharis, to put it delicately, both had the power to foul the surrounding air, making it hard for opponents to fight them. Their younger brother Eetbeenzar was left out of this deployment as usual, since he was likely to distress his friends as much as he did his enemies.
 
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Still on Lousy Sekondhanstor, but now at the point in time when Yolesha on Gumwad pushes the button.

The Imperial soldiers guarding the underground Starhatch saw it light up. One man ran back up the tunnel to tell their superior officer; he also told Truth-Babbler Twitfloozie when she appeared. The other Starhatch sentries unfolded portable shields-- not the kind that would explode if hit by a beam weapon. From behind the shields, they took aim at the center of the portal-- with bullet-guns, not energy weapons, due to the same concern.

Shutting her eyes, Twitfloozie told the soldiers, "My sense is that those are enemies."

Serrimu had had a premonition of her own, about a minute before the Starhatch lit up, and had said something to her lover. Moving faster than any Hotblood Matron, and almost as fast as Giles Magg would have done, he joined Twitfloozie in the last four seconds before the portal opened. "Guards, don't shoot! Let me capture them!" Not wanting to anger this demigod, and simultaneously trusting him to handle the intrusion, the sentries holstered their guns.

Serrimu had told Block Atom that Eerilake, who was related to her as well as to the ex-Emperor, was among the people at the other end of the wormhole. So Block went into take-live-prisoners mode, though seeing no need to be gentle about it with anyone other than Eerilake.
 
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Down in the pit on Gumwad, the portal began swirling with CGI-looking colors. Puke nervously drew a raygun, while Duskwing physically dragged the meddling Yolesha away. The next moment, an ominous-looking, hard-muscled man stepped through the radiance. For the record, he didn't look the way Dwayne "Rock" Johnson was going to look in the not-yet-produced Black Adam film on Original Earth. He looked more like the unabashedly wicked Black Adam in DC animated movies.

Puke's panicky shot splashed off of Block Atom's chest. Block then knocked the Kashorchekian unconscious with one tap of a baby finger, and tossed him to the soldiers at the other end of the wormhole. Several of Yolesha's peers who had crowded close were also taken prisoner-- as was Duskwing, when he tried to intervene. Block Atom recognized Giles Magg as the greatest immediate threat, and shot a lightning bolt at the Goulash clone-- almost too late. Even as Giles was shocked into cardiac arrest, the one high-speed punch he had managed to throw did stagger the villain.

Eerilake wasn't around, but Jazzica and Trala-Lalia were. Jazzica could see that the good guys available here (and still conscious) would be no match for Block Atom in a fight; but there might be another way: The Chatter. Trala sensed her mother's intent, and chanted in unison with her:

"Stranger, you will stop! Stranger, you will stop!"

It looked as if this might work-- until Serrimu jumped through the portal, and yanked an unresisting Block Atom back to Lousy Sekondhanstor, after which the Starhatch went inactive. While others took stock of who was missing, and while Groaner and Vixen were hastening over from a check-in at another digging site, Jazzica dropped to the ground beside the copy of her Duke, and urgently began resuscitation.

(Don't worry, Giles lives, because Frank Herbert isn't writing this post.)
 
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While Groan Starr, Cyberdork and other heroes were converging on the scene of Block Atom's brief incursion, a dozen of the captive Hotblood Matrons, finding themselves unwatched, reclaimed one of their now-grounded spaceships, and got it aloft. They had not told any of their fellows this plan, so those still-imprisoned Matrons could not be mind-probed for knowledge of the escape. Consequently, those escapees were two hours away, almost out of the star system, before anyone realized that they had escaped. They would inform their leadership that the inferior males and the less-goddess-like women possessed more defense capability than had been anticipated.

Meanwhile, at the court-in-exile of Candham Calamari, the four Penny Jezebels who had been scooped up with Duskwing and Puke were immediately treated as welcome guests; after all, they were loyal to the fallen dynasty. They needed no pressure to tell the Emperor and Twitfloozie all they could about the personalities and abilities of those who had come to Gumwad with Jazzica's family. They could hardly omit the fact that it was these non-Calamari-aligned people who had prevented the Hotblood Matrons from taking control of the Gumwad Starhatch.

As Twitfloozie remarked to her sovereign while pointing at Puke and Duskwing: "If not for them, it would have been five or six thousand Hotblood Matrons coming through that wormhole, right into your palace."

Now everyone looked at Block Atom, who stood quietly with Danrufa and Belchari. "I have no personal quarrel with Duskwing or Puke; but as this is a matter of your own ancient galactic politics, I defer to Serrimu's judgment."

Serrimu drew closer to the throne. "Sire, these two male outsiders are friends to House Ashtrayides, which makes them your enemies. But Your Majesty has always possessed the serene wisdom not to offer your neck to the knife when all the knives are in an adversary's hands."

"Perhaps we could make Goulash clones of them to send back," said the officer who had been charge of the Starhatch security detail when the alert lights came on, "and keep the originals in custody."

"Not a bad idea," replied Candham; "but the cloning process would take long enough that Lady Jazzica would guess the truth. All the more so after meeting Giles Magg."

As he spoke, Serrimu used Penny Jezebel sign language to tell Twitfloozie: If we treat those outsiders well, and eventually set them free, this might result in opportunities to invade and rule their home planets.
 
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As soon as possible, extra-strong persons like Spiderweb-Man got to work re-burying the Gumwad Starhatch-- AFTER detaching its power source. The re-burial didn't mean simply replacing the original dirt and rock, but adding an immense mound, strengthened by cement which the Gumwaddians provided.

Yolesha knelt before Lady Jazzica. "I have proven myself inexcusably reckless. I am unworthy to be a leader. Will you please assume the governance of our colony?"

Jazzica took this request seriously. "I will do so temporarily, until a long-term arrangement is agreed upon. Back on Srirachiss, and on Waterpark, there are many women capable of taking over here."

"Excuse me, Referential Mother," interjected a Penny Jezebel named Soopnoomry, "but what about our sisters who were abducted? As well as Duskwing and Puke?"

"I saw Serrimu," Jazzica answered. "Her being there almost guarantees that Lousy Sekondhanstor is where our companions are held now. Since Candham has lost his escape route, his position is even more vulnerable now than it was before. Even if that super-powered man has others with him, it's unlikely that they are mighty enough to make the Emperor feel totally safe. He won't dare to provoke us by harming those captives."

"But Groaner and I want Puke back," said Vixen.

"And we want Duskwing back!" Raisin and Cyberdork added in unison.

As a state policeman on Seedubb Earth, Chip Thursday had been in on hostage situations. Now he spoke up: "I'm as positive as I can be that your enemies won't harm our half-dozen friends. But there appears to be NO deterrent against more Hotblood Matrons re-invading Gumwad. Sure, Duskwing and the others are important, but the other issue is more time-urgent. We need to fortify Gumwad."

Bot Index approached Soopnoomry. "What if you were to go with Groaner and Vixen to see about recovering the captives? As a Penny Jezebel, you could speak with Serrimu or whoever."

Nodding silently at Bot's words, Vixen walked over to the pilot Ulysses Bardette. "Ulysses, meaning no offense, you have no special powers. What if you and a few other non-metahumans take one of our ships back to Seedubb? Then you could round up more of the powerful good guys to help us here. Especially Green Flashlight Ryan Pebbles, and Doctor Unusual."

Groan Starr came alongside her. "Hey, didn't Spark Laboratories on Seedubb have something called an Anti-Villain Device? THAT would make a major difference against the lightning-shooting man......"
 
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While Ulysses and Soopnoomry are heading for Seedubb, carrying a recorded message prepared by Cyberdork under encryption key, let's catch up with events on a different Earth-variant. \\\\\\\\\\\\

It was for sure now. Oliver Hackman of Kansas was confirmed to be the equivalent of a Jedi Knight, _without_ revisionists to turn him into a useless weakling. Master Yoga-Rug, mentally contacted by Lowerkey (the good-guy Loki-variant), had given Oliver a remote-learning course. Giving the Mediumgarder gentleman a Fuss ring to focus his new powers proved very helpful.

Bleeder the Vampire Killer had lately been relieved as protector to the Hackman family by Drumwhacku, a close associate of Plaque Panther who had the strength of a gorilla. In parting, Welbymark told Oliver: "Since you have a family and many obligations, we won't ask you to take off on wild adventures. But as you gain mastery of the up-side, it may be that you can do good right where you are: create a stronghold, a refuge for people in danger." Then Lowerkey addressed Drumwhacku: "With your own athletic prowess, you might be able to devise exercises for Oliver, so his physical body can keep up with what he learns to do through the Fuss."

"Are you two bound for someplace in particular?" Oliver asked.

"Yes, to South Dakota," answered Lowerkey. "King Garryowen's magic ravens have spotted one of the ear-plugged lunatics in a small town. The Dentfloss Bridge will transfer us from here to there, hopefully before the stupid brat flies off again."

The particular fourteen-year-old brat located by Ignore-It and Forget-It has not been mentioned by name up to now, but he was a devoted follower of Sawyer Boyd. Festus Joss had met Sawyer when Tahushio Bleebu and other Heart Sapphires had staged a rally in the Pennsylvania of Jersey Earth. Festus and Sawyer had agreed early on that they could have run a school far better than adults ran them.

And right now, in Mediumgard's version of the real-world town of Highmore, South Dakota, Festus Joss was trying to vindicate his opinion at the local middle school, whose total student body comprised forty-seven girls and forty-four boys.
 
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Twenty-two students of the middle school were sealed off in the science lab. The Heart Sapphire-derived powers of the Cosmic Fact Checkers were never meant to harm anyone, but they could confine people. There was no way out of the laboratory which was not currently blocked by a force field; nor could anyone have reached Festus if they had dared to rush him.

"Now everybody pay attention." Festus did not invite questions, because his twin gems would not have LET him hear them unless they said things to flatter him. "The fascists who deny true feelings, who hatefully impose linear logic, would tell you that mixing a strong acid with a strong alkaline 'has to' cause an explosion. But by following our hearts at all times, we can triumph over the bigotry of science. Just watch."

Everyone winced helplessly as Festus poured the acid into the alkaline powder. But nothing worse than a bitter flash of light ensued; Festus had successfully contained the reaction. To his relieved captives he cheerfully said, "Now, tell me, what time is it?"

The smartest girl in the room had an inspiration, and gambled that it would placate the intruder. "Teacher, the time is whatever time we WANT IT to be."

"Excellent!" Festus exulted, having heard her clearly. "Class dismissed. But for anyone who's interested, this evening I'll show you how to play a basketball game where EVERYONE WINS."
 
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ON U-R-T-H, WHERE THE JUSTIFIED LEAGUE EXISTS, two female criminals, one white and the other Chinese, were making lemonade from the lemons of present circumstance. Right now, Rattle-Sneak and Hand-Eye were almost the only super-powered evildoers on Urth who were free to carry on being naughty. They were keeping a low profile, involving themselves in the organized-crime scene of Guatemala.

As we find them now, they had just lately signed on with a gang calling itself the Constrictors. This gang had been losing ground to a rival gang called the Jaguars. Hand-Eye and Rattle-Sneak were inclined by temperament to join the winning side of any conflict; but in this case, they realized they could MAKE the Constrictors the winning side, and benefit by their gratitude. The crucial day was when the Constrictors had something going on which was vital to their continuation as a gang. Two-legged metaphorical mules, and four-legged actual mules, would be caravanning along a remote jungle trail, transporting certain types of merchandise which were not good for people's health.

The Jaguars were expected to attack this caravan. But the Jaguars were not expecting to face metahuman opposition.

At the moment when the attack began, Rattle-Sneak was at the very front of the procession, while Hand-Eye was at the tail end. Their idea was to draw enemy gunfire AWAY from their allies. Had the two super-villainesses been at the middle, their actions would only have increased fire coming straight at the body of the caravan.

Previous high-speed reconnaissance by Rattle-Sneak had provided a good idea of where the ambushers would be. Moments before they would have been at ground zero, all of the bearers and muleteers took cover and drew their own guns, while Hand-Eye shot lightning bolts at angles to her left and right, shocking enemies at both flanks of the caravan without hitting anyone on her own side. After this, she directed all of her lightning against hostiles on the left flank-- because that side had more tangled vegetation.

The thinner growth on the right afforded better freedom of movement to Rattle-Sneak, and she had arranged for her side NOT to shoot at the most forward part of the right flank. In her own area of coverage, the speedster made short work of disabling every enemy gunman she encountered. The victory for the defenders was soon complete.

Some of the Constrictors were wounded, but none fatally. Four of the pack animals were killed; but the muleteers forced the surviving Jaguars to carry the loads those beasts had borne. Apart from two men who were shot dead when trying to escape, the captured Jaguars were offered the chance to join the Constrictors.

And these hombres were all about being on the winning side.
 
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Mason Perry, Attorney-General for Urth's version of the United States, paid a visit to Justified League Headquarters, bringing along his counterpart from the Guatemalan government, Juanita Rinaldo. They were met by Martin "Atomic Scalp" Alpert, who so far still was flameless, but still had a skull-ish face although there was a tongue inside his mouth. Juanita was not alarmed by the sight of him; she knew he was on the side of good now.

"Professor Alpert, I'm honored to meet you. Mason tells me that your League's orbital surveillance has picked up something of interest in my own country."

"So it has. Please have a seat by that terminal over there;" and presently, the former villain was playing for her eighty seconds' worth of overhead imagery, partly obscured by trees. This, of course, represented the defeat suffered by the Jaguar Gang. Once it ended, Martin said, "Did those two metahumans look recognizable to you?"

"Not by appearance. But I was aware that there was a speed-gifted lawbreaking woman, and another woman who could shoot electricity from the palms of her hands."

Mason Perry sighed, "And so we have proof of two more super-crooks remaining active, as well as Mirror Merchant skulking around Southeast Asia. So please give us your opinion, Professor Alpert: should we ask League members who are off-world return to Urth?"

"Hmmm, I think we have enough members close by to handle what we face at present. Especially with some of our friends from Awkwardlisp lingering. Remember Exohern, the fellow with antlers?"

"I do," replied Juanita, "and I see where you're going. With Superdude and Superhottie so often busy elsewhere, we could ask Exohern to hunt Rattle-Sneak."

"And Nonwhite Lightning, the man who saved my life that time in Cambodia, to go after Hand-Eye."
 
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Since the United States Department of Justice did not directly supervise the Justified League, and since neither Attorney-General Perry nor his Guatemalan counterpart were affected materially in their own actions by which superheroes the Justified League detailed for what mission, Atomic Scalp had indulged in a teeny bit of misdirection. He had not explicitly said that the heroes he named WOULD be asked to go to Central America; he had only suggested that Nonwhite Lightning and Exohern MIGHT be sent. In case any adversary had means of spying on Mason and Juanita, those two senior prosecutors could not accidentally let something slip to bad guys about what the REAL plan was.

Even if Mirror Merchant had contrived somehow to eavesdrop on the meeting, he would not thereby know the real plan. He would notice various actions by Exohern and Nonwhite Lightning which suggested impending travel, but again this would be misdirection.

Moistureman, King of Splatlantis, had been away from Urth on a long visit to Planet Senphatori. On the day after Atomic Scalp received his visitors, a special recalibration of the Tachyon Loop system secretly teleported Moistureman home to Urth, dropping him in the Atlantic near the Falkland Islands. From there, without announcing himself to his own people but joined by Howie Maui, he traveled underwater to the Gulf of Honduras.

Entering the mouth of the Rio Dulce, the water-breathing heroes made their way to Lago Izabal. Here they came ashore separately for initial scouting, with plans to meet up two days later.
 
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At a seedy cantina in a town farther inland than the aquatic heroes had yet come, Paco Fritango, a senior member of the Constrictors, was drinking with four of his trusted men, and with Hand-Eye and Rattle-Sneak, plus Ramon Delacruz, the highest-ranking of the lately-defeated Jaguars to have joined the victorious gang. The main topic of discussion was the Jaguars still at large in Guatemala. Ramon was giving Paco his opinion of which Jaguars would most likely be willing to accept the Constrictor colors.

Between Tequila Sunrises, they were suddenly visited by Mirror Merchant. Rattle-Sneak, having the quickest reaction time of anyone present, shouted, "Don't shoot! We know him!"

Paco kept his cool, rising from his chair. "Not from around here, but obviously your sort. Bienvenido, senor."

The specialized sorceror nodded. "I came to warn all of you: men from the Justified League are heading this way, and one of them can fly."

"Are they bulletproof?" asked Ramon.

"The flying one, Howie Maui, is not strictly bulletproof, but is fairly hard to kill. The other is no less than El Rey de la Mar, Moistureman. He is mostly immune to small-arms fire, but can be somewhat affected by heavy weapons. Nonetheless, I recommend that you simply avoid those two."

"Will we be ABLE to avoid them?" said Paco.

"I'll help you to throw them off your trail. While you scatter to your bolt-holes, preferably hideouts which my two friends have not yet seen, I will transport the senoritas to a town up north, and let them smash up a police station there. Then farther north, to do the same at some town in Belize. This should be enough to convince the Justified League that Rattle-Sneak and Hand-Eye are migrating north."

"That sounds like the best move," said Hand-Eye to Paco. "Eventually, we'll be able to rejoin you."
 
Okay, it's been a while since I did a multi-arc review. So here's a look at some assorted past events, in random order.

** Characters based on "Babylon Five," and some based on "Starship Troopers," entered the Star-Wars-Expanded-Universe-derived story-realm, and helped to liberate slaves of the Empire of Evil Badness. My version of Mace Windu was in on this, and afterwards recruited some of the freed slaves to join in an infiltration of Imperial space. (My version of Palpatine is irrevocably dead, but my version of Grand Admiral Thrawn still is keeping the evil shop in business.)

** On Punksteema, Ronald of Goliad and his apprentices are helping to investigate a mass poisoning, unaware that servants of the evil immortal Jaheg-Jorod are not far away. Other heroes, including the lady detective Zoralee Jeralo, are busy on the other side of the planet. Jizbrol Tazaff, the airship designer, has not yet had a chance to attempt a flight to Punksteema's low-hanging moon.

** A third inhabited galaxy (on the opposite side of our own galaxy from the galaxy where New Laziness exists) was revealed to be home to TWO more parody-versions of Asgard. Of these, "Flashgard" was destroyed by evil creatures, but some of its people were saved by the OTHER Asgard-variant, called "Jumpstard." All of the Jumpstardeans look like Beta Ray Bill in Thor comics. After inflicting vengeance on the destroyers of Flashgard, my direct equivalent of Beta Ray Bill traveled to my equivalent of "Etherea" in She-Ra stories. Meanwhile, one of the Flashgardean survivors, a good-aligned version of Loki, found a new home on Mediumgard Earth.

** For the benefit of any reader who remembers the BBC series "Blake's Seven," Green Flashlight Parbellik and Heart Sapphire Luvardra came upon a multi-species federation..... which is looking ominously more like the federation in Blake's Seven than the Original Star Trek one.

** On "Terra," military forces of progressive Islamic societies went after the Boko Hassan terrorists and the super-villains accompanying the terrorists. Joining in this effort, the superhero Kimchee Man captured Lady Blast in Egypt. But Red Slaughter escaped, and is looking for the means to conjure up my equivalent of the demon Sabacc in the Black Adam film.

** The only version of Batman in my serial, a native of Seedubb Earth, remained with Urth's Justified League for a while. Because of this, my version of Alfred the Butler, who was rejuvenated very early in the saga, successfully filled in as Batfellow, helping to defeat the Black Visor Gang.

** In the storyline derived from "Space 1999," the extra-talented technician Bill Redvest got married to the lady shape-changer Versaderma. The settlement on Planet Latterdawn was planning a new stronghold on an island with none of the deadly swarming insects.

** On Freesoil, another colonized planet, where some of the settlers are derived from the novels of Edgar Rice Burroughs, the former "Dark Headgear" and his associates were visited by the Starship Grunts. This worked for the good, since now the Starship Grunts' telepath Earl Pufferton can verify that Dark Headgear actually did turn away from evil and become an up-sider.

** Speaking of ripping off "Spaceballs," remember Duke Diskoduck, from the planet which parallels "Druidia" in Mel Brooks' movie? In a star system where he now serves as an ambassador, Diskoduck had a "2001: A Space Odyssey" experience with an alien artifact. This gave him the peculiar ability to make the "2001" theme play in the air, causing people to stop whatever they're doing.
 
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Bulky Tanya, the foremost personage in the "Open Face" faction of Banjolorians, and the would-be queen of ALL Banjolorians, collected what facts she could while on Snorkul-Shodgun, and looked for warriors to join her in the search for the Dimsaber. Toonic Sleave, Tanya's first contact on this planet, signed on right away. She had two young brothers, Patchy Sleave and Shorty Sleave, who also joined.

One more Banjolorian male, not otherwise connected with the ones named so far, was recruited at the last minute. This man, older than Tanya or Toonic and bigger than the other men, did practice the face-hiding rule, but had no beef against the Open Facers. Named Lashrook, he specialized in long-range heavy weapons. His weapon of choice was a double-cell rocket launcher, for which he currently possessed nine missiles. His other weapons were a sort of bullwhip, a spiked mace, and backup daggers in both boot-tops. He had no jet pack, but Tanya promised to obtain one for him when possible.

Of the non-human space merchants who had recently visited Snorkul-Shodgun, the ones who had been most open about their interest in the Dimsaber were members of a race called Fetlockers. These are my imitation of the evil pod-racer pilot in "Phantom Menace," the one who walked on his hands and handled objects with his feet. The leader of that commerce delegation had been an elderly male named Hazzabin, the oldest male Fetlocker to visit Snorkul-Shodgun in living memory. This would even have included Master Yoga-Rug's memory, if anyone had asked Yoga-Rug about it.

Having added four more shooters to her posse, and knowing Fetlockers to be sneaky cowards, Tanya was now confident that she could accomplish things on her new destination world with a bullying, belligerent attitude.
 
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For a lucky break, another Fetlocker merchant ship dropped in before the eight Banjolorians were quite ready for travel. This freighter's captain was named Drilpret, and he knew Lashrook. The old veteran had once taken a caravan-guard job on Kummanokkin, and had convoyed merchandise belonging to Drilpret. Lashrook told Tanya that Drilpret was less obnoxious than most Fetlockers.

It was arranged that Tanya's ship would accompany Drilpret's ship after Drilpret concluded his business here. Toonic's brother Patchy, an expert space mechanic, would ride on Drilpret's ship, both to help the Fetlocker personnel with engine maintenance, and to ease the crowding on board Tanya's vessel.

Before the two ships left orbit, Tanya instructed Patchy to find out whether Drilpret knew about the quest for the Dimsaber. Patchy immediately replied, "I don't even have to ask, he's already mentioned that he knows of it. But he has no idea whether any of his people knows WHERE the Dimsaber is just now."

Tanya looked away, then at Patchy again. "All right, it was worth a try. So the plan is unchanged: the eight of us will make inquiries in all the cantinas on Fetlock..... and there will never be fewer than four of us together, guarding each other's backs."

"I suggest that any foursome which includes Lashrook do its work in open areas. Not much percentage in him launching a rocket inside a busy tavern. Even his whip might get tangled in a setting like that."

"Good tactical thinking, kid. We'll do it that way. Now, let's review our own supplies, in case any last-minute purchases are indicated."
 
>>> Meanwhile, the party led by the blue-skinned Shrinkdin Trush, acting on behalf of his fellow Chisskurdian Grand Admiral Thuglyfe Skrawn, arrived at Expansive Asteroid Base, on the dwarf planet Hatpin in the Sorghum System. They caused a stir when they visited the casino owned by Lackdough Carribiyan. Lackdough was asleep at the time, so his protocol robot-- the same one who had been handled roughly by Kuth-Hula-Hoop many chapters ago-- greeted the armed visitors.

"It is my duty to inform you that no raygun fights can be conducted at this time. Soundtrack music for exciting battle scenes is currently off line."

Shrinkdin smoothly replied, "No problem. We're only here to meet up with a dangerous-looking friend who secretly carries an awesome close-range weapon called the Darkmachete."

"By name of Blastodon Kroof?"

"That's the name." Shrinkdin omitted to mention that Blastodon was a Popquizzitor.

"You're in luck. A man matching that description is in our infirmary at this moment."

Shrinkdin's daughter Siskeli exclaimed, "Sick? Wounded?"

"He suffered laser burns in the fight, but he's out of danger by now. And since the notorious mercenaries who attacked him were known outlaws, the system authorities acknowledge his killing them as valid self-defense."
 
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The visitors were asking the robot to show them to Blastodon's room, when Siskeli tapped her father's arm. "Father, Lackdough is coming from his quarters to check us out." Then she turned to face the exact direction the Cloud Suburb Casino's owner was coming from.

"Friends of Mister Kroof, are you?" Lackdough was in his pajamas, carrying a laser gun bit not aiming it.

"On the same side, at least," replied Shrinkdin.

"What planet was he born on?"

"Grambamtor, in the Dozinga system."

Siskeli stepped toward Lackdough. "He suggested that to you as a verification question, didn't he?"

The veteran gambler kept his poker face. "Yeah, he did. So I guess you people ARE the ones he was waiting for. He's well enough to travel, and I owe him thanks for wasting those gangsters. You're welcome to ship him out with you. The Sorghum System is non-belligerent in any current wars." He looked Siskeli in the eye. "Since you have the Fuss, you'll know I'm speaking the truth when I promise I won't tell anyone from the Republic of Lots of Worlds about you until two hours after you depart this star system."

"Make it three hours," said Shrinkdin, "and we're cool."
 
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