Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

SHUFFLING TIME A BIT, BECAUSE JUTMEDDU _WAS_ SUPPOSED TO CROSS THE OCEAN BEFORE THESE OTHERS DID:

The questing women's voyage to the north had begun with a coast-hugging stretch due west, which both allowed several trading stops at ports to the west, and thereafter set up a northeastward crossing with the prevailing winds. This had provided extra days for young Halima to deepen her acquaintance with Mukuma's son Gatmorbek, the surveyor. Life on Punksteema was hard enough that nobody was sure of tomorrow, and Halima knew Gatmorbek to be a good man. Accordingly, a day before landfall on the north continent, the captain of their Kassregistran ship solemnized a marriage between them.

On their first day in Elsitobrek, none of the five travelers encountered Jutmeddu Bishtal, nor even heard that she was in port. But they did meet several members of Long Quest, who could speak some of a language known to the newcomers. This occupied a flexible span of time to even out the chronology of their arrival versus Jutmeddu's arrival, in a way which improved the party's financial condition. A government official hired Gatmorbek to perform work surveying the coast and craggy interior of an island belonging to Elsitobrek, with a view to building a fort which could mount cannon.

Gatmorbek emerged from this contract with a glowing letter of recommendation in seven languages, and forty large gold pieces. He kept twenty of these coins for himself and Halima, gave seven pieces each to Florence and Abigail, and gave six to his mother. It was understood that Mukuma was not injured by this division, since as Gatmorbek's mother she could rely on his support in any event. Still, Florence and Abigail made themselves feel better about it by each contributing one gold piece for the group's short-term lodging, and to start buying supplies for an eventual trek inland.

Jutmeddu, meanwhile, spent more time with the Long Quest people, hearing that some of them had actually encountered the evil immortal Jaheg-Jorod, and they had found that none of his magic worked against them, so he no longer showed himself in this part of the world. Between one thing and another, everybody's chronology was reconciled, so Jutmeddu could make the acquaintance of the others.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

During the above-described period, in Upper Wenzeppu, Lester Grath from Tablanor came to have news for "the folks back home," significant enough to warrant sending off his second homing raven. More shall be told of this, after Copperfox figures out what happened with Lester, Burzu and Hedrai.
 
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Lighter-than-air flying ships were not commonplace on Planet Punksteema; but enough of them existed, taken together with simpler motorless hot-air balloons, that few countries remained where people would be seriously astonished to see one overhead.

Neither Sir Ronald nor any of his trainees, busy as they were gathering information in Lower Wenzeppu, gave much thought to a dirigible which overflew them one day. This occurred long enough after the latest flyover by Punksteema's unnaturally low-hanging moon, that local air disturbance had subsided, and an airship could proceed westward with ease. A judge named Kadelpuk Doshmo, who had been working with Ronald, identified the airship as a routine passenger craft belonging to Silnarp, a commercially robust nation west of the Wenzeppues.

Kadelpuk himself didn't know that the Silnarpian air service operating this dirigible was covertly owned by the Two Rivers Evil Business Corporation in Reslagor. It was carrying Yarbeck Trask, the former sea captain who had risen to the chief executive position for Two Rivers after Armando Casador's death.

But Ronald's question was a reasonable one within the limits of his knowledge. "Do the Silnarpians who landed on our soil give you any sort of payment or consideration for letting them fly through your airspace?"

Kadelpuk shrugged. "Not in a direct way. We have no means of stopping them, unless we found an opportunity to arrest their crews."

"Which wouldn't be productive in the long run."

"To be sure. But neither are we harmed by their overflights. In all actual commerce with us, they do behave decently. And the very fact of a stronger nation being friendly with us tends to deter hostile actions by positively unfriendly neighbors."

Ronald searched his memory. "I haven't been anywhere in Arcondoyla for-- well, since I didn't have any gray in my hair. Let's see, by the course of that airship, it's headed for Limzebbu on your western border. When I was in Limzebbu nine years back, they were mostly good folks. But south of them is Gahurr. Last time I was THERE on Towerman business, I had to kill eight men and two women in self-defense."

Ronald's useful gift made the judge instantly aware that his words were true. Kadelpuk simply remarked, "They haven't changed. But precisely because neither we nor the Upper Wenzeppuans have any commerce with Gahurrites, it's unlikely that they could pull of smuggling poison from Lower to Upper."

D'Kovo Pril, standing alongside his mentor, gazed at the dirigible receding in the western sky. "But maybe some Gahurrites made a deal with somebody from elsewhere who IS accomplished at clever smuggling."

"Very possible," said Kadelpuk Doshmo.
 
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The rest of this day, and the following day, were spent with Ronald questioning Lower Wenzeppuan vinegrowers, merchants and transportation workers. This was purely on a consent basis, but Ronald's gift of being trusted by others resulted in everyone consenting to speak to him. Ronald's comrade Burzu Yunsh also took part in the interviews. Everything they could ascertain argued that everyone they spoke with was completely innocent. Judge Doshmo, and the commerce mediator Triglon Fedlo, tentatively agreed with Ronald's opinion that the poisoning of wine had been entirely an outside job.

Talusek the young swordsman was the first to suggest: ""Maybe we should head for Gahurr by way of Limzeppu. The Limzeubbuans might assist us when they learn what we're investigating."

"Sounds good," replied Ronald, then turned to face Triglon. "Can you have someone contact Lester Grath, and ask him to send the second homing raven back to report our plan for Gahurr?" (Ronald didn't know yet that Lester had already released the second raven; but this has no great effect on the story, since Lester still has one more messenger-bird to use.)

"That can be done easily enough. But I also have a request. Just this morning, my nephew on my wife's side told me that he wants to receive training as a Towerman. It may help his case with you if I mention that he speaks the languages of both Limzeppu and Gahurr."

Ronald was willing to accept an additional apprentice. Because my story calls out the laziness of fantasy novelists who randomly slap Original Earth names onto other-worldly characters who shouldn't have such names, Triglon's twelve-year-old nephew turned out to be named Diego Smith. The boy owned a lightweight rifle, similar to that used by the girl Heejee on the other side of the planet, and his uncle promised to furnish silver bullets for it.
 
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Now, let's catch up on events in what is probably the real-universe Andromeda Galaxy, home to Planet New Laziness, a galaxy connected to our own galaxy by the "Red Streak Wormhole." It has been revealed that, in this neighboring galaxy, the largest single association of humans like us is a counterpart of Star Trek's Federation --with all of that Federation's WORST qualities, and less of the good qualities. In fact, this Cosmic Federation is like the other "Federation" in the old TV series "Blake's Seven." The Flashlight-Sapphire couple Parbellik Magta and Gambisu Luvardra Magta, who recently got married on Planet Jinobrid, are undertaking to make friends with the people of this Federation.

The most prominent non-human member species of the Cosmic Federation are a roughly humanoid race called the Ziblamots, and a sort-of-blobby race called the Shmeehobbers. Neither of these races, nor any other non-humans in the Cosmic Federation, can figure out why the humans are suffering a mysterious mental plague. This affliction causes men to become useless idiots. Human women of this federation assured Parbellik and Luvardra that THEY certainly don't want their men to be this way, and hope that the super-powered newcomers can help to find an answer and a remedy.

Shmeehobbers did not see colors; they could sense both infra-red and ultra-violet light, just not as distinct colors. They were a bit nearsighted, but they were even better than Poradsimu's race at seeing in all directions. Wibgug-Bifyok had a total of thirty-six eyes just inside the transparent skin of his rather formless body, and any adjoining pair of them could be activated by his brain to focus together for depth perception. He also had good hearing, a precise awareness of temperature, and a combined sense of taste and smell similar to a snake. Hearing was his primary means of detecting things at long distance.

When Wibgug-Bifyok and Station Supervisor Gaflatori set out to escort the Magtas to meet Stellar Coordinator Vernacula Scurvylaff on Planet Fussyfrit, Parbellik took the first shift of transporting the space-boat, so his wife could spend this time with Gaflatori and Wibgug-Bifyok. Because Luvardra was a native of this galaxy, a discussion of events in this galaxy would have more meaning for her. When Parbellik took his turn inside the boat, he answered numerous questions from his new friends about the missions of the Green Flashlight Corps and the Janitors of the Universe.

No one said anything about the alleged pirate Lodge Flake.

The authorities on the capital planet were unfamiliar with Green Flashlights, but they knew about Heart Sapphires; thus, Luvardra was welcomed, and her husband was welcomed for her sake. They also knew a little bit about New Laziness, though they didn't know that King Highfyver was the covert boss of the Sapphire Sisterhood. Coordinator Scurvylaff was not immediately available to speak with the incoming foursome, but one of her advisors would act in her place. Braskorim was a man of the Ziblamot race, thus not affected by the mystery plague.

Plotline-convenient language-understanding resources can be assumed to exist on Fussyfrit. The advisor's first face-to-face words to Parbellik were: "Have human males in your galaxy ever suffered this mind-crippling phenomenon?"

"My leaders on Planet Wawa know of similar crises in the history of our galaxy, striking various races; but these never affected only one sex."
 
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Gaflatori now said the most obvious thing for her own party to say.

"Braskorim, since Peevratu last came by here from our station, have ANY human males on Fussyfrit recovered from the stupidity syndrome?"

The Ziblamot gave a sort of shrug. This was a quite a sight, what with his arms being so long. "Only men who were cyborgs. Each of them possessed at least a little bit of personality storage: some recollection of things they had done and learned. But even those men seem unable to acquire any new skills; neither can they explain what happened."

"There were no such cyborgs on the station we first visited," Parbellik put in, to which Peevratu nodded in confirmation. The young Green Flashlight continued: "Are there any of them here whom we could meet?"

"There are a few here on the Capitol grounds. Indeed, when the Stellar Coordinator first heard that a Heart Sapphire Sister was coming-- meaning no offense to you, Mister Magta, the Flashlight Corps still is an unknown quantity to us-- she decided it would be good to bring MORE of our human cyborgs here for your wife to meet."

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

The first Fussyfritter cyborg presented to Luvardra was one who had already been close at hand. His name was Chutnykorn, and it was explained that he was possibly the LEAST damaged of all Federation men by the mystery curse. His specialty was as a courier. He could carry messages and reports inside him, so they would be delivered without ever passing through the air as radio calls which could be intercepted. The same circuits and software had preserved much of his personality when the plague struck, so he was a natural to speak with Luvardra.

"Mister Chutnykorn, I am Heart Sapphire Luvardra Magta. Braskorim has told me who and what you are, so I hope that you can help me to help your government unravel this mystery. Please tell me anything you can about your subjective sensations at the time that men began losing their intelligence."

"It was not a matter of 'beginning.' If Braskorim has not told you, the failure of intellect struck like an asteroid impact, and in all zones of the Federation at once. Bubbly pies with quagdima fruit are served when-- excuse me, a bit of a glitch. It was a mercy that we always have mixed ship crews; human male pilots of spacecraft and atmospheric flyers had barely enough time to let the women or non-humans with them know that they, the men, were losing their faculties, so that the unaffected persons could take over, or engage emergency autopilots.

"Since I am a human man, only my bionic elements enable me even to speak with you this coherently. But my amplified sensory intake still has contributed something amid the efforts to understand. At the moment when I personally was hit by the phenomenon, my essential human awareness felt a sort of pressure wave inside my skull. I had just enough time to consciously tell my cognitive prostheses to take over. Output of asteroid mines in the first quarter of --excuse me again. During this shift in mental control, I seemed to hear unseen persons conversing. They spoke on a sound frequency which a Shmeehobber would have heard organically, but I could hear it only because I'm a cyborg.

"The unseen persons were talking about some being named 'Kennedweeba,' and about some place called 'Hopecrusher Central'."
 
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Vernacula Scurvylaff was busy, all right. In a secure chamber, she was peering into something very much like a Palantir from Lord of the Rings. At the other end of the line was the evil immortal called Kennedweeba, who also maintained contact with Doctor Dizwarn and Baron Meedi Ogre Snarkonnen over in the Dune-derived story-reality.

"Those accursed MALES who helped the Penny Jezebels against the Hotblood Matrons are setting my plans back by decades," the she-fiend snarled to her Cosmic Federation ally. "Now the Penny Jezebels are GRATEFUL to a bunch of men, and my own girls have been sorely discouraged. How is our degradation of your own males going?"

"Highly effective, Immortal Mistress. But an OUTSIDE human male from the Original Earth galaxy has me worried. He's been in our territory for days, and remains mostly unaffected by our selective signals......"

Has he asked your people about Flake's Seven?"

"Not that I know of."
 
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Some will remember that, after the conclusive defeat of Twerpseid in retaliation for his invasion of Earth-Whichever, some of Earth-Whichever's new superheroes remained on Planet Awkwardlisp for weeks, helping to transform this world into a base for goodness. The widower Preston Vincent, having acquired the powers of Awkwardlispian royalty, became that world's new ruler. Stony "Iron Gent" Stork produced improved armaments for the Starship Grunts from Federal Earth. Hoodunnit the Pensive, one of Thorpe's Warriors Four from Hallpasscard, also assisted the Federal Earthers against the Creepycrawlids. Beyond this, Earth-Whichever heroes including Doc Slippage and Fighting Machine even became involved in helping the Justified League on "Urth" to clean things up on their Earth-variant AND on the allied planet Senphatori. This climaxed with liberating Senphatori from the domination of super-duper-villain Block Atom.

All this being said, we now bring Urth and the Justified League up to date......

Aluminum Banshee with her husband Tapper Cossack, and Stellar Sapphire with her husband Sir Jasper the Gleaming Knight, were visiting Corky "Superdude" Klint and his wife Luisa Dane Klint, to admire the Klints' newborn baby son Kurt Klint. Lumina was expecting a daughter soon, while Stella was going to bear a son even sooner.

Jimmy Ulcer was in journalist heaven, having the permission of all three couples to interview them.

JIMMY: Luisa, our viewers and readers remember you reporting the fortunate fact that your son shared his strength with you while he still was inside you, to ensure your safety. Is that strength still with you?

LUISA: Some of it, anyway. I'll never be able to fly, and bullets could still kill me-- don't frown, Corky, worse things might come from people assuming I'm invulnerable than from them knowing I'm not-- but random movements by my son when he's in my arms don't hurt me at all.

CORKY: And your audience recalls that all Tonkrypian babies are born with an instinct to respect and obey their parents.

JIMMY (turning toward Stella): As for you, Missus Knight, how are you holding up in your last month?

STELLA: While I have no special strength organically, my gem of power can generate a sort of cushioning inside me when our little squire starts kicking.

JIMMY: Banshee, unlike the other ladies, your power is judged to be recorded in your DNA. Will Yekaterina shatter windows when she cries at birth?

LUMINA: It's very likely she will. That's why I'll deliver her at Justified League headquarters. And my only assistant at the birth will be Dmitri, who is immune to being injured by sound vibrations.

JIMMY (to Tapper Cossack): That reminds me of something, Mister Tarasov. In the hero-name you use among English-speaking people, is "Tapper" purely a reference to your dancing, or is there more to it?

DMITRI: "Tapper" does denote my dancing; but out of MANY English words for dancing which I might have used, "Tapper" is phonetically closest to a certain Russian verb: terpit, which means "to be patient" or "to endure." There is a Russian proverb: "Be patient, cossack, and someday you will become a chieftain."

LUMINA: Dmitri was patient enough to wait for true love, and now he's MY chieftain.
 
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In Wyoming, Greg "Vigilant Cowboy" Sutter had resumed the management of Restoration Ranch, letting the segundo and his family take a well-earned vacation. Young Matthew Carver, who had been steadily gaining confidence at ranch tasks, declared that (very much with his parents' approval) he wanted to become a full-time Restoration employee after he graduated from high school.

It was a surprise for Greg and Ruby, though not a BAD surprise, that two other Justified League members had been staying at Restoration for many days. One was Black Stingray-- who, though affiliated with Splatlantis, was not a mer-person, and thus was a good choice to act on Moistureman's behalf in a place far from any large body of water. The other was Squire Vindictive, the man once painfully experimented on by the "Hound Breeders" (criminals allied with the Super-Gang of Naughty Persons). He had emerged from this with a disfigured face, great strength and agility, and absolute immunity to having his mind read or controlled against his will.

Stingray and Squire were at the ranch because the ranch's association with the Justified League was public knowledge. With brute-force villain-types like Sullivan Grungy out of action on Urth, the remaining forces of evil were by necessity resorting to sneakier, more cowardly tactics. Greg Sutter's humanitarian establishment was a screamingly obvious target for terrorist actions; therefore, the League would never again let the ranch be without significant special protection.

Also present at the ranch was Urth's version of the Original Earth scientist Temple Grandin. She was videocording interviews with everyone willing to go on record speaking about Vigilant Cowboy's work to assist autistic and otherwise troubled youths. When this was done, she planned to speak off the record with the Englishman Schuyler Vinson (Squire Vindictive), so as to judge how his shielded mind might have elements in common with autism
 
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Mike Deep Swimmer, the forty-something Shawnee Indian who was Urth's Green Flashlight, had succeeded in his quest to find old friends on the far-off humanoid-peopled world Fohesso, to tell them what he'd been up to, and to bring back news of them to Jinzafel, one of the liberated War Witches who was related to them. Now he came to Restoration Ranch, figuring to enjoy some off-time there while still affording protection if it should be needed. His artifact, naturally, enhanced his ability to spot any bad guys sneaking up on Vigilant Cowboy's household. Black Stingray remained on the ranch with Mike, while Squire Vindictive took off to rejoin Clean Hornet and kickboxer Petsarat Kingpavong in the ongoing hunt for Mirror Merchant and other still-uncaught villains.

Stingray, whose real name was Abel Yahoo, had never happened to interact very much with Mike or any other Green Flashlight. They did find more occasions to converse now that they were co-sentries; but it was Ruby Sutter, mistress of the ranch, who first noticed a change in the artifact adhering to the back of Mike's right hand.

"Mister Deep Swimmer! Is your prosthesis like an eyeball? Because it seems to have a pupil now!"

"Oh, that. When I was enroute home from that far planet, a hard ceramic pellet flew straight into the lighting element. My Flashlight trapped it, survived the impact, and saved my right arm from exploding. As soon as I could land on a planet, I examined the effect of this 'pupil.' My powers were not impaired-- but something had been ADDED. Now, my Flashlight can generate new pellets like the embedded one, and can propel them out at a velocity of my choosing. I suppose it's a good new option, being able now to create a MATERIAL projectile."
 
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IN THE CANADA OF JERSEY EARTH, winter was beginning. The hardy middle-aged Algonquin Indian called Roger Tree Root, who had witnessed remarkable events in the Heart Sapphire drama, was undertaking a vision quest. Fasting and praying for three days while sitting in the snow, Roger suddenly received his vision.

The translucent form of a black-haired (but European-looking) man appeared to him, and said:

"I am a near-immortal. My name is Lowerkey. My spirit sensed the outreach of your spirit across a vast distance. My present home is on a world called Hallpasscard, which is in the same star system as another version of Earth. The Earth in my star system has powerful heroes, much like the ones who came to your Earth to help repair the damage done by the Heart Sapphires. I was already aware of your Earth's existence before you mentally contacted me, because persons had already flown from your world to the Earth-variant we call Mediumgard."

This got Roger's attention. "Were they teenage boys?"

"They were, and still are. They somehow acquired abilities like those of the Sapphire Sisterhood, and came all the way to Mediumgard almost as rapidly as the Dentfloss Bridge could have accomplished."

"And are they talking nonsense there?"

"Not only talking nonsense, but exhibiting an ability NOT TO HEAR any truth which displeases them."

Roger asked his holographic visitor, "Did any of the Sapphire Sisters also turn up there?"

"None so far. The boys, who call themselves Cosmic Fact Checkers, always express a favorable opinion of the Heart Sapphires, but believe they no longer need the Sisterhood's help."

"All right. Next question: does your appearing to me signify that I can somehow contribute to a good resolution?"

Lowerkey smiled, but not the malicious kind of smile that any of his counterparts would have shown. "As a matter of fact, yes....."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
 
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In the state capital of New Jersey, where she had moved the family to be near her lately-promoted husband Trace, Bess Dickey received a psychic call from the great up-side master, Yoga-Rug, native of the planet Toofah-Roff.

"Bess, are you busy?"

"You actually caught me at a good time, Yoga-Rug. Two of my fellow Sapphire Sisters have just helped me get the kids and the dogs moved up to Trace's new official residence, and most items are unpacked now." The Heart Sapphires to whom the great detective's wife referred were the dark-skinned Pinmelta and the orange-skinned Sitskorba, both of whom were now thoroughly committed to helping their Sisterhood acquire better sense than it had possessed in their lifetimes.

"Sounds good," said the Toofah-Roffian mystic. "I wanted to update you about two items on your own Earth, of which you will not yet have heard."

"I certainly hope these 'items' are good news."

"They are. Two men on your planet have just been empowered, by separate causes, to fight against harmful stupidity. One of them you may have heard of: Roger Tree Root of the Algonquin Nation, who assisted in that aid shipment for Saskatchewan which Unfindable Man and She-Hunk were involved with."

"Right, I know who he is. Who's the one I don't know?"

"An ethnic Chinese man living in Malaysia, named Tong Sao-Tu."

"All right. And what are their anointings?"

"In the case of Mister Tree Root, a sort of magic-user named Lowerkey has conferred sorcerous powers on him. He, that is Mister Tree Root, can henceforth cast four spells each day. As I understand it, there are some limits-- like when you get three wishes and you're not allowed to wish for extra wishes. In particular, he isn't allowed to cast any spell which deliberately kills any sapient being."

"As for Mister Tong, your friend Gramsuli, the turtle-shaped Green Flashlight, made his acquaintance three weeks ago. In view of your Earth not being out of the woods yet, Gramsuli contacted the Janitors of the Universe to request that they make him a Flashlight cadet. Zaz-Chispa, the mantis-like one, is now transporting Mister Tong to Planet Wawa to begin his training. The training will take weeks at the shortest. But Mister Tree Root is able to start his superhero activity immediately."
 
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Trace Dickey, husband of Bess and Commandant of the New Jersey State Police, came striding briskly toward his wife. Alongside him came Ruben Pascalino, a young officer who had begun service as a motorcycle patrolman barely a month before the first Heart Sapphires landed on Jersey Earth. At this moment, Ruben was hauling a bicycle with him. Some of the Sapphire Sisters had been synthesizing gasoline and motor oil in various places, to get law enforcement back on wheels; but Ruben was far down the seniority list to get a Hurley-Donaldson under him again.

"Senora Dickey, are you talking with someone we can't hear?"

"Yes, Officer Pascalino, it's the same extraterrestrial who gave my husband the Commandant his Fuss powers. If he wants you to hear him, you'll hear him too." Bess looked away from Ruben, seemingly staring at empty air. "Master Yoga-Rug, do you see the young man with Trace? His name is Ruben."

"And a highly promising rookie he is," Trace added. "Would you make your image visible to him?"

Since Ruben had seen She-Hunk once, he was not startled now by seeing a person with green skin. "Master Rug, it's an honor to see you."

"Thanks, kid. Bear with me while I do some plotline-convenient mind-probing..... Okay, intuition tells me that you unknowingly represent an important step in your sub-thread of The Never-Stopping Story. Bess, Trace, did either of you ever take part in archaeological digs for ancient Native American relics there on the East Coast?"

"Can't say as we have," Trace replied.

"Well, I mystically sense that this is an opportune time to revive something in our narrative. Remember how, in a previous chapter, somebody speculated that something buried in your state could be of interest to King Highfyver of New Laziness? Ruben, this is where you speak up and help the exposition along."

"Oh, right. When I was in high school, Senora Belford, my history teacher, told us how she once went on a dig west of Paterson. She didn't find anything extraordinary, but she experienced the most uncanny feeling, as if an artifact from outer space were nearby, just out of reach."

"Cool," said Yoga-Rug. "This may lead to the resolution of several story elements connected with Planet New Laziness."
 
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\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

At the headquarters of Jersey Earth's version of the United Nations, the discredited Secretary-General Mike Tripleface was obstinately playing out a losing hand. His most faithful remaining ally was a Sapphire Sister (from Rohavra's second wave) named Feslaruto, who had a third eye in her forehead but otherwise was a ten for beauty by human standards. When the center eye was closed, it seemed that her forehead merely had a faint crease. (The extra eye had infravision for seeing in the dark.) Feslaruto's forehead was high enough that her Sapphire artifact had enough space to perch above her central eye. She had decided early on that Mike was cute, and since then had made herself quite pleasant to him. She was now the only Sisterhood member still on Jersey Earth who had NOT repented of devastating the planet's infrastructure.

Also frequently in company with this oddly-matched couple was Lord Slightray from New Laziness. His powers, very similar to those of Marysuefire on Seedubb Earth, enabled him to supply electrical power to the U.N. headquarters for several hours on each day he was present, while Feslaruto ensured that all who loitered there had food, water, and sanitation.

Each day, Secretary-General Tripleface gave a long-winded speech, along the lines of saying that anyone denying his authority was either (1) a bigot who hated everyone that was different, (2) an agent for an unspecified evil business corporation, or (3) both at once. On good days, he would have as many as thirty persons listening to him in the assembly chamber, with patchy media coverage now and then.

On the day when Bess talked with Ruben, the General Assembly received remarkable visitors: Wispy Mythical and Barndora from New Laziness. They sought out Slightray, so Barndora could ask him: "Have you heard any news or instructions from our king recently? Because we haven't."

"Not a word in the last eight days," the high-powered immortal replied. "But I'm following the last known orders, as is Feslaruto."

"Were you and she specifically ordered to go on propping up that cynical politician?" said Wispy.

"Yes. Whatever his shortcomings, Mike Tripleface is cooperative. By being friendly with him, we demonstrate for the universe that we AREN'T bossing and abusing the humans here."

"Is there someone who DOES think we're abusing them?" asked Wispy, his expression turning sour. "I mean, besides the TINY detail of the Heart Sapphires almost returning them to the Stone Age?"
 
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Speaking with Slightray and Feslaruto proved unsatisfactory. The New Laziness couple eventually saw Jamsorvad, the baboon-like Green Flashlight. Hearing that they wanted to uncover secrets, Jamsorvad suggested that they meet with Trace Dickey, who was regarded as Jersey Earth's greatest detective. Jamsorvad flew them to New Jersey, letting them off at the state police headquarters.

Once they got hold of Trace, Jamsorvad headed back to New York City.

"So, are you here to request information or to offer it?" The Fuss-wielding police veteran asked.

Barndora sighed, and stepped closer to Trace. "Call this a discussion of how to share information."

Wispy elaborated: "Barndora and I still are sworn to serve King Highfyver, but we can't help feeling doubts about his judgment. It was none other than he who unleashed the Heart Sapphires on your world; and though the Sapphire Sisters boast of never doing violence, they still devastated your Earth by upsetting the work ethic and other basic elements of a healthy society."

"American history," Trace replied, "both on this Earth and on the other Earths I now know of, shows that a citizen may call out his leader on mistaken policies, without being a traitor against that leader. So please present what you want to tell me."

Barndora sighed. "I realize that you said 'Please' in order that your power of compulsion would not activate. Thank you for your courtesy. This is about something which existed before the Heart Sapphires came to be. It is officially called the Anti-Strife Equation, but some call it the Anti-Light Evasion."
 
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IN THE AFRICA OF "TERRA":

Ever since the remnant of the Boko Hassan terrorist band had sprung Lady Blast and Red Slaughter out of prison, the crimefighter and counterspy Richard "Assegai" Berhanu had been coordinating the African Union's efforts to recapture the two super-villains. Willy Bastion alias Captain Sha-Na-Na, and Maureen Hawk's-Cry with her Brickhawks, had postponed returning to the United States in order to assist in the villain-hunt with aerial sweeps.

Also scouting from the sky were the countless birds who reported to Katuva "Sky Lioness" Walton. The Kestrel, and most other American superheroes who had spent time in Africa, had gone home by now, since Terra's United States of America also had plenty of work for heroes to perform. But the sorceror Conn Johnstantine remained in Africa. He was not hunting for the bulky troll-thug and the explosion-causing bad girl; rather, he was magically analyzing the oddly-shaped pieces of fused glass which had been seen lying in the sand around the time when Boko Hassan had liberated the super-crooks.

Mister Johnstantine reached an unsettling conclusion: when brought together just right, the abstract glass sculptures formed an ancient occult symbol..... a symbol representing the eldritch monster Smackback.

The good sorceror destroyed all the sculptures, and scattered the fragments far apart.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was cause to believe that Lady Blast was lately working with a Boko Hassan branch in southern Egypt. Three riverboats on the Upper Nile, carrying cargo that was useful but not traceable, such as textiles and grain, had been disabled and looted. Captain Razim Omar of the Egyptian Navy, who happened to be an authority on ancient ship designs, had an idea for catching the plunderers.

The ancient reed boats of Egypt had been very difficult to sink, as the gathered bundles of buoyant vegetation had been remarkably shock-absorbent. Razim had built his own reed boat years ago, and he now launched it on the Nile as pirate bait. With one modification: the boat now had a fake outer hull. concealing its high resistance to being blown to pieces.

One metahuman helper was available to accompany the captain: the Korean superhero Kimchee Man. Being obviously a foreigner, and having no ship-handling skills, he posed as a tourist, "mingling with the locals." The camera Razim lent him could zoom in on objects more than a kilometer away. Every woman Kimchee Man could see along the riverbank was muffled inside a burka; but Razim was hoping that Lady Blast's MANNERISMS would be detectable through any disguise.
 
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An encrypted radio call came from a plainclothes policeman on the left bank of the Upper Nile. The officer was at or near a point which the reed boat would pass in another three or four minutes.

"Drift Net, this is Grape Leaf. There's a woman in my sector who is in full burka, but who speaks Arabic with a strong European accent. Same height and weight as our prime target. There are also six men in the crowd who are staying at a fixed interval from her. If she moves closer to the riverbank, they do the same, and so on. The men are all in ordinary clothes, but our disguised metal detectors verify at least two of them carrying weapons."

"Grape Leaf, Drift Net acknowledges. Do not open fire unless they draw guns first. Give Insect Spray his chance to neutralize the hostiles." Razim turned to face the Korean crimefighter. "Wait for my signal, then proceed as you have rehearsed."

When the moment came, Kimchee Man revealed just how seriously he had been working at improving his powers. Now he could jet his fumes out of his very skin pores-- and fly for short distances. But before giving away the surprise by doing this, he first propelled a low-level cloud of the same fumes right onto the riverbank. When every onlooker in a broad area was coughing violently from the non-lethal but potent kimchee gas, THEN the superhero took to the air, flying over the heads of civilians-- to come down right in front of the leading suspect.

Yanking away her head covering, Kimchee Man saw that yes, she WAS Lady Blast (whose prison photos he had carefully studied). Not taking any chances on the villainess recovering enough to use her explosion-causing power, he performed the Hapkido equivalent of a Spock Pinch on her. As Lady Blast fell unconscious, the nearby police (who had all been issued breathing gear against Kimchee Man's gas attack) charged at the Boko Hassan men, swiftly disarming and capturing them. So the reed boat was out of danger.

Once the danger of bloodshed was past, Kimchee Man told Captain Omar, "When she was arrested before, the African Union personnel kept her sedated enough that she couldn't set off any explosions. Agent Assegai maintained that preventing her from escaping took priority over extracting information from her, and Sky Lioness agreed."

Razim Omar nodded. "And we're in a story where the good guys would never torture a prisoner for information. That's all right, we can still interrogate the men who were working with her."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
 
On this Earth-variant, the city of Detroit, Michigan, was not a nightmare of decay and crime. This healthy situation was due to a side-of-good undead being, similar to Erica Vincent on Earth-Whichever. A male side-of-good undead being in this case.

Rocky Evanston, formerly a blues musician-- a fan of Terra's version of Stevie Ray Vaughn-- had been murdered by gangsters a quarter-century ago, here in Detroit. Terra's Vaughn had sung at Rocky's funeral...... and the power of the blues had attracted the attention of plotline-convenient powers of goodness. One year after the funeral, Rocky had been returned to the mortal world as a virtually indestructible revenant. The enchantment on him required him to remain in the Detroit area (suburbs included), and make this Detroit wonderfully different from the Detroit of Original Earth. Consequently, Rocky had not been available to help out against menaces like The Sly Evolutionary. But the Detroit of Terra had become an ideal city for families to live in.

Rocky went by the hero-name of Blackjay. Besides him being black, this Earth-variant had a species of bird identical to Original Earth blue jays, except with mostly black plumage. The Detroit police might have tried to arrest him-- since, although immortal, he could potentially have been captured and imprisoned; but they knew that Blackjay infallibly discerned good people from wicked people, and would never do violence to anyone who was not actively doing serious evil. Even with horrid criminals, he would give them a chance to surrender and stand trial.

The reason why your narrator brings all this up now, is because of another Terran superhero: Willy Bastion, alias Captain Sha-Na-Na. Sha-Na-Na's recent adventures in Africa had resulted in the world finding out that the lightning-wielding hero was also a pre-teenage boy. This meant possible danger for the orphanage where he lived when in his boy-identity. Accordingly, the wizard Mazash urged the orphanage management to move their whole operation, orphans and all, to Detroit. The presence of Blackjay in that city would make it very difficult for any villains to checkmate Sha-Na-Na by kidnaping the people he cared about when he was away on missions.

In order to increase Rocky's capability as a protector of the helpless, Mazash put forth a mighty exertion of magic, and accomplished two gifts for Blackjay:

(1) One time each night, Rocky would be able to teleport himself (only himself} to any place within the Detroit area.

(2) One time each year, he would be able to teleport outside the Detroit area, and could spend forty-eight hours outside his normal jurisdiction. Mazash reckoned that this, when combined with occasional illusions of Rocky appearing in other locales, would give bad guys an alarming perception that Blackjay was completely free to go anywhere at will.

Sha-Na-Na found Blackjay a little scary, but was relieved from this feeling the first time Rocky got hold of a guitar and played some classic blues tunes for the enjoyment of orphans and staff.
 
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Before moving on to other worlds of concern, Mazash met with members of the superhero-oversight community to which Hamhanda Blubber-Almohad formerly belonged. Tolliver Crane, alias Green Dart, was now a part-time official for this community.

"Master Mazash, what can I do for you?"

"You can receive my briefing on the supernatural side of things." The good wizard filled Green Dart in on the situation with Blackjay and Sha-Na-Na. Tolliver already knew about the recapture of Lady Blast, but knew very little about the cursed glass sculptures which Conn Johnstantine had shattered. Nor did the non-magical hero know who Smackback was, though he knew of Screendoormammu who had threatened to invade Terra through the now-destroyed Starhatch.

"Strictly speaking, he isn't a demon," Mazash continued. "He has a full-time flesh-and-blood body, and is not entirely immune to physical damage. But like Sha-Na-Na, he has magical talent in addition to bodily strength. He can't psychically control people's minds, nor impose abstract curses on them; but he's great at frightening people. And evil immortals like Kuth-Hula-Hoop and the Queen of the Goshdarned will be happy to use him as a catspaw to weaken people's spiritual resistance to THEM....."

* * * * * * * * * * *
While Mazash was briefing Green Dart on the worldwide good-against-evil picture, back in Africa Red Slaughter was being briefed by Boko Hassan members on the capture of Lady Blast.

To their surprise, the trollish villain shrugged. "She just can't seem to avoid getting caught."

A senior terrorist, who used the nickname of Rusted Scimitar, asked, "Does this mean that you don't want to rescue her this time?"

"Not right away, if ever. Our enemies will expect us to try it. So let's find something else to do."

"Like trying to conjure Smackback to come to Terra?"

"I'm for that."
 
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*>*>*>*>*> THE NEXT SEGMENT LARGELY DRAWS UPON POSTS IN THE LOWER HALF OF PAGE 42. DRAFTING!

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On Anoxia, the planet loosely based on She-Ra cartoons (but WITHOUT the recent nonsense about She-Ra needing to GAIN THE APPROVAL of Catra), the Jumpstardean Thor-like hero Bakerstray Bill had acquired a grasp of the Fantasy-World-Pseudo-English language spoken by characters in Mighty Male's world as well as She-Wow's world. This process had been accelerated by Dragon Equivvalentor coming to meet the canine-headed humanoid. Upon ascertaining that Bill (1) could not cast spells, and (2) did not have more of his people preparing to join him on Anoxia, the Neutral Dragon shrugged, and said he would not oppose Bill's presence on-planet.

He had one additional question, though.

"I know of a more-human hero similar to yourself: Thunder-Master Thorpe, son of Garryowen and Sprigga, champion of Hallpasscard. I know that, until recently, Thorpe needed the support of a special hand weapon to shoot lightning: the hammer Oatmealnir, which recently was temporarily lost to him. A replacement weapon, the battleaxe Stormcracker, was made for him on Forgeworld; but before it was completed, Thorpe acquired a fully organic lightning power. To this day, he can shoot his own lightning unassisted, but Stormcracker still serves him well at close quarters. He recovered Oatmealnir, and loans it out to friends who need extra combat power.

"My question, then, is: is your own lightning power dependent on an external weapon? As the Dragon of Reasonableness, I give you my word not to tell your enemies the answer."

"Considerate of you, but I'll simply tell you: yes, my lightning production is dependent on an artifact. But I can use any of three weapons, the ones you see." Bill was carrying a short sword, a long spear, and a medium-sized pickaxe. "Jumpstardean metallurgy is not quite equal to Hallpasscardian, so any one of these weapons could suffer serious wear from protracted use. Accordingly, I rotate my weapons in the lightning function."

Equivvalentor swung his gigantic head toward Princess Advila, alias She-Wow. "Princess, do you mind telling me what is the first task you will ask Bakerstray Bill to perform as your new ally?"

"Something purely defensive," replied the blonde-but-not-stupid heroine. "I'll ask him to inspect our defensive works at Castle Klipnayle, and see if he can suggest any improvements."

The Neutral Dragon had every intention of keeping his word not to warn Emperor Crowdhack about Bakerstray Bill. It was only fair, since he had not told any of the good guys about his having transported a counterpart of Batman's arch-enemy The Joker to Planet Alwaysurnia.
 
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The Joketeller had been met on Alwaysurnia by a villain who had served the late Skamartistor. Called Stickywick, he looked like a puny, skinny version of J.R.R Tolkien's Ents. One of his top talents was passing through any forest unnoticed. Being provided by Crowdhack with an evilness-recognition code word, Joketeller had gained Stickywick's trust, and had been introduced to a handful of evil troopers who had escaped arrest after the death of Skamartistor.

Joketeller had told his new friends: "I was given the ability to become incorporeal, ghost-like, for short periods of time. Not only can I pass through any barrier, I can even sink into the earth and go someplace completely unsuspected. And I can take one person with me at a time. So if Stickywick has any raids in mind against good-guy strongholds, I could bring one of his warriors with me, to infiltrate the target location."

Stickywick had liked the idea, but wanted to consult with other evil holdouts on Alwaysurnia before proceeding with any raids.

The strongest evildoer Stickywick reached was a mostly human-looking villain called Punchatron. He was about as strong as four athletic regular men, and his body was highly resistant to blunt-force injury. Not immune to sharp weapons, though. To deal with swords and spears..... he had his hands. Whenever he clenched them into fists, his hands became pretty much indestructible. Between delivering frightful blows (well, not frightful to Mighty Male, but very effective against most targets), his open hands could catch hold of any blade, and usually break it. They would stay this way until he clapped them; as normal hands, he would use them for ordinary purposes like eating.

Joketeller mostly kept Punchatron in reserve, not wanting to attract too much attention from Alwaysurnia's most powerful do-gooders like Sorcery Lass. But ordinary bandits, now experiencing hardship, might well rally around this tough guy when the time came.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
 
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