Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

OVER IN MIFDOLA, the sun rose at a moment when Punksteema's abnormally low-orbiting moon was making its latest pass over the exact longitude of Mifdola's capital. The usual stirring up of wind which accompanied such an overflight was enough to awaken Zoralee Jeralo even before Queen Mother Yiltim knocked on her door.

"Miss Jeralo, your acquaintance Mister Catalano has been in communication with magic-users both west and east of here. All of them are trying to assist Ronald of Goliad as he faces evildoers beyond the arctic lands."

Zoralee sat up. "I hope what he faces isn't worse than the Bloody Diggers we recently fought."

At this, the Jeltua-born widow of King Feckladast, mother of the reigning Queen Sotavalit (accent the second syllable in "Sotavalit"), fell silent, and stood motionless.

"Is something wrong, Your Grace?"

"Maybe not wrong, but worthwhile for Mister Catalano to look into. Please dress yourself. After breakfast, we'll gather in the west library."

When Felipe eventually heard what was on Yiltim's mind, he came up with a request, addressing it to the young Queen.

"Your Majesty, please have someone provide me with a sleeping potion. I might need to report something to Ronald of Goliad sooner than T'Pinnok would normally sleep next. Since he and I have communicated mentally before, maybe if I'm asleep, HE will sense my thoughts trying to reach him."

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It was late afternoon in Felruda when Sergeant Didima Fernwood, a cavalry scout lately promoted from corporal for her actions during the zombie plague, brought a report to General Seldunin.

"General, a band of Mellow Druids requests an audience with you. They have recently been in Gromstark, and have marched from there to here, bringing someone who has a stake in the adventures of the Last Towerman. You know of Miss Jeralo, the Gromstarker woman who works as an investigator, and whose brother was changed into a doomrat?"

"Yes, and I'm aware that Felipe Catalano, the sorceror who lately was in mental communication with Rizlaya, hopes to discover a counterspell to restore that young man to normal."

"This is part of what brings the Mellow Druids here. They frown upon spell-casters who animalize anyone against that person's will; and they have brought along the person with a special stake in the situation: Miss Judy Lightheart, the unfortunate Mister Jeralo's betrothed. They request assistance in traveling farther west."

"Do these Druids know that the country Miss Jeralo traveled to is now dealing with an incursion by Bloody Diggers?"

"Yes, they know, and they told me that they are capable of defending themselves against those goblins. But they say that the same evil immortal who caused the plague of ghouls not only is poking his nose into the business with the Diggers, but also is assisting bandits who desire to murder Sir Ronald."
 
Before introducing the Mellow Druids, Sergeant Fernwood remarked to the General that she had made a good impression on them just by having a plant-related last name. The leader of these nature-mages was named Armolas Greenbranch.

"General Seldunin, we thank you for agreeing to meet with us. And we thank all of your people for their part in opposing the crime against nature which was perpetrated by Jaheg-Jorod, may his name rot in mold with his body. I believe you know by now that Miss Zoralee Jeralo of Gromstark is one to whom our fellowship gave sound counsel in her girlhood."

"And by all accounts from the east, she has helped quite a few people in distress. Received money for it, but everyone has to eat."

Armolas nodded. "And most human beings can't be nourished by eating tree leaves, as we Druids can."

The next most senior Druid present, named Haricot Flakebark, added, "And Miss Jeralo, regardless of her preference for towns, indisputably absorbed some of our affinity for the animal world. Else she would not have taken it so calmly when her brother was metamorphosed into a doomrat."

"Would that she had taken it MORE calmly," said Armolas. "If she hadn't slain the wizard who changed Billyboy, the young man might have been restored many months ago."

Judy Lightheart was also present, and spoke up at this point.

"Wishing won't un-scorch a burnt loaf of bread in the oven. If I can just GET my Billy back in his man-form, I'm hauling him to a church that very day, so we can start making up for lost time."

Haricot sighed. "But we still have the Frantic Druids to deal with."

"I don't believe I've heard of them," admitted the General, glancing toward Rizlaya Tohir.
 
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The General's resident good witch looked at Armolas, who made a go-ahead gesture. She faced Seldunin again.

""The Frantic Druids are seldom seen, even by the Mellow Druids. If they have any central headquarters, no one else has found it. They call themselves the Devout Druids or the Unstained Druids, but everyone else considers 'Frantic' to be a better adjective."

Haricot remarked, "Basically, they NAG people." Four of the younger Mellow Druids nodded at this.

Also nodding, Armolas added, "They are not known to have slain any human beings except in legitimate self-defense; but they have a talent for making people WANT to harm them. For instance, Frantic Druids often reproach people for so much as drinking milk, yet they themselves will eat meat. They will call campers 'destroyers of nature' if the campers burn DEAD wood for cooking, but they have cut down many LIVING trees to build their ceremonial shrines."

Rizlaya resumed: "And by the latest reports Armolas or I have heard, recently Frantic Druids have begun to interrupt their own lectures on vegetarianism to declare that all people should eat insects. This, even though the chitin in an insect's body is completely indigestible."

Armolas drew nearer to the General. "The plotline-convenient voices of water and wind have told us that, although Zoralee Jeralo has never met a Frantic Druid up to now, some of them will soon intrude upon her activities in Mifdola."
 
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ON THE INHABITABLE PLANETOID HALLPASSCARD, AND ON ITS NEIGHBORING EARTH-VARIANT:

Every Hallpasscardian who had been adventuring elsewhere was now back in their own solar system. This included Thorpe with his bride Lady Sniff, and Hoodunnit the Pensive with his mortal bride, the former Lydia Jawad from Federal Earth. With King Garryowen vouching for the good-aligned Loki-variant from another galaxy, Thorpe and Hoodunnit were pleased to make his acquaintance. Staying on Hallpasscard for the near future suited the newlyweds. But Thorpe's other warriors, Vastbulk and Fratbro, having no such attachments, were more than willing to join Lowerkey when he returned to Mediumgard via the Dentfloss Bridge, to resume contending against the nonsense being spread by the "Cosmic Fact Checkers."

The first of the Revengists to meet the pretty-near-immortals on Mediumgard Earth was Hornette, the woman who could shrink and fly. This Earth-variant possessing no version of Ant/Giant Man, she was unattached, and privately had had a crush on the very handsome Fratbro ever since he had fought beside her against the invasion by Titan Flatnose.

Fratbro could make even a courteous nod look swashbuckling. "Pleased to see you, Hornette. The Bridgekeeper has observed a fact which I imagine you Revengists probably know as well."

"That boys of THIS Earth have begun to be changed into that male variant of the Heart Sapphires? Yes, one in Indonesia, and one in New Zealand."

"Then we have not duplicated efforts. Timekall saw a boy receive the magic earplugs in Ecuador. That Heflin woman was there."

Hornette nodded. "And Shelley Heflin HAD SPOKEN to the other two boys not long before they became selectively deaf."
 
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Having let his buddy exchange the first words with Hornette, Vastbulk now spoke up: "How are the visiting heroes doing, the ones who came here from the Earth-variant where the Sapphire Sisters had been at work on a planetary scale?"

"Well, the Tree Root fellow, the one from the Canada of that Earth, has been working hard at enlarging his arsenal of spells. There've been a few misfires; five days ago, I heard that he caused some farm animals to have gems materialize in THEIR ears. But he had one spell remaining for that day, so he relieved the animals of the nuisance. Crimson Witch has made some time to train him a bit."

"And what news of the Tibetan monk?" Fratbro asked.

"Drigum Namdre hasn't been seen since last Monday."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 
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In South Africa, Bleeder the Vampire Killer and Princess Shurthingy of Wonkabara had been investigating "Cosmic Fact Checker" activity in that country and neighboring Namibia. In the city of Umtata (yes, that also exists on Original Earth), the owner of a bookstore had unsettling news for them.

"There's a local Xhosa teenager you may not have heard about, who lately acquired the ear-gems. His name is Freddy Rubusana, and before this whole business began, he was a huge fan of American novels about sexy vampires. When he last came by here, he told me that he expected soon to BECOME a vampire."

Bleeder scowled, then quickly assured the man, "I'm not angry at you, even if you sell those novels. I'm angry at the sick notion of REALLY WISHING to be a stinking vamp. It's one thing to wish you had special powers; it's another thing to wish specifically that you were a supernatural predator, who might feed on people."

"You've done too good a job," Shurthingy told her metahuman admirer. "Thanks largely to you, normies on our Earth seldom need to worry about being on the receiving end of the supposedly glamorous fangs. As a result, they don't take the idea seriously."

Bleeder gave her a rare smile, then looked at the bookseller again. "Did this Rubusana kid at least say he intended to be a GOOD vampire, never feeding on humans? Such vamps have existed, rare though they are, and I can tolerate those, provided they behave themselves."

"He did say that. He added that by his noble wonderfulness, he would shame all the narrow-minded people who hate everyone that's different."

The superhero rolled his eyes. "Of course, he just had to include that cliche."
 
Plotline-convenient Wonkabaran technology being plotline-convenient Wonkabaran technology, Shurthingy transformed what looked like a briefcase into a rugged all-terrain vehicle. It could seat four persons, and was powered by some sort of miraculously inexhaustible eco-friendly stuff. Hopping in, she and Bleeder took off toward the outlying town that Freddy Rubusana called home.

Within sight of the town, Bleeder noticed the carcass of a female dog lying among the scrub vegetation. Asking Shurthingy to stop, he got out, and she followed.

"Look at her throat, Princess. Besides noting that she has a collar, note that she died by a VAMPIRE BITE, or something as close to a vampire bite as no matter."

"Not a good sign. But after all, we regularly eat meat."

"Not entirely the same thing, Princess, I know that your brother's law requires meat animals to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. But this poor dog suffered and struggled. I see it on her face: the realization of BETRAYAL, as a human who should have regarded her as a pet, killed her FOR THE FUN OF IT."

Shurthingy lowered her eyes. "We can be sure that she is consoled now in the afterlife."

"I agree. But the person who did this, is heading to The Bad Place when HE dies."

"Meanwhile, he is bringing something of The Bad Place into our world."

"And the whole business has just become darker. Pretending to be an iguana lizard is delusional, but THAT off-world boy isn't harming anyone directly. We have to let the others know about this."
 
AsaLion did not permit vampires in The Never-Stopping Story to be as omnipotent as Stephinie Meyer on Original Earth wanted her fictional vampires to be. The fledgling vampire in this case was so weak that Shurthingy, let alone Bleeder, could have broken his neck with scarcely an effort.

Still, there WAS blood around the mouth of the sobbing boy who sat in the town square, as his neighbors kept their distance and gaped at him with horrified expressions. Not feeling very charitable just now-- AND remembering that some evil beings only pretended to be defenseless-- Bleeder approached Freddy Rubusana with silver-laminated sword forward. Only when the lethal point touched his neck did Freddy show awareness that the vampire hunter was even there.

"Freddy Rubusana, what have you done?"

With weeping redoubled, the boy choked out: "She wasn't supposed to die! T'kipi, my dog, she was supposed to become immortal just like me!"

"I can smell the undead, you little {{{ insert impolite language here }}} ! Your dog is just ordinary dead, which means HER spirit is in Heaven. I don't like YOUR chances of going there now. But since you're only a stupid brain-dead {{{ insert more impolite language }}} , I won't kill you."

Shurthingy knew it was time for her to play the good cop.
 
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"Freddy, did someone tell you that your pet could become a vampire too?"

"Yes," the boy whimpered, " SHE told me T'Kipi would be able to play with me forever, and we would always be young."

In a language no one else present would understand, Bleeder muttered to himself, "Great, an undead Peter Pan."

Ignoring him, Shurthingy asked Freddy, "Who is the 'she' you mean? Was it the Sapphire Sister from the other Earth? The white woman called Shelley Heflin?"

"No, I never met that woman. This one was white also, but taller than the news pictures of the Heflin woman. The one who said I could make T'Kipi immortal was the Queen of something. When she told me what she was queen OF, she couldn't seem to put that into our language."

The Wonkabaran princess turned toward the vampire hunter. "The Queen of the Goshdarned! I'll bet the Heflins don't know anything about this."

Bleeder sent a satellite-phone call, which the living android Eyesight could receive organically. There were more players on the field than the Revengists had realized.
 
On Planet Alwaysurnia, my version of Eternia in He-Man cartoons , the rejuvenated Sorcery Lass announced to everyone at Castle Greyhair:

"There are new developments on our sister world Anoxia! Prince Andy, your sister Advila's new ally, the most far-fetched of Thor variants, has ramped things up! Bakerstray Bill will soon fight a duel against Emperor Crowdhack!"

Seated beside her husband Andy (who was Mighty Male), Lady Teerifica said, "If Crowdhack loses and lives, will he renounce his claim to possession of Anoxia?"

"No such condition has been pledged by either side. But victory for either contestant, even if no death occurs, will surely change the future of our sister planet." Sorcery Lass frowned thoughtfully. "Since She-Wow is not fighting Crowdhack herself, Crowdhack has more to lose; and we know that his Mob has enlisted alien allies before. This being so, the Neutral Dragon of Reasonableness cannot possibly object to our sending warriors to serve as seconds for Bakerstray Bill."

The King of Alwaysurnia looked at his son. "Andy, because your wife has just begun to be in a family way, and because we still have some evils to cope with here, neither Advila nor any of her friends over there will think badly of you if you let others go in your place for this occasion. Especially since Advila herself isn't the one fighting Crowdhack."

("Other evils" for Alwaysurnia included Joketeller, formerly of "Terra," who had by now become notorious for committing acts of theft and vandalism all over this cartoon-derived planet.)

Weapons-Man, who was Teerifica's father and like an uncle to the siblings Andy and Advila, was the first to volunteer. On his heels was the mighty Battery-Cat. Other volunteers included Mighty Male's friend Storko, who was kind of like Gollum if Gollum had been on the side of good and had been able to cast magic spells; Dolph Bluntgrin, the also-rejuvenated warrior who was an expert with heavy weapons; and Bluntgrin's wife Subsoila, the good-aligned werebeast.

Sorcery Lass would teleport these, and some rank-and-file military volunteers, to Anoxia, once she had courtesy-called Equivvalentor to let him know that Alwaysurnia's "referees" were coming.
 
ANOXIA, TWO DAYS LATER: The agreed-upon dueling field was at a point halfway between Crowdhack's main palace and the nearest resistance base. Two creeks met, forming a triangle of meadowland, whose third side was defined by the edge of a forest. The fight was to take place far enough away from the woods that anyone lurking among the trees could not easily interfere in the combat. Bakerstray Bill and his companions would approach on the ground from the southwest, while Crowdhack and those with him approached from the east-by-northeast. Each side was to halt on the near bank of the nearest creek to them. Only Bill and Crowdhack would cross their respective streams to enter the triangular dueling ground.

At the front of the Mob's contingent, on four feet, stalked Katlittura the were-panther. Ever since her closest friend Tunafishla had joined the side of good, Katlittura had seen less and less point in using her human form. Walking beside her were the villains based on DC's Metallo and Marvel's Doctor Octopus. These three evildoers were under Crowdhack's instructions to charge in together if their Emperor was clearly losing. Both seeing and smelling Weapons-Man and Battery-Cat from a distance, Katlittura pointed them out to her new comrades.

"Count on it, as soon as we begin cheating, those two will be the first ones to counterattack us. In that event, let me fight Battery-Cat, while you two take down Weapons-Man. He has no superpowers, but don't underestimate him! He carries a variety of highly effective weapons, and his tactical instincts are flawless. I'm glad Ickylinn was able to get here and join us; even though Sorcery Lass is remaining on Alwaysurnia, our foes have at least one magic-user among them. Ickylinn is more powerful than he; but part of her attention has to be on She-Wow."

Once the opposing parties had halted at the natural boundaries, the demi-human good magician Storko used a spell to make his voice carry clearly to Crowdhack's very ears. "Tyrant Crowdhack, false emperor, we meet on the terms arbitrated by Dragon Equivvalentor! Your unlawful rule over this planet is approaching its end. The Neutral Dragon's requirement, that surrender is permitted and must be honored, will be observed; but once YOU have been forced to beg for mercy, all of your bionic armaments will be removed, and you will be sentenced to forced labor, in the service of this world's rightful princess."

Wading the stream before him, Crowdhack replied on his own account, through an organically implanted speaker.

"She-Wow, Princess of Pouting! Might makes right, and you have never succeeded in dislodging me, so as far as the universe is concerned, you have no right to reign over Anoxia. Small wonder that you now hide behind a creature not even belonging to this galaxy, much less belonging on this planet!" Crowdhack now glared at the taller and heavier Bakerstray Bill. "Big, blundering oaf, looking at you, I could believe that YOUR mother literally WAS a hamster, a very overweight one!"

Having also crossed onto the field of honor, Bill roared back, "You talk a fine duel, Crowd-Yuck, but your next speech will be your admission of defeat! I almost feel sorry for you; and I repeat my invitation for those two prosthetically-equipped newcomers to fight beside you. I want this to be fair, so I won't count it as cheating if they do help you!" He looked back at his friends. "If it's only those two that join Crowdhack, I want you all to observe my terms, and not regard them as cheating!"

Katlittura thought, What's the fun of cheating if that big oaf doesn't CALL it cheating? Then she trotted to one side, to select two or three other bad guys to assist her in rulebreaking.

After what seemed like a pause for thought, Crowdhack's reply took the form of using his own prosthesis. The generic-ambiguous-raygun mount built into his left arm opened fire on the Jumpstardean hero.
 
Soon after traveling to this planet, in accordance with Equivvalentor's introductory requirements, Mister Cephalopod and Alloy Albert had visited the impartial island of Paxifica to speak with She-Wow and her new ally Bakerstray Bill. For them, this had been only a chance to scope out the probable abilities of two major heroes. Now, having official permission to join in, they were close to Crowdhack.

When the Mob's leader opened fire, Cephalopod and Albert charged, while watching Bill's response to the beam attack. The large dog-headed biped did not evade by flying; he had given his word of honor not to fly, because none of his present opponents could fly. He held up his sword instead, and the flat of its blade deflected and scattered the beam. Very much as Mighty Male had been known to do against energy-weapon attacks.

Cephalopod used his four articulated bionic arms to advance in a cartwheeling fashion. As intended, this unusual means of movement caught Bill's attention. In that moment, Albert discharged his heat ray.... whose beam aperture was wider than Bill's blade. Both of the big fellow's armpits received burns, painful enough to slow his reaction to Crowdhack's next energy burst. This hurt him worse than the armpit burns. While Bill was disoriented by the pain, Mister Cephalopod pounced and grabbed away the hero's pickaxe and spear, leaving him ONLY the sword. (Bill's weapons lacked the worthy-to-lift-it feature, though it did require a lot of strength to manage them.)

But now it was the Jumpstardean's turn. Any of his three melee weapons would equally serve to focus his lightning power. One bolt struck and disabled Crowdhack's blaster, and two more knocked the spear and pickaxe out of the grasp of Cephalopod's artificial hands. Then, despite suffering still more pain from another heat-ray shot, he leaped close enough to shatter Alloy Albert's heat projector.

Not quitting, Albert struck at Bill with his metallic fists. These hit harder than Bill had anticipated. But he weathered the blows, made Crowdhack jump back with a sword-swing, then chambered a fist to knock Albert off his metal feet. He would have followed through to take down his main adversary; but Mister Cephalopod used all four artificial arms to snare and entrap the hero's right leg.
 
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Bakerstray Bill could have avoided attacks from Crowdhack and Alloy Albert by flying straight up, even encumbered by Mister Cephalopod; but he had given his word not to fly out of reach during the duel. Even using self-telekinesis to PROPEL HIMSELF ALONG THE GROUND and get clear, might have been interpreted as him flying. And Bill didn't have only his own moral reputation to consider; any hint of him cheating would reflect badly on his friend She-Wow, on whose behalf he was fighting.

So Bill furiously ROLLED to one side, hauling Cephalopod with him. Rolled hard enough so the tentacled villain lost hold of his leg.

But Crowdhack and Alloy Albert were both upon him even as he regained his feet. Crowdhack held a spiked mace, and Albert had extended a small but powerful power saw from one of his arms. Both weapons drew blood from the Jumpstardean Thor-variant's back, and he lost hold of his sword. But Bill's own continuous movement brought him within reach of his dropped spear. With this long-reach weapon, he could force back his assailants by a wide-arc swing, while he got his bearings.

Without his consciously willing it, electricity began crackling around his hands where they gripped the spear shaft. His enemies, none of whom now had a long-range attack form available anymore, looked at least a bit alarmed.

Bill stepped farther away from his antagonists, lowering the spearpoint. Then he shouted, "Equivvalentor! I know you're observing this! Crowdhack and his friends are now at a range disadvantage. If they do not surrender now, I give you my word that I will not shoot lightning at them anymore, unless they somehow regain the ability to shoot something at me! If I break this promise, you must reckon ME as losing the--!"

He was interrupted by a rapid succession of roundhouse blows, delivered to his head by the long prosthetic arms of Mister Cephalopod, who had run up while he was talking.

On the far bank of the lower stream, Dolph Bluntgrin angrily brought a railgun to the ready. But She-Wow's warrior Bowstring stopped him, saying, "No! Don't make this a general battle! Bakerstray Bill can handle it."
 
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Still retaining his mace, Crowdhack had now also scooped up Bill's pickaxe. Bill used his spear to fend off both weapons. Then Albert struck again with his compact chainsaw, trying to sever Bill's spear shaft. This would have succeeded, if not for the fact that all wood used in any part of the Jumpstardean's equipment came from the very hardest trees existing in his home galaxy. (This wood had to be shaped with lasers.)

Mister Cephalopod claimed Bill's sword, and wounded Bill's right leg with it. But Bill had never promised not to use just enough levitation power to keep himself standing up. Still, it was getting to be time to get serious, because he WAS bleeding.

Bill knocked Cephalopod unconscious with the butt end of the spear. Of the hero's three opponents, Cephalopod was the least able to shrug off damage, so that was one bad guy out of the fight. Next, evading another saw-attack by Alloy Albert, he drove his spear ALL the way through the evil cyborg's body. Albert's redundant systems would keep him alive, but he was disabled. This left only the principal villain; and all good people watching cheered loudly for Bill to make it three out of three.

Crowdhack, however, still was very much in the fight. Hooking Bill's good leg with the head of the pickaxe, he made the hero fall off balance, then delivered a mace-blow that knocked Bill's helmet off. Before Bill could straighten up, his own pickaxe plunged into his ribcage on the right side, adding a ripping twist, after which the mace came down onto his now-exposed head. Either of these wounds wound that would have slain any plain human, but Bill didn't collapse. By a rearward shoulder roll, he avoided the next attack, then came up with his retrieved sword. Still confident, Crowdhack moved in.

There was a rapid series of clangs. Bill was on the defensive-- but only till he saw his opening. With a figure-eight move, almost too rapid to see, the hero dashed away BOTH weapons from his enemy's hands. This was followed by an intentionally non-fatal whack of sword-flat to head.....

And the next thing Crowdhack knew, he was on all fours, with the edge of the Jumpstardean shortsword touching his throat.

"Yield, filthy despot! Your illegitimate reign is ended!"

While the good guys wasted time cheering, Katlittura was already leading her cheater-squad onto the duelling ground. The first hero to take useful action was Dolph Bluntgrin, who shot and badly wounded four evildoers who were flanking the already-panther-shaped arch-villainess.
 
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The Mob had placed a composite company of evil troops in the corner of the forest closest to where She-Wow's party had gathered. When these bad guys realized that Katlittura had jumped the gun, they began their attack also-- some of them airborne on sky-bikes similar to those which Pukedemons had used on Earth-Whichever to avoid overworking their wings. One of these was the human villain Booma-Wrangler, who began his latest shootout with Bowstring, arrows going one way and boomerangs the other way, as usual with neither man getting hurt at all.

Mighty Male's big feline sidekick Battery-Cat was quickest of all the heroes to get moving to Bakerstray Bill's aid. Bill, despite his wounds and despite needing still to keep alert against treachery by Crowdhack, was ready to face Katlittura. When she sprang high with intent to mangle his face and throat, Bill gave her a right cross to the left hinge of her jaw, causing her to whirl three times around before she thudded on the trampled ground. A moment later, Battery-Cat was alongside the Jumpstardean prince.

Several bipeds who looked like small Yetis were already attacking. Battery-Cat swatted the first four of them down, before the next three tackled him together. Two dinosaur-like beasts were following after the hairy anthropoids; Bill rallied his power and gave them a serious electric shock. But he HAD lost some blood, and was frankly glad to see She-Wow getting into action, swooping down on Sleetwind.

So it was a general battle after all. Everybody played a part in it. Storko magically made some of the Mob's weapons shoot out lemonade instead of anything more lethal; Weapons-Man disabled more than twenty enemy sky-bikes with his own directed-energy weapons; Flatfoot who could leap high and come down to crush things, leaped high and came down to crush things; Subsoila quickly dug pit traps which enemy soldiers fell into .....and Winkyblue and Interrupta clung to each other and cried.

But even as the fighting spread, more and more evildoers were made aware that Crowdhack had already been vanquished. Their boldness thus received a blow that could not be shaken off. Still, Katlittura, when she got her wind back, tried to rally some of her fellows to liberate Crowdhack. This brought her nose to nose with Battery-Cat.
 
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There have been a few catfights in this epic story, but now there was a strictly literal catfight. Battery-Cat was about forty percent stronger than Katlittura, but she was a GREAT deal more vicious. Anything murderously cruel that a feline can do to another feline, she tried to do to Battery-Cat, while he was essentially trying to capture her alive.

They were almost the only persons on the field who DIDN'T notice a disturbance in the sky overhead. Crowdhack had played his hole card just before coming out to fight Bakerstray Bill. Trans-atmospheric landing craft were descending from orbit, launching missiles not only at the good guys here wherever it would not put bad guys in the line of fire, but also shooting at the resistance base from which Advila's party had set forth earlier today. The attacking ships were of Snarkonnen design, manned by evildoers who had migrated from Planet Greedy Crime at Crowdhack's invitation. Their intervention was in clear defiance of Equivvalentor's rule against large-scale outside military intrusion..... so they must be thinking they could handle the Neutral Dragon also.

Trusting Weapons-Man to rally defense at this location, She-Wow raced back toward her threatened fortress. Her winged mare used all of the maneuvering skill of a cartoon character to dodge the beams and projectiles aimed at them. The few shots which Sleetwind failed to evade, Princess Advila successfully deflected with her magic sword, also cartoon style.

Weapons-Man, Dolph Bluntgrin, and whoever else had a long-range firearm, stoutly returned fire at the descending ships. From where he sat, Bakerstray Bill added lightning bolts to the defensive barrage. Dolph's wife Subsoila took her animal shape, and began excavating trenches at astonishing speed, as cover against the incoming fire. Despite the strong tendency of cartoon-based characters NOT to get killed, Subsoila wanted to improve her husband's odds of survival.

This was for the best, because the Snarkonnens came from a sub-universe where people DID get killed. As it was, one speaking-role good guy did receive his ticket to AsaLion's Country. Bowstring had been shooting explosive arrows to intercept missiles aimed at Subsoila, when a laser beam cut him in half. His death was not in vain; by keeping the mole-woman alive, he had ensured that his friends could get under cover.
 
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Hostile aircraft were boxing She-Wow and Sleetwind in. Seconds before the princess and her pegasoid would have been incinerated, a protecting sphere of green energy came into existence around them. It was the work of Green Flashlight Lucy Luminous, who had been in this Filmation-derived sub-reality before.

"Two other Flashlights are shielding the fort you're heading to. Three more are defending the largely-underground base near your south pole; that's also under Snarkonnen assault." Miss Luminous was referring to Castle Klipnayle, which has been seen in an earlier chapter.

"Thank you, Lucy! Sleetwind and I were nearly toast ourselves. But aren't you worried about antagonizing Equivvalentor? He is NOT someone you want to have ticked off at you."

"Master Katmatao, he's one of our leaders on Planet Wawa, has remained in communication with the Spacer Swimmers. When Swimmer Pluto foresaw Crowdhack's treachery, she contacted both Katmatao and the Neutral Dragon. Equivvalentor told us that if-- ONLY if such evil really got started, he would not oppose eight or ten Flashlights intervening for your side.
.
"We were too late to prevent your party from taking some casualties during the attack on the dueling field; but that Thor-variant is putting major hurts on those attackers. And one more experienced Flashlight, a senior instructor named Indabog, is helping to neutralize that landing force."

She-Wow turned solemn. "Whom did we lose back there?"

"Many injured, but only one dead: Bowstring. You don't need to be told that he went down in the thick of the action, fighting to his last breath."

Although she and the gallant archer had never been an item, Advila grieved for his passing. But while she grieved, she undertook retribution.

Lucy created a tunnel in the air, through which Advila and Sleetwind could fly toward one assault vessel without getting shot from the side. The She-Wow sword hacked at the hull, then Sleetwind used her forehoofs to smash that section into the ship's interior. Less than one minute later, every crewmember inside had been either knocked unconscious or disabled. Advila knew enough about piloting to bring the assault ship down safely inside the resistance base. Lucy Luminous made sure that the friendlies understood it was She-Wow making a landing.

Advila received reports by radio from the high-jumping warrior Flatfoot at Klipnayle, and from Gramtolis, headman of the small-but-useful Troozers at the same site. There had been one penetration of that stronghold already; but the interior chokepoints had helped the defenders to defeat this incursion quickly, not long before She-Wow's arrival at the other fort with Lucy. Despite not being able to use his preferred high-jumping attack inside the tunnels, Flatfoot had single-handedly put thirteen Snarkonnen soldiers out of action.
 
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Of the Green Flashlights now actively aiding the Anoxian resistance, only one besides Lucy and Indabog has been mentioned in our story before this scene: Shimtuku, the male cricketoid who had lately been one of the Flashlights reining in the Heart Sapphires on Jersey Earth. Indabog was assisting good guys on the ground at the dueling location, in particular protecting the lamed Bakerstray Bill, who was not near the trenches dug by Subsoila. For his part, Shimtuku flew high, meaning to bring the fight to the mothership of the assault vessels which had attacked Bill's force when Crowdhack lost the duel.

But this mothership was a NAUGHTYGATOR mothership, which proved impenetrable to the strongest beam a Flashlight prosthesis could produce. Shimtuku gained entrance only when one of the transatmospheric ships returned from planetside to replenish ammunition.

The Janitors of the Universe knew about the personal-shield invention widely used in the sub-reality which parodied Frank Herbert's "Dune" books. Their consensus was that the energy emitted by a Green Flashlight artifact would not set off the tremendous explosion which was the big hazard of using this kind of shield. But Shimtuku was less than complacent about this unverified analysis ..... which is why he DIDN'T join Bowstring of Anoxia in The Good Place this day.

When the man-sized arthropod was noticed, Snarkonnen soldiers charged at him, firing "mere" bullet-guns, but high-powered bullet-guns. Shimtuku had his not-so-suicidal shielding up, deflecting the bullets. While maintaining this protection, he separately used an "arm" of energy to grab some heavy equipment cases, and to hurl these at his foes. He was trying not to let his own force-output come into contact with the shields the Snarkonnens were probably wearing.

The invertebrate hero had the right idea, but stuff happens. One of the shield-using Snarkonnens, one who had not been bowled over by the objects Shimtuku threw, dashed closer, steadily firing-- and came in contact with some of Shimtuku's energy.

Fortunately for our hero, he had skillfully kept his own defensive globe separate from the "arm" he had sent ahead to throw things. Consequently, his close-in force-globe did not itself interact with the Dune-copycat shield. Therefore, Shimtuku survived the tremendous explosion. The outer hull of the Naughtygator jump-ship also remained intact.

But this Green Flashlight was now the only living thing remaining inside the evil mothership, a ship whose interior systems and controls had just been disintegrated. Shimtuku realized he must not return to the planet until he was sure that the crippled Naughtygator ship would not enter atmosphere and kill people somewhere below. He put out a call for any fellow Flashlights not currently engaged in combat below to come up and help him stabilize the ship's orbit.
 
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Battery-Cat and Katlittura were still wrestling and struggling all over the place. The moment when the villainess realized that her claws were not penetrating her opponent's tough skin deeply enough to inflict serious injury, was also right around the moment when she noticed that he was keeping his own longer claws sheathed. This led in turn to realizing that Battery-Cat had also passed up four or five perfect openings to sink his fangs into her flesh.

This, despite HER having bitten HIM as much and as hard as she could.

Katlittura was reminded of all the times she had met She-Wow on Paxifica; all the scuffles they had engaged in; and the fact that, while invariably winning, She-Wow had purposely never harmed her. Likewise, how She-Wow's friend Surfenbirda had invariably and bloodlessly bested the then-evil Tunafishla, who had ultimately been converted to good. A light bulb went on in the evil werebeast's mind. She-Wow and Surfenbirda were always hoping that Tunafishla and I would cross over to the side of boring niceness! And sure enough, Tunafishla did at last cross over.

Battery-Cat doesn't want to do me any violence; he also wants me to switch to his side. And even if I've chosen to believe that niceness is boring, I can't say that it's weak! Look at how that alien Bakerstray Bill, easily the equal of Mighty Male in strength, bent over backwards to give his enemies a fair chance. And here Battery-Cat could have killed me by now, and yet......

Could this, by some purpose of mystical fate, be the reason why I've grown less and less interested in using my human shape?

Lying on her back and looking up at her obvious vanquisher, who absolutely did not want to slay her or do her any damage at all, Katlittura relaxed completely, and spoke: "You want me to turn good, like Tunafishla, don't you?"

Battery-Cat nodded his great green head. "Good is better than evil, because it's nicer."
 
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