Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

Before the sort-of-evil couple arrived, Slick had begun running to tell fellow colonists who was coming, and everyone he told, told others. Where possible, persons absent from the settlement were informed by radio. John kept Block and Serrimu talking while this went on.

Then, with equal haste, Slick ran back to rejoin John. Serrimu immediately addressed him.

"Mister Mudpackis? Mister Cardsharper told me your name. I am Princess Serrimu, a daughter or niece or whatever it was of Emperor Candham Calamari, sometime ruler of the Dune-Derivative Empire. I am the consort of the mightiest of mortal men, allowing for the limitation placed on him by Batfellow. I cannot, strictly speaking, read minds as Mister Cardsharper can, but I can get a sense of people--"

Slick's abrupt reply was nearly as surprising to John as to the newcomers. "Then perhaps you already realize that I myself have been a far WORSE person than Block Atom ever was on his worst day."

Serrimu and Block both raised their eyebrows. Block looked at Serrimu, who said to Slick: "I can only sense that you did vicious deeds in the past, but that you have changed completely since then, and are now on the side of --how boring-- goodness, truth and light."

This was the first time Block had ever frowned at Serrimu. "Princess, it is not advisable, especially while we are comparatively vulnerable, to insult our prospective hosts." Then he faced Slick. "Tell me more about your past."

"I was a military commander for Planet Spacebull, a high-technology world which back then was ruled by a dictator named Bob Snooze. I used to be called 'Dark Headgear.' When our planet faced a steady decline in its oxygen supply, it never even occurred to Snooze to promote scientific means of restoring our own atmosphere. Instead, he planned to STEAL THE WHOLE ATMOSPHERE of another planet, called Directvideo. The Directvideans, and their same-system neighbors the Chimpanzians, had no means to fight us in space. To my everlasting shame, I was a willing party to this attempted genocide."

Block Atom's eyes widened. "Dang, you really ARE a worse person than me!"

"That is, he WAS evil, dear," Serrimu said very mildly.

Slick nodded to her, then resumed: "Thank you, ma'am. Fortunately, we were thwarted by a hero named Groan Starr; the Directvideans DIDN'T perish; Bob Snooze was removed from office; and a great Spacebullion scientist named Jean Yuss went to work on legitimate ways to prevent mass asphyxiation of our people. I became a space pirate for a while, but several influences worked on me. Now I'm an up-sider, which is to say that yes, I'm on the side of good."

Block laid a steel-hard hand on Slick's left shoulder. "Serrimu already sensed the essence of this. Perhaps it would be worthwhile for us to learn more about your transformation. We can always just fly away if we don't like what we hear."

"But what I sense in YOU," John remarked, "is that you are intrigued. I know that Slick doesn't regret his conversion. And it can actually be FUN doing good. So, please do stay around. Redemptive story arcs are great."
 
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In the timelessness of what seemed like the Wood Between the Worlds, Lex Loozor of Seedubb Earth had met the Creator, Who explained something to him:

"Don't be alarmed, Lex, you are a special case. In this unchanging, unhurried moment, let Me tell you what will startle you, but in the end it is not bad news. I created men and women to be sub-creators, able to imagine things not yet made. Humans are able to create FICTION without LYING; and what they imagine becomes part of the Never-Stopping Story. I have gone so far as to create extra worlds, which reflect stories conceived on Original Earth.

"On any Earth-variant, most people are unique individuals, whose life is as much a true human life as any other. But to act out the diverse ways that stories could go, a few hundred persons on the Earth you knew..... ARE LIVING COPIES of characters in stories."

The original comicbook villain Lex LUTHOR was supposed to be a Mensa-grade genius. Lex Loozor, accordingly, caught the drift. "So, Lord, I'm one of these copies? I existed on Seedubb, just to be part of a PARODY?"

"Correct. But most persons on the parallel Earths, and nearly ALL the non-human sapients, are completely original and free-willed, living lives not externally forced upon them without their having any choice that matters. Many of the Calvinists who arrive in Heaven find that a shock, if not as great a shock as I've given you. But I am not willing for any soul to perish. Accordingly, since I required you to act as a megalomaniac on Seedubb, I regard you like the Assyrians in Nineveh. Yes, you heard about that once, long ago. I told Jonah that it was right for Me to have mercy on those pagans because of their ignorance.

"I would not be the God of the Bible if I condemned a parody-man like you to be hopelessly lost without EVER having had any chance to be saved. If I were like that, I might as well be angry at these trees for standing exactly where I planted them. So, where all the people who AREN'T copies of particular established characters get their up-or-down chance within mortal existence, you get your chance now."

Three seconds later, Lex discovered that a comprehensive understanding of the gospel of Yeshua/ Jesus/ Aslan had been downloaded into his mind. After eleven more seconds, he was kneeling in worship-- a redeemed human soul.

"Now that you are officially one of My children, would you like to have hair on your head? "

"Hmmm, could I be allowed to change back and forth? Bald if I like, and a longhair if I like?"

"Of course. You have arrived in the place where everything is allowed, because no one desires evil. You will see that Red Headbone has also been granted the ability to change his outward aspect."

The ex-villain smiled. "Let me guess: because Doubleslick spent her life changing her face and figure, SHE asked to have just one look which pleased herself and Red, and to stay that way until further notice."

"Very good, got it in one. Welcome to the truly real world. Now, it may interest you to know that on Original Earth, Lex LUTHOR in comic books was pitted against a hero called Superman, with greater physical might than any of the heroes you knew on Seedubb. Luthor took full advantage of the fact that Superman was merciful by temperament and would never kill him."

"Let me guess again: You DO have a copy of 'Superman' on a different Earth-parody."

"Yes, but he has no Lex Luthor to make trouble for him. Would you like to have a peek?"
 
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Lex was shown a brief synopsis of the history of the cordial relations between Urth and Senphatori, including how those worlds had coped with Skrunks and Awkwardlispians. It was revealed that the Senphatorians' Tachyon Loop system had enabled them to visit other worlds besides the Earth-equivalent.

Corky "Superdude" Klint, aware of a very recent resurgence in villain activity on Urth, had availed himself of Tachyon Loop service to transport his wife and baby to a seldom-visited planet known to the Senphatorians. Settling his dependents here for a while, Superdude ended up staying there longer than expected, because the Senphatorian humans dwelling there faced serious problems with stuff like earthquakes. Confident that second-tier Urthian heroes like Tapper Cossack would be able to handle medium-grade enemies like the combined Constrictor-Jaguar gang in Central America, Klint invested time in projects like building hurricane shelters.

His cousin Clara, a.k.a. Superhottie (who was NOT more powerful than Klint, notwithstanding the persistent revisionism of politically-correct comicbook revisionists), remained on Senphatori, due to recent indications that some of the villains who had supported Block Atom's short-lived conquest might be sneaking back. Her investigation led to catching the reptilian sapient nicknamed Circle-Slice.

Though the monster couldn't fly, he possessed a magical aura-- which meant that he COULD injure a Tonkrypian. Waiting for Superhottie to grab him, he suddenly inflicted three serious incision wounds on her with his built-in blades. If Green Flashlight Mike Deep Swimmer hadn't been close by, Superdude might have lost a cousin that day. As it turned out, Mike's narrow-focus beam attack, deliberately at max power since anyone who could wound a Tonkrypian had to be taken seriously, slew the monster.

Clara Klint was a long time recuperating; and since there might be additional super-villains re-infiltrating Senphatori, Urth's Green Flashlight and some other high-grade heroes maintained their protective posture on the allied planet. Which brings those characters up to the story's present time.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Near Oaxaca, in the far southeast part of Mexico as Mexico was on Urth, gangster Paco Fritango accompanied Hand-Eye and Rattle-Sneak to a meeting in the forest. "While the Super-Gang of Naughty Persons was at full strength," Paco told the lady villains, "many less-known exceptional felons didn't bother trying to join. But your friend Emir Efreet assures me that he and the rest are open to reinforcements."

"Efreet is loose?" Hand-Eye responded in surprise. "He was doing time in Tajikistan, wasn't he?"

Rattle-Sneak added, "They had him in a special cell designed by Justified League scientists; it would hit him with an electric shock if he began to turn gaseous."

"Mirror Merchant got Efreet out, with no need of gaseous form. And Efreet is more than pleased to have new metahumans join us. Therefore, I have contacted two operators I know from before the Constrictors absorbed the Jaguars. They're getting by on small non-homicidal jobs, but are glad of the chance to level up."

"All right, what are their abilities?" asked Hand-Eye.

Paco looked off to his right and beckoned. Out of the trees walked two very attractive Latinos, both wearing costumes with an Aztec look. One was a massively muscular but excellently-proportioned man, who carried a maquihitl (rhymes with "beetle"): the sword-like weapon of the Aztecs, with teeth made from volcanic stone. The other was a woman almost as tall as the warrior, with hair flowing down to her waist. The big man politely gestured for the lady to speak first.

"I am La Bruja Resbalosa, which means 'The Slippery Witch.' Besides being almost impossible to restrain or trap, I can trap others by creating lariats with my hair. I also have intuition to know if anyone with special powers is near." Now she looked at the plumed Aztec knight, who nodded to her and began his own introduction.

"You may call me Chief Obsidian. I am of course naturally strong and athletic, but as long as I am in direct unblocked sunlight, I have the strength of twelve men. Heavy cloud cover lessens my strength somewhat. As long as I carry any obsidian object, or have obsidian close to me, I cannot be harmed by flame or heated objects, including molten lava. Obsidian also at least reduces damage I take from electricity or corrosive substances. Yes, Miss Hand-Eye, I could be hurt by your lightning, but it would never be fatal if I had obsidian protecting me."

"I'm sure that no quarrels will occur," said Paco.

Rattle-Sneak zipped up to Chief Obsidian and shook his hand. "Welcome to the cartel." Hand-Eye similarly welcomed Slippery Witch.
 
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At Paco's recommendation, the metahumans present selected a mountain with few people dwelling on or near it. Slippery Witch visited the nearest local people, and hypnotized them to feel that nothing happening on the upper slopes was of any importance. She was not able, any more than a stage hypnotist, to hypnotize anyone against their will; but these country folk knew no reason why they should refuse to listen to a woman who was doing nothing threatening.

Bruja Resbalosa even lucked out by finding two sticks of dynamite, apparently left over from a past road-clearing project. These, she reckoned, could be detonated by Hand-Eye's electricity, even without blasting caps, because narrative convenience.

Adding in Chief Obsidian's raw strength (while there was daylight hitting him), and his affinity with natural stone, they were able in a short while to expand a natural crack into a cave big enough to provide shelter for six or seven people. For her part, Rattle-Sneak worked super-fast to gather camouflaging material for the entrance.

They didn't need to use it right now, but it would be available as a future bolt-hole. For the present, they would go to Paco's concealed off-road vehicle, and would set out to meet the lately-freed Emir Efreet and the lately-revived Sullivan Grungy.

Far away to the north, my counterpart of X-Men's Professor X was using his Secret Plotline-Advancing Machine to search for just such villain-with-villain interactions. He caught some sense of the join-up in southeastern Mexico, but Slippery Witch's witchcraft aura prevented him from discerning details. He did, however, pass what news he could to good guys in the general vicinity. And he relayed information to Mike Deep Swimmer (a Shawnee Indian, you might remember) that supervillain activity was accelerating on Urth, but not yet at a rate to scare the Justified League members currently on hand.

Professor Crazier did, however, urge the League's researchers to step up their work aimed at giving Martin Alpert his flame-power again WITHOUT robbing him of his recovered humanity. A re-powered Atomic Scalp would be able to go toe-to-toe against Sullivan Grungy.
 
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IN THE "BLAKE'S SEVEN" TAKEOFF ARC......

Parbellik and Luvardra Magta, conferring with their Cosmic Federation friends, had concluded that their sudden absence from worlds of recent interest would attract too much official curiosity. So they, with Tong Sao-Tu the additional human Green Flashlight, would stay visible. They would shuttle between Umbaderro, Madmaksilon and Fussyfrit, sometimes accompanied by Braskorim the long-armed Ziblamot or by the human technician Thrim Deldatch (one of the few Federation human males who had escaped the mental impairment), and would entrust others to meet the Spacebulllies who were secretly bringing the past-event-viewing device.

An obsolescent but functional warp-drive ship called the Ramblecart, not of particular interest to anyone official, was piloted in shifts by the blobby Wibgug-Bifyok, the cyborg Chutnykorn, and a regular human woman called Divarsha Mezzomorf. Divarsha was a friend of Royurbota Quardimo, who was the Ramblecart's fourth occupant. Royurbota was in charge of communications, They steered a course determined for them by the Janitors of the Universe, who were also coordinating with Master Yoga-Rug.

The ship sent by Lesha Slater to deliver the crucial apparatus was the Conciliator, commanded by Commodore Rip Tellus. Twice, after he made it through the Red Streak Wormhole, Yoga-Rug's image provided course corrections. After whatever interval of time best fits with story chronology, Rip succeeded in raising Royurbota on subspace radio.

When the two ships finally docked alongside, Rip showed the Spacebullion invention to Royurbota's party.

"For purposes of technobabble, we call this a retroactive timestream-insertion device. It plays back past events; the farthest back it has worked so far was eighty-two standard years into the past. There's one complication: if certain past situations are desired for study, a person has to be present who IS AFFECTED in some way by the events."

"That's no problem," Divarsha told Rip. "Royurbota is painfully familiar with the mystery of Lodge Flake, and the cyborg is equally familiar with circumstances surrounding the attack upon men's intelligence in the Cosmic Federation."

"Then we can give it a try immediately," said the Spacebullion commodore. "You'll understand Spacebull being interested to know your history; and you'll be able to play it back for other viewers later."

"Use it with Royurbota first," Wibgug-Bifyok recommended, "because the events affecting her life extend farther back in time than Chutnykorn's experience of living through the failure of men's brains."
 
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Royurbota's face was not much more than a hand's width away from the viewing screen. Random colors appeared, sort of like an old Doctor Who title sequence. This gave way to her college-age self with Lodge Flake's college-age self, standing in waist-deep water and kissing fervently.

Eyes pouring tears, she told her companions, "I remember that day! I'd almost RATHER see the bad part, than be reminded of what I lost. Hey, device, get to the part we DON'T already know." And the retroactive timestream insertion device obliged, moving to a date which was not long before Lodge had made the fateful discovery. It was a scene Royurbota HAD NOT been present for, thus proving the invention's quality.

In a dimly-lit room, twelve or more men with shackled wrists were sitting on benches. A man wearing a version of a police uniform stood with his back to the viewpoint. But when he spoke, Royurbota hissed: "That's Judge Wytebredd!"

"Who's that?" asked Rip Tellus.

"A sort of prosecutor. One time when Lodge and I captured several murderers, Wytebredd popped up like magic, took charge of our prisoners, and never told us what he did with them."

"Are any of those killers on the display now?" Divarsha asked her.

"Not that I can recognize. But I'm talking too much. Let's reverse to the beginning of whatever Wytebredd said to these prisoners." The device obliged, and everyone got to see the moment when guards herded the all-male, all-human convicts into the room and made them take seats. Now they would be able to listen to the judge's entire speech.

"You men are the living sewage of the Cosmic Federation; but you have the opportunity to become the rarest of treasures.

"As convicts, you forfeited the right to vote in elections and referendums. But what if I were to tell you that, in the near future, ALMOST ALL human males in Federation space will be transformed into literal morons, unable even to understand the CONCEPT of elections, let alone make a rational choice on a ballot?

"Plotline-convenient evil alien powers will provide the new Stellar Coordinator with the means to produce this effect-- and the means to reverse it, curing the victims. But no cure will be offered until the non-human races, plus human females, agree to pay the price for billions of men to become useful once more. Meanwhile, I and the guards in this room are among the few men who will be made immune to the attack before it strikes. While the crisis endures, we will stay hidden, or will pretend to have been outside the affected area when the mysterious weapon did its damage.

"All of you will receive your assignments when the time comes. It should go without saying that any who disobey orders, or who tell anyone about this without permission, will die. But if you do your part, then even when human men ARE given their senses back, you will retain positions of importance in the new order of things."

The playback paused as Royurbota looked at Rip. "I never knew any of this."

"Of course you didn't. But the scene we just watched has enough connection with your life, that the time viewer was able to call it forth in your presence. We may still glean some names, places or times from this, after which Mister Chutnykorn will take his turn at the display."
 
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Further information was indeed forthcoming. This included confirmation that the vehicular murderers once arrested by Lodge and Royurbota had indeed been included in Judge Wytebredd's covert recruitment program. Other information extracted in that stage will be disclosed later, if necessary for understanding of the story. The cyborg then took a seat for his turn. What the device first showed for him was a scene involving Vernacula Scurvylaff-- and an official who has not before now been mentioned to readers.

Chutnykorn almost instantly froze the scene of a private government office.

"That woman speaking to the Coordinator is Nimsalur Bokrem, Second Deputy Facilitator of Human Cyborgs, though not altered herself. She spent much of her career arguing that more cyborgs should be women, AND complaining that cybersurgeons were making female cyborgs unattractive. But she never objected to us guy cyborgs looking grotesque."

The video restarted with Nimsalur speaking to her leader:

"I've gotten human male cyborg assignments as evenly distributed as possible. When the brain-bomb drops, they'll be well placed to help reduce damage and fatalities. The official news media will give them full credit for their noble deeds in the emergency."

Vernacula nodded. "Excellent. Even when everyone's preoccupied with disasters, this will counteract people's tendency to-- imagine-- that I dislike men. Male cyborgs like Chutnykorn will even be part of keeping the administration running when I fly here and there on humanitarian visits to hard-hit worlds. Yet this will take nothing away from the respect given to female and non-human starship crews looking for evidence and an eventual remedy. Keep up the good work."

"Thank you, Coordinator. But when will I know how the extortion is to be carried out?"

"I can only say that this will be revealed to you when you have a need to know. Compartmentalization of secrets is vital." Then the private-conversation scene ended.

Looking over Chutnykorn's shoulder at the screen, Royurbota caught her breath when her true love reappeared, this time in a situation where she had not been present. With Lodge Flake was a Madmaksilard policewoman whom Royurbota recognized. Don't worry, readers, the hero's past conversation with another woman had been purely police business.

From this point, your author will suspend references to the characters looking at the retroactive timestream-insertion device. What follows will be regular narrative, just happening before any recent events shown in my "Blake's Seven" pastiche.

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In this new scene, Lodge had just brewed a pot of Madmaksilon's nearest equivalent of coffee, and he offered some to Officer Jelley Sammitch when she entered his windowless office. Jelley was a reasonably attractive blonde, though missing the baby finger on her right hand from an injury in the line of duty.

"Thank you for coming in early, Officer Sammitch. I can offer some yohogurt with your korfee if you missed breakfast."

"Thank you, Sergeant, yes, I did miss breakfast." While consuming her much-better-than-nothing breakfast, Jelley kept her eyes on her superior, expecting to hear something of importance. Lodge did not disappoint.

"I've just activated anti-surveillance protocols for this room. But do NOT answer any question I ask if you consider it wrong to answer, or if you fear harmful consequences from telling me."

"Sergeant, you didn't fear harmful consequences when you saved those friends of mine last year. Interrogate away."

"Very well." Lodge took a very deep breath before continuing. "Months before you and I first met, and shortly before the department began having Royurbota and me work separate districts because of the emotional involvement, she and I found something odd when we arrested some commonplace road bandits. They were carrying some seriously high-grade scientific literature, about mind control. Not the usual entertainment for those dust-rats. When I reported the bust, instinct warned me not to talk as if noticing the reading material was anything weird or out of place. Which sets up my first question: have you, or any highway officer you worked with, ever found thugs carrying similar intellectual material?"

"Once," Jelley replied. "Over in the camps along the Yezodga River, some of us busted a ring of smugglers. They had publications and audio recordings about similar subjects."

Right then, without being told to do so, the past-oscope jumped forward in time: seemingly, to somewhere around the time Lodge had composed his breakup message to protect his fiancee. Now he was in a forest setting-- with Jelley again, and also with a shaven-headed senior officer whom Chutnykorn recognized from a database. This man was Lieutenant Eggrol Homnygrit, who had gone missing about a month before the intellect-wiping weapon had been set off.

The bald man asked Lodge and Jelley, "Are you two current on the case of Kurt Revlon?"

"A well-traveled con artist and pirate," answered Jelley. "He got accepted into the crews of four successive galactic freighters; and in each case he engineered a mutiny which included assassinating the captain."

Lodge did a small face-palm. "All right, now I remember hearing of him. One henchman got arrested with him: Varlet Filtrate, a high-tech hacker and burglar, said to be a slimy coward in the face of danger, but useful to crooks as long as he wasn't asked to risk his own skin." He looked at Jelley. "Wasn't Tyll Dimlamp in on making that arrest, over on Vamtorfa?"

"Yes, he was. By all accounts, Dimlamp's chief has great confidence in him."

Eggrol resumed: "And the confidence is justified. Be that as it may, Revlon and Filtrate have been sentenced to life at hard labor on Raztazzem Six."

Chutnykorn froze the video there, and addressed Commodore Tellus. "Raztazzem Six is a survivable planet, but not a comfortable one. Its only claim to fame besides being used as a prison camp is the rumor that a starship from some narrative-convenient lost civilization is buried there, waiting for heroes to find it and use it against evil."

"That sounds like the setup for a rousing television series," remarked Divarsha Mezzomorf.

Chutnykorn's mostly natural face took on a blank, uncertain expression. "Raztazzem Six. Prison world, valuable minerals in abundance; actual mining conditions really not bad, but an ugly place to live. Previous camp commandant was a Ziblamot female named Wedruhu."

As soon as the cyborg spoke this name, the image on the time-survey device changed. On a planet not yet shown in this viewing stood a Ziblamot female in a police-type uniform. She was meeting the shuttle of a newly-arrived prisoner-transport ship. Nearby, two of the convict miners were watching. "Those two are Filtrate and Revlon," declared Chutnykorn.

The view shifted to show two new prisoners disembarking. "That's Lodge and Jelley!" Royurbota yelped. Wibgug-Bifyok added, "And that man herding them forward is Tyll Dimlamp, I met him once."

A moment later, the device changed viewpoints of its own accord. On the far side of the just-landed shuttle crouched a man of the human-like Arpkevorkian species, wearing a high-quality camouflage cloak. This Arpkevokian fired a raygun on a line of fire which passed close by Tyll Dimlamp..... to strike and slay Commandant Wedruhu.

Royurbota, Divarsha, Chutnykorn and Wibgug-Bifyok all gasped as one person: "So that's how Commandant Wedruhu really died!" And for Rip's benefit, Chutnykorn elaborated: "That officer Tyll Dimlamp was blamed for the murder; and some of us felt that his trial fell short where due process of justice was concerned. It amounted to, 'You're guilty, so dig till you die'."

Divarsha looked at the nearly-formless Shmeehobber. "It looks to me as if we're being shown how Flake's Seven first came together. I have in fact heard that Tyll Dimlamp was one of them. But it seems we've only seen five of them so far."

"In for a token-bit, in for a credit-star," Wibgug-Bifyok burbled to himself, then spoke up: "All right, everybody, it WAS Flake's Seven who rescued my shipmates and me in that space accident. The identities the rest of you figured out besides Lodge and Jelley are all correct. The sixth is the prison-camp physician, Doctor Diva Mellowmind;" and the device showed a dark-skinned woman. "She knew Tyll Dimlamp was innocent, and ended up helping Lodge and the rest to commandeer the story-crucial alien ship. The seventh, gained many days after the prison break, is a fractional telepath named Sally Kipper, whom Flake's bunch rescued as a castaway on a different planet. She can't read minds, but she can SEND thoughts, which enabled her to call for help."

"So after leaving Raztazzem Six," Rip summarized, "they flew around your Federation looking for anything which might help them to expose the criminal ruler and prevent the disabling of men's brains. They obviously were unable to achieve the second goal; but perhaps YOU folks will manage to achieve the first."

"And, Creator willing," said Wibgug-Bifyok, "still remedy the stupidity plague after the fact."
 
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Planet Punksteema:

When both of the airships which had helped against the Bloody Diggers and the Rogbal were fully back to normal condition, travel plans out of Gahurr were sorted out. Those leaving by airship included Lady Dorothy Malgriff, the huntsman Burzu Yunsh, the girl sniper Heejee faf-Tujan, Felrudean cavalry scout Didima Fernwood, and war veteran Lester Grath who was FINALLY exploring a relationship with Didima. The Bamulicans would see to it that the dagger belonging to the deceased Otto Kergoff was returned to his adoptive Nizozuan family as a keepsake, reminding them that they had succeeded at raising him to be a noble-hearted young man.

Otto being thus honored, the Towermen would journey back across Punksteema's arctic zone, honing their skills and seeking new adventures as they went. Diego Smith's elder cousin Klemrath naturally was all in, having sworn to keep his young kinsman safe. The eccentric swordsman and baker Donnie Tonka chose to accompany them as well. So did Mistress Mukuma from the south continent.

The Gromstarker detective Zoralee Jeralo, her pride stung by not being able so far to persuade Sir Ronald to fall in love with her, offered her animalized brother's plight as a reason to decline a return voyage by airship. To be sure, the doomrat with a human soul was more comfortable traveling on solid ground; and all the animals in the party understood by now that Billyboy meant them no harm. Zoralee spoke at length about her concern for Billyboy's peace of mind, so as to deflect any perception that she was chasing the gunslinger-knight. As additional camouflage, she made a great show of playing up to Donnie Tonka.

Donnie was not fooled, but neither did he display any irritation with Zoralee. Ronald himself, meanwhile, simply remained unflappably cordial toward Zoralee, while spending most of his time instructing D'Kovo, Talusek, Ilya and Diego. The gunslinger-knight also found a few hours to practice fencing with Donnie, since Ronald had not handled a sword in earnest for over three years. They did this using VERY lightweight sticks; and Ronald's broken left arm in a cast was immobilized against his torso using long winding-cloths.

"You're getting it back fast enough," Donnie assured him, once Ronald finally scored two touches in succession after many scored by Donnie.

Nishri and Feshri, the "Javelin Sisters," obtained the permission of their family to travel north with Sir Ronald's party. The family knew that Towermen practiced chivalrous conduct, and that the girls would have older women along to mentor and chaperone them. (Zoralee was not overly thrilled to be described as "older," but she still was much younger than Mukuma.) Ronald imposed one non-negotiable requirement: the sisters could bring one javelin apiece, but must also learn to use firearms effectively. The people of Oxhide Spring happily provided the ordnance Nishri and Feshri chose; Feshri decided on a repeating rifle similar to Diego's, while Nishri opted for a revolver.

Before parting, Constable Quadmor Bassett told Ronald and Talusek: "I know that gunsmiths in some countries-- not here, but someplace-- are experimenting with ways to recharge a muzzle-loading long gun more quickly, which of course would benefit you, Talusek. Putting powder, wadding and ball in some sort of packet." (What Quadmor was talking about, had he known it, was similar to advances in the American Civil War on Original Earth, when "cartridges" of a sort were manufactured to let a musket user shoot again sooner.)

"Such a development is also being considered down in Wellvernia," said Ronald. "We'll be on the lookout for any opportunity to improve Talusek's firepower."

Feshri, the younger sister, continued finding excuses to be with Talusek; and, before the new caravan got underway, Nishri took to asking Donnie to coach her in shooting, since Donnie was very nearly as good a pistol shot as Roland or as Ysidro Lopez.
 
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>>>>> In Hukshem, the second north-continent nation Ronald visited after the good spirits increased his power and sent him forth:

it was past midnight in this time zone when T'Pinnok Zur, the second-sighted brother-in-law to Ronald's apprentice D'Kovo Pril, woke up shuddering next to his wife, D'Kovo's elder sister and a fledgling Smoke Maiden. "There's danger!" he exclaimed.

"To my brother?" demanded Razibi.

"No, he and his peers are safe; only, Heaven is WHERE Otto Kergoff is now safe. But he played a noble part in vanquishing a horrid monster; and the others live. The danger is to your mentor Jillian, and her husband Howard." The couple T'Pinnok named, the Shards, dwelt in Reslagor, but had visited up in Hukshem to give Razibi further instruction, after Sir Ronald had gotten the fabric merchant's daughter started on the Smoke Maiden path.

Most Reslagorians were no better or worse than ordinary people everywhere; but their nation was home to a straight-out-of-the-movies-if-Punksteema-had-movies EEEEEE-vil business corporation. The firm's founder had even cynically NAMED it "The Two Rivers Evil Business Corporation," allowing uninformed persons to assume this was a joke. This fat-cat founder, named Armando Casador, had in effect sold his soul to the immortal necromancer Jaheg-Jorod in return for enjoying huge success; and he had indeed proven useful indeed to the undying evildoer. Because the Towermen and Smoke Maidens looked like making a vigorous comeback, Jaheg-Jorod seriously feared that his magic might soon become less and less effective. Armando had been pushing the envelope of his world's Jules Verne-grade science, and Jaheg-Jorod calculated that having technology on his side should compensate him for not being able to achieve everything by sorcery anymore.

But the fiend also needed to take mortal society into account. Because Armando habitually treated most of his workers like dirt, and because other tycoons fiercely envied him, Jaheg-Jorod had decided it was time for Armando to go to The Bad Place. Armando's charismatic widow Selma inherited the controlling interest in "Two Rivers" knowing that the fiend had slain her husband. She dared not do anything to defy him; but since he did not require her to continue Armando's abuse of the labor force, she improved pay rates and workplace conditions. Reslagorians generally began feeling more favorable toward the corporation, which suited Jaheg-Jorod's long-term plans.

Around the time when T'Pinnok had his premonition concerning the Shard family, Jaheg-Jorod (unaware of what went on with the good-aligned magic-user) visited Selma in her private garden. He had something to tell her about a highly-placed manager: a man who had been a willing participant in "regular" evil actions by Armando, but who knew nothing about the soul-stealing-necromancer part.

"Some of the meddling savages who interfered with my re-ordering of society in Tablanor and Felruda, have traveled to the other side of the globe, where they continued persecuting everyone who was different. They even murdered a lovable rare creature called the Rogbal. Since Yarbeck Trask is currently on that side of the world, we will make sure he is aware of those events."

"Master, do you mean that you have cause to conceal any involvement of your own in events there, so you want me to communicate with Yarbeck by my fastest available means?"

"Excellent girl, you are correct. Right now, Yarbeck and the Silnarpian airship he hired are working the lands west of Limzeppu. You will use all non-magical means at your disposal-- telegraph, post riders and so on-- to reach him. Tell him that a whiskey manufacturer operating in Gahurr got in trouble with the law, and it should be possible to acquire his distilling company cheaply. Tell Yarbeck not to treat the arrested owner's household harshly, but to be ruthless with other would-be purchasers of the distillery. This will expand Two Rivers holdings geographically: again, increasing our non-sorcerous power in the world."

////////////////////////////////////
 
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Reminding the readers: one of the first people to befriend Ronald's party in Tablanor was a Captain Rothermill--I now finally give him a first name, George-- living in retirement on a comfortable estate in the south of that country. George had served as a naval captain; and even if I didn't give Tablanor a seacoast, I remind the reader that there is such a thing as conducting naval operations on large navigable rivers. Be this as it may, the recent war between Tablanor and Felfruda (started by Felruda, but won by Tablanor) had not had ANY naval component. Thus, a navy veteran was a good choice for a friendly visit to Prethlonstead, the Felrudean capital.

Announced in advance via telegraph, George Rothermill's visit went smoothly. Most of his talking was done with two persons who had NOT favored going to war against their southern neighbor: General William Seldunin, the only Felrudean commander the Tablanorians had found difficult to beat, and Rizlaya Tohir, the good witch who owed Seldunin a life-debt and who was now his chief advisor. These two enjoyed great popularity in their country, and the respect shown to them by the victorious Tablanorians had done much to heal hatreds after Felruda surrendered.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Rothermill : Mistress Tohir, we have not had time to express adequately our appreciation for you keeping us informed about the adventures our man Lester Grath has had in company with Towerman Ronald, and what passed with Sir Ronald after he and Lester temporarily parted company. By now, the last of the walking dead in Tablanor have been restored to humanity where possible, otherwise destroyed.

Rizlaya : And I am pleased to confirm that the same is true up in Heskadug.

Rothermill : Good to hear. And good to hear that the monster invasion of Gahurr was foiled. Now, my government knows to look out for signs that those detestable Bloody Diggers might also be extending their tunnels in our direction.

Seldunin : The sorcerors T'Pinnok Zur and Felipe Catalano collaborated with Rizlaya in supporting the Towerman's party against the Diggers, and are trying already to determine if there are other secret expansions.

Rizlaya (looking at Rothermill): Meanwhile, however, I believe you have a different supernatural matter on your mind, Captain.

Rothermill : So I do. You will recall that when Felipe Catalano and his gunfighter cousin traveled west, they were joined by an airship designer from Quelidar, and by a lady artisan from Droval and her daughter.

Seldunin : Yes, we heard that the narrator of our story didn't allow Mister Catalano simply to know the airship designer's language without explanation; Catalano had to WORK AT communicating with him. But it gradually emerged that Mister Jizbrol, the designer, fled his native Quelidar because he feared that someone would murder him to stop an ambitious project of his. Well, the trio of good-aligned magic-users has recently ascertained WHO in fact wishes to be rid of Jizbrol Tazaff. Yes, his people always put the surname first.

Rizlaya : We actually now know that someone DOES want Mister Jizbrol dead. It's the Frantic Druids! They were assisting the Bloody Diggers, and human outlaws allied to the Diggers. They were doing this, wait for it, FROM THE MOON. Frantic Druids actually do have a stronghold up there, and we've been kept ignorant of it for generations!

Seldunin : They want Mister Jizbrol dead because he has an ambition to FLY TO the moon.

Rothermill : Christ save us! Then you really will want to hear about some troublemakers who've been arrested down in Tablanor.....
 
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Toby Klabrid, a police inspector and a nephew of General Seldunin, was detailed to accompany George Rothermill back into Tablanor. Also detailed for this excursion was the military photographer who has been mentioned many pages ago. Rizlaya, still involved in remote collaboration with the other magicians, reckoned that she would be able to augur information about the Quelidard troublemakers from seeing pictures of them. The Compass Railway line got them where they were going in short order. Being with Captain Rothermill was enough to prevent any Tablanorian from imagining that their purpose was anything bad, even with the two Felrudean men wearing sidearms.

Inspector Klabrid's Tablanorian counterpart assigned to the vicinity of the Rothermill estate was Sheriff Ramseth Holst. In the border war, he had been captured by Felrudeans NOT under William Seldunin's orders, and had been very cruelly treated. He still carried a grudge for this; it was only because Toby was related to the respected General Seldunin that Ramseth was willing to speak with him. Ramseth was needed, because he could speak (though not read) the Quelidard language.

"The pastor of Saint Kung-Sar's Free Church was here day before yesterday," Ramseth told Klabrid and the photographer. "He has great spiritual discernment, and assured me that the prisoners have no magical talent at all themselves. Which means that they have no protection against my method of exposing liars. I've been waiting to use the trick until there would be independent witnesses present. Two jailers will be with us as well. The prisoners actually know Tablanorian-- whoever enlisted them wanted men who knew it; but it's better if I question them in their own tongue. Pay VERY close attention to the pupils of their eyes." Then he explained what his trick was.

There were three Quelidards awaiting them in three far-separated cells, all shackled at wrists and ankles. The whole group of honest men would move together from cell to cell, with each prisoner being asked an identical series of questions (though changing the order). When the two jailers joined the visitors, Ramseth told them also to observe the pupils each time a yes-or-no question was asked. Enough questions would be asked so that each of the four men would get to check the eyes of every offender at least once.

The photographer took pictures of all three troublemakers before any questions were asked, then left his camera and its plates in an office before joining the other observers. The four men were given small notebooks to write down their findings. The sheriff's questions were as follows:

"Have you ever been ordered, asked or hired by someone to do physical violence to someone else, in a situation OTHER THAN war, without being told WHY the targeted person ought to be killed or hurt?" (All three prisoners answered No.) // "Do you personally know of any incident in which Jizbrol Tazaff willfully committed a violent crime?" (All three answered Yes.) // "When you accosted and threatened Vodranorian and Tablanorian citizens, did you do this in a sincere belief that they might know where Mister Jizbrol was?" (All three answered Yes.) // "Do you know for a fact that Jizbrol Tazaff has an insane hatred for Drovalish people?" (All three answered Yes.) // "Do you know of any times when any Drovalish person has behaved badly --this to include insulting speech without assault-- toward Mister Jizbrol without cause?" (All three answered No.) // "Is it your honest belief-- I don't ask for certainty on this one, only your sincere opinion-- that Mister Jizbrol might be willing to use an airship for an act of unprovoked aggression?" (All three answered Yes.) // "Do you know where the Frantic Druids have their most secret lair?" (All three answered No.)

After the prisoners were taken away by other guards, the two observer guards and the two Felrudeans unanimously reported that the pupils of every prisoner's eyes had always widened while replying, EXCEPT when answering the question about the Frantic Druids.

Ramseth smiled broadly. "Not everything requires magic. The question of where the Frantic Druids dwell was the only one to which they DIDN'T reply falsely."

Toby Klabrid cocked his head. "But Frantic Druids might have SPOKEN TO those thugs, without revealing their headquarters. Why didn't you explicitly ask them whether they had knowingly MET any Frantic Druids?"

Ramseth's tone became just a bit condescending. "For the evil spellcasters to keep their hideout secret, just NOT TELLING their hireling where it was, would be enough. But if the spellcasters did personally do the hiring, the FACT of this contact would need more positive concealment. Accordingly, if having met in person, the Frantic Druids might have cast a death-binding, so the men would die if they even formed an intention of revealing that encounter. I happen to believe that I should avoid unwarranted harm even to prisoners."

Toby knew that this was a shot at Felruda, though not at him individually. Letting this pass by him, he said simply, "Sheriff Holst, you are a wiser man than I am. I wouldn't have thought of that angle."
 
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/ _ / _ / _ / _ / _ / _ / _ / _ / _ /

Convinced that Mistress Mukuma was following God's leading, Ronald of Goliad agreed to her urging that they swerve east. The party was well armed, well supplied, and financially secure with some gold pieces and plenty of silver. They also had sheets of tin and metalworking tools, to allow Diego to pursue his interest in being a tinsmith, As has been reported earlier, it was a maxim with Ronald that every Towerman should master at least one skill which WASN'T related to fighting.

The country Mukuma wanted to go to was called Samplibam. Ronald had long known of this nation's existence, but neither he nor his old gun-brother Wyatt Hickok had ever set foot there. He did know that no Christians, nor adherents of any Punksteeman religion closely approaching Christianity, had permanent residence in Spamlibam; so most likely, this would be God's reason for wanting them to go that way.

But this required agreement from the others, not only from Ronald.

"Listen up, everyone. All of us have at least read portions of, or heard someone reading aloud from, the Bible. We know that it contains power against spiritual evil, and guidance for mundane life; but none of us knows how it came to be present in OUR world. Mukuma, do you want to say anything before I continue?"

"Yes, Brother Ronald. To the best of my knowledge, copies of the Bible somehow appeared nearly simultaneously, scattered around both continents, around sixteen centuries ago. They were ALREADY translated, into no fewer than eighteen languages; and scholars in both Wellvernia and Arcondoyla have found no serious differences in meaning between one of those versions and any other. Hard to argue against that much proof that the Holy Book IS holy."

"Amen. But while you and I can agree on the divine legitimacy of the Bible, we DON'T have any supplementary histories of the world that the Bible was written IN-- though some Bibles do provide partial maps of that world. My point is, we're short on context."

Donnie Tonka drew closer. "I confess that my own vein of skepticism derives from that same lack of context."

"If I follow you right ," remarked Diego's cousin Klemrath, "you're thinking that we would understand the Bible better if we knew more completely WHAT ELSE WAS GOING ON when an apostle did such-and-such, or when a prophet declared so-and-so."

"Please get to the point," said Zoralee to Ronald, but not angrily.

"The point of present relevance is what those of us who are believers are to do if Samplibammers are hostile to us specifically because we believe in God. Ishwa--" (Ronald was using a pronunciation of "Jesus" which was familiar to Mukuma) "--spoke often of non-violence. But from what we can find in the Bible, the civilization in which He lived His mortal life would have been destroyed at several points in time, if SOMEBODY had not picked up a spear and FOUGHT against enemies. Before we cross that border, I want to hear what the rest of you think about us defending ourselves if someone there dislikes us."
 
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Feshri spoke to Talusek, but loudly enough to be audible for everyone: "None of you Towermen hesitated to fight where we just came from; and you shot men in addition to Bloody Diggers. How is a POSSIBLE emergency in Samplibam so very different from the Battle of Oxhide Spring?"

Mukuma answered on Talusek's behalf: "Oxhide Spring was a purely secular event-- well, pretty much secular, though God surely helped you against that monster. I mean that Oxhide Spring was just plain present-world fighting against evil: a necessary piece of business, not an attempt to convert anyone. With innocent lives at hazard that day, there was nothing the armed people could have done any differently. It would have been another business if no battle had been going on, if you had just been discussing spirituality with people, yet just your BEING armed could look as if you intended to intimidate your hearers."

"Good sense in that," remarked Ilya, the youth descended from Vodranorian sailors.

"How about this, then," said Ronald. "Mukuma, it's you who felt God's leading toward Samplibam in the first place. What say just you and I go ahead first, watchful but not in any way hiding, and see whom we first encounter. I'll carry no weapon save my rapier and poniard--"

"And I can leave my cutlass behind," Zoralee interjected. "Your broken arm will make you look as un-threatening as anyone could ask for, but I'll bring my easily-concealable compact pistols. We need at least a modest shooting option."

Ronald lifted an eyebrow. "And when did you become part of 'we'?"

"When I reminded you that Billyboy, who always looks after me, is extremely stealthy, and can sneak along on a parallel course to us, not showing himself unless we are menaced by someone. Meanwhile, you and I and Mukuma all resemble each other ethnically; could have all grown up in the same town. She could be my mother and your mother-in-law, or the reverse."

"Pause!" exclaimed Mukuma. "Let me start first by myself. The human doomrat, since he can avoid being noticed as long as there's vegetation, can trail me at a small distance. While never lying to anyone I may meet, I can start out ACTING as if I'm randomly wandering. I'll be looking at my personal Bible. You two can eventually catch up, overtaking me as if you had been worried by my senile rambling: again, without ever speaking a falsehood. Ronald, your gift of always being known to be truthful may be what makes all the difference.

Witnessing this exchange, Donnie Tonka was mildly amused-- much like a Gene Wilder movie character-- at how easily Zoralee dropped all pretense of ever having felt any romantic interest in Donnie. Nishri, meanwhile, was utterly delighted to have Zoralee NOT be interested in Donnie. There was a noticeable age difference between Donnie and Nishri, but not an unbridgeable difference. Nishri certainly was a legal adult, fully capable of marriage and motherhood, while Donnie still was young enough that he could both sire children and be around to see them grow up. Moreover, being a baker as well as a swordsman, Donnie probably would not object to a wife possessing both domestic and combative talents.
 
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Leaving her horse behind, Mukuma had not quite walked a mile before she was met by someone she didn't expect. Someone usually found in Wellvernia, the south continent. Mukuma and her companions, who had once camped on Disappointment Plateau, had heard stories about him, which desceribed his appearance. Otherwise, the widowed wanderer would not have known what to make of a large, plumed, winged serpent, whose eyes were bright green, but who otherwise was all a light gray.

"The Colorless Quetzalcoatl!" Mukuma gasped.

"That I am, good woman, and pleased that you do not fear me. Sir Ronald will also recognize me when he sees me shortly. He met me once before, on his first quest into The Ominous Lands. Seeing me today will be a rare privilege accorded to a gallant hero. As you may have heard, few mortals get to see me even once in a lifetime, and scarcely any twice. But Ronald of Goliad will want a witness as prestigious as myself, to believe what ELSE he is going to see. Take your ease, and we shall wait for your party to overtake you as was agreed."

While they waited for the others, Colorless Quetzalcoatl briefed Mukuma on the state of affairs in Samplibam. No enemy was threatening its people at this time. At various points in the past thirty years, believers in Ishwa / Yeshua / Jesus had passed through and shared their faith. More than half of the Samplibammer population believed in the Savior by now; but no Bible translations existed yet in THEIR language.

"This, my honorable woman, is why YOU were led here." The Quetzalcoatl exhaled a strange but harmless mist upon Mukuma, then declared: "By the will of the Creator, I have just placed in your brain a thorough knowledge of the Samplibammer language, spoken AND written. You shall use your own Bible to create a re-translated paraphrase of Scripture for the people of Samplibam, and you cannot die before your task is finished.. I have already explained to the wise men of this land that no being like me exists on Original Earth where the Bible was written. I exist on this planet because fantasy is fun, but the inspired Word of God amounts to VASTLY MORE than temporary enjoyment."

Mukuma suddenly grinned. "I guess it would be awkward if they got the idea that the serpent in the Garden of Eden was YOU!"

When Ronald and Zoralee were almost in sight, the Quetzalcoatl shouted, "Billyboy Jeralo, come out of that thicket! No evil is here for you to fight against. Far from it, there's good news at had for YOU."

The wolfhound-sized doomrat emerged, looking at the winged serpent. "Young man," the heavenly (NOT satanic) reptile intoned, "you have bravely endured a terrible ordeal, turning your very curse into a resource to help and safeguard your sister. Behold! Starting now, you shall have the resource without the curse. Stand up on two legs now---- and be advised that you can CHANGE BACK into the doomrat, when and only when you desire this for a good purpose. Rise!"

And just like that, the HUMAN Billyboy stood before Mukuma, wearing (had she known it) fully-intact clothing similar to what he had been wearing the day the were-beast curse was cast upon him. "Zoralee!" he shouted. "Do you see this?"

"Not yet," the Quetzalcoatl told him, "but she will very shortly."
 
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The cool, self-possessed lady detective heard her brother's voice, all right-- and RAN the whole way to where the voice had come from. When she sighted Billyboy, she didn't even slow down till she tackle-hugged her brother.

"Billy! Billy! Is this real? Are you cured?"

"Yes, the Colorless Quetzalcoatl broke the spell, and even said I can still take beast-shape if I actually WANT to, like in an emergency."

Zoralee finally looked past her brother's shoulder. "That's him, I take it?"

"I am the Colorless Quetzalcoatl. I was created by God not long after He made this world; and from time to time, I tell humans about the very first human world, where the Holy Bible originated. But all of you are just as real as people on Original Earth. And since evil fairytale beings can exist on Punksteema, so can good fairytale beings. I have passed guidance to Mukuma; I have restored your brother; and I have a joyful surprise in store for the Formerly-Last Towerman."

When Ronald joined them, he recognized the side-of-good plumed serpent.

"Hail, colorless one, who sees and understands all colors which surround you! I never saw William Jeralo in human form before, but this can only be he. I thank you on behalf of his sister."

Zoralee finally let go of her brother, looking at Ronald. "Yes! It's wonderful! We have to celebrate!" Seconds later, her strong arms were around Ronald's stronger neck (at least not hurting his fractured arm), and her mouth was furiously kissing his mouth. Your author would not swear in a court of law that Ronald DIDN'T reflexively kiss back-- though it had been a very long time since anyone had kissed him worth mentioning. His undamaged arm, anyway, did sort of slide around her waist.

But the Quetzalcoatl had something further to say, including to the rest of the travelers, who were now approaching.

"For those of you arriving late, I am the lawful-good creature known as The Colorless Quetzalcoatl. The All-Maker does not permit me to intervene in everything, or I would have been with you at the Battle of Oxhide Spring-- and I would heal Sir Ronald's broken arm now. That will have to recover normally. But I can assist the side of good in some important matters. This is why you see Billyboy Jeralo restored to man-shape, which by the way I shall make known to his betrothed, Judy Lightheart. And wait, there's more!"

With one feathered wing, the Quetzalcoatl gently nudged Zoralee away from Ronald. "Faithful Towerman, resolute bearer of solemn burdens: I know a certain wish deep in your heart: a wish which normally is never granted on the mortal plane. I am not able to resurrect the dead; but in some instances, I can intervene when a dying human is JUST SHORT OF entering eternity. On such occasions, the mostly-dead person is kept sleeping for a time, during which he or she is told in dreams what he or she is meant to do in the gifted extension of life.

"Ronald, what you are about to see is not a dream or a hallucination, any more than the raising of Lazarus was a hallucination. It is a breathing, thinking, flesh-and-blood reality. Now your apprentices will have TWO mentors."

Just like that, a fair-skinned man about two inches taller than Ronald materialized. He wore similar cowboyish clothes, a big moustache, and twin revolvers. Fixing his eyes on Ronald, he boomed, "It's me, gun-brother! I'm real!"

"WYATT!!!" yelled Ronald, staggering forward in disbelief to throw his good arm around the famous Wyatt Hickok, who clung to him in return.
 
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Zoralee had the courtesy to withdraw several paces from the reunion of the gunslinger-knights. She kept her distance while Ronald introduced D'Kovo, Talusek, Ilya and Diego to Wyatt, and said a few words about the heroically-fallen Otto Kergoff. Nishri came over to whisper in Zoralee's ear.

"Are you playing hard to get with Sir Ronald?"

Zoralee smiled. "Probably too late for that, after my gesture of 'celebration.' But it would be horribly tacky of me to push into the middle of this reunion. I know how it is to love a brother, which is what those two clearly are to each other."

"Yes, Feshri and I loved our brother, too. I'm glad for you that you have your brother fully returned, and the same for Sir Ronald and Sir Wyatt. Now, do you intend to resume with Ronald any time today?"

"Probably not, since he and Wyatt have SO MUCH to catch up on. I'll wait until sometime after I've been officially introduced to Wyatt. This will enable me to demonstrate directly that I feel NO attraction to Wyatt. And while I'm waiting for that, are you waiting to ask me something about Mister Tonka?"

"Yes. When you tried to use Donnie to make Ronald jealous, did Donnie ever TELL you that he knew what you were doing?"

"He didn't have to. That sly, knowing smile of his told enough. And in an effort to anticipate your next question: yes, I have no doubt that he knows YOU sincerely desire him where I didn't."

"You're a detective. Any evidence?"

"Enough. When Donnie looks at you, all the shrewdness vanishes from his expression. He at least definitely LIKES you; and he remembers you and Fishri fighting in an actual battle, so he can't possibly regard your little sister, much less regard you, as immature and childish."

That was as far as the girl-talk went on this occasion; but both women were thinking about the fact that Ronald was the sort of man who would want children. Zoralee was past the most suitable age for childbearing, but not altogether incapable. Especially since the Mellow Druids could offer empowering spells to promote successful pregnancy and healthy children. The real question, as Nishri reckoned, was whether Zoralee could find it in herself to be the devoted mother whom any child of a Towerman deserved.


 
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ON HALLPASSCARD---

Timekall's station at the head of the rainbow bridge issued a non-emergency alert: incoming from the Third Galaxy. The Odin-equivalent of Jumpstard was arriving for a social visit to King Garryowen. The ruler of Hallpasscard, with Queen Sprigga, formally greeted the dog-headed King Woolywoofin and his dog-headed bodyguards. Having learned earlier that Jumpstardeans actually did eat something like dog food often, Sprigga ensured that the welcome supper included a similar dish. And Woolywoofin did in fact enjoy it.

Table talk included Woolywoofin relating details of how his son Bakerstray Bill had vanquished Crowdhack of the Mob in a duel, solidifying a military victory for Princess (now Queen) She-Wow, and inspiring the Neutral Dragon of Reasonableness to make a commitment to goodness.

It also came up how the Anoxian construction worker called Bowsaw had been accepted for training by the Green Flashlight Corps, desiring to carry forward the noble example set by his deceased brother Bowstring. To which Queen Sprigga remarked, "And he doesn't have to give up his building trade. We're aware that the Green Flashlight prosthesis can perform all sorts of lifting, placing and shaping actions, useful to construction projects."

"Speaking of construction," said Woolywoofin, "meaning no offense, your mythology-reflecting planetoid seems rather short on living space. Even with you-- like us-- having a birth rate modified to offset your longevity-- and you do live longer than we do-- doesn't it get a little crowded here? Or boring, anyway?"

Nodding and spreading his hands, Garryowen replied, "Sometimes it does; but we can always use the Dentfloss to visit other worlds. Our local Earth-variant, however, often requires assistance. Right now, as a matter of fact, Mediumgard is coping with some idiotic juveniles who possess an alternate form of the Green Flashlight invention. They weren't killing anyone, but they stole from people, and pressured mortals to believe some incredibly stupid nonsense. The Revengists, with some help from us, have almost completed rounding up the original 'Cosmic Fact Checkers,' as they call themselves, and several recruits they gained locally. But now there's a further complication, and we still aren't sure how closely it's associated with the power-gem wearers."

"Do you have blood-drinking undead beings in your part of the universe?" put in Sprigga.

"One planet in our sector had those, many years ago. Bad news, they were. But in the end, we either killed or cured all of them. Nothing like them since."

"The serious blood-drinkers appear to have been eliminated on Mediumgard," said Garryowen. "The ones turning up lately are so weak, an average mortal woman can overpower them. But what's unsettling is how many Earthlings in the present generation seriously WISH they could have the destructive power of authentic vampires."

"Poisoning minds means poisoning a society. Would it be possible for me to see one of these underpowered potential monsters?"

"This can be arranged. We'll communicate with Princess Shurthingy in Wonkabara."

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _
 
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"The kids I was holding APPEAR to be cured of their madness, but there are more wanna-be vampires on the loose," Shurthingy told King Garryowen over Wonkabara's Earth-to-Hallpasscard comms link. "My brother and Bleeder are in Argentina now to round them up. That fellow Oliver Hackman from Kansas who acquired mind-over-matter powers is joining them, along with a local hero called El Gaucho de Oro."

"I brought along one of our helmets which facilitate language-absorption. It also emanates reassurance waves, which will prevent domestic animals from being terrified at the sight of me. I'd like to teleport down there via Dentfloss and lend a hand; learn more about this insanity plague at the same time."

"That will be all right, provided you give me five minutes to call the Golden Gaucho, let him know who's coming."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

The pampas of Argentina being in the Southern Hemisphere, it was summer there. The nearest town was eleven kilometers to the north, and its police were on alert, knowing that in the worst case these "vampires" WERE NOT bulletproof. To the west, where the Andes foothills began, there were many trees; Bleeder and Plaque Panther, both expert hunters, had this area covered. They had already captured and shackled three of the insane youths. Oliver Hackman was patrolling back and forth to the south; his Fuss powers were still developing, but whenever he detected any of the would-be immortals, he simply Fuss-pushed them back toward the north.

To the east, where the terrain was most open, El Gaucho de Oro ranged up and down on a sturdy white mare-- who, of all his horses, had the best long-time endurance. He had by now neutralized five of the vampire-brats: first snaring them with bolas, then administering a tranquilizer from a dart pistol.

Three of the Twilight wanna-be's were still on the loose, trying to slip between the gaucho and the up-side adept, when King Woolywoofin appeared in midair above them. Garryowen had informed the hunters that this would happen, and the magic birds Ignore-It and Forget-It had identified the best place for the Dentfloss Bridge to send the Jumpstardean monarch.

Garryowen's warriors had provided Woolywoofin with lightweight ankle-binders. Once in Argentina, he leaped from place to place, fastening the restraints on each low-grade vampire who had not yet been caught by the others. Then he introduced himself to the Golden Gaucho, who took the surprise calmly. After all the stupid kids were herded into one place, with policemen approaching, Bleeder told Woolywoofin, "We'll respect the jurisdiction of local authorities, but they in turn have agreed to let us work at restoring the kids to their right minds."

When the police were on hand, Woolywoofin explained to everyone who he was, then spoke his piece about the current situation. Because extraterrestrials were nothing new to denizens of this Earth-variant, the Jumpstardean king's appearance was not so startling that the humans could not absorb what he said.

"Not every version of Earth enjoys anything close to the knowledge you possess of other worlds. You are not overly taken aback by my physical appearance, because all of you remember what a diverse crowd of monsters Titan Flatnose brought with him when he tried to conquer you. But you seem not to have learned anything about good and evil. You were saved from Flatnose by the Revengists and other defenders; and those who defended you were EXACTLY OPPOSITE to the kind of monsters you now EMULATE! You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

.) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )
 
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Meanwhile, Drigum Namdre had finally rejoined the Heflins to compare notes. They met up in Barnaul, Russian Federation, where Shelley had been telling mixed audiences of ethnic Russians, Tatars and Yakuts what a mistake they had made by forsaking Marxism. But only when Drigum arrived and began exerting psionic influence, did some of the young people present start nodding and agreeing that the collective was all.

This was Lance Heflin's moment to shine, sort of. While Shelley seldom allowed him to speak to listeners anymore, he could pass out leaflets she had gotten printed: Russian-language leaflets in this case. Now that their Tibetan friend had given them a boost, Lance found willing takers for all the tracts. Their message was that if anyone owned a private business, he or she MUST INEVITABLY hate all competitors and wish them dead.

"We need to get another batch printed!" Shelley exulted-- just before Crimson Witch appeared in front of them, accompanied by her husband Eyesight. An instant later, the recently-empowered wizard Roger Tree Root also materialized, accompanied by Colonel America and Bright Window.

Knowing he was outnumbered magic-wise, Drigum hastily teleported himself away, to a randomly-chosen destination in Bulgaria.

But the Heflins weren't going anywhere. Roger had been working up a specialized enchantment against this occasion, and his magic deactivated Shelley's Heart Sapphire artifact. "I meant to destroy it completely," the Algonquin Indian muttered to Colonel America, "but it's definitely disabled." Emboldened by Roger's words, Masha plucked the darkened gem off of Shelley's forehead.

"You're all done stealing," said Eyesight.

"We never stole!" cried Shelley. "We facilitated equity and sharing! Ownership is hate, so distribution is love!"

"You 'distributed' your own daughter's hard-earned money to yourselves," Crimson Witch scolded in reply.

As of this hour, Shelley and Lance had been removed from the board as players. But changing their warped hearts would take longer. When Shelley eventually heard about those two earlier-mentioned singers who abandoned their spouses, Shelley would ADMIRE the selfish deserters for their "healthy self-esteem."
 
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