Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

As has been depicted in former posts, the people gathered on board Conciliator already saw proof that Vernacula Scurvylaff's administration was involved in PLANNING the Federation-wide mind-attack. Judge Wytebredd, with whom Lodge and Royurbota had had dealings when they were highway-patrol officers on Planet Madmaksilon, was played back telling convicts that they would be immunized against the dumbing-down phenomenon, provided they helped Coordinator Scurvylaff to tighten her control during the "crisis."

Royurbota indulged in one digression. After Lodge reached the rank of sergeant, he had been assigned an assistant, a beautiful blonde named Jelley Sammitch. This young officer was missing along with Lodge, as one of the "Seven." So Royurbota could not resist directly asking the past-oscope: "Did Lodge and Jelley ever have a romantic affair, or did either of them even suggest it to the other?"

The fact-finding device usually did not answer users with a voice, but this time it did so, after half a minute of high-speed search:

"Findings negative. Lodge Flake and Jelley Sammitch were only friends."

Royurbota was relieved about her sweetheart's fidelity-- but only until she caught the past-tense word. "They WERE friends? Do you mean that they're DEAD now??"

"Alive as far as this unit's intake will confirm. Both persons in question were alive as of two days ago, but no data on them have been processed more recently, including present location."

Royurbota sighed. "All right, go back to the chronological sequence. Show us how Lodge and Jelley came to HAVE the other five people to make up the Seven."

The timestream sampler went back to Lodge Flake being arrested on vaguely-concocted charges, with Jelley and Royurbota herself being arrested later on separate false charges. (It is told elsewhere how Royurbota was rescued shortly after her arrest.) Lodge and Jelley ended up on the prison-colony world Razztazzem Six, where they met another victim of made-up accusations. Former cop Tyll Dimlamp had been framed for the murder of an official who was a female Ziblamot. For plot clarity, it must be specified that Lodge's time in the Razztazzem system was all before the mental attack occurred; and the alien ship he eventually commandeered (as per the "Blake's Seven" premise), had a hull which insulated its male occupants against that selectively harmful energy.

Also destined to become one of the Seven was the camp physician, a dark-skinned lady named Diva Mellowmind. Then there were two actual guilty crooks, both men: a smug, handsome pirate named Kurt Revlon, and a cowardly network-hacker named Varlet Filtrate. The final joiner of the Seven had never been on Razztazzem Six, and her identity was suddenly supplied by Wibgug-Bifyok.

"A starship I was on, months before the dumb-down attack hit the Federation, was stranded in a remote system. Flake's Seven rescued us; and the one who gave us instructions for pickup was the last one to join them. She was also human, Sally Kipper by name. I didn't learn her origin, beyond her not having been a convict; but I learned that she was a 'fractional telepath.' Meaning she could SEND thoughts to others, but couldn't receive."

"The roster is well and good," remarked Divarsha; "but we need to learn about the things the Seven DID."

Tommy Kurasawa, Conciliator's communications officer, added, "Above all, we should find out how Flake and his lot obtained TRANSPORTATION AWAY from the prison world."
 
Last edited:
The event-searcher took Tommy's words as a request on Royurbota's behalf. The scene changed to the infirmary which Diva Mellowmind had managed for the convicts. The onlookers were shown that the guards and administrators had received their higher-quality medical care on board an orbital station. Next, the screen depicted Lodge Flake undergoing a routine health checkup. Doctor Mellowmind was shown activating an anti-eavesdropping device, then addressing Lodge by his wrongly-revoked rank.

"Sergeant Flake, your body now contains traces of an extremely rare element called miguffinite."

Lodge's eyebrows rose. "Never heard of it. But might that name be derived from the slang word 'McGuffin,' referring to any dramatically important thing, like the legendary Anti-Strife Equation, which advances the plotline in a sci-fi or fantasy story?"

"Precisely. Small amounts of miguffinite entering your metabolism are not life-threatening or disabling; but what's intriguing is the fact that miguffinite does not occur naturally in any part of the Razztazzem System. On top of that, every convict I've examined who has worked in Grid Square L-77 has also been contaminated with the same element. I repeat, it won't harm you-- nor will it give you super-powers, more's the pity; but it shouldn't BE here in the first place."

"Does this element occur only in star systems whose primary is different from the primary of the Razztazzem system?"

"That's correct. As far as our scientists can determine, miguffinite only occurs naturally on worlds which orbit a blue giant star."

Lodge leaned forward. "So miguffinite could only be here if an asteroid from a blue-giant star system somehow got loose and came to the Razztazzem system?"

Diva rechecked her anti-eavesdropping equipment, then replied: "I believe that one of those plotline-convenient super-evolved ancient races, the ones who claim credit for creating everyone else's civilization, built their starships USING miguffinite. And I believe that one of those centuries-old ships, conveniently abandoned and left empty, is buried IN THE SECTOR WHERE YOU'VE BEEN WORKING."

Lodge's eyes widened. "Are you suggesting that I might be able to ACTIVATE that ship and escape from this planet?"

"Escape, and bring ME with you."

= = = = = = = = = = = = =

The time-scanner saw no need to show every intervening detail. It was enough to say that there WAS an ancient alien ship; and that, by whatever means would make sense, Lodge gained control of it. If I haven't said that Jelley Sammitch got falsely arrested as Lodge had been, then yeah, she did. Diva and Jelley joined Lodge in commandeering the alien ship, whose artificial intelligence recognized these three humans as being worthy to be obeyed. Tyll Dimlamp, when he was brought on board, was also accepted by the artificial intelligence. Lodge wanted two genuine criminals, Kurt Revlon and Varlet Filtrate, to come along because they had useful skills, and because they had knowledge about the corrupt authorities of the Federation.

Lodge had to beat Revlon senseless with his fists (and Revlon had to wake up with Tyll Dimlamp AND Jelley Sammitch holding guns to his head) to establish the chain of command. For Filtrate, it was pointed out that Dyussessmakna, which was the super-computer's name, would not obey any order contrary to the well-being of the good-aligned people on board. The sneaky hacker made one attempt to reprogram Dyussessmakna, and it gave him an electric shock just short of being fatal. He was left with the top of his head bald, as a reminder.

After escaping from Razztazzem Six, they eventually picked up Sally Kipper the fractional telepath in another star system. Then they had a bunch of adventures, one of which involved saving the lives of Wibgug-Bifyok and his shipmates on the occasion of a space disaster.

Vernacula Scurvylaff had eventually found out about the commandeered alien ship-- which, to the frustration of all villains, proved nearly invulnerable to Federation weapons. Luckily for the bad guys, Lodge Flake didn't want to kill anyone unnecessarily; he was more interested in collecting proof of all the evil stuff the Scurvylaff administration was up to.
 
Last edited:
There was a further flurry of scenes. Be it understood that Razztazzem Six was outside the affected area for intelligence dampening. And once Lodge Flake was at large WITH his brain intact, the forces of evil had cause to worry.

In perhaps the most dramatic development, Stellar Coordinator Scurvylaff, terrified of her crimes being exposed, ordered the "discovery" of a cure for the stupidity plague to happen far sooner than planned. Giving her Arpkevorkian co-conspirators much of the credit, she expedited the distribution of a nanobot type which could restore at least fifty percent of all memories in even the hardest-hit men and boys. Taglamso, the forester from Planet Umbaderro who had found a clue to the alien technology which had caused the mental attack, was found alive, and was one of the very first subjects to receive the restorative treatment-- but his brain was permanently purged of all knowledge which could incriminate Vernacula Scurvylaff. Even so, he was kept "under observation" for the time being, and he could not see his daughter Carsala, who, with her new husband Lugwin, was in prison on bogus treason charges. The central government on Fussyfrit dragged out the project, so as not to end the crisis too quickly.

Meanwhile-- this beginning long before Parbellik and Luvardra came, and thus well before the cure was revealed-- there was a furious hunt for Flake's Seven and their alien super-ship, which Diva Mellowmind had named the Litigator. Nimsalur Bokrim, one of Coordinator Scurvylaff's top henchwomen (placed highly enough that she knew Vernacula's predecessor had been assassinated) was in overall command of the hunt. The Litigator withstood no fewer than five warship attacks, and was able to continue searching for the truth.

Judge Wytebredd was in on the chase, as were several gang-punks from Planet Madmaksilon. Also Lieutenant Eggrol Homnygrit, Lodge and Royurbota's former friend from highway-patrol days. In a turn of the tables, Wytebredd was captured by the Seven, enabling Dyussessmakna to probe his mind. This provided proof that Vernacula had intended to require horrible surrenders of civil rights in return for bringing human males back to their normal minds, though the strength of public alarm suggested to her that maybe she would not have to be too harsh; that it might be enough to pose as a great rescuer.

On a planet mostly inhabited by the humanoid Arpkevorkians (and this was recent enough to have occurred AFTER the Magtas came to the Federation), the Seven were ambushed on the surface. Hot-dogging in overconfidence as they sought to steal some valuable equipment, Kurt Revlon was the first one shot down. Tyll Dimlamp died heroically covering his friends' retreat; and Varlet Filtrate died like an idiot, bolting in cowardly panic and running into the line of fire. Jelley Sammitch, far from being Royurbota's rival for Lodge, grieved bitterly for Tyll, with whom she had been cultivating a relationship.

Vernacula maintained the pretense that the Green Flashlight Corps was to blame for the intelligence drain. As a countermeasure, in the absence of the Magtas, the baboon-shaped Jamsorvad, instructing Tong Sao-Tu of Jersey Earth to stay safely far away, signaled the government that he had found alien tech traces on Chillworld. He descended into the Federation capital city-- and, in the presence of what passed for a journalistic community on Planet Fussyfrit, surrendered his power prosthesis to Captain Kactusita of the Peace Commanders. Then he told his hearers that he would submit to any form of lie detection, if its impartiality could be verified by technicians from one of the non-Federation races who did business with Fussyfrit, to show that the Flashlight Corps and the Janitors of the Universe were innocent of any hostile acts against the Cosmic Federation.

Acting under Vernacula's instructions, Kactusita ordered Jamsorvad shot dead on the spot. But Jamsorvad's life was saved by Sao-Tu's disobedience. The novice made a steep dive, scooped up his mentor inside his own energy-shield, and headed back to outer space. They got away, but without retrieving Jamsorvad's prosthesis. The past-events display revealed that Sao-Tu flew off to find the nearest other habitable planet where they could hide out.

The only additional view afforded of Lodge Flake showed the surviving members of the Seven performing inconclusive searches for more information to incriminate the dictatorship. These heroes, after all, were unaware of what was going on with the artifact-powered good guys.
 
Last edited:
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Just wow," murmured Commodore Tellus.

"Do you have any suggestions?" asked Wibgug-Bifyok.

Rip Tellus let out a sad sigh. "Unfortunately, even if Planet Spacebull were in THE SAME STAR SYSTEM as Fussyfrit or Madmaksilon, we literally have no space navy now. It's ironic that, if we DID still have the mega-mothership, this situation would allow it finally to be used for a good purpose."

"What about the Fuss artist formerly known as Dark Headgear?" said Comms Officer Kurasawa.

Rip's eyes went unfocused. "THAT might actually help matters, if he really did change to the up-side."

"Who is, or who used to be Dark Headgear?" Chutnykorn asked.

"A Fuss user powerful enough to stand some chance fighting a Green Flashlight. He switched sides from evil to good. Maybe we can get him to come out here."

"With a bit of luck," remarked the Spacebullion pilot Brenda Neutron, "before we resume the action of this plot arc, the great Master Yoga-Rug will contact Slick Mudpackis--" (giving Dark Headgear's actual name) "--and invite him to prove his new-found virtue by coming out here to lend a hand."
 
Last edited:
>>> REMINDING THE READERS THAT THERE CAN BE MORE THAN ONE SPACE REGION WHICH IS CALLED A "FEDERATION".....

Captain Pro Dashalong of the Republic of Lots of Worlds had gotten along well with people from the Human Federation. To refresh the readers, this is the society based on the movies based on Robert Heinlein's "Starship Troopers." When the Human Federation convoy which had initiated regular diplomatic ties with the Republic headed home to Federal Earth from Planet Kantpoo, Pro again commanded his squadron of A-Frame fighter-bombers as escort. Captain Dashalong was not yet aware that Unified Services Commander Lanette Grudenko, skipper of the transport Wagonmaster, had begun wishing that Pro could be HER OWN escort, full time.

In Federal Earth orbit, some people swapped places. Diplomatic personnel who had been on Kantpoo were not needed for the next voyage, but extra medical personnel came on board because they might be needed. This, not because harm to the people on Wagonmaster was anticipated, but because they would be visiting a population which might have special needs. They were going to a Human Federation colony world which had not received much attention lately, because the Creepycrawlids had never struck there.

The colonized planet, much more heavily populated than Freesoil where Slick Mudpackis was, was called Prairiedrift. It was partly arid, but nowhere near as bad as Planet Srirachiss. First settled a generation before the Creepycrawlid War began, Prairiedrift now had over 600,000 human inhabitants. A much smaller colony of crab-like sapients, called the Gulklikput, had only just arrived a few weeks before the Creepycrawlids were forced to capitulate. With plenty of land available, the two groups had established friendly interaction with no bad incidents. One element of the Federal Earthers' mission was, with consent, to study the health issues of the Gulklikput, as a way to expand their interstellar medical database.

Master Sergeant Ace Basey, Movable Infantry, who had been on Kantpoo, remained with the transport ship. Wagonmaster was joined for the Prairiedrift excursion by Fissepelra, the enlightened former War Witch who had previously come to Federal Earth from Awkwardlisp.

Shortly before getting underway for Prairiedrift, Fissepelra said to Lanette Grudenko: "I've learned that there's a minor wormhole near the star system where Prairiedrift is, but I don't know if that was the way Gulkliput originally reached the system."

"No, it wasn't. The crustaceans came by a generation ship, normal space all the way. We've never tried to enter that wormhole, because we assess it to be hazardously unstable."

"Meaning no offense, we Awkwardlispians are exceptionally knowledgeable about wormholes. I'll request a close look at it after we reach Prairiedrift. I might be able to determine if your ships, at least the newest models, can use it after all."

Lanette frowned thoughtfully. "By 'newest,' do you mean only the giant jump-ship we captured from the Naughtygators with help from outside heroes like Thundermaster Thorpe?"

"Well, that too, but it should be reserved for exceptional needs. I consider as 'new' any ship of yours built with input from the Republic of Lots of Worlds, or the Bubblewrap Coalition, or my own homeworld."

Copperfox interjects here that these characters will find out that the wormhole near Prairiedrift leads to a point close to Planet Latterdawn. But you'll see soon enough how the present set of characters comes to discover this bit of astrography.
 
Last edited:
Two technicians were added to the ship's company of Wagonmaster: Lavinia Creston, who had recently served on a smaller starship commanded by Pro Dashalong, and Federal Earth citizen Benito Javier, whose main experience was in surveillance and early warning. One Gulklikput female, named Sheshkashad, was on Federal Earth, composing a short history of her species for human print media. She said that if Pro and Lanette could wait three more days, she would ride back to Prairiedrift with them, to facilitate new cooperative activities.

Four days after Pro and Lanette approached the crustacean lady, everyone got underway. Reaching the frontier world without mishaps, they met with leading persons of both species. Fissepelra's first question for the Gulklikput leaders was: "Have you been told about the much larger jointed-exoskeleton creatures who spent years trying to eat all humans alive?"

A male elder of the crustacean sapients replied, "Yes, with imagery. Our people have never even seen them before."

Benito shrugged. "It's a big universe." Then the discussion turned back to possible use of the nearby wormhole.

Lavinia, and Master Sergeant Basey, involved themselves in determining what supplies and hardware would be needed for the sustenance and comfort of any Gulklikput volunteers who joined in the wormhole expedition. By good luck, a twelve-year-old colonial girl named Crelsa remembered something which had fascinated her, but which had led nowhere.

"About six weeks before the Gulklikput came to live beside us, I was out stargazing. At the time, our planet was positioned where you could see the sky quadrant where the wormhole is. After midnight, my starscope caught a bright object. I magnified it until I saw that it was human-shaped, like a woman all made of fire. It seemed to fly INTO where the wormhole would be. That was all."

Sheshkashad begged off of joining the wormhole flight; someone younger should go for the Gulklikput, and she had to finish her Gulklikput history for the benefit of Human Federation universities. Instead, a male pseudo-crab of maturity equivalent to a seventeen-year-old human boy, named Pishtukdu, volunteered.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When all was in readiness, Pro Dashalong took half of his A-Frame squadron to accompany Wagonmaster toward the wormhole. Two standard days and three hyper-jumps later, they were as close to the event horizon as they dared to go before conducting tests. At Lanette Grudenko's order, a bunch of really cool techno-babblish study drones poked around and into the wormhole. Eventually, reassured by computer output, she gave the word to enter the event horizon. (Pro technically outranked her, but he deferred to her position as captain of their only large spacecraft.

From somewhere, the opening theme music from "Stargate SG-1" seemed to be playing. Soon, they were out the other end; and long-range sensors indicated that a wholesome oxygen-and-liquid-water planet was within reachable distance. Benito Javier told the skipper, "The habitable planet has a good-sized moon orbiting it. Spectroanalysis suggests that the moon's molecular composition is a little-- wrong, relative to the planet's composition."

Lavinia spontaneously suggested, "Maybe that moon used to belong to a different planet, and some never-fully-explained story-shaping phenomenon caused it to leave its original parent world, impossibly travel across hundreds of light-years, and then resettle into a perfect orbit around a new planet."

Pishtukdu, who had been watching Benito at work, added, "and I bet you'll find artificial structures on that moon. Like maybe some kind of people have an environment on it, and once in their stable new orbit, they took small craft down planetside, and began building a permanent settlement. You know what, they might even have a human woman who can change her shape to imitate animals."

"That sounds as if it could become a television series," observed Lanette Grudenko.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 
Last edited:
The second permanent surface settlement on Planet Latterdawn, the one on an island, was completed. The Bill Redvest compound, the one surrounded by local trees whose scent repelled the swarming carnivorous insects, remained in use also. But Barbara Brainy's plan was that the oldest people, anyone with a disability, persons recuperating from illness or accidents, and all new children, should reside on the island. Flights to the Moon (I capitalize "Moon" because this one is THE "Moon" of an Earth-variant, based on the old TV series "Space: 1999") now occurred no more than once every two months, because manufacturing new fuel for their short-range spacecraft was not advancing fast.

Bill Redvest, the colony's very best hands-on mechanic, was working on his latest invention: an energy-efficient atmospheric flying craft. The colony had not yet gotten its act together to utilize naturally-occurring petrochemical products on any adequate scale, but solar power was working well. So Bill's experimental propellor-driven single-engine airplane would run on batteries. Electric motors being what they are, even in a sci-fi story-world, each power-up of the airplane would require more than five hours to enable three hours' flying; but it still was better to have low-cost airborne flight at intervals, than never to have it.

"Bill, darling, do you have a moment for me to tell you something?" This was the tech wizard's lovely shape-shifting bride Versaderma; she had just now changed back to human form, after being something like a mythical griffin.

"You can tell me anything but goodbye, sweetheart. Have you detected something important, after all those attempts to achieve your best possible eyesight?"

"Yes, I've discovered that, for the first time since we settled on Latterdawn, we're going to receive human visitors OTHER THAN Lucy Luminous and Marysuefire. A whole starship-load of humans, with one woman who may be only human-OID, plus what appears to be one intelligent large arthropod."

Bill embraced her. "Are you saying you could see INSIDE the ship?"

"Yes, I achieved X-ray vision. Problem is, even back in woman-shape, I am STILL seeing through things, including you. I have to move carefully, and look at things carefully, to avoid stumbling."

"You can ride back to the island in the hovercraft. Barbara Brainy will help you get your eyes back to normal." After they got underway, Bill asked Versaderma to tell more about the approaching starship.

"At least four much smaller ships are convoying the main vessel. They appear to be armed, but-- since I can see inside the ships-- the big ship is not. The interior of the big ship seems only to contain enough of even small arms to equip about twenty persons."

Bill waited no longer than this to report to Roland Foote as much as Versaderma had related so far. He was thus freed to see about getting help for his wife's eyes, while the colony leader was opening communications with the newcomers.
 
Last edited:
Moonbase Alpo still existed on the Moon (again, meaning the Luna-variant which had broken away from the Earth-variant based on "Space: 1999"). No one was there anymore. But when contact was made and Lanette Grudenko knew for sure that there was no planetside base which could service her transport, Roland Foote provided specifics on how the Wagonmaster could be safely parked at the Moonbase.

Lavinia Creston assumed the post of duty officer for the transport after it was berthed on the Moon. Most of the A-Frame craft remained there also. Pro Dashalong took his own fighter-bomber down to Latterdawn. Fissepelra the former War Witch occupied the second seat, and they managed to fit Pishtukdu the Gulklikput in there with her. Captain Dashalong was escorting a shuttle from the Wagonmaster. Inside the shuttle, besides its we-don't-need-to-name-them-individually crew, rode Lanette herself, Benito Javier, and Ace Basey.

It was deemed safer for the Unified Services shuttle to touch down at the first settlement, rather than on the now-inhabited island. Roland Foote and Barbara Brainy welcomed the visitors warmly; Barbara's assistants, meanwhile, were getting to work on correcting Versaderma's new eyesight problem. Senior Technician Redvest didn't join in the welcoming until his wife told him, "I'll be all right, go on, you deserve to enjoy being part of the reception!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The Latterdawnians were delighted to meet ANY new fellow humans, and all sorts of information-swapping went on. At least four single women of the colony began hovering around Captain Dashalong; but there was no excessive urgency, because everyone understood that this contact promised future interaction. Pishtukdu received plenty of attention; the Latterdawnians had already met non-human sapients, but none who resembled Sebastian in "The Little Mermaid."

Lanette Grudenko spontaneously videocorded a lecture for the locals, outlining the history of the Human Federation, especially its fight for survival against the Creepycrawlids. Pro Dashalong and Benito Javier double-teamed the job of summarizing how the Republic of Lots of Worlds, and the near-immortals of Hallpasscard, had helped Federal Earth against the Snarkonnens and the Naughtygators.

It was Ace Basey who first remembered to bring up the Prairiedrifter girl Crelsa, who had seen a fiery figure flying into the wormhole. Barbara Brainy provided the explanation, describing Marysuefire, then telling how the superheroine had saved Latterdawn from the evil Galactikang, and how she periodically visited back. Your narrator reminds you that Marysuefire is from Seedubb Earth, and that Seedubb has not had any interaction with Federal Earth, so the partial history of Seedubb which Latterdawnians could provide was a fresh addition to the newcomers' knowledge.

Roland Foote made extra sure that ALL of the visitors knew about the still-existing threat of the swarming carnivorous insects. Ace Basey wasn't overly impressed, considering what he had fought against for many years. But the most remarkable reaction came from Pishtukdu, who declared that the local bugs sounded yummy.

Sure enough, the next day, when some of the giant ants were sighted outside the settlement's protective barrier..... Pishtukdu galloped out toward them, pincer-nipped the heads off two of them, got clear before any others could find a weak spot in his exoskeleton, and sauntered back cheerfully devouring his take.

Bill Redvest remarked, "I foresee us inviting some of the Gulklikput to immigrate here. Talk about low-cost pest control!"
 
Last edited:
Let's see, now. Here's a new take upon reviewing.
It's an almost-complete list of stories and franchises which I have parodied in my serial.

Original Star Wars, AND the Star Wars takeoff called Spaceballs.
Frank Herbert's Dune series.
Bits of Narnia, naturally.
Numerous D.C. Comics franchises.
Numerous Marvel Comics franchises.
Stephen King's Dark Tower novels.
Babylon Five.
Sailor Moon.
The Crow.
He-Man and She-Ra.
Space: 1999.
Planet of the Apes.
Starship Troopers.
Blake's Seven.
John Carter of Mars.
Doc Savage.
The Shadow.
The Green Hornet.
Willie Wonka.
Les Miserables.
Quigley Down Under.
Chuck Norris jokes.
Versions of real-world music celebrities.
 
Last edited:
IN THE BAKESUM STAR SYSTEM, ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE "BABYLON FIVE"-BASED SUB-REALITY:

At the foot of a hill, in a well-kept Cakebunter forest preserve (which had favorably impressed the sometime chief of forestry on Planet Directvideo), Ambassador-Duke Diskoduck stood in the company of three women. Two of these were human.

At the Duke's right hand was his wife, Wilma Dearthing. She still was often called by her maiden surname, because "Of Directvideo" didn't work well as a last name. At Diskoduck's left hand was Nelly Frye, a Spacebullion woman who had come to Planet Cakebun as part of a delegation. The others of her party, after investigating the Duke's new superpowers, had headed for home, taking Rabbishop Malarkey along to drop him off on Directvideo. Nelly was to document any later developments-- like what was going to happen right now.

The non-human woman, standing nearby, was a Mintcandybarri, one of the Anflaktikshok Rangers. Porlizem was one of the party who had been asked by Master Drool on Upsydaisylon to bring an ancient artifact they had found to Cakebun.

The nephew of King Lowbrain, whose personality had resonated with an alien artifact found within this solar system, had made it two for two. The new artifact, much smaller than the "local" one, had literally evaporated while Diskoduck was handling it. The vapor had gone into his lungs, and had given him the limited flying ability (in curves and arcs) to which I have referred in an older post.

Porlizem and three other Anflaktikshok had been the only witnesses to Diskoduck literally absorbing the newly-discovered artifact. Now Porlizem said, "Wilma, Nelly, are you both clear about what the Ambassador means to attempt?"

Wilma patted her husband's shoulder. "Disko and I have no secrets from each other, except when a birthday is coming up. He wants to see if he can make OTHER people fly along with him. And whether, once aloft, those he brings along can steer themselves independently."

"The Duke plans to stay at a very low altitude this first time," added Nelly. "And he chose this meadow, covered with deep, soft grass, to cushion his wife and me in case we fall."

Porlizem displayed the futuristic equivalent of a stopwatch. "Ready, Ambassador? Five, four, three, two, one, GO!" And all three participants in the experiment lifted off. Diskoduck zigzagged on a level, barely four feet above the tops of the grass, at a straight-line speed slightly faster than Porlizem could have sprinted if running for her life. Eventually he turned back toward the timekeeper, doing a series of vertical arcs which each ended with a net gain in height, until he was briefly flying thirty feet up.

Passing the Mintcandybarri woman, Nelly exclaimed, "We can't veer off, we're tethered to him!" Eventually Diskoduck set them down without landing himself, and looped the loop before coming to rest.

"So you have to tow whomever you levitate. Even with such a limitation, this gift is ideal for lifting people out of a dangerous place. Are you tired?"

Diskoduck answered, "No, but that might change if I had to do it for more than two or three minutes."

Wilma kissed her husband warmly, then looked at Porlizem. "Lifting people out of danger is natural to my darling. When I was a little girl on Directvideo, he saved my mother from drowning, so I got to have many more years with her. From then on, I knew whom I wanted to marry when I grew up."

Diskoduck shrugged. "I never would have expected such a beautiful and athletic woman as she grew up into, to desire me for ANY reason, but I'm not complaining. And I know that it WASN'T my social rank which caught her attention."

"My people also have an aristocracy," said Porlizem, "but like you, we believe in true love. Now, Ambassador, whom do you plant to demonstrate your new power to next?"

Diskoduck looked thoughtful. "Possibly K'Pish the sproosh grower." He referred to a Goldarn businesswoman; "sproosh" was a yogurt-like food which was nutritious for many races. "And maybe Trablo Kuldivan." That was a businessman of the human-like Braykpedduli race, the owner-captain of an armed merchant ship called the Constance Tilbury.

=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=

Diskoduck ended up showing his new power to both persons he had named, along with several Cakebunter citizens. But it was in private that Trablo passed news to Diskoduck and Wilma. The reader is reminded that my Babylon Five-derived story arc overlaps with my Star Wars-derived story arc.

"There's been a scandal on Planet Kantpoo. Harshyanna Armadillo, one of Kantpoo's former temporary monarchs, and mother-in-law to the deceased hero Acne-Skin Spacewalker, appears to have committed treason against the Republic of Lots of Worlds. She was harboring the Lazytaxie scientist Doctor Dizwarn, helping him to conduct espionage, apparently with a view to the Snarkonnens eventually invading the Republic, if they ever feel strong enough."

"Does anyone on Kantpoo know if they're coordinating with that fellow Admiral Skrawn?"

"That's only speculation so far, Ambassador. But the Grand Admiral, and the villains exiled from Greedy Crime, would both benefit from cooperation against the side of good."
 
Last edited:
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By some contrivance, good for the plotline, the fugitives Dizwarn and Harshyanna had found help in short order. The eldritch demon Kuth-Hula-Hoop, who figured it was time for it to get back into the story action, had transported them to an otherwise-unimportant planet, where they met up with Trillyun Subaru. This was the one Popquizzitor who had survived her side's attempt to conquer Planet Riggblit. She was glad to meet kindred spirits in the Lazytaxie and the Kantpoolian.

Thuglyfe Skrawn, a rather more fair and reasonable boss than Darth Vader in "The Empire Strikes Back," had not imposed any punishments on Trillyun for losing. He had told her that they would leave Riggblit alone for the time being. Instead, the Grand Admiral had assigned the Popquizzitor to lead some experienced mercenaries on a reconnaissance-in-force along the frontiers of the Galactic Empire based on "Dune." That other empire, however, was farther away than the Bubblewrap Five sub-reality, and the Bubblewrap Coalition was deemed worth scouting also. Especially since good guys had furnished the Bubblewrap Coalition with ship-defense improvements, so their ships WOULDN'T be helpless targets for Star Wars-derived armaments.

The eight mercenaries, all males, were not human, but belonged to a race resembling the pig-like Hutt-gang guards in "Return of the Jedi." They were not genteel, but they were smarter and more skillful than their movie templates. Their leader was named Glonk; he, and one other named Briffo, were the only ones who could speak any language the humans could understand. Working through Glonk and Briffo, Trillyun taught the other six hog-types to understand some vital commands, like "Take cover," "Prepare to attack," or "Take live prisoners."

Before leaving the mortals to their own devices, Kuth-Hula-Hoop advised them where they should go next from their meet-up location.

"There is an unclaimed planet called Wibwop, with good natural resources but dangerous animals, which has been visited by explorers from both the Galactic Empire and the Bubblewrap Coalition. By the time anyone from the Coalition found Wibwop, the Calamari Dynasty and House Snarkonnen had already been defeated by House Ashtrayides; as a result, any disputes occurring on Wibwop between the two interstellar communities have been resolved without bloodshed.

"Your Admiral will be well pleased if you can CREATE strife between those two up-side civilizations. My magic will help you as you go, by causing your ship to have a superb cloaking capability. For the rest, listen to Dizwarn's advice; he has worked with me before. Good hunting!"
 
Last edited:
The goal of the villains did in fact have people from both space alliances on it right now. From the "Dune"-derived empire, there were prospectors from a planet not heretofore mentioned in our story. Vixrub was a world which had long kept out of the Snarkonnen-Ashtrayides feud, but had worked at building influence with planets which were also unaligned in the great feud. Vixrubban industry manufactured assorted vehicles, weapons and heavy machinery, the sale of which kept the planetary economy solvent.

Their present resource-probing team on Wibwop was headed by a Vixrubban man called Murdock Lorgun. They were searching for deposits of a type of crystal which was used in many of their space nation's industrial products. Accompanying Murdock was a Penny Jezebel named Gavilda, who had been here before, and who had more than once used The Chatter to make sure encounters with Bubblewrap Coalition prospectors remained amicable.

There were people to be amicable with now: Snitsnobbies from Planet Safari Prime, led by a wealthy man called Zormius Dudrin. It helped matters that the Snitsnobbies were looking for a different resource, uranium. A female Snitsnobbie telepath, named Jespuzim, was with Zormius, as a counterbalance to Gavilda. Jespuzim could not read Gavilda's thoughts, but she could counter any attempt by the Penny Jezebel to control any Snitsnobbie mind outright.

A little bit of gentle nudging could be winked at.

Murdock being there first, Zormius called ahead as a courtesy notification. It was established that the Snitsnobbies' planned working area was over a thousand miles removed from where the Vixrubbans were mining crystals. Murdock Lorgun passed along weather data for the region Zormius was headed for.

Neither of the businessmen suspected that Dizwarn and Harshyanna were on their way with a Popquizzitor and mercenaries.

Kuth-Hula-Hoop was not permitted to do any harm to either of the prospecting teams; but it could get away with broadcasting a subtle air of suspicion and anxiety. And, before moving on to other business, it advised Harshyanna that Murdock Lorgun had lost many friends and neighbors when the spirit of unhappy narrative had compelled Paul Muddy-Drip to wage war against Vixrub. This would be a convenient sore spot to irritate.

Dizwarn expertly picked up the ball, and adjusted his ship's subspace radio set to imitate the signal characteristics of comms gear used by House Ashtrayides. In a fake-Ashtrayides fashion, Harshyanna simulated a fragmentary transmission:

".....confirms that Vixrubbans have been led to..... Hurdygurdy's gesture of making reparations for..... off guard..... final attacks..... including distant....."
 
Last edited:
Dizwarn purposely let several hours pass before launching the second fakeout. This one was more sophisticated, utilizing high-grade Hopecrusher technology. Not by any form of radio waves, by pure synthesized thought. He reached out to Sister Gavilda with a SIMULATION of precognition. He was helped by the fact that this Penny Jezebel had long worked with Vixrubbans, and shared their grudges.

Thus, Gavilda was easy to convince. She was predisposed to think the worst of anyone Ashtrayides. At Dizwarn's prompting, she believed that she was receiving a legitimate peek into the future. She thought she was foreseeing new aggression from Srirachiss and Waterpark, this to be led by Duke Stillneater, with assistance from Groan Starr and HIS associates.

"Why aren't you trying to turn the Vixrubbans against the Snitsnobbies?" asked Harshyanna.

"I decided that's too obvious. Those people have no cause to hate each other. Since we Lazytaxies enjoy the longer life expectancy granted by The Jalapeno, we know how to play the long game. Probe for less-obvious potential dissensions. For instance, if the Snitsnobbies end up sharing the Vixrubbans' opinion of the Ashtrayides, OTHER star nations in the Bubblewrap Coalition might then dispute that view."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dizwarn's ship loitered at a discreet distance for five days. Then, changing all the transmission features, in a non-voice mode which the receivers planetside could interpret, he messaged both prospecting teams on the planet:

Peaceful greetings. I am a refugee from the tyranny of House Ashtrayides, and my companion is a refugee from so-called up-siders who hate everyone that is different. I am aware that you from Safari Prime possess independent faster-than-light movement capability, while you from Vixrub remain dependent on the remaining independent Naughtygators to carry you to and from prospecting sites. We would be pleased to learn more about you Snitsnobbies, but my more urgent business is with you Vixrubbans, because I can offer you starship technology which will end your need to rely on the Spaced-Out Guild, whose help the Ashtrayides might take away from you at any time.

Zormius Dudrin was first to reply, telling Dizwarn that friendly conversations were welcome, but any in-person meeting would have to be subject to the uranium-finding operation. Murdock Lorgun conferred with Sister Gavilda before answering, but then expressed interest in a meeting.
 
Last edited:
Before landing close to the Vixrubban base camp, Dizwarn injected himself and his lady-friend with Lazytaxie-designed nanobots, which for the next nine hours would make them genuinely believe that everything they intended to say really was true. This would thwart Gavilda's lie-detecting power.

Once disembarking on the surface, they were first met by a powerfully-built man equipped with a personal shield, a man who Dizwarn could tell was one of this parody's counterparts of the Sardaukar in the Dune books. "My name is Rucksackler," he told the couple; "I'm the security officer for Mister Lorgun. Follow me, and I'll keep you clear of the booby-traps I've placed against claim-jumpers."

As they followed him to the spacious metal hut which was headquarters for the crystal-mining operation, Dizwarn remarked, "I'm always glad to find one more veteran of the old Imperial troops alive and well."

Rucksackler didn't look back, but did nod. "Thank you. The Calamari Dynasty never perpetrated any mass killings which could even begin to compare with what Muddy-Drip's barbarians did to my employer's homeworld." The nanobots' effect did not prevent Dizwarn from knowing that Rucksackler was lying, but there was no reason to say it was a lie. Soon they were introduced to the mining overseer, and the Imperial veteran moved off to one side. Also present was Gavilda, who did not speak, but who did a bit of sign language in Murdock's direction.

"Come inside, and have some of my world's equivalent of sweet tea," said the overseer.

Seated in the hut, sipping the mellow beverage, Dizwarn began.

"You know who and what the Lazytaxies are."

"Yes: you were an integral part of the mechanism which maintained social order in the good old days. It was your people who invented the Mentalcat enhancement, more than three thousand years ago."

Harshyanna interjected, "When your lady advisor looked at us, I felt that she was concealing a strong dislike or anxiety."

"The Penny Jezebels and the Lazytaxies admittedly had their disagreements," Mister Lorgun told her. "But as Dizwarn clearly understands, both orders have an overriding shared interest in preserving what can be preserved of the good old culture."

"Indeed," said the Lazytaxie schemer. "Now, you seem to realize that Harshyanna, though human, is not native to any part of your former empire. Since you're already acquainted with the Snitsnobbies, you know that not only are there worlds outside any space the Calamaris ever controlled, but humans never were the ONLY sapient beings in the universe."

"That last was a bit of a shock; even the Hotblood Matrons didn't know of such non-humans. But we Vixrubbans are adaptable; and word has reached us of some very strange people who defeated the Hotblood Matrons on Planet Gumwad."
 
Last edited:
Of all the characters in my multi-layered serial, Dizwarn was among those MOST AWARE of being a character in The Never-Stopping Story. Remember, my premise is that the Creator could go even further than Mister Lewis imagined Him doing: He could fill whole galaxies with intelligent races who had at least an indirect link with the types of stories written on Original Earth. These ultra-diverse people would be REALLY ALIVE, and their being patterned after fantasy and science fiction wouldn't mean they didn't possess free will.

Murdock Lorgun, Gavilda and Rucksackler already knew of the existence of the Bubblewrap Coalition, thus knew that their "Dune"-based reality was not the only reality. But Dizwarn and Harshyanna now told them about The Empire of Evil Badness, the Republic of Lots of Worlds, and the Human Federation (the one derived from "Starship Troopers"). Speaking of that last one brought the subject of multiple Earth-versions into the spotlight.

"This is more baffling than anything else," muttered Gavilda. "We remember 'Earth' as the mother-world which BECAME UNINHABITABLE many centuries ago. You are now telling us of multiple Earths which would not yet have had ANY civilization as of the time OUR Earth achieved space flight. Then you add that one of these much-younger human worlds is THE ORIGINAL EARTH????"

"The only possible explanation," Dizwarn replied, "is that the Creator manipulated time itself, so that your former empire, AND the 'Star Wars'-based sub-reality, somehow LIVED FASTER than other worlds."

Harshyanna took over, saying: "But what matters more is our need to MANAGE the current reality. It is good karma that your vast interstellar civilization--" (she looked at Gavilda) "--is willing to profit by the wisdom of women. On my own birth-world of Kantpoo, dirty disgusting men are constantly enslaving and abusing women."

Dizwarn's own attitude-altering robots prevented him from thinking about the fact that his consort had just lied. For her own part, the grandmother of Duke Spacewalker sincerely believed --for the moment-- that her description of her MATRIARCHAL planet was accurate. Be that as it might, this complication did not undermine the general purpose of her and Dizwarn's talk with the Vixrubbans.

At the same time as encouraging the Vixrubbans' interest in learning about new worlds, Dizwarn wanted to portray himself as an ally against the murderous Waterpark-Srirachiss axis which had slain so many Vixrubbans. Therefore the work of his nanobots was vitally necessary-- to prevent Murdock Lorgun from ever suspecting that it was DIZWARN'S OWN MASTERS at Hopecrusher Central who had manipulated the Dune-parody reality. Paul Muddy-Drip Ashtrayides, not knowing about the Original Earth novelist Frank Herbert, certainly had not wanted to unleash gigantic massacres on the galaxy; but the Hopecrushers had more than half succeeded at making Muddy-Drip conform to Herbert's Muad'Dib.

Dizwarn couldn't afford to let Vixrubbans know that HIS organization had worked AGAINST the conscience and will of Paul Muddy-Drip. And thanks to his nanobots, for the time being, the Lazytaxie truly DIDN'T remember his own guilt.

The piglike mercenaries, meanwhile, would not come in contact with Gavilda OR the Snitsnobbie telepath Jespuzim, at least not any time soon. Still less would Trillyun Subaru do anything to draw the attention of Gavilda or Jespuzim, both of whom would smell a womp-rat if they sensed the Popquizzitor's nearness.
 
Last edited:
Dizwarn provided the Vixrubbans with substantial, useful information about how to design starships NOT dependent on use of The Jalapeno. Less dramatically, but still earning good will, he gave the Snitsnobbies assorted recent news about politics in the Republic of Lots of Worlds-- including an account of Banjolorian Dim Jargon and his wife Tien-Hai visiting Kantpoo. Harshyanna made sure to claim (falsely) that the Chinese lady from Anime Earth had been treated with terrible disrespect. This did not have much impact on the Snitsnobbies, whose culture was rather patriarchal.

Passing the word through the Popquizzitor, Kuth-Hula-Hoop advised the sneaky couple to let this much progress be enough for now, and to go elsewhere. "Elsewhere" was the Solar System variant which contained Hallpasscard and Mediumgard. The eldritch fiend informed them that the Hallpasscardians were to be avoided, since they knew the true nature of Lazytaxies; but that a mage named Drigum Namdre ought to be evacuated from the Earth-variant, which was growing too hot to hold him.

..............................................

In the Mediumgarder version of Africa, in the kingdom of Wonkabara, Plaque Panther was overseeing a painful but necessary meeting. Princess Shurthingy was in attendance, as were the two currently-available members of The Revengists: Hornette the size-changing woman, and Bleeder the Vampire Killer who had a thing with Shurthingy.

Uncomfortably on center stage were Shelley and Lance Heflin, who had served the purposes of Drigum Namdre. The Tibetan super-villain remained at large, but the Heflins were compelled to face their widowed daughter Adelaide Kapstein, from whom they had stolen every material asset of hers that they could get their hands on.

Lance, who had never had a power-prosthesis, huddled in shame, unable to meet his daughter's eyes. But Shelley, though stripped of her Heart Sapphire artifact, had not lost her narcissism. She only pretended to feel ashamed, and her pretense would not last long.

"WHAT made you think that you had a right to steal from me?" the war widow demanded.

Shelley's idea of an apology was to wail, "Your crude bullying father FORCED ME to do it!"

Adelaide looked at Plaque Panther. "Your Majesty, please extradite these two persons to America to stand trial."

"I'll assist in escorting them to Iowa," Hornette volunteered.
 
Last edited:
The evil immortal Kuth-Hula-Hoop checked in with the evil immortal Queen of the Goshdarned, who had been active on Mediumgard. She was getting uneasy about staying longer in this solar system. Despite her using the Cosmic Fact Checkers as a red herring, she feared that King Garryowen of Hallpasscard might understand the difference, locate her and move against her. So she handed off to Kuth-Hula-Hoop her one remaining uncaught vampiroid, a thirteen -year-old Chinese boy named Gung Jin-Shao. He had already run away from home and become a street rat before Drigum Namdre became a recognized foe to The Revengists.

Jin-Shao's reaction to Queen of the Goshdarned inviting him to join her entourage (AsaLion would not have permitted her to kidnap him outright) was rather like Edmund Pevensie in "Lion/Witch/Wardrobe" accepting the White Witch's Turkish Delight. She transported Jin-Shao to Hopecrusher Central for a brief stay, shortly before Trillyun Subaru, Dizwarn and Harshyanna made pickup on Drigum Namdre. Kuth-Hula-Hoop advised Dizwarn of Drigum's extraction, and said that the Tibetan would soon be brought to join Dizwarn's party.

The hog-faced mercenaries had to be told not to be afraid of Kuth-Hula-Hoop when It appeared. The apostate Buddhist priest was not afraid of the eldritch monstrosity, and proved able to absorb languages from the Star Wars-ish sub-universe. He did, however, need extensive briefing about the OTHER sub-universes based on Dune and Babylon Five.

Since no one in those worlds would recognize Drigum, there were many possible ways the Marxo-Buddhist villain could help to disrupt other societies. It remained to be seen whether any of this would include creating hostility between the Vixrubbans and Snitsnobbies.

DON'T WORRY, FOLKS. WE WILL EVENTUALLY BRING DISKODUCK AND WILMA BACK INTO THE ACTION.

A bit of retcon: Farther ahead, I show Drigum back on his native Earth-variant. So let's all agree that he does what he does there in the later posts, but he eventually resumes THIS plan of action.
 
Last edited:
)))))))) We rejoin Ronald of Goliad and his associates-- including the astonishingly alive Wyatt Hickok-- in the north temperate latitudes of Punksteema, north-by-northeast of the land of Lower Wenzeppu. That nation's winemaking industry had been damaged by villains in the employ of uncommonly-crooked liquor distillers, mercenary gunmen had taken service with the white-collar crooks, and the horrid Bloody Diggers had sided with the outlaws. In the land of Gahurr, good-aligned men and women, led by the Towerman and a fearless sheriff named Quadmor Bassett, had confronted Black-Thumb Stedriff's gang, which was aided both by the Diggers and by a scaled-down version of Mister Tolkien's Balrog. Some good guys died, including Ronald's brave apprentice Otto Kergoff; but overall, the forces of evil got soundly thrashed.

Mukuma of N'Dazpor, an elderly widow from the south continent, had been on an open-ended mission to encourage the growth of Christianity on the north continent. Her own party had rendered such assistance as it could to Ronald's party, and to other good-aligned folks from the far side of the north continent who had been magically guided to come to Gahurr by airship and join the fight against the Bloody Diggers.

Seeking new adventures, the Towermen and some other good guys, notably Donnie Tonka who looks like the young Gene Wilder, enter a country called Samplibam, which has played no part in the story before. There they meet a serpent-form but good-aligned demigod-level being called the Colorless Quetzalcoatl, who was never seen in the story before. He bestows on Mukuma complete knowledge of the Samplibami language, to facilitate her own evangelistic ministry. But a bigger surprise quickly follows.

Towerman Sir Wyatt Hickok, Ronald's best friend for many years, had been shot in the back before my story began, and was believed dead. But in the last Punksteema chapter, Sir Ronald was flabbergasted to see Wyatt ALIVE. The Quetzalcoatl had kept Wyatt in suspended animation, until "the proper time" to reunite the two gun-brothers. We now pick up the action about a day after the revelation of Wyatt being alive. If I forget some characters who are supposed to be with Ronald and Mukuma, just assume they're standing around someplace nearby.

The first Samplibami man we see onstage is a tall man around Ronald's age, with similar dark skin. Picture him wearing attire very similar to a Mexican caballero on Original Earth in around the year 1880. In a holster he wears an over-and-under pistol resembling an oversize derringer, sophisticated enough to take pre-formed bullets in cartridges with pre-measured gunpowder. (Just assume he has a way to avoid pulling both triggers at once.) On his left hip rides a sword like a Chinese saber, with its blade widest seven inches from the point.

Behind this upper-class gentleman stood three men of similar appearance, but younger and with less expensive clothing. They all bore bolt-action rifles, one-shot model but quick to reload, and with socket bayonets in case there wasn't time to reload. Each of them also had a large belt knife and a smaller boot knife. All four of these men were looking at Mukuma and Ronald, with expressions not unfriendly but watchful and curious. They were so placed that their master would not be in the line of fire of any of them if shooting suddenly became necessary. Donnie Tonka, and Diego's cousin Klemrath, both noticed this, but felt sure that it was nothing personal, merely routine caution. Mukuma and Wyatt were the only outsiders present with whom the locals could converse directly. Everyone was gathered in front of the gentleman's good-sized house.

Of to one side, Ronald was nowhere near finished telling Wyatt about his recent adventures (including against the Wolves of the Crybabiya, whom Wyatt had also encountered in the past). Mukuma, accordingly, was interpreting for everyone else. For the time being, all the talking from the Samplibami side was being done by Toshiram Yagahodo, the master of this manor. It appeared that the local tongue resembled the tongues of Hukshem and Jeltua, though the Samplibami did not use the syllable "Loi" to indicate national identity.

After hearing the essentials of the Battle of Qxhide Spring, Mister Yagahodo said through Mukuma, "I have never heard of this fighting style called 'Song-Fist.' I gather that it's an unarmed method. Is it chiefly about striking, or about grappling?"

D'Kovo Pril furnished the answer: "Mostly striking, with every part of the body which CAN strike a blow, including the forehead. But some grappling is also taught, especially trapping the opponent with a leg lock."

Toshiram Yagahodo nodded. "Thank you. If mutually acceptable contest rules can be established, I would like to see a friendly match between a Song-Fist practicioner and a man trained in our own empty-handed methods."

When this had been interpreted, Zoralee spontaneously bristled, snapping, "And why not a WOMAN fighter?"

"Don't translate that!" Billyboy immediately hissed to Mukuma, then said to his sister, "Remember the time you tried kicking Tepsog Fardawn in Orchardville? He caught and broke your ankle, then I had to save you. Sure, you can overcome SOME men, but very far from all of them."

Toshiram's courtesy restrained him from asking what had just passed between the siblings. Instead, he simply accepted what Mukuma said (truthfully enough) about the newcomers needing to learn Samplibami customs, in order not to give offense.
 
Last edited:
Women, children, adolescents, and domestic servants (who looked as if they were well treated) presently received the all-clear to come out and meet the visitors. The welcome had not been in much doubt, since the Yagahodos had been introduced to the revived Wyatt Hickok before the others arrived.

It was possible to show the manorial household something of what Song-Fist was, without waiting to arrange an exhibition bout. Learning through Mukuma's interpretation that there were persons here who could play musical instruments, Ronald explained that music-- almost any type of music-- helped Song-Fist fighters to get started at their maneuvers. Eight persons, both sexes and various ages, formed an ensemble on the front veranda, and began playing smoothly once given their cue.

Had anyone present realized it, the ensuing music was practically identical to traditional Japanese music on Original Earth. Talusek, Ilya, D'Kovo and Diego all began exhibiting defensive and offensive moves, including occasional spinning leaps or handsprings. Each pattern proceeded in time to the music, but no two sequences were the same. Toshiram's elegant wife Noombi, receiving a nod from her husband, picked up a pair of colorful folding fans as she descended from the veranda. The musicians kept on playing, but slowed their tempo just slightly; the four young Towermen adjusted without being thrown off.

Noombi assumed a dignified pose, about three paces short of the nearest approach the boys had made. Then she opened both fans with rapid wrist motions, and began a stately dance. Acting on inspiration, Diego began changing his moves till they vaguely paralleled the lady's gestures and steps. He did this without coming any closer to the manor's mistress, and Ronald noticed an expression of approval on Toshiram's features.

Before long, Talusek, D'Kovo and Ilya, in that order, emulated their youngest brother knight. Without failing to show deference to the lady of the manor, they made their exhibition one with her actions. When the music ended, Wyatt Hickok was the first onlooker to demonstrate the Samplibami style of applauding, which he had learned a few days after being returned to consciousness. It was like clapping, except that the BACKS of the hands, not the palms, would smack together. As soon as Toshiram also applauded, all of his children and retainers did the same.

The new Towermen had barely stood up and stepped back when Toshiram spoke to Wyatt. The sort-of-resurrected gunslinger then approached Ronald. The two men's talk until now had mostly been catching up on Ronald's exploits, but Wyatt now addressed matters affecting their future.

"Sir Toshiram is having his wife speak with Mukuma about teaching the Samplibami language to all the women in our party. You and I don't need to participate in that; we each already have nine or ten languages to try to remember separately. We need to look into-- call it the SUBSTANCE of the planet these tongues exist in. When the Quetzalcoatl brought me to Samplibam, he told me something about this nation, and about the world."

Ronald gazed into space. "Just you saying that much, brings to my mind the fact that, over the past twenty-one years, you and I, then I alone, passed NEAR Samplibam a total of seven or eight times, but never crossed its borders. Between us, we actually met Samplibami people outside their country no more than five times in the old days."

As they conversed, the latest flyover by Punksteema's inexplicable in-atmosphere moon was drawing near.

Wyatt nodded. "And anywhere we went in this quarter of the Arcondoylan continent, no one in any country not bordering Samplibam ever seemed to talk about it. So, gun-brother, consider this: if you were a story-spinner, and if you MADE UP a nation like Samplibam, and your tales DIDN'T involve outsiders entering this land, what kind of stories would you make up about the Samplibami?"

"I would, of course, depict how a nation which never interacted with other nations would pass its time. If I imagined all this country's people existing in harmony with each other, any perils I imagined them facing would be a matter of natural disasters, wild beasts or magical threats. If I imagined strife existing among them, it would have to be on a small scale.... almost an intimate scale. Instead of huge armies clashing, there would be individual duels, be they with guns or melee weapons. And a man like Sir Toshiram, having thirty or so combat-capable retainers including his grown sons and nephews, would enjoy status like a general."

"Yes: a society custom-designed for ONE TYPE of story: stories in which every detail of the land and its inhabitants would loom large, because other lands were not relevant to the narrative. Traveling horseback for two days' ride from home would be like our experience of riding a train for five hundred miles."

Trying to anticipate his best friend's line of thought, Ronald said, "By contrast, Tablanor, where the lads and I encountered Jaheg-Jorod's undead plague, has regular interaction with Felruda, Bavrid, Heskadug, Vodranor, Droval and Quelidar. So if I made THEM up in my head, I would necessarily have larger-scale events planned for my story."

"You're on the scent, Ronald, but let me just get to the point. I was intrigued by your news that Frantic Druids live on the moon. Something will need to be done about them. But consider the moon itself. HOW CAN that much solid rock be cruising through the air, so near that it creates our prevailing winds-- and NOT just fall to earth, instantly killing everyone in a tenth or more of our world's land area?"
 
Last edited:
"There's enough magic in our world, that anyone smart enough to ask your question, assumes that magic holds the moon up."

Wyatt glanced at the moon, whose shadow soon would cover them. "Without the chance to visit any other world, I can't say whether the Almighty created any other worlds having similar paradoxes."

"Obviously, we know that AT A MINIMUM there is one other inhabited world: the one where the Lord Jesus lived His human life, and where the Bible was written. But the fact that divine truth was revealed on that planet, doesn't mean that the people of that world wouldn't make up fiction besides."

"Now you've got the fish hooked, gun-brother." But Wyatt had to pause here. The moon-pass winds were starting now. All six Towermen, with Donnie, Klemrath and the other wanderers, joined the Yagahodos in making sure that everything was battened down. By the time Wyatt was free to resume his line of discussion, Billyboy Jeralo had resolved to hear what the two veteran heroes were talking about. He was joined by the "Javelin Sisters," Donnie Tonka, and eventually Zoralee as well.

Hastily explaining how their conversation had started, Wyatt resumed:

"God's intention to create physically-real creatures had to have BEEN a thought in His mind before He actually made us all. Therefore, it can be said that every person on Punksteema, and any people who might exist in other worlds, ORIGINATED as characters in the story God imagined. Thus, once we were materially real, our existence was not any less genuine for the fact that we had formerly been abstract ideas in our Maker's mind. Are you all following this?"

All his hearers nodded.

"Then here's where I can quit beating around the thicket. When the Colorless Quetzalcoatl roused me from sleep, he told me many things; or perhaps he had already spoken to me in dreams. That still is unclear to me, but WHAT he told me is sharp and certain.

"The separate world where our Savior walked and breathed and made atonement for sin, is full of people who tell stories, write stories, and enjoy stories. Many stories are told by corrupted men, who desire to deny truth; but other stories illustrate good ideas, while not falsely pretending that the made-up elements are literally real. God will not permit His primary creation to be overrun, and its essential truths obscured, by fantasies being embodied in material substance.

"Not on what may be called The First Earth.

"But the Quetzalcoatl informed me that there ARE many worlds besides the primary one. God, for His own enjoyment, and as an option for increasing the number of living beings in the cosmos, caused more than fifty of these places to be near-duplicates of the First Earth. Punksteema is not a near-duplicate, our world being very different from Earth, but we human beings are like Earth's human beings, and Divine Scripture was made available to us.

"Many inhabited worlds have people who resemble persons in stories which were told on First Earth. Ronald here is a genuine person in his own right, but he is partly a copy of an imaginary hero called Roland of Gilead, in a series of stories made up by a First Earthling named Stephen King. Mister King does not know the God Who GAVE him the ability to write books, but this does not prevent Ronald-- or me, or any of you-- from being genuinely alive, with a soul and free will, AND a knowledge of the True Creator."

Zoralee looked ill at ease. "Am I a copy of somebody in a book?"

"As I said, NONE of us is ONLY an exact imitation of an invented character. But you, Miss Jeralo, are as distinct, original and real as any woman on First Earth. The Quetzalcoatl told me that you would react as you just did. Your will, your likes and your dislikes are your own; and you have the true human duty to desire to arrive in The Good Place rather than The Bad Place."
 
Last edited:
Back
Top