Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

Parbellik and Luvardra tried creating a protective energy sphere around one of the rebel warships. They were able to stop its crazy whirling, and with their aid, the ship (which had the Ziblamot naval veteran Vildaromp on board) engaged and disabled five of the destroyers and frigates Vernacula Scurvylaff had sent up to repel the liberators. But one ship was not going to be able to cripple enough enemy ships, lightweight types though they were, to break the impasse.

In this crisis, the good wizard Hector von Bootblack appeared once more, on the bridge of a ship commanded by Captain Kactusita. She, fortunately, had been told about him by Braskorim. He told her:

"I can undo Kennedweeba's interference with your fleet long enough that you can withdraw to a distance. Look to the safety of your people; keep them alive to restore order after the she-demon is vanquished. My fellow good wizard Mazash is arranging for help to come to you."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I hope you AREN'T surprised to learn that Razztazzem Six was where Mazash revealed himself.

He made Lucy Luminous aware of his reason for coming, then teleported her to Fussyfrit, where she could assist the Magtas in keeping the rebel fleet from being destroyed. Next, Mazash appeared in the prison section where Lodge Flake, Sally, Foylif, Diva, Hutsut, Royurbota, John, Lylah, Chutnykorn, Slitterbing and Wibgug were gathered. Royurbota had never parted from her true love for a single moment; and he was fairly coherent by the time the good sorcerer materialized.

"Sergeant Lodge Flake of Madmaksilon! You have held fast your integrity and fought the good fight. Now, to the bitter disappointment of everyone at Hopecrusher Central-- I'll tell you more about that later-- you shall be given the satisfaction of WINNING the good fight.

"Royurbota Quardimo, soon to be Royurbota Flake: have no fear. What is about to happen will not make Lodge any less human, any less your true love, or any less the father of your future children. The purpose of my enchantment is to humble the arrogance of evildoers, and give hope to the upright of heart.

"Lodge Flake, feel your vigor being restored-- and more. Stand up, not as a defeated martyr, but as..... CAPTAIN RIGHTAWRONG!"
 
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Far below the space battle, ordinary human women on Fussyfrit were baffled to realize that, against their will, they were beginning to feel that they DIDN'T want their grandfathers, fathers, uncles, husbands, brothers, sons, nephews, grandsons, and male coworkers to be restored to normal. Many of these women had seen enough of the mental plague that they were able to shake off the unnatural new feeling; but others-- the less brilliant ones, to be charitable-- EMBRACED the nonsense being radiated by Kennedweeba. Consenting to forget everything which had been exposed about Vernacula Scurvylaff, they began randomly shouting, "Fight the patriarchy!" and "The galaxy is a girl!"

But before long, the she-demon's delusion broadcast was interrupted. Up in the sky, a figure much smaller than the enlarged Kennedweeba-- but far more substantial and real-- appeared between the rebel ships and the evil creatures. He somehow could be HEARD as he spoke in vacuum.

"Evil being, I cannot actually kill you; but I can, and shall, BANISH YOU. The measurable effects of your abstract evil, and the work of the inventions which served your purpose, WILL BE REMEDIED. The healing work is already getting started, and your mortal representatives are being exposed for what they are."

Kennedweeba shrieked something about "The Stepford Wives" and "The Handmaid's Tale," but couldn't shout down Captain Rightawrong. Blazing light shot from his eyes; she and her puppet beings shrieked with frustration; and then they were gone. With all interference ended, the rebel fleet soon gained complete control of near-planet space, and landed occupation troops in all the major cities.

Vernacula tried to reach her emergency Starhatch, which had been installed at the same time as the one on Umbaderro. But Captain Rightawrong was there ahead of her. "No, you don't. You have to answer for your crimes, including your crimes against me personally."

'But who ARE you?"

"Oh, that's right-- you never even met me in person. But you wrought havoc on my life, and caused the deaths of people I knew. I am Lodge Flake."

This was enough to start Vernacula groveling, sobbing and pleading for her life.

"I won't kill you, you ___________ , because I am better than you. I won't even have you plugged into my torture console. But relentless humiliation is cool. You WILL spend the rest of your life on Razztazzem Six, performing forced labor as I did, and eating the same diet I ate there. As soon as human-male victims of your selective brain interference begin to be cured, ALL of your prison guards will be men who were stupidized by the alien technology which you acquired. And guess who will scrub EVERY toilet in the prison?"
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As a quick epilogue: yes, everybody got married who should get married, including Hutsut and Awk-Awk. Taglamso from Umbaderro got to resume his regular life. Monuments were set up on several planets to honor Lodge's fallen friends Jelley Sammitch and Tyll Dimlamp. The Institution of Revealed Goddesshood went out of business-- at least where its original purpose was concerned-- as all of its faculty and administration decided they liked men after all. And Lodge Flake became the Superman counterpart for the Cosmic Federation.

His empowerment, though it was a satisfaction he had earned, admittedly occurred mighty quickly. So, in case we have occasion to depict him again in the future, let me reveal that his acquiring superpowers was facilitated (though not entirely caused) by the presence in his body of the mystery element miguffinite.

Lodge in his Captain Rightawrong form is not far short of utterly invincible and indestructible. But his limitation is that he cannot remain in super-powered state for longer than six consecutive days (note that, if he's in airless space when his time is about to run out, he can teleport to the nearest survivable place before his battery goes dead). And however much continuous time he spends being Captain Rightawrong, he thereafter has to spend twice as much time being non-super before he can power up again.

But I figure that in Lodge's intervals of not being super-powered, he and Royurbota can find mutually acceptable ways to pass the time. And they are likely to name their children after sorely-missed friends.
 
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ON PLANET ANOXIA: Equivvalentor, the Dragon of Reasonableness, informed Queen She-Wow and her major allies of something he had learned, which was the situation we've observed on PLANET CHIMPANZIA. Good-aligned leaders took an interest in the situation. Lefturklyde, chieftain of the orangutan-like sapients who had supported She-Wow against Crowdhack, was particularly intrigued: both because fellow simians were under threat, and because Greyhoundus who was on Chimpanzia was of the same race as Bakerstray Bill who had vanquished Crowdhack in a duel.

Lefturklyde, after speaking with She-Wow, asked Equivvalentor to teleport him and some of his warriors to Chimpanzia with their spears and laser pistols. One more volunteer showed up in time to join Lefturklyde: Bowsaw, the first Green Flashlight born on Anoxia. The former construction worker, brother of the deceased hero Bowstring, wanted to get on the front lines against evil.

Equivvalentor bestowed appropriate language ability on all members of the expeditionary force. Then he used clairvoyance to determine the best place for the volunteers to land. The scanning disclosed a new complication: most of the Glukk warships were detouring to conduct a strike against Planet Directvideo. So Equivvalentor hastily looked for available reinforcements. A relatively uneventful Earth-variant came to the dragon's attention: the Earth where the heroes Crosswind and Molecule Breaker (now on "Terra") had been born.

The superheroes currently available on Relatively Uneventful Earth, Raptorman and a fully good-Aligned Black Admiral, consented to be enlisted for Directvideo's defense. Equivvalentor detailed Green Flashlight Bowsaw to join the more-experienced superheroes, and alerted the Ashtrayides contingent on Directvideo regarding who was friend and who was foe.

The Glukks, who expected to devastate Directvideo easily and then take permanent possession of Chimpanzia, got their butts handed to them, and thus would NOT be annexing the ape-world. Those who had not been in the attack on Directvideo, fled into hyperspace. In keeping with good guys taking some casualties, Raptorman died very heroically, and went to The Good Place after sending many Glukks to The Bad Place. Black Admiral, who had wrecked the enemy flagship, returned to his own Earth, urging Bowsaw to stay on Directvideo in case of more trouble there.

This left neighboring Chimpanzia much safer than it had been the day before, though still not completely safe, and with a net gain for defense in the form of the well-armed Orangutanoids. Civilian authorities, consulting with Tex Tylus and Pro Dashalong, judged that any remaining villains would fall back on the sneaky raiding strategy. The first Directvidean ship to enter Chimpanzian orbit after the repulse of the Glukks brought one of King Lowbrain's advisors, named Hoskamark. He brought two hundred rayguns: sixty of these rifle size, the rest pistol size. He proceeded to train Chimpanzian police and security agents on these weapons.

Transport Secretary Lutrima Constilo was in the loop with shooting lessons, because advances in on-planet transportation were exactly what Chimpanzia's foes wanted to squelch. Her subordinate Hadrianus Tolpin wrote up deployment plans for the better-armed guards-apes, with copies made for Lekravant the pioneering airplane manufacturer. Lekravant's daughter Sedalia, her planet's first airplane pilot, with her fiance and mechanic Bansarios, would remain stationed at Airfield Two. Anoxian apes would guard that site, as they got along very well with Chimpanzians. Airfield One was shut down indefinitely.

Count Havabeer from the Dune-derived sub-reality was more experienced at fighting in urban settings than in open country, so he attached himself to the police force of the planetary capital. They custom-fitted him with body armor; it was not so sophisticated as "Dune"-type energy shielding, but had the virtue of not producing a nuclear explosion if struck by a laser beam. Speedy Greyhoundus the Jumpstardean also assumed urban duty; in case of street fighting, he would be able to dart around corners and easily surprise hostiles.

All other specially-powered or space-traveling good guys, including Bestbaya the great-niece of Master Yoga-Rug, began patrolling in random patterns, to be as unpredictable as possible.
 
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Trillyun Subaru was not pleased that the few surviving Glukks had fled without waiting for her, but she was relieved that they appeared not to blame her for the thrashing they had suffered on Planet Directvideo. Short term, she opted to revisit Kridmashor, where she could collect some of that world's fabulous pearls to improve her finances.

She was not aimless, she had someplace to return to. The hog-like warriors who had accompanied her on Planet Wibwop were still there, assisting the Vixrubban mineral prospectors led by Murdock Lorgun and Sister Gavilda. The anthro-pigs would not have been much help in the space action against Directvideo, but they were building goodwill with a Dune-derivative society by providing productive labor. Also prospecting on Wibwop were people from the Bubblewrap Coalition: Snitsnobbies from Planet Safari Prime, led by Zormius Dudrin. Dudrin's team and Lorgun's team had no quarrel with each other. Trillyun had decided simply to leave the Snitsnobbies alone; it was the Vixrubbans who had a grievance which could be helpful to Grand Admiral Skrawn.

The Vixrubbans had suffered frightful harm when the late Paul Muddy-Drip Ashtrayides, controlled by the evil powers of Hopecrusher Central, had invaded them. Honest people such as Murdock Lorgun understandably had no patience with any excuses along the lines of Muddy-Drip being unable to shake off the compulsions imposed on him by the influence of a pathologically cynical novelist on Original Earth. Trillyun Subaru could cultivate the Vixrubbans by playing up a vendetta which simply had no relevance for the Snitsnobbies.

The Popquizzitor would tell the Vixrubbans that House Ashtrayides was friendly with the two inhabited worlds in the Directvidean star system. Gavilda, as a Penny Jezebel, would know if Trillyun lied-- but Trillyun would not need to lie.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Remember that, in the actual "Dune" books, the galactic empire contained thousands of inhabited planets, all of which were dramatically affected by the pathological violence which novelist Frank Herbert wanted Paul Muad'Dib to fall into. So it's natural that my parody of the Dune-iverse also contains many worlds with legitimate grievances. Without even having spoken to Trillyun Subaru, some of these would see an opportunity for vengeance in Ashtrayides involvement with Directvideo and Chimpanzia.

Enter a brand-new character: Prince Holgarth Bedlos, rightful ruler of a planet called Kotbed. His father Brugarth had been personally killed by Paul Muddy-Drip, who had installed a Srirachian regent on Kotbed while Holgarth fled into exile. The disenfranchised prince had led a life worthy of paperback novels, largely as a mercenary commander. Around the time when Groan Starr first learned about his own Ashtrayides heritage, Holgarth had been introduced to Grand Admiral Thuglyfe Skrawn. A blue-skinned beauty named Yofildri, a niece of Admiral Skrawn, had captured Holgarth's heart-- and ensured a cordial relationship between the banished prince and the far-sighted admiral.

Skrawn had never asked Holgarth to do anything morally repugnant. An uncompromised good guy could be useful.........
 
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A starship not of Spaced-Out Guild specifications came out of hyperspace on a side of the human-and-ape star system where it could transmit in a straight line to Chimpanzia, but no one on Directvideo could see the ship. (Note that the Directvidean royal house had never given much thought to stationing sentry satellites around their star system.) The visiting ship mounted only enough armaments to have a good chance of survival against bush-league space pirates. But for sure, it carried high-grade storyline-facilitating communications.

Jedbisk, brother of the previously-mentioned Yofildri and thus brother-in-law to Prince Holgarth, was at the pilot's panel as they made system entry. Approach procedure was easy enough that he could also make the hailing call. Like most Chisskurdians of both sexes, he was handsome to the tastes of almost all humanoid races.

"Calling all persons of responsible position on the planet we are approaching! This is the ship Comet Rider, from Planet Lishnazet." (He wasn't lying; Lishnazet was where Holgarth Bedlos had been living for more than three galactic-average years.) "Itinerant space crews we met have passed second-hand reports that your people possess respectable intelligence; but by whatever circumstances, you have not yet achieved space flight. Our home-base planet enjoys acceptable living conditions, but has only limited commerce with other worlds. If you consent to our landing on your planet, we will discuss with your people what skills we might teach to some of your people."

The Fuss users on Chimpanzia, as they became aware of the Comet Rider's approach, unanimously sensed that Holgarth intended no harm to any inhabitants of this planet OR of Directvideo. Because he really DIDN'T intend any harm.

ADDENDUM: Having once had a really helpful precognition, Diskoduck tried hard to repeat the success. He succeeded in foreseeing birds laying eggs, volcanoes erupting on uninhabited islands, ground cars being fixed in repair shops, new asteroid-mining companies being formed in a galaxy not otherwise depicted in our story, and a cousin of Wilma's deciding to grow a beard.
 
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We shall resume events on "Terra," recalling the heroes who came over from "Uneventful Earth." Molecule Breaker and Crosswind have joined in hunting major witch-types. The witch-types were active in Africa, then covertly moved to Canada. Kimchee Man, meanwhile, was independently hunting for clues to evil stuff in Indonesia.

>>> Not long after the last events reported in this arc, Katuva "Sky Lioness" Walton sought out Crosswind.

"Marlena, that's your first name, right? I haven't had a chance to tell you all about this helmet sort of thing I wear. It is the legendary Crown of King Odudua. It gives me the ability to communicate with birds, and to know whatever they know. It also lets me fly, subject to certain limits. I believe that, although your own powers are science-based, their elemental nature is harmonious with Odudua's gifts. I believe that if you borrow the crown with my consent, you will have birds as YOUR informants, and your existing scientific powers will be greatly strengthened. So much so that, if confronted with such an elemental force as you lately were brought down by, it would be you who overpowered the opposing storm."

"You're so generous to offer this," replied Marlena; "but since you're the one with knowledge of this Earth-variant, is it a good idea to render yourself powerless?"

Katuva hugged the younger woman. "Don't worry! Not all of my power depends on the Crown. Without it, I am still strong in physical combat; and I still have good-magic power to heal harms and resist evil. I discussed this with Richard Berhanu, an agent of the African Union, and he agrees with my idea; agrees that we NEED YOU to be powerful enough to beat that evil elemental."

Marlena tried on the crown, and its good-aligned magic MADE her understand how to use it. She needed less than an hour to feel confident of using it well. She gleefully reported this to her fiance Hal (Molecule Breaker) and they embraced and kissed. They were STILL kissing when a helicopter approached, piloted by Maureen Hawk's-Cry, leader of The Brickhawks. She had brought a passenger: the mystical secret-revealer known as The Inquiry.

"Friends!" exclaimed Inquiry. "I have just had a plotline-advancing revelation. Katuva knows, but you two don't, that there was a peculiar criminal gang in Korea called The Pogo-Stick Bandits. One of the evil magic-users we're hunting busted them out of prison: doubtless to divide our efforts and create confusion. Green Dart and I will try to run them to ground-- with Kimchee Man, if he's finished in Indonesia and the Philippines and can join us."
 
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Hipstera, Nyquilla and Lady Blast, to name them in descending order of power, managed to look ordinary when they sauntered into Calgary, Canada. At the largest shopping center in town, they found numerous men working with shovels and two snowblowers to clear the parking areas. After a whispering huddle, Hipstera led the way, approaching the oldest man, who seemed to be supervising the rest.

"All of you crude, stupid patriarchs, listen to me!" She was using a voice of command, so they stopped their work and looked at her. She continued: "You are so inefficient, you need women to show you how it's done. Blastra, if you please?" (She had taken to calling Lady Blast this; it felt less impersonal between friends.)

Lady Blast used a refinement of her explosive power to evaporate all the snow the Canadians had been digging out. "There!" she exclaimed. "That was easy! You men are so useless."

Taking her cue, Nyquilla loudly stage-whispered, "That was a mistake, sister. Now these dopey cavemen will TAKE THE CREDIT for what you did. Let's force them to quit being lazy!" Nyquilla then used her wind power to gather more snow from the surrounding neighborhood, until the shopping center was twice as deeply covered as before. Then Hipstera spoke to her companions in a language no one else present would understand--

"That's enough here. Our visit will be widely reported, attracting heroes' attention to Canada; but we didn't harm anyone, so the incident won't impede our enlisting new helpers. Time to be off."

While heroes investigated Canada, the three villainesses would be traveling to South America.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Over in Korea, Kimchee Man, with four of the fighters who had been with him in Indian Ocean countries, did meet up with Inquiry and Green Dart. Inquiry's intuition soon led them to a history museum which was a target for theft of relics from the Hwarang era.

But Inquiry's finding-stuff-out gift failed to predict that the bandits' pogo sticks had been rendered magical by Hipstera. The bandits now could fly. In a rather anime-like mass fight, no one on either side was critically injured; but the unprepared heroes did get thumped. Only Kimchee Man's caustic-fume power prevented the bandits from escaping with more than a few small relics.

This called for some regrouping and rethinking.
 
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We now introduce a superhero not mentioned before, a man based on a VERY obscure actual superhero movie from probably the 1970 's. The movie was titled "Puma Man," so I'll call my new character Puma Claw. To justify Puma Claw not having been seen in previous "Terra" episodes, I'll say that (unlike Puma Man in the movie) Puma CLAW has a geographical restriction. He is not nearly so restricted as Blackjay, but his powers only work if he is in South America, if we count everything below Mexico as being in South America, and also count near-shore waters, plus the closest islands, as being inside his power zone.

Like Batfellow on Seedubb, Puma Claw was on good terms with law enforcement, so he had received news about Hipstera and Nyquilla from the day they first showed themselves in Africa to liberate Lady Blast. When he learned that the evil demigoddesses had popped up in Canada, he agreed with speculation by police commanders that the Calgary incident was a feint, and the evildoers might very well come south. So he began patrolling in random directions, using a power which his Original Earth movie counterpart had not possessed: the ability to MAKE NO SOUND no matter what he did. This made him deaf also, so he couldn't use it all the time; but it was great for sneaking up to a chosen position. And his feline-level sense of smell compensated when he was temporarily deaf.

There was a veteran detective named Bandero Antonias, who was a close counterpart to Richard "Assegai" Berhanu in Africa. That is, he acted as an agent for inter-governmental cooperation against gangs and terrorism in Latin America. In this capacity, he was often the contact man for Puma Claw. The superhero, accordingly, was not surprised when Bandero visited his secret lair in Uruguay.

"You recall that when these she-devils first landed in Africa, they stole firearms in addition to freeing Senora Blast."

Puma Claw nodded. "To equip thugs who would work for them."

"They've done so again, in Los Estados Unidos del Norte. This time, they robbed an armory in Oregon. Trying to postpone our figuring out that they ARE moving south. But we'll assume the worst."

Puma Claw slapped his friend on the shoulder. "And we'll MAKE it the worst FOR THEM. Will we have any Anglo assistance?"

"Yes. Conn Johnstantine will teleport himself down here soon, and he's trying to round up other helpers."

"Perhaps including one young hero whose parents were called away to Heaven several years ago?"

Bandero smiled. "That would be appropriate."
 
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" " " " " " " " " " " " " "
The super-villainesses kept the forces of good uncertain about their plans for a while: both by Hipstera's magic blocking Conn Johnstantine's efforts to foresee their moves, and by a much less magical tactic. They called up all available members of the loose network of ordinary crooks they had enlisted, and had these men start arson fires in northern Wisconsin, in northern Minnesota, in northern North Dakota, and in adjoining parts of Canada. Non-magical though these conflagrations were, the very scale of them left heroes unable to feel totally certain that magic HADN'T been involved.

Having the power of King Odudua added to her own, Crosswind flew from Africa to Canada in minutes, bringing Molecule Breaker along. Richard Berhanu, by online contact with U.S. and Canadian authorities, had determined where the super-couple could be of the greatest use to emergency responders. Canadian woods near the Boundary Waters were blazing where ground vehicles couldn't easily arrive. So Crosswind used her air-directing power to drive an advancing wall of flames back into the area it had already burned; this, in an area not closely adjacent to any of the scattered lakes. Then she flew nearer to where Molecule Breaker, at full height, stood knee-deep in wetland, very close to a persisting fire zone.

Hal began rapidly flinging double handfuls of water into the air, and Marlena's wind scattered the water to act just like normal rain. Working in this fashion, the young super-couple diminished the wildfire in this region enough that conventional firefighters could do the rest. Then the two shifted to searching for injured animals, whom they could deliver to forest-service veterinarians.

Wherever Hal found beasts or birds too severely burned to be saved, he wept for them...... and gave each suffering creature a quick, painless death, sending them away to AsaLion's Country. The large-animal veterinary specialists thanked Hal for this.

AsaLion was also pleased with Hal's actions.

" " " " " " " " " " " " " "
As inconspicuously as possible, Captain Sha-Na-Na transported Richard Berhanu and some high-level scientists to the Falkland Islands. These Africans were equipped with technology confiscated from the defeated Skrunk invaders: not only sophisticated energy weapons for self-defense, but also the means of concealment and surveillance. From the Falklands, the African Union contingent would watch for signs of alien movement toward South America. The superhero, reverting for a while to Willy Bastion, would stand by to fly to any location where Hipstera and company might stage an offensive.

This was made known to Bandero Antonias' multinational agency. But no one could advise Bandero about how far Hipstera would go to try to catch South America napping. Nor could anyone have told him why South America was of great interest to the she-demon.

Okay, readers, do you remember what the Anti-Strife Equation is? It came up in the course of events on Jersey Earth, as a means of controlling people. I told you that there were multiple copies of it. See where this is going?
 
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At a stopover in the Aleutian Islands, Lady Blast asked Hipstera, "Do you think we have the nasty patriarchs fooled about our plans?"

The elder demigoddess shrugged. "Maybe. But I've worked out how to fix even the worst case. That's why Pierre LaCarabine is with us;" and she gestured to a tall, sturdy, handsome Canadian from Quebec.

"You mean BESIDES his being a crack sniper and martial artist?" asked Nyquilla.

"Yes," replied Pierre. "Mademoiselle 'Ipstera is being so kind as to confer some of 'er own magical power upon me."

Hipstera nodded. "Pierre has impressed me favorably. He doesn't get above himself, but neither is he any sort of wimp. He can fly at super-speed now, and he will be the one to let himself be detected making for South America."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Falklands watch station detected something like a small comet flying horizontally in the lower stratosphere. Willy Bastion was asleep, but Richard muttered, "Looks like the show is on," and went to awaken Willy. It didn't matter what the boy wore to sleep, his hero-uniform would be the same. Nor would missing breakfast lessen his metahuman abilities.

"Who put the bop in the bop-tee-bop-tee-bop!" --and Captain Sha-Na-Na was airborne in pursuit.

Overtaking what he didn't know was Pierre LaCarabine (though rumors of the fellow had reached him in Detroit), Sha-Na-Na bellowed, "Come down and surrender yourself!" When the flame-shrouded figure failed to slow down, Willy tried a low-amperage lightning bolt; but it seemed to be dissipated around his quarry. He tried a stronger bolt, which Pierre dodged.

The comet-like phenomenon (Sha-Na-Na was not yet even certain that this was a living person) did not seem able to shoot back, but Sha-Na-Na still couldn't overtake it.

The villainesses had still another card in their hand. Another comet-like form overtook the hero from behind. Sha-Na-Na felt his cape being cut, and a shallow incised wound inflicted on him. Spinning in midair, now at least assured that there were people inside these fireballs, the hero swung a mighty fist at stunning-not-killing force. It connected, and the flame was diminished as the assailant fell. A curved sword fell separately; there had to have been magic involved, or the relatively weak physical force of the swordstroke could not have hurt him.

Not wanting to kill anyone unnecessarily, Sha-Na-Na dived to save his stunned attacker. The bad guy regained consciousness and began flying to escape. But the hero got a good enough look to recognize "Rusted Scimitar," the Boko Hassan terrorist who had long been friendly with Lady Blast.

Not disabled by his non-critical injury, Sha-Na-Na made the quick decision to resume chasing his original quarry.
 
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Copperfox reminds the readers that my counterpart of Brandon Lee in "The Crow," here called Blackjay, lives in the same city as Willy Bastion: Terra's version of Detroit, Michigan. THIS Detroit is clean of all crime above the very-petty level, due to the part-time presence of Captain Sha-Na-Na and the full-time presence of Blackjay. Unlike Brandon Lee's movie, my side-of-good revenant is under a geas to stay inside the greater Detroit metropolitan area. He can teleport from place to place at will within his territory, and can round-trip teleport elsewhere just once a year.

The reader might recall how Blackjay previously defeated the demon Smackback. On that occasion, he hadn't needed to use his once-a-year flight, because Conn Johnstantine brought him along teleporting to Africa. This time, Conn didn't need to expend any of his own energy for Blackjay, because now the virtuous ghoul was using his own latest "ticket" for the leap to join up with Puma Claw in Uruguay. Conn, instead, carried along two other do-gooders: my version of Sam Wilson before he took up the Captain America persona, and the mounted policewoman Denise McFogg from Staten Island. The Kestrel would join in the airborne hunt, while Denise joined Blackjay and Bandero Antonias in accompanying Uruguayan federales for a ground search.

There were two of these police contingents. Denise and Bandero joined one group, while Blackjay (magically given Spanish-language knowledge by Conn) went with the other. Kestrel, staying airborne as much of the time as he could, stayed in comms with anyone.

Puma Claw got word, and passed it to the other good guys, about Sha-Na-Na's encounter with airborne foes who didn't seem to be the she-demons. The predator-like hero, who did have a magical basis for his powers, decided he also had better stay in touch with the search teams in case they ran afoul of these cometoid wild cards.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{

While Pierre LaCarabine and Rusted Scimitar kept the good guys chasing them, Hipstera was arranging an even wilder card.

To refresh the readers, the Anti-Strife Equation is a sort of recordable data pattern, invented by King Highfyver of New Laziness. If used, it makes people tractable and submissive. Highfyver is the originator of the blundering Heart Sapphire Sisterhood; he, and they, are more interested in FEELING that they are doing good, than in doing what ACTUALLY WORKS. Highfyver does have enough moral conscience --or enough worry about creating conflict-- that he would rather not influence populated worlds by force and fear; but he has planted copies of the Anti-Strife Equation on many worlds in two galaxies.

One of Highfyver's top warriors (which may not be saying much, given Highfyver's penchant for compromise and appeasement) is a space-travelling man called Slightray, with similar powers to Marysuefire on Seedubb Earth. We will next pick up as Hipstera and Nyquilla confer with Slightray.
 
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One of the first things the New Laziness resident said after initial introductions was, "Have you heard of the Anti-Strife Equation?"

Hipstera rendered the expression in several otherworldly languages. "Yes, I had some dealings with Twerpseid back before got his butt kicked. It seems to me that your king's 'equation' is a superb resource for preventing wars by compelling good people to appease evil people."

"Accurate enough. King Highfyver in his wisdom understands that it takes two sides to have a fight; so, if one side refuses to fight, there CANNOT BE any war. Wherever the Heart Sapphires fail to emasculate a society sufficiently, the Anti-Strife Equation is the key to preventing heroes from interfering."

Hipstera nodded. "Being hip and cool myself, I'm sophisticated enough to agree with your king, EVEN if he is a male. How can we best cooperate?"

"By accompanying me to Cordon Caulle--" [pronounced "cow-yay," being the name of a volcano in Argentina] "--and then both of you assisting me with your magic, as I shall presently explain."

When they had reached the volcano, and Hipstera had put a sleep spell on a few dozen tourists, Slightray did the explaining. "I cannot be harmed by superheated magma, but neither can I stop it from surging to the surface if it is greatly stirred up. I have to dive down the volcanic vent for several miles to retrieve the un-meltable data-drive thingy which holds this planet's copy of the equation. The force of my doing so is sure to cause an eruption hazardous to human life-- unless you two use your magic to hold the lava down." He had to pause a moment to explain to Nyquilla what was the difference between magma and lava: namely, NO difference except whether it stayed underground.

Once he set her straight, the evil air elemental got back to self-serving concerns. "Are you sure that the equation will only pacify good people?"

"Of course. As I said, there only needs to be one side which is rendered inert, for the madness of war to be averted. If no one even thinks of opposing you, your dominance will bring peace to this Earth-variant. Then I can transport this copy of the Anti-Strife Equation to some other world where misguided heroes are still rocking the boat."

----- We'll return to the "Terra" plotline after we catch up on two or three others.
 
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On Urth, Mirror Merchant, Red-Hot Lamia, Rattle-Sneak and Slippery Witch had succeeded in stealing important data files and valuable energy weapons from Justified League headquarters. Vigilant Cowboy had been badly injured fighting the intruders. Worse, Charles Crazier was finding that his Secret Plotline-Advancing Machine could not find the villains' whereabouts, because La Bruja Resbalosa (Slippery Witch) was magically jamming it.

On the positive side, the reformed gangster Tarantula Grande had provided useful information to the League, including the fact of Chief Obsidian's flame-resistance, a relevant fact for Atomic Scalp to bear in mind.

Superdude, though no one was asking him to stay long away from his wife and infant son, flew around Urth five times within thirteen hours, using his telescopic and X-ray vision to look for signs of the Super-Gang of Naughty Persons. He turned up nothing; but astronauts trained in the Tachyon Loop project took over the same orbital search. Howie Maui, and Black Stingray, Urth's good-aligned counterpart of Black Manta, continued searching the oceans for clues. Eventually, signs emerged in Southeast Asia.

Clean Hornet still had his own spy network, and they tipped him off to indications that the Crocodile Market gang was harboring at least a few villains in Cambodia. This possibly included someone unfamiliar to the League. Black Parakeet and Nonwhite Lightning were detailed to go to Cambodia and meet up with Petsarat Kingpavong, Clean Hornet's Laotian kickboxer friend.

Almost the first thing Petsarat said to the arriving metahumans was, "Do you remember the fingernail artist whom Greg and Ruby met on their adventurous honeymoon in this country? The government had to conceal her and her whole family to protect them, because the Crocodile Market had found out they assisted good guys. They're safe so far; but now you're here, the government requests your involvement in pre-emptively catching assassins who may be hunting the family."

Black Parakeet, who had arrived in her blonde-white-woman form, switched to her black-woman form and looked at her electric-powered fiance. "That sounds like a stimulating weekend."

While they waited for a briefing to be set with Cambodian authorities, Petsarat, learning that Jeffrey had never been given anywhere near the level of unarmed-combat instruction which Black Parakeet had received from her mother Blonde Parakeet, started teaching him the basics of the Laotian version of Muay Thai.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
 
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At Restoration Ranch, Vigilant Cowboy's property in Wyoming, the staff was keeping their humanitarian business going in the boss' absence. Ruby Sutter, the hero's wife, had been flown to Justified League headquarters, to be with her convalescing husband at the League's own infirmary-- and, by all indications, to give birth soon to Vigilant Cowboy's son, who was to be named Pascal for her father. Young Matthew Carver, who had grown manly and confident under Greg Sutter's tutelage, was a genuine ranch hand by now, getting along well with all the horses; and Urth's version of Original Earth animal expert Temple Grandin came by frequently to help out.

After arriving at League headquarters and clinging to her gallant husband for several minutes, Ruby was surprised to be greeted by a friend who was also in a family way: the ex-evildoer Stellar Sapphire, wife of Greg's cherished friend Sir Jasper the Gleaming Knight.

"Chronology in a multi-arc saga can get confusing," said Stella to Ruby. "Which of us is due to give birth first?"

"You are. you came to your senses and turned good at least a month before Greg took me back. You know I'm carrying a boy, Pascal; I seem to recall that you're carrying a girl?"

Stella nodded. "Rhiannon. Professor Crazier is convinced that she'll have a special sensory ability: nothing impressive enough to make her a guaranteed natural crimefighter, but something useful. Something on the level of that Indian lady on Earth-Whichever, Jelisaveta Vhani." (Copperfox reminds the readers that Urth has enjoyed interaction with Earth-Whichever.)

Being at headquarters, Ruby got the word that Adam and Proxima Straightup had arrived from Senphatori. They reported that the investigatory team including Doc Slippage had not seen any fresh sign of Duke Terror.

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

On the Zazdub world, two of Kirk Slippage's fellow investigators, having been magically given the needed language ability by Zoorama Slippage, were forming an acquaintance with a native community, located farthest yet from the region where King Truthside's posse had first made contact with Zazdubs. The two were a Human-with-Chisskurdean married couple, who had met in the aftermath of Twerpseid's failed invasion of Earth-Whichever. They were the blue-skinned and -haired former War Witch Tarvili, and the huntsman Emangu, a Native Ostralian (that would be "AUS-tralian" on other Earth-variants).

Armed with sophisticated laser weapons, the couple had them slung, not in hand, when they walked up to the outskirts of a medium-sized, palisaded village. Emangu had the louder voice when actually pronouncing words, though Tarvili could surpass his volume with meaningless shrieks. He called out: "People of the settlement! We know that YOU know there are other worlds with people on them! We, and others like us, have come to your world to learn about events here! We will place our weapons on the ground, and wait for you to meet us."

The two explorers moved apart from each other, laid their guns and melee weapons on the ground, then came back together and sat on the equivalent of grass. At length, five Zazdub males bearing spears emerged from the nearest palisade gate. Spreading out, they advanced to within ten of their strides of Tarvili and Emangu. The one in the center laid his own spear down and came three steps closer to the visitors.

"My name is Swibrict. Yes, we do know that there are other kinds of people. Not our own, but some towns near us, were visited by such outsiders, four lifetimes ago. These creatures, who did not look like us or like you, did not harm our ancestors or their domestic beasts, but neither did they show interest in speaking with us. They gathered vegetation of all kinds, filled buckets with soil, and then simply left again."

"We are glad that those strangers did no violence," Tarvili told Swibrict. "We are sad to inform you that very recently, a remote part of your world was attacked by VERY violent outsiders. Those violent outsiders are our enemies as well as yours. Now my husband and I, with others, are seeking to determine the best way of stopping the destructive ones.''
 
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Early on in this acquaintance-making, Tarvili decided to explain radio communication to Swibrict.

"You see this little object I carry? It contains something like sunlight, but not visible to our eyes. It can send out some of this kind-of light when I want it to. I can speak to the object, and the SOUND of my voice is picked up by the unseen light. My voice travels to where someone else has a device like this, and that other person hears me speaking as if I were standing there."

Swibrict peered closely at the hand-com. "Does everyone have these things where you come from?"

"They have these, or similar things. I'm sorry to say that, where I come from, some people spend TOO MUCH time using these, and forget to pay attention to people who are actually standing beside them. But provided that someone doesn't become so foolish, it is good to have these."

Emangu put in: "Let's call our friends at the original contact location, and get some of the Zazdub there to speak with Chief Swibrict."

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

While this was going on, Mike Deep Swimmer, the Shawnee-tribal Green Flashlight for Urth, was flying around the Zazdub's star system, looking at planets, moons and asteroids which might yield evidence of earlier alien visits.

On the largest moon of a planet similar to Neptune, Mike found an obviously people-made pyramid. At its peak, when Mike drew near, a holographic image appeared. It resembled the description of Duke Terror.: sort of like Maestro Hulk. Symbols in an unknown written language appeared on either side of the nine-foot-high image. Unable to make any sense of the presumed words, he saved the image in his Flashlight prosthesis.

If anyone in Terror's following was keeping watch on this star system, they already knew that good guys had come here. So, no harm in destroying the holo-projector. This being done, Mike headed back to Zazdub World. After this, the Green Flashlights would frequently scout this region of the star system. And reinforcements would be requested.

To tell it quickly, by relay through Awkwardlisp, Golden Rakshasa, native to the same Earth-variant where Preston "Truthside" Vincent had been born, proved available to come and help. She brought with her a company of Indian Army special forces, who had fought beside her against the Awkwardlispian invasion. The four most trustworthy of these soldiers carried beam weapons formerly wielded by Pukedemons.
 
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Remember that a planet is a PLANET-- not a single stage setting from Original Star Trek. One region of Zazdub World which has not yet been described was highly marshy, like the Florida Everglades times ten. Ryan Pebbles of Seedubb, the other Green Flashlight currently operating on this planet, undertook to explore the wetlands expanse. In the language of the first Zazdub tribe our heroes had encountered, this region was called Yofbofbap, which seemed to mean something like, "mighty darned muddy there."

Flying at treetop level, Ryan approached a clearing which was home to a sizeable huts-on-poles village. The elevated architecture was just what low-technology people would resort to if they wanted to sleep at night out of reach of whatever passed for alligators here. Ryan became the target for a cloud of blowgun darts, but he had known something like this might happen. Shielded by his Flashlight force, he called out to the marsh folk that he came in peace. Eventually, some of the villagers consented to speak with him, and he gradually obtained an audience as Tarvili and Emangu had done elsewhere on the planet.

Landing on a small suspension bridge between two of the larger structures, Ryan offered a simplified account of what brought him and other heroes to this planet, As soon as he referred to Duke Terror, his audience gave a look of understanding. One warrior chattered too fast to follow, pointing to where hairy hides of some large mammal species hung from the beams of the tallest tower.

"What are those beasts?"

The tallest Zazdub in the crowd, who had introduced himself as Konklag, replied, "They are deadly carnivores from the Four Lakes land. It took three or four men each to kill them. Duke Terror arrived in time to kill the last three of them for us. Do you know him?"

"I have heard of him, but never met him."

"He covered our wounded with something that stopped their bleeding. And he told us that the killer beasts were deliberately sent against us by a community close to Four Lakes."

Not immediately remarking on this accusation, Ryan asked to be allowed to take away one of the pelts. The marsh dwellers had no objection. Ryan had a sneaking suspicion; and it would be confirmed. Kirk Slippage would analyze the predator's hide, and would confirm that the species genetically COULD NOT have originated on the planet of the Zazdub. As for that, chromosomal study, as done before by Doc Slippage, revealed that the species could have originated on Duke Terror's own birth world.
 
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If I previously said that Zoorama the good-aligned sorceress, wife to the scientist Kirk Slippage, went someplace else, assume that she finished what she was doing there, and rejoined Kirk. When Kirk showed her the fur sample, and told her that its genes implied a certain level of ultraviolet in its native environment, Zoorama nodded, and went at her magical augury.

"Yes, darling, this creature DID come from a star system just like the apparent home of Duke Terror, if not the same one."

"Hmmm, our Green Flashlights are busy. Could you transport yourself, me and Headfemale Fislillo to Yofbofbap?"

They timed this trip in order to revisit the town on poles in the daytime. The Zazdub huntsman Konklag (pronounced "Konk-lag," not "Kong-klag") welcomed them unworried, since Ryan had spoken about having colorful friends. Fislillo and Konklag spoke different tongues, but Zoorama interpreted magically between them. Fislillo told the marsh dwellers what she knew about the giant evil alien. Konklag then proved that low technology did not mean low intelligence.

"Ryan Pebbles told us that the green thing on his hand was not part of his body, but was created for him by wise beings in another world, who desire weaker beings to have a chance of defending themselves against evil. Would it be possible for some Zazdub to become candidates to receive this green-light power?"

"It should be possible," Kirk replied. "But they probably cannot produce enough of the light-making objects to give more than two or three at a time to Zazdub recipients."

"Fear not, though," Zoorama added. "We and our comrades will not forget the Zazdub world. Until you gain strength to protect yourselves, there will always be some of us watching out for you."
 
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ON SEEDUBB EARTH, you may recall that circumstances had finally motivated Brutus and Saltina Dwayne to confess openly that they were Batfellow and Catfemale. This was not as earthshaking as it might have been, considering that Brutus had married Saltina Kool not long after Batfellow began sharing adventures with Catfemale, AND that the reformed Harpy Grinn had married Brutus Dwayne's rejuvenated butler. After all, Captain Patriot had always been publicly known to be Steve Roughroad. The new Just-Us League, with NO secret identities, was making a good start. But no one held it against Doctor Unusual and The Whoosh that they kept their true names a secret.

Of course, Aquaticman, a.k.a. King Arthur of Tatlantis (he's the one who looks like Jason Momoa and who has a faithful wife; the blonde Moistureman is on Urth) had nothing to hide. His surface-born father was regularly consulted by surface governments on land-and-sea diplomatic issues.

From his own base in Startled City, Green Crossbow contacted the United States government, proposing to create an academy of heroic-ness. Self-disclosed superheroes could become lecturers and coaches there, for potential future legends. Maskoflage, the reformed Face Twister from the Dune-derived sub-reality, offered to become one of the physical trainers. The acrobatic ex-burglar Tightrope Tito did the same. Rabbi Dustin Prather, a friend of the Bats-Family (who had recently officiated at the wedding of Lucius Fixxit and Lisa-Faye Merrick) signed on as an ethics teacher. And veteran heroes The Silhouette and The Particle would give monthly lectures on metahuman history.

The Kansas State Police detached Sergeant Chip Thursday to coordinate involvement by law-enforcement agencies with the new academy, since he had shared interplanetary adventures with heroes including Batfellow, Spiderweb-Man and Cyberdork.

Meanwhile, a carrot-and-stick process was occurring with the China of Seedubb Earth. Losing Red Headbone and Lex Loozor had greatly slowed their technological progress; but they could not fail to notice that superheroes were cutting them plenty of slack in return for Beijing permitting Chinese citizens to emigrate if they wanted to. Numerous Free World governments increasingly argued in favor of allowing China to send students to the new hero academy.

Marysuefire, one of the three or four mightiest heroes on Seedubb, decided that, with her native Earth in pretty good shape, now was the best time for her to head out for some fresh galactic adventures before settling down. Asking Doctor Unusual to divine where she might be needed by innocent people in peril, she accepted his recommendation. And while your author was reviewing unresolved plot arcs, Marysuefire took flight across the cosmos.
 
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The energy-controlling superheroine happened upon a world never previously seen in our saga. Relative to the electromagnetic output of the parent star, the planet of interest was farther out than most life-bearing planets. The low oxygen level and low average temperature of this world compelled Marysurefire to maintain her handy-dandy life-support ability while visiting.

There surely was some kind of civilization on this cold planet. Obviously-artificial structures were grouped in geometric patterns, and many surfaces were carved with apparently-meaningful symbols. Although gravity here was less than Earth gravity, none of the buildings rose higher than two feet above the heroine's head. Moving here and there within the seeming towns were creatures resembling turtles with abnormally long legs; but standing as erect as possible, one of these would be no taller than her navel. The native beings had no eyes, but did have what seemed like ears. Marysuefire speculated that they enjoyed enough combined use of hearing, touch and smell to get around (with touch probably including an awareness of ground vibrations). The engravings, perhaps, were intended to be read by touch, like Braille script.

Marysuefire gathered this much without coming nearer than fifty feet to any of the Turtaloids (as she named them in her mind). When she drew closer, the native beings reacted frantically, fleeing from her. Blast me for a fool! Of course, even with my power at minimum level, my nearness must be like a wildfire to their senses! Kind of canks any effort to learn their language and make pals.

Moving farther away, she took to the air for a wide-ranging search, in case she might yet find something which suggested a way she could do the Turtaloids a favor. Eventually she saw movement at a distance. Carefully emitting as cold a light as possible, she illuminated what she saw. Then she could make out what was on the move: evidently, an army. A mass of Turtaloids, probably three times the number of all residents in the town, was marching in ranks toward the town. All of the marchers were adult size..... and all were carrying what seemed like weapons.

Hovering far enough away so as not to distress the newcomers, Marysuefire thought quickly. This sure looks like an act of unprovoked aggression; but I can't be sure it's that. How can I head off an evil conquest, but not mistakenly harm beings who don't deserve it?

Finally, she mentally drew a line perpendicular to the army's direction of advance. Then she blasted a deep trench in the ground along this line, six miles long, thirty feet wide and forty feet deep. Her doing this generated more than enough heat to get the attention of the approaching warriors. When the area cooled enough for natives to approach it and investigate, they would surely understand that someone had created the obstacle on purpose. Then they would certainly have second thoughts about attacking the town; but in case their true intentions had been harmless, none of them had been hurt.

Probably the best I can do.

The apparent army soon did an about-face and headed for home. Fairly confident that she had not made anything worse, Marysuefire made a just-in-case move. Scouting in other directions, she searched for any OTHER armies. If other warriors were also approaching the town, those might be the real enemies, and the first army could have been on its way to HELP the town. But there were no other armies anywhere near, so it would seem that at least she had not robbed the town of needed protectors.

With a shrug, the beautiful metahuman left this cold world, in search of places with less ambiguity.
 
The energy-controlling superheroine happened upon a world never previously seen in our saga. Relative to the electromagnetic output of the parent star, the planet of interest was farther out than most life-bearing planets. The low oxygen level and low average temperature of this world compelled Marysurefire to maintain her handy-dandy life-support ability while visiting.

There surely was some kind of civilization on this cold planet. Obviously-artificial structures were grouped in geometric patterns, and many surfaces were carved with apparently-meaningful symbols. Although gravity here was less than Earth gravity, none of the buildings rose higher than two feet above the heroine's head. Moving here and there within the seeming towns were creatures resembling turtles with abnormally long legs; but standing as erect as possible, one of these would be no taller than her navel. The native beings had no eyes, but did have what seemed like ears. Marysuefire speculated that they enjoyed enough combined use of hearing, touch and smell to get around (with touch probably including an awareness of ground vibrations). The engravings, perhaps, were intended to be read by touch, like Braille script.

Marysuefire gathered this much without coming nearer than fifty feet to any of the Turtaloids (as she named them in her mind). When she drew closer, the native beings reacted frantically, fleeing from her. Blast me for a fool! Of course, even with my power at minimum level, my nearness must be like a wildfire to their senses! Kind of canks any effort to learn their language and make pals.

Moving farther away, she took to the air for a wide-ranging search, in case she might yet find something which suggested a way she could do the Turtaloids a favor. Eventually she saw movement at a distance. Carefully emitting as cold a light as possible, she illuminated what she saw. Then she could make out what was on the move: evidently, an army. A mass of Turtaloids, probably three times the number of all residents in the town, was marching in ranks toward the town. All of the marchers were adult size..... and all were carrying what seemed like weapons.

Hovering far enough away so as not to distress the newcomers, Marysuefire thought quickly. This sure looks like an act of unprovoked aggression; but I can't be sure it's that. How can I head off an evil conquest, but not mistakenly harm beings who don't deserve it?

Finally, she mentally drew a line perpendicular to the army's direction of advance. Then she blasted a deep trench in the ground along this line, six miles long, thirty feet wide and forty feet deep. Her doing this generated more than enough heat to get the attention of the approaching warriors. When the area cooled enough for natives to approach it and investigate, they would surely understand that someone had created the obstacle on purpose. Then they would certainly have second thoughts about attacking the town; but in case their true intentions had been harmless, none of them had been hurt.

Probably the best I can do.

The apparent army soon did an about-face and headed for home. Fairly confident that she had not made anything worse, Marysuefire made a just-in-case move. Scouting in other directions, she searched for any OTHER armies. If other warriors were also approaching the town, those might be the real enemies, and the first army could have been on its way to HELP the town. But there were no other armies anywhere near, so it would seem that at least she had not robbed the town of needed protectors.

With a shrug, the beautiful metahuman left this cold world, in search of places with less ambiguity.
 
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