Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

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T'Pinnok Zur, the young middle-class Loi-Hukshem gentleman who received useful revelations in his sleep, had a dream on the night which coincided with the DAY when Wyatt Hickok's posse encountered Star Swallower.

The dream not only depicted Wyatt's experience, but confirmed that Star Swallower was telling the truth about Jaheg-Jorod being the manipulator of business-related sneaky stuff in Reslagor. That prosperous nation, which neighbored both Hukshem and Bamulica, had suffered much unrest since the "Two Rivers" tycoon Armando Casador had suddenly died (actually struck dead by Jaheg-Jorod). Although Armando's widow Selma bore no deliberate ill-will toward the working class, neither did she exhaust herself seeking to protect common laborers from being abused by middle management. Nor did she have any direct control over the several other enterprises which (with "Two Rivers") supplied most of Reslagor's non-agricultural / non-domestic employment.

The Bamulican thanedom of Jortark, with borders upon both Hukshem and Reslagor, was seeing numerous emigrants from Reslagor. Experienced Bamulican workers, who were advocates of the new Captains of Skilled Labor, held meetings with the displaced Reslagorians. Soldiers of Klistra were keeping order among emigrants whom the J0rtarks allowed to continue northward. Farther west, other emigrants were crossing into the next Thanedom over. I won't say which thanedom that was, because I'm not sure I didn't already name it before this. But what matters here is who was helping to oversee the influx in this thanedom.

Captain Varlock Patterson of the Sagrum Rangers was the senior outside military officer on the scene. With him, ready to do most of the interviewing and comforting, was the very smart blonde Lady Dorothy, daughter of Thane Jared Malgriff, and Varlock's wife. A handful of mounted Rangers were with them. In addition, commanding additional horsemen, there were two sergeants of the Malgriff Hussars: Frampton Shellrudd and Zane Penrossley.

Nothing extraordinary was happening this day, until a lean, tough woman on a small but energetic pony rode to meet them. "Lady Malgriff?"

"I am now Mistress Patterson, but proceed." The woman handed a sealed telegram to Dorothy; it was worded in the region's most-used commerce language. The sender was D'Vargut Pril, father of the young Towerman D'Kovo, and father-in-law to the dream-seer T'Pinnok Zur. Dorothy gave the errand-woman a gold piece for her trouble and dismissed her, then opened the message.

"Husband! T'Pinnok reports that Sir Ronald's friend Sir Wyatt has learned that the necromancer Jaheg-Jorod has been influencing, if not completely dictating, recent actions of the Two Rivers Company!"

"This," replied Varlock, "demands the attention of your father, of my own thane, and of Thanes Klistra and Jortark!"

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Coming as far west as Kikoro, Sir Ronald's already-sizeable party had grown by one more man: K'Zogar Poi, an adventurer native to Kikoro, who had been in on the Tablanorian war against undead walkers and had become acquainted with Lester Grath. To review the roster, Lester and his bride Didima, the latter being related to Talusek Fernwood, are with Talusek and D'Kovo. Let's see who else. For sure, Zoralee Jeralo and her werebeast brother Billyboy are along, plus Billyboy's own bride Judy. The group lately passed through Nizozu, the country where Otto Kergoff had been fostered, to tell people the tale of Otto's uber-heroic passing. Three Nizozuan maidens, already having knowledge of "Song Fist," joined up to seek Smoke Maiden training; from the eldest, these are named Bohili, Warrodai and Rafomahu. Warrodai had been acquainted with Otto; the other two, being from the Lobster Tribe, had not.

Talusek is probably accompanied by his own bride Feshri, the younger of the two "Javelin Sisters." I think that's everybody. Moving west by northwest, they all head for the Pril estate for D'Kovo's family reunion.

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"You're so much taller now!" exclaimed Razibi Zur as she embraced her brother after he handed off his bow and quiver to a household servant. Hugging her in return, D'Kovo next gripped hands with his brother-in-law, who exclaimed, "And your hands are stronger now by an even greater increase!"

The mother of D'Kovo and Razibi took charge of hospitality, while her husband the fabric merchant spoke to the older members of the arriving party about matters in Reslagor. K'Zogar contributed a few details he had heard. but the biggest item was T'Pinnok's report of what Wyatt Hickok had learned in Hultisna about Jaheg-Jorod and the Frantic Druid called Star Swallower.

At no time in the Punksteemian plot arc heretofore has it become necessary to describe what either the Loi-Hukshem or the Reslagorians have in the way of government. Now, however, the Prils heard what the Reslagorian ship Clutching Fist had done to peaceful ships of Tidumo, a country racially related to Hukshem.
 
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That night, D'Vargut caused five telegrams to be sent on Ronald's behalf, to the thanes of Malgriff, Sagrum, Klistra, Jortark, and that other one which I'm not sure if I already named it. Ronald composed the wording of the message, in the hope that his gift of being immediately believed would work through the words he wrote.

The Ancient Order of Sir Edgar Pallendin has discovered that the evil sorceror who plagued Tablanor and Felruda is probably causing the current unrest in Reslagor. We will investigate. Request that you muster troops to join forward-deployed Sagrum Captain Patterson.

Over breakfast, Ronald told the son of his host: "What is afoot now is highly unlikely to leave Hukshem in peace. For you to stay here will not be shirking your duty. Take part in the defense of Hukshem; and while doing so, you can also begin the training of the Nizozuan maidens, until hopefully Jillian Shard can get here to take it over."

It was easy for D'Kovo to accept this order, since he had missed his blood relatives AND was more than willing to help keep them safe. Besides, although he was not quite of marriageable age yet, he was old enough to feel attracted to Rafomahu of the Lobster Tribe. She, in turn, was favorably impressed by D'Kovo also knowing the Nizozuan martial art.

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Selma Casador, born in Malgriff Thanedom but now a citizen of Reslagor, had known that she lived at the sufferance of Jaheg-Jorod ever since the necromancer had eliminated her husband Armando for uncertain reasons. Jaheg-Jorod had eventually made his existence known to Yarbeck Trask, who since Armando's death had been the real boss of the Two Rivers Evil Business Corporation. Trask had not been delighted to learn who HIS real boss was; but having innocent blood on his hands from various trials of the new armaments, he had resigned himself that he was all in.

Enough time had passed since Armando's removal that Selma could marry again. It was she who proposed to Yarbeck. Vicar Tolstoy Blake, a Christian clergyman, was hired to officiate, and members of the Reslagorian Oligarchy were invited. There, you see that Reslagor has plurality of rulership, like Bamulica except that the leaders are elected. Some of the oligarchs were busy trying to stop the entire labor force from fleeing Reslagor after many pay cuts and other abuses of management; but the four most cynical and selfish oligarchs came to the wedding. No need to invent names for them, they don't really do much in this scene.

Tolstoy Blake had tried to influence the wealthy class in Reslagor to stop squeezing the workers. Although not knowing Original Earth history, the vicar accurately foresaw that an eventual violent uprising by provoked labor leaders, if successful, might produce a new tyranny FAR WORSE than what was going on right now. He had gone unheeded, and by the time of this wedding he was resigned that he couldn't accomplish much. The money he received for this ceremony, he planned to use to feed hungry widows and orphans. This much was within his power.

When the couple exchanged vows. Vicar Blake faintly raised an eyebrow at Yarbeck promising to obey, revere and defer to Selma, while Selma promised virtually nothing. I suppose he realizes that she realizes she has no practical skills, and meekly obedient or not, she needs him. At least when Tolstoy pronounced them husband and wife, Selma had the decency to give a real kiss to her groom.

Only after he was on horseback and going his way did Vicar Blake feel ice-cold air pushing inside his ears. The freezing sensation announced a chilling voice: "Weak, useless priest, you are protected by One mightier than you, Who will not permit me to kill you. But you will not be able to prevent my larger strategy from prevailing. The well-born, the successful, the prosperous and ruthless, who know how to run things, will trample down this 'workers' resistance.' Yarbeck and Selma, enjoying my mentorship, will make their corporation unstoppable! Superior persons will keep the inferior crowds in their place!"

Tolstoy Blake had already intended to report to Varlock Patterson how the wedding had gone, but now he hastened.
 
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The clergyman's horse was bred and trained to negotiate rough terrain reliably. Tolstoy Blake accordingly detoured through Jortark, where he told this thanedom's authorities what he had experienced. His hearers saw logic in the immortal fiend's plan. Whether or not Jaheg-Jorod had started the labor crisis in Reslagor, he might well consider it useful to increase tyranny in the Reslagorian oligarchy. The Jortark authorities began conferring with their thanedom's merchants, urging these merchants to improve their own treatment of employees.

During this process, readers may assume that Ronald of Goliad was doing whatever he had to do in order to bring his own party into the situation.

The thanedom whose name I'm not sure of had its own soldiers crisscrossing the territory, in case anything was amiss on home ground. Some of them encountered Tolstoy Blake, who was well known. He told them about the unusual wedding he had conducted, especially hearing the apparent voice of Jaheg-Jorod. The patrol immediately got a courier off to repeat this to their colonel, then escorted Tolstoy to where he could relate the same information to Varlock and Dorothy Patterson.

Ever since Sir Ronald had exposed the treasonous Justiciar Sparrek back in Malgriff, Lady Dorothy had made great efforts to study historical instances of intrigue, espionage and sabotage. After hearing the vicar's account, she said to her husband and the other listeners, "Since Jaheg-Jorod is not omnipotent, he would not reckon it beneath his dignity to lie to someone he was unable to slay. I believe that the necromancer lied about wanting to reinforce the wealthy oppressors in Reslagor. I believe that anything he does to assist those oligarchs is only temporary, and he really intends to discard them in favor of the revolutionary movement, causing it to become WORSE than predatory rich people."

Tolstoy and Varlock replied in exact unison: "I think you're right!"

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A doomrat could gallop, after its fashion, for half a mile as fast as any warhorse. Alternating walk and trot, it could keep traveling all day at an average pace a little faster than a strong man could. As a hardy omnivore, it could of course live off the land, and was very good at hiding if necessary.

Most remarkably, if the doomrat was really an enchanted human being, it could at any time change back to human shape, with clothes magically reappearing on its human body because family-friendly story. It was even possible for a pocket in the clothing to contain a scroll with writing on it. Billyboy Jeralo could not read or speak a word of Reslagorian, but he carried a scroll in that language. He was on his own discretion about whom he would allow to see the scroll, but as a general suggestion he might show it to any people who seemed like discontented laborers. If, after a certain amount of time, he had not found any good occasion to show the scroll to somebody, he was to place it where it could be seen, such as at a crossroads. In the meantime, he would observe anything which could be of interest to those who wished to reform Reslagor.

The Reslagorian writing on the scroll said: "This is to tell the honest people of Reslagor that the Towermen and the Smoke Maidens have returned to action, and are offering to assist in mediation between the wealthy class and the working class. The people of Bamulica, Hukshem and Kikoro also sympathize with their neighbors in Reslagor, and hope to see that nation at peace. The chivalrous gunslingers will have no part of unjust aggression by anyone against anyone, but hope to encourage reconciliation."

If Billyboy encountered signs of a favorable reaction to the message he carried, he was to find someone who could talk with him, and get word of the success to the Towerman group and to the Bamulican cavalry.
 
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\\\\\\\\\ A man born in the version of Australia on Earth-Whichever, now a great deal bigger and more powerful than he had been in his old life, stood reviewing the first all-native military force on Zazdub World to be equipped with energy weapons.

"Colonel Konklag, is electrical current now connected to all of your perimeter guard stations?"

"Yes, King Truthside. The coal-powered generators, and solar backup stations, are functioning as required."

The vaguely human-like Zazdub replying to Preston "Truthside" Vincent was a renowned huntsman among his people, and had risen to this rank by his intelligence and attention to duty. The regiment being entrusted with laser and plasma weapons had led the former helicopter pilot and sometime widower to call them "The Zazdub Musketeers."

Here in the "Four Lakes" region on Zazdub World, a team of Senphatorian humans were measuring out a site for the ground component of a Tachyon Loop terminal. This would facilitate interstellar flight both to Urth and to Senphatori; as soon as newly-trained Zazdub could independently operate in-system spaceships, the Tachyon Loop would do the job of transporting their ships to the destination star systems. It would be many years before the natives could acquire enough technical knowledge to manufacture their own sub-light spacecraft; but for now, the superhero community would not leave unprotected any world which had been the target of Duke Terror's meddling.

In charge of the spaceport program, of course, were Adam and Proxima Straightup, the husband being native to Urth. With them were two Urthian heroes normally in the service of King Moistureman on Urth: Howie Maui, and a good-aligned version of Black Manta.

"Stingray, Howie, are the nearby bodies of water confirmed clear of hostiles?"

"They are, sir," Black Stingray replied.

Superdude had been teleported by King Truthside to Zazdub World to bolster its defense. Nonwhite Lightning and Black Parakeet, now married, had come along. Superheroes had spread out around the planet's equator, Lightning and Parakeet making one guard post by themselves. Four Green Flashlights were on duty too: Ryan Pebbles, Mike Deep Swimmer, the female insectoid Zaz-Chispa who would never devour a male; and, from a warm planet called Hibloglib, Green Flashlight Fojadosh Ludping, resembling a tree sloth, but he was more vigorous. Dreamtime Chieftain and his companions from Earth-Whichever made another sentry detail. Truthside and his new bride Whiskey conducted a "floating" watch.

Headfemale Fislillo and other prestigious natives kept busy selecting young Zazdub from all the territories to become vocational students, learning levels of science a step or two above their present knowledge, much as was being done on the planets Jinobrid and Chimpanzia.
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Back on Urth, even Fateful Doctor had proven unable to make the chaotic Dice-Aract behave predictably. He, Superhottie and Atomic Scalp had spent time at Restoration Ranch trying, and Fateful had to do counter-magic when the artifact changed all of Greg's horses into prairie dogs. Eventually he transported it to the secret headquarters of Hector von Bootblack. The two good wizards were joined by Mazash, and all three went to work to make the artifact serve order and goodness.

Zoorama and Kirk, with Exohern, Petsarat Kingpavong and Squire Vindictive, kept after Chief Obsidian's lot, joined by Gleaming Knight.

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In open space near the origin world of the Chisskurds, the evil space-kaiju "Star Amoeba" continued practicing maneuvers with Grand Admiral Thuglyfe Skrawn's fleet, letting fighters shelter behind it, zip out for sudden attacks, then return to the monster's protection. General Phastlane, who DIDN'T keep her helmet on ALL the time, was prepping the Imperial ground troops.

One private among these armored soldiers was named Flynn Omega, and he secretly harbored misgivings about whether he really should be serving in an army which existed to conquer and persecute people. He occasionally dreamed of deserting; but he knew that if he did get away, he would never permit any woman to STOP him from saving his friends and then tell him TO SAVE his friends.
 
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On an uninhabited world some twenty light-years from the Zazdub system, Duke Terror condescended to join the Imperial troopers for a ground-combat exercise. Conferring inside an aircraft hangar, he pointed out to General Phastlane: "The opposition may have someone close to my size on their side, most likely that presumptuous human who obtained the strength of Twerpseid. So your common soldiers need to practice concentrating their fire against one part of a large opponent's body, which at least gives them some chance of doing damage. I'll stand in for that possible adversary; if you set the rayguns at half strength, that will be low enough so I don't get distracted by serious irritation."

"How about the fear element?" asked Phastlane.

"What, you mean hardening your personnel not to flinch at the sight of someone like me tearing their comrades to pieces? I wasn't going to bring that up, out of courtesy toward an associate in evil badness. They're your soldiers, not mine."

"I appreciate your courtesy. But it will provide motivation if they know they might get killed."

Terror smiled repulsively. "Random, or pre-selected?"

Phastlane removed her helmet so he could see her smiling in reply. "Hadn't thought about that. Yes, it'll be good to eliminate some dead wood. Some of my men have been overheard saying they'd rather not murder defenseless children and oldsters. I don't need weaklings in my army."

At that time, Flynn Omega happened to be working on something in a side room of the hangar. Through a plotline-convenient air duct, he overheard his general and the guest supervillain scheming to sacrifice personnel in a training exercise. Flynn had more than once remarked to fellow soldiers that he would rather not murder defenseless children and oldsters.
 
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Flynn could only remember one military friend who had ever explicitly AGREED WITH HIM about not wanting to kill innocent people. Wiley Hightrail was a fighter pilot, rated for the "Smite Fighter": a combat craft similar to the A-Frame fighter-bombers used by the Republic of Lots or Worlds. Crucially, a Smite Fighter could make independent hyperspace jumps. At his earliest chance to approach Wiley, Flynn showed him a WRITTEN message. It said: Don't reply out loud! The General wants to expend a few personnel in the exercise with the giant alien. Specifically said she wanted men who SPOKE AGAINST WANTON MURDER to die. We two are the only ones I know to have said this directly. Can you make an excuse to take your ship aloft?

Wiley was quick on the uptake, and spoke aloud with a wink to his friend: "Glad you dropped by, Flynn! Have you heard anyone higher up saying whether air attack will be included in the war games?"

"No, I haven't, but it would make sense. I'm told that Zazdub World has no air force of its own, let alone locally-built spaceships; but their visiting friends are probably strong enough that our infantry will require close air support. So practice runs in advance of the simulation with Duke Terror are logical. Especially if a tech-savvy pilot hacks the flight-scheduling computer."

= = = = = = = = =

To tell it briefly, Flynn and Wiley made their getaway, sort of like Finn and Poe in "The Force Awakens." Traynrekk the Trampler happened to be aloft as they climbed for space, and his latest information was that his new allies had no Smite Fighter launches planned at this time. When he tried to wave them down, Wiley fired his lasers, hurting the space monster just enough that they could race past him. When Flynn got a good angle, he fired the rear guns to wreck two parked fighters below them.

The two well-motivated deserters made it into hyperspace. Admiral Skrawn had thought it most unlikely that any of his uniformed minions would ever jump ship just because innocent people were going to be massacred; but then, he had not realized that Phastlane, by HER OWN initiative, had judged that potential mutineers should be made into examples.

"Wiley, do you know how to FIND Zazdub World?"

"Yes, I have a course entered. I was already thinking of bailing out. Your warning just accelerated me. Whoever is protecting that planet will want to hear what capabilities the Star Amoeba brings to the campaign."
 
EVERYBODY WHO SHOULD BE ON PLANET FREESOIL had had plenty of time by now to return from any adventures elsewhere. There was plenty of nonviolent work to be done. The more viable infrastructure the settlers possessed, the better chance of attracting decent immigrants to enlarge their colony. Freesoil was nominally affiliated with the Earth-variant based on "Starship Troopers," making its Human Federation the natural source of more humans to increase the planet's human gene pool.

Since the last time we depicted the other extremely remote human-settled frontier planet called Latterdawn, that world's most gifted practical technician, Bill Redvest, had been inducted into the Green Flashlight Corps, first endorsed by Lucy Luminous, who had been the first Flashlight to visit Latterdawn. To follow a run-on sentence with a shorter one, Bill and his shape-changer wife Versaderma had lately come to Federal Earth. As a gift to this branch of humanity, the Redvests had brought along a quantity of a mineral found only on Latterdawn. Called Plotconvenientum, this rare substance worked like a less-potent but still beneficial version of the Miguffinite which had given superpowers to the hero Lodge Flake.

Like Miguffinite, Plotconvenientum could be assimilated into a living body without causing harm. A recipient of Plotconvenientum did not acquire superpowers, but he or she would enjoy a permanent increase of natural abilities. Some of it was given to scientists on Federal Earth, and improved their performance at whatever specialty they worked in. Documenting these results was Vogg Stoob, the Awkwardlspian scientist who had been representing the interests of Preston "Truthside" Vincent in the Human Federation for years now. He ended up accompanying the Redvests to Freesoil, since that world boasted more genetic diversity than most worlds in this galactic community

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Bill and Versaderma Redvest had not played any role in the liberation of Lodge Flake's Cosmic Federation. But ever since information reached them about that other-galactic drama, they had been desirous to meet the Freesoiler settlers-- with Fuss users among their number-- who had been in on some of the action. Besides the up-siders who included the former Dark Headgear, there were also characters derived from Edgar Rice Burroughs' Barsoom novels.

Coming to Freesoil, the Redvests brought some of their Plotconvenientum, which they presented to the colonial council, suggesting that it be kept as a remedy for any developmentally- impaired children of any species living on the planet. The gift was gratefully accepted, but the Redvests were in for a surprise of their own. An inter-species married couple on Freesoil, who had spent time in the Second Galaxy's Cosmic Federation, had after that adventure enjoyed a blessing from a different story-device than what the Redvests brought. The blessing was the birth of a half-Human, half-Tryyurluck baby boy ......to Denzel and Lumlabbish Powder.

Astute readers may recollect that Denzel and Lumlabbish, both previously widowed, were both past the usual age for procreation. But the Heart Sapphire Luvardra Magta, who with her Green Flashlight husband had been involved in the "Blake's Seven"- derived plot arc, had so greatly admired the Powders for their devotion to each other and to the cause of goodness, that (lacking either Miguffinite or Plotconvenientum) she had exerted her Sapphire powers to the uttermost, MAKING the older couple able to procreate a baby who was their own genetic baby. This newborn boy, named Relselt after a great-grandfather of Lumlabbish who had done heroic deeds in his day, possessed one-third-size head-tails which were built around his ears.

A more experienced Green Flashlight, the ant-like Tiptikditpip, had accompanied Bill and Versaderma here across the cosmos. He was keeping in touch, but not revealing himself to the colonists, because he had learned that everyone in Human Federation territory had cause to be very leery of oversized arthropods.
 
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Receiving directions, Bill and Versaderma flew to the most recently founded settlement. He flew by his Flashlight power, while Versaderma flew in the form of a long-winged bird. They came to an island which had been found to contain valuable minerals. Work was being done here by four species of sapients, all but one of which were green. Well, one of the green types included a few yellow-skinned individuals. Besides humans, there were of course Tryyurlucks, plus Greedorks (like the guy Han Solo shot), and my version of Edgar Rice Burroughs' Tharks. The last of these, being from a planet similar to Original Mars (only with a breathable atmosphere), had miraculously been given increased skeleto-muscular strength to function in higher gravity.

"Welcome to Quartzpit Island, Mister and Missus Redvest, followers of Roland and Barbara Foote!" exclaimed the brawny swordsman John Cardsharper. "Versaderma, all of us are interested in your sudden creation as an adult with implanted memories; we never cease finding new elements of the Never-Stopping Story. Bill, that was great work you did, repelling the swarms of carnivorous insects on Latterdawn. Now you're wondering whether the Plotconvenientum could have given me telepathy from a zero start. No, it didn't; I have not yet been given any. I already had the mind-reading gift as a feature of my own former sub-reality; and in recent adventures, I gradually worked on being able also to SEND thoughts.

"I'm speaking vocally now as a courtesy to bystanders. But if a dab of your mineral IS allotted to me, since it enhances already-existing powers, it will probably increase my sending range. I hope it also sharpens my ability to distinguish one mind from another."

Here, John's Fuss-powered wife, the former Lylah Doxxum, added: "--AND make him better able to SHUT OUT thoughts he doesn't want to hear! Sometimes, I have to use my own power to quiet my poor macho-darling's mind, so he can sleep."

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Your author doesn't remember ever deciding what Freesoil has in the way of moons. Now let me say-- as a retcon, if necessary-- that it has three moons, but their combined mass equals less than half the mass of Earth's moon. Freesoil's oceans do have tides, but with much smaller ebb and flow than on Earth. Everyone on the colony planet with any scientific background, including Boone Crockett and Slick "Dark Headgear" Mudpackis, believed that the reduced lunar pull was also the reason why their adopted world also had much less volcanic activity than most temperate planets in the same size range.

Be this as it might, Quartzpit Island appeared better supplied with valuable minerals for industry than any other Freesoil region of similar land area. As the name given to it suggested, the mineral wealth included crystal deposits useful for electronic applications; but there were also veins of iron, copper, nickel and lead. Since a society can't have a technological base without materials, the minerals of Quartzpit Island WERE going to be extracted and processed, albeit not without some consideration for living things on the island.
 
In response to a subspace radio call from Vogg Stoob and Boone Crockett, the Stellar Assembly on Federal Earth sent their telepath Earl Pufferton to mind-probe those Freesoil colonists who had sampled the Plotconvenientum. While waiting for this high officer to arrive, the diverse people already on Freesoil plied the two Latterdawn residents with ever more questions. The story of Marysuefire saving them from Galactikang caused a major sensation. The Earth-variant which was home to the Starship Grunts had never sired anyone with powers on a Justice League / Avengers level; thus they had been hugely impressed when they were helped against a Snarkonnen invasion by outside heroes including my version of Thor.

Bill and Versaderma had not met Earl during their time on Federal Earth, and were a little taken aback when he seemed more interested in reading their memories than in specifically tracking people's sensations in the Plotconvenientum trials. After all, he had met Thorpe son of Garryowen, and other superheroes. But he had never met a shape-changer like Versaderma; her ability did more to defy the conservation of matter and energy than many other special powers did.

Earl took the time to mingle with everyone on Quartzpit. When he came to John Cardsharper, he found that the gallant swordsman was now easily as sharp with telepathy as he, to receive and send. Earl, however, could not look into John's brain unless John permitted it. Thought-sharing provided the Unified Service officer with a panorama of John's native story-world. Like the novels by Original Earth's Edgar Rice Burroughs, John's Mars-variant possessed enough examples of weird geography, that Earl wondered if the Never-Stopping Story intended for John and his "Green Martian" friends to encounter new topographical oddities on Freesoil.

Something Federal Earth shared with Original Earth was that, in Federal Earth's early-modern era, there had been colorful Hollow Earth speculations as there had been on Original Earth.......

https://www.amazon.com/Hollow-Earth-David-Standish/dp/0306815338
 
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Back on Latterdawn, even before he obtained Green Flashlight status, Bill Redvest had been enthusiastic for the use of ground-penetrating radar to detect indications of useful mineral deposits. Once "Flashlighted," he had soon begun developing the use of his power-artifact for the same purpose. Consequently, this idea came back to his mind after the visit to Quartzpit Island. The island itself was already being explored efficiently; but Abner Littleton, one of the leading men in Freesoil's development, soon said:

"Our planet's overall average temperature is just a few degrees cooler than on any Earth-variant. This makes no practical difference for our tropical-to-temperate latitudes. But the arctic and antarctic zones are enough colder, that we don't anticipate really DOING anything there in our lifetimes, nor in the lifetimes of our now-living children. However, since you can do underground probing, AND can insulate yourself against cold, perhaps you would care to check out our north pole." Abner specified the north pole, because Freesoil was opposite from Earth regarding which pole was on land and which was in an ocean.

"I like the idea," Versaderma told her husband. "If you bring me along, I can morph into an animal type adapted to severe cold, and help you to study the terrain. Maybe search for volcanic vents or suchlike."

"Would you be able to transport a third person to the north pole?" Abner asked.

Bill nodded. "Carrying two passengers here-to-there on one planet is easier than doing it on space trips. Do you have a suggestion?"

"Yes: John Cardsharper. Not only does he enjoy superb stamina to endure climate extremes, but his high-grade psionic power would be able to give you some idea of what living things inhabit the region."

The side expedition soon was arranged. Earl Pufferton huddled with John to agree on time intervals at which Earl would telepathically ask John about what the trio had found so far.

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Tiptikditpip, the insectoid Green Flashlight who had also come to Freesoil, heard from Bill Redvest what Mr. Littleton had recommended, and told his junior colleague, "I'll join you there, to make sure there's enough warmth for all of us."

John Cardsharper, any more than other Freesoil settlers, had not been told about the ant-shaped hero's presence in the star system; and since being telepathic was not the same as being omniscient, he never suspected Tiptikditpip's presence until he "overheard" the telepathy-like exchange between the two Flashlight Corps members. Once he learned about the extra help for the polar survey, he asked to be allowed to bring his own wife along. This was the former space pirate, born Lylah Doxxum-- who, like the former Krayzee Fireflaw who was now Krayzee Mudpackis, had acquired The Fuss only after departing from Star Wars-related story-territory.

Passenger-shuffling was pulled off without mishap (Earl Pufferton was aware of it, but kept quiet), and soon enough the five explorers were up in the cold country, with provisions and a high-tech insulated shelter. There they did appropriate stuff, including collection of mineral samples. But the real breakthrough, the point we'll pursue when we next look at Freesoil, was achieved by John Cardsharper. On the quintet's fourth day in the arctic zone, they were very near the planet's rotational north pole, when John abruptly mind-called Earl. He also allowed his four companions to "hear" the thoughts he was transmitting to his fellow psychic:

General Pufferton, wake up! Tell this to the others; it isn't something that should be held back from them. I've just discovered that there are living things deep _inside_ this planet! How large the interior space is, I'm not sure, but certainly enough open space to reclassify Freesoil as a Hollow Earth equivalent! There's a _sun_ of some kind at the center of the interior volume, apparently held in place by equality of gravity all around it; and bodies of water, enabling plant life, which in turn enables animal life. Inside surface is "down" for the inhabitants, and there _are_ sentient inhabitants. What I'm detecting is a form of intelligence which _isn't_ human. They seem to have an organized society; and their collective name for themselves comes through to my mind as "Wingdingers," implying that they can fly. I pick up the impression that they are capable of cruelty and violence, but we humans mustn't judge them too harshly on that score.

I can't tell whether they know there is an _outside_ world. Neither can I tell whether any of them can detect my mind-scanning. Probably not, given my natural brain-shielding. I will not actively try to communicate with them until all the leaders of the exterior settlements-- that is, the Freesoilers of every race-- have been told about my discovery. Maybe we should just leave them alone..... but what kind of story would _that_ be?
 
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On Alwaysurnia, home to my versions of He-Man, Teela, Man-At-Arms, Battle-Cat and Orko, life had been uncommonly peaceful for more than a year now. In fact, my version of Teela had borne a son to my version of He-Man. But evil was not entirely gone, thanks to a villain who came from a regular Earth-variant.

The Joketeller, who had acquired potent stealth-related magic since migrating to this world, still was operating in a low-key fashion, with his also-stealthy local friends Grassglider and Stickywick, plus one direct-violence type named Punchatron, whose hands could be indestructible for extended periods of time. This foursome stole stuff here and there, with careful randomness, sustaining themselves in reasonable comfort while accumulating supplies for future expansion of the gang. Discontented Alwaysurnians were sure eventually to gravitate to an experienced villain.

About three months prior to "present time," one breakthrough for Joketeller's benefit came from the nearby planet named Gagspoon, which in the past had been an alternate headquarters for the now-deceased Skamartistor. A young middle-class woman from a peaceful Alwaysurnian city, who held what amounted to a science degree from a sort of college, traveled to Gagspoon to study magical relics there. She acquired a pair of dancing shoes which magically fitted her feet-- and empowered her to perform incredible stunts if she started out with a bit of dancing. This included running straight up vertical walls. She also obtained a magic necklace which enabled her to throw other people into confusion.

When, two months later, she met Joketeller back on Alwaysurnia, she tried to confuse him with her necklace; but he was already so deranged that his mind could not go any crazier. Leaping Lyra, as the naughty girl now called herself, was fascinated by this, and became his girlfriend. One thing they could pull off together was him burgling some prosperous house by his pass-through-walls ability, then her making any pursuers unsure which way to go to chase him.

) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )

"Yes, Your Majesty, it's for certain," said the hooded good-aligned magic-user Storko to Prince Andy's father, the King of Alwaysurnia. "The ambition and success of the latest robberies are beyond the abilities, if not beyond the cunning, of Joketeller. He has to have obtained more help than we knew of. ESPECIALLY, the fact of his evading even Sorcery Lass' magical search, proves the gang has high-level supernatural reinforcement."

The King nodded. "Icky-Linn is known to have departed to a distant sub-universe, and Skamartistor still is dead. Which, in my mind, brings it down to Showboaty the Nocturnal Witch."

"We need to send a heads-up to Dolph and Subsoila," said the Queen. "Subsoila can see in the dark."
 
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Sorcery Lass telepathically alerted the Bluntgrins to the likelihood that a witch of comparable power to the absent Ickylinn was now allied with Joketeller and Leaping Lyra. Dolph and Subsoila responded by calling in their fellow searchers: Notsobadd Bunny from the Backer-Than-Back Woods, Flappos the winged man, and Crocodarla the sapient omnivorous crocodile. The last of these had often babysat the four children/cubs of Battery-Cat and Katlittura, while those two participated in the dragnet. Now the feline spouses were having family time, and their scaly friend was on the hunt.

When Dolph Bluntgrin received the warning from Sorcery Lass, he knew it was better for the posse to be gathered together, so they could not be picked off singly. But they didn't stop the search. In the Filmation-derived story-reality, magic very rarely killed anyone, since ALMOST NOTHING ever killed anyone. (The death of Skamartistor had been a special case, a huge plotline climax.) Still, suffering even cartoon-type violence was to be avoided, insofar as duty permitted.

Notsobadd Bunny had the keenest sense of smell in the posse. Having encountered Grassglider in the past, the upright-standing mega-rabbit remembered that villain's scent. Catching the spoor around sunset, the hunters followed it-- but not blindly. Flappos, armed with a bow, watched out from overhead; Crocodarla investigated each area of deep water; and Subsoila resumed her giant-mole shape, to dig into the earth where it seemed appropriate. Dolph and Bunny stayed close together, equipped respectively with a stun-ray gun and a knife made by Nawtyfeller from Forgeworld.

They did not immediately flush out Joketeller, Leaping Lyra, Grassglider, Stickywick, or Showboaty. But they didn't have to feel neglected; the Slumping Beast, a large pig-shaped monster conjured by the Nocturnal Witch, heavily charged at them.

Dolph Bluntgrin and Flappos cut loose at the monster with stun-bolts and arrows respectively. These having little effect, Dolph drew his battleaxe, Notsobadd readied his dagger, Subsoila raised her foreclaws to fight, and Crocodarla clamped her jaws onto one of the piggish being's hind legs. This being a cartoonish battle, Dolph got in several shoulder rolls despite the mucky terrain, Flappos dive-bombed the monster to little purpose, and nobody got severely injured. When it became evident that the Slumping Beast was having a hard time, the remotely-watching Showboaty magically sent it back to the dimension from which she had summoned it.

When the inconclusive skirmish was reported by radio, Sorcery Lass apologized: "I knew that Showboaty would be weakened by any bright light, but I forgot to check whether her Slumping Beast had the same weakness. Turns out he does; but that stun-gun's beams don't fall within the natural visible spectrum that affects it and the witch. I'm glad none of you are badly hurt; use light next time."

But shortly afterward, as an anticlimactic bit of good luck, Notsobadd suddenly picked up the scent of Stickywick who was nearby in his disguise as a small tree. The petty polymorpher had been spying to see what the good guys did after surviving the monster's attack; but abruptly having dozens of his leaves sheared off by the rabbit's blade caused him enough pain that he couldn't sink into the soil. Instead, he reverted to his humanoid form, and was placed under arrest. Due to cartoon-type reality, however, the good guys did not hurt Stickywick to make him tell where his gang's hideout was.
 
>>>>>>> In a region of Star Wars-based reality, rather than Spaceballs-based reality, Lackdough Caribbiyan was ready to get back into pew-pew action. He had heard enough about Quark Lord Maltibalkrix to know that this evil demigod, if not stopped, would not be satisfied with conquering Planet Powurkord. Maltibalkrix's army of Quark-Orcs led by Quark-Elves would grab all the territory they could, and the system containing the Cloud Casino would not be immune to attack. So Lackdough resolved --since his side would be assisted by its own demigods, the Spacer Swimmers-- that it was best to counterattack before Maltibalkrix grew any stronger. So, leaving assistants in charge of his dwarf-planet resort, the daring rascal set out for Powurkord with such help as was available.

Prominent in his --no, I refuse to say "ragtag"-- in his mixed band of adventurers, were a human male and a near-human female. Blastodon Kroof, the full human, was a not-seriously-wicked mercenary who had the prestige of carrying the Darkmachete. Blastodon had worked with Empire of Evil Badness personnel in the Dimsaber quest, but had not committed any capital crimes in that undertaking. The woman, Master Sergeant Hobree Deslo, retired from the Army of the Republic of Lots of Worlds, was a blue-skinned Chisskurdean. She looked like the sisters Tapidri and Tarvili Drifla (who had formerly been War Witches, recruited by force for Twerpseid); she was older than they, but still very fit. Hobree had the good fortune to have always lived in freedom, and had spent years fighting to preserve this freedom. A handful of her fellow retired soldiers -- called by some "The Good Batch"-- were sharing her post-retirement escapades, and unanimously joined in the expedition to Powurkord. Now, just let me check on earlier posts, to see who else I might have said would join in........

OKAY, THAT'S RIGHT, Moose and Melodica Windchime, still using the former Imperial frigate Wanton Violence, now renamed Adjustment, with a crew mostly of liberated slaves, came to Cloud Casino, and picked up those who signed on for the Powurkord expedition. Most remarkably, some technical jobs aboard the frigate were performed by armadillo-like sapients who had joined up on Planet Riggblit. (This, after the Popquizzitor assault on Riggblit had been foiled.)

As the frigate headed for the outlying planet which Maltibalkrix had begun infiltrating, it was joined by a modest-sized Banjolorian ship, calling itself the Naskar Holster. On board it were Colbirk Rezgo, a "helmet-optional" Banjolorian, and his two daughters: nine-year-old Varilu Rezgo and six-year-old Lotraloi Rezgo. The Rezgo family had known Banjolorian Lashrook, follower of Bulky Tanya, and had now heard about Lashbrook dying heroically on Powurkord, fighting against evil. This would be Varilu's third time seeing action, and Lotraloi's first. Varilu had yet to kill any sapient being, but she had once kept enemies' heads down for several minutes while her father switched out weapons.

In his plotline-advancing way, Master Yoga-Rug had communicated with the Rezgoes about the events on Powurkord, and had notified Swimmer Mars that reinforcements were enroute. Swimmer Mars had told Yoga-Rug: "None too soon! At least seventy more persons on Powurkord have been changed into Quark-Orcs, and it's difficult to stop them from doing harm without killing them."

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In the north temperate latitudes of Powurkord, General Shonkon Reebud, coming out of retirement in this time of crisis, was heading an investigative team, crossing by sea to an island not far from Kremdilkrem (the latter being where Maltibalkrix had already covertly taken over everything). With him were two dozen expendable n.p.c.'s, and the female Banjolorian Frib Deenree, who usually lived in Raxamento and worked for the shipbuilder Hissfadred.

The small island of Unchartica gained more than half of its revenue by supplying workers for the mines on Kremdilkrem. By all accounts, these ore-extraction enterprises were well run and had a very good safety record; but questioning people had to start somewhere. During waterborne approach, however, General Reebud's party got no answer to radio hails. They accordingly veered away from the regular waterfront, landing on a lonely beach. Everyone carried sonic stun weapons, because it was known that many Quark-Orcs and even Quark-Elves were normal people transformed against their will.

Unfortunately, Maltibalkrix or his lieutenants had tracked them. Shonkon Reebud and Frib Deenree had scarcely set boots on sand before over a hundred Quark-Orcs rushed them. "Get away! Don't wait for me! Carry the warning!" Shonkon yelled. The boat withdrew; but Frib, shouting, "This is the path," refused to forsake him. Between them, the two heroes disabled enough Quark-Orcs that no effort could be mounted to prevent the boat from escaping.

The Quark Lord knew that even if he destroyed the fleeing boat, it would have already broadcast an alert before he could blow it up. So he issued orders to begin a pre-planned change of base location. When his transformation specialists tied the veteran and the Banjolorian down on tables, they soon found that both Shonkon and Frib had such strong will, they could not be monsterized. So the valiant pair were beheaded.....

....and entered The Good Place together, with heads re-attached on their new bodies.
 
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Four demigoddess protectors of Non-Communist Anime Earth-- Swimmers Pluto, Mars, Moon, and Moon's daughter Chipmunkyusa-- dropped all business among the outer planets, to beeline back to Powurkord. Open war had now begun; and the Spacer Swimmers knew how merciless Quark Elves could be when let loose among noncombatants. The strong Banjolorian presence on the inhabited world would be able to do plenty of combat against the Quark Horde; cosmic-powered persons needed to devise ways to protect civilians from getting killed-- or in this case, changed into Quark-Orcs.

Strictly speaking, three demigoddesses hastened to protect civilians from harm. Swimmer Moon just couldn't restrain herself from reverting to her useless aerial dance, while chanting: "Insight of gravitic force lines! Victory in conflicts large and small! Beauty from the inner core of being! Impact between concept and realization! Circles of internal spirit-eruption! Rhythm of extended life! Winds of abstract intervention!"

Bulky Tanya took charge of several Powurkordean Banjolorians in one location. Colbirk and his daughters landed the Naskar Holster in another place, just in time to join up with some other Banjolorians. Dim Jargon was close to the spaceport where his ship had first landed; his wife Tien-Hai was with him, wielding the Naskar Spear; her father the Eagle Style kung-fu master was there too; and spaceport security officers rallied around them. Nabirye Jared (remember, Ugandans put the surname first) took station beside his Heart Sapphire wife Joza-Varu-Paf, in the same town where their love had blossomed. Joza's protective powers were well suited to an urban battlefield, as they would allow Jared and local cops to charge across open spaces under her shield, reaching positions from which they could strike at monsters without harming bystanders.

If I said that Tuxedo Dash and Bahavish Ogoshi were on the same planet, assume that they're on the job wherever they're needed most.

Heart Sapphires Welpura and Vilkarezdu also assumed rescue duty. Vin Gasleen and Yovord gathered the Drilprets, again joined by local police, to defend a threatened location in the southern hemisphere. Only-One and Massage Kanoli did the same at another such place.

Jared had been issued police body armor, since he had no invulnerability. His energy-detecting power warned him when a beam weapon carried by a possible enemy was powered on; this gave him a chance to evade-- or, if certain it was indeed a hostile, the chance to return fire.

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Having vacated Unchartica, Maltibalkrix went for big game. An hour and a half into the planetwide battle, Swimmer Moon still was pirouetting high above the ground, obliviously chanting. when the Quark Lord's jet pack or whatever enabled him to fly brought him up behind her. Chipmunkyusa would have defended her mother, except that she had been required to set up an aid station because her mother was doing nothing. So Maltibalkrix's icy fist crashed into the unhelpful heroine's right temple.

The first intimation the other Spacer Swimmers received was Maltibalkrix telling them: "I sense that you immortals cannot be changed into evil beings; but I also know that you are not so immortal that you can't be killed by a shattered skull. I don't expect everyone else on your side to surrender for this dopey blonde's sake; but you three will withdraw from the star system, or I will splatter her inadequate brains on the ground."

Pluto, Mars and Chip couldn't let Swimmer Moon die. But as they retreated into space, Pluto mystically contacted the Janitors of the Universe, explaining their predicament. In response, undetected by Maltibalkrix, Lord Katmatao sent one of the greatest of all Green Flashlights to the Powurkord star system: Indabog, the brawny instructor of new Flashlights. By a hyper-path which the Quark Lord would not see, Indabog flew to that part of Powurkord which currently was farthest away from any Quark-beings.
 
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And no, I haven't forgotten the characters who are coming with Moose Windchime.

Swimmer Mercury, before going to join Pluto, Chip and Mars, located the frigate Adjustment enroute to the Powurkord system. Activating the ship's own subspace radio, she introduced herself. "My sister demigoddesses and I are protectors of the same Earth-variant where Dim Jargon of Banjolore settled down and took a wife. Dim, his wife and his father-in-law are all known to Powurkordeans by now, and are engaged at this moment in the defense against the Quark-Elves."

Moose and Melodica both sensed through The Fuss that Swimmer Mercury was on the level. "Are you current on the state of the war?" asked Melodica.

Mercury provided concise particulars of what forces were engaged at which places, emphasizing descriptions of good guys who might be unknown to the up-siders aboard the former Imperial warship. "Until further notice, I can't fight beside you. Maltibalkrix has Swimmer Moon as a hostage! The Quark Lord can't expect the entire star system to bow before him just to save one immortal, but he has us in check. So go ahead and help the defenders as if I had never mentioned Swimmer Moon to you. We'll hope that something changes, and makes rescuing Moon possible."

"We'll do what we can down there," said Moose. "May The Fuss be with you."

Based on the intel provided to them, and seeing no sign of enemy spacecraft coming their way, Adjustment plunged into atmosphere. They steered for an uninhabited tropical island where, as Pluto had informed Mercury, Quark-Elves were constructing a supply and ammunition depot for their own forces. Moose brought the frigate in hard and hot, wiping out stacked Quarkish weapons and parked atmosphere craft with blaster barrages.

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Dim Jargon, though accustomed to slaying most enemies, went for kneecap shots on the Quark-Orcs; the Spacer Swimmers had estimated that at least a third of the dark-worlder troops would prove to be formerly normal people, transformed without their consent. His wife, blind but with Daredevil-style sensory compensations, did similarly with the unbreakable Naskar Spear, while her white-haired father did lots of cool kung-fu-movie stunts to put Orcs non-fatally out of action.

Where the Kanolis were defending a university campus, Only-One was probing with his mind even as he fought. After crippling or knocking out his first five adversaries, he began to detect the difference between Quark-Orcs who had been born as Orcs, and those who had been forcibly changed by Maltibalkrix and his lieutenants. Once he had a firm handle on it, Only-One beheaded the next dark-worlder he took on. After this, when he could do so without confusing Massage to her peril, he began pointing out "actual" Orcs for her to kill.

Where Black Giraffe was fighting, he frequently extended and retracted his neck to confuse opponents. Since coming to this planet, he had gotten abundant practice in sensing people's brainwaves when his neck was extended. He would never be able to pick up what a person was thinking, but by now he could recognize whether someone was human or near-human, or a yucky evil alien. Thus he could make a life-or-death distinction, just as Only-One Kenobi was doing.

Vin Gasleen and his companions had no means of distinguishing real Orcs from Orcafied humans, but the police officers in this team possessed subdual weapons. There were hundreds of attackers at their location, so it was an appropriate site for a heroic death. Vin died most heroically, saving his Kummanokkinite friend Yovord, and took his leave bound for The Good Place.
 
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Moose and Melodica Windchime, with Blastodon wielding the Darkmachete and the rest doing their part, got into the action too; unfortunately, there were more than enough Quark-Elves and -Orcs to go around, so the reinforcments were more than welcome. At one point, with one large area secured, Moose grabbed his opportunity to try playing his blues guitar. He found that this did help to restore captured Quark-beings who had been forcibly changed from normal people.

Another wild card entered the game not long afterward: a metallic-looking woman-like space-being who rode on --yes, a warp-speed surfboard. Calling herself Silver Surfqueen, she was carrying a grudge which had nothing to do with the Quark-Elves. Wanting to work for Duke Terror, she had been outraged to find the Duke already enlisting a male super-villain, Traynrekk the Trampler, as his evil deputy. So now Silver Surfqueen was looking for some low-risk chance at fame and glory. Either side of the fight would work for her.

Her astral clairvoyance reconnoitered the course of the battle for Powurkord. She thus became the first neutral party to see when Swimmer Venus joined Swimmer Mercury and Chipmunkyusa in a surprise raid upon the hidden moonbase where Maltibalkrix was holding Swimmer Moon captive. As soon as she confirmed Moon being rescued, Surfqueen bulleted for the inhabited planet. Before the news of Moon being safe had time to spread, she descended like a bomb onto a troop concentration of Quark-Orcs. Consuming numerous Orcs, many of whom were innocent victims of monsterizing, she did halt their march against a town..... but she also roasted eighteen civilians in the town.

Like many cosmic thing-doers, Surfqueen could hack into radio comms, and cross language barriers. For the benefit of the still-endangered Powurkordean people, she trumpeted: "Behold your glorious rescuer! Antimerica Chutzpah was never the true heroine, I'm the best and greatest! Let everyone line up to thank me for saving you!"

And this, when the world-battle still was far from ended.

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The successful surprise rescue carried out by Venus, Mercury and Chipmunkyusa sharply demoralized Maltibalkrix-- who, like brave brave Sir Robin, bravely turned his tail and fled. From that point, with only one more mixed-results intervention by Silver Surfqueen, the tide of war completely favored the side of good. Less than two full days after Swimmer Moon landed again on Powurkord-- with her mind finally sincere about never wasting time chanting anymore-- no further Quark-Elf attacks were occurring. The Heart Sapphire Sisters could now get to work trying to re-humanize "recruited" Quark-beings.

Among the first victims successfully salvaged were the missing Glugfins from Planet Kantpoo. This included the Glugfin girl Pree-Pree Jodd, who before the crisis broke out had found a missing Harmonicron.

When Surfqueen belatedly found out how effectively Moose Windchime's blues music-- through recordings as well as in person--. was curing people of being monsterized, she decided not to hang around and answer questions about her death toll. Copperfox is aware that in the real world, trying to save everyone sometimes makes matters worse instead of better; but in this story-situation, more total people really could have been saved by the exercise of restraint.
 
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MY HALO-VARIANT, which is being visited by "outside" characters, has been resting long enough. But the situation with peace overtures to Highmaster Starterus of the Congregation is on hold. I want to rewind, and fill in more of the "not-yet-real" past in the Heyho sub-reality.

With my Never-Stopping Story, I have a rule for every direct version of Earth. Divergence of history for these always begins after the Resurrection of Jesus and the completion of the Bible, because I won't tamper with that. Beyond the Apostolic era, anything goes: China could colonize South America, the African kingdom of Timbuktu could invent the airplane, or much smaller changes.

The imagined history of the Halo canon is much farther removed from the real world than the Dune franchise is, because the Dune series diverges from reality only AFTER present time, while the Halo timeline imagines SO MUCH "forgotten" past history as to make all real history seem like a blink. For my parody, everything Halo places in way-prehistoric times is extremely condensed and shifted forward. Even with this abridgement, I have said that the "Heyho" premise only BECOMES "real" a brief while before Zubdookree, Karbeena and their lot come upon it. I have already placed some back story for Master Champ and Cortexa inside the not-yet-real part; but I'll eventually catch them up with SInchoodi, Hendro, and others who are NOW "real."

The Introductories, my evil alien race which mimics Halo's "Forerunners," meet their downfall DURING the "pre-reality" lifetime of Master Champ Johnny-747, but the Heyho universe only becomes "real" after my version of The Covenant arises. The current cluster of posts is dedicated to actions occurring before Johnny-747 ever met his cybernetic true love.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Twenty-six standard years before the Champ-and-Cortexa adventure I previously narrated--

The United Civilizations warship Spurting Flame, commanded by Captain Greco Dillard, was heading for the human-settled planet Mororless, its operations assisted by an artificial intelligence named Sarcasta. An earlier iteration than Cortexa, Sarcasta was arguably sentient, but not nearly as passionately involved with human lives as the later Cortexa would be. Captain Tozer, and a platoon of Space Marines led by a First Sergeant Jeffrey George, were hoping to quell an uprising by the Mororlessan colonists against the United Civilizations without any massacres. The last U.C. force to deploy there had been special ops, inserted to spy out what the rebels had in their toolbox while trying to avoid a fight.

But no hyperspace drone had come back lately to report the special-ops team's progress.

Reason? The spec-ops unit, Fire Team Dynastic, had been slain to the last man.

"Sarcasta, deploy micro-drones as planned." Passage of time for the local-ops drones to reach the planet's troposphere and scatter, while the ship kept all electronic emissions at a minumum. Eventually: "Findings?"

"Captain, the only good news is that the families of Fire Team Dynastic will have their survivors' benefits expedited. Some sort of outdoor gathering place is ornamented with their disassembled armor, and their mostly-complete skeletons."

"And this uses up our micro-drones. Tell the First Sergeant to have his team suit up, and the port bay crew to make ready the unmanned decoy boat, so George has a chance to reach the ground. And activate Hole Card." This last reference was to something, two some-ONES really, whose very presence on the ship had been kept a secret from Jeffrey George. If captured alive, the Space Marines could not be made to reveal something they didn't know.
 
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"Hole Card" was to initiate even before the deliberately-detectable decoy boat was launched. After a diversionary surface objective was attacked, the empty decoy boat would launch, thus appearing to be the "real" attack. First Sergeant George's team would then deploy to hit their own objective.

When a target is moving through a war zone, all other things being equal, being small gives a better chance of escaping detection. Hole Card consisted of two stealth- coated infiltration capsules, launched by the Spurting Flame, following separate indirect courses toward a single destination area, well removed from where Jeffrey George was heading. Inside the capsules were two of the very first prototype Crackshots. Master Champ Johnny-747, still to come, would be in the second Crackshot generation. Only when the second generation worked well with humans (and Plethmors, who were near-human), would the Crackshot Force become wide-open to diverse races friendly with humans.

Conventions for naming first-model Crackshots were still fluid. One of the two men infiltrating Mororlessa was called Aristocrat Six. His specialty was sniping, for which he carried a relatively-lightweight electromagnetic rail gun. Its projectiles would fly almost as fast as the pellets from Jacob Mossyhutch's gravity gun, but would lose momentum WITHOUT crossing the universe. Aristocrat's only other weapons (leaving plenty of weight allowance for his railgun ammunition) were two incendiary grenades, a short-barreled repeating shotgun with four magazines at thirteen rounds each, and a fighting knife made of super-dense alloy.

Both of these proto-Crackshots were big men thanks to enhanced growth, but Stone Wolf was the heavier of the two. He was optimized for close quarters. On this as on most missions, his only long-range armament was a three-shot rocket launcher. To survive long-range enemy fire, he carried five single-use shield generators. His other weapons were a 15mm semi-automatic pistol with armor-piercing rounds (twelve magazines), a knife similar to Aristocrat's knife, a beaked war hammer made from the same alloy, a very peculiar adhesive bomb to immobilize opponents-- and an ancient artifact of the long-lost Preliminaries, which he had brought away when he, Aristocrat and the Space Marines had looted and destroyed a Preliminary site to deny its use to the Introductories.

Dubbed the Tuning Fork of Death, it was shaped exactly like a sledgehammer-size tuning fork. It could be made to shoot directed infrasonic waves, because extra-LOW sound frequencies can be physically devastating. In combat, its effective range was about equal to his handgun; and, very importantly, it could affect Introductory soldiers RIGHT THROUGH their own energy shields. Even in airless conditions, it could send vibrations through any solid matter it touched.

Moments before the two leading landers took off, Sarcasta told Wolf, "Remember to hold the tuning fork by the handle, the prongs pointed AWAY from yourself. We don't want to retrieve you in a bucket."

In order not to give away too much to people planetside, Sarcasta hacked into Mororlessan comms networks to broadcast a message of her own: "Citizens of this planet, I speak for the United Civilizations. You, and other colonies, have always enjoyed representation on Earth. If the Introductories have pretended to offer you greater liberty, they lie. They feel contempt for all who do not conform to them completely, and will expend your lives any time it suits them. In the meantime, we will not allow you to bolster their combat capability for this galactic sector. Do not compel us to be rough with you."

The decoy boat launched, and the Spurting Flame received strong evidence that Introductory forces were on-planet. A particle beam fried the boat..... but Jeffrey George's platoon made it to ground unnoticed.

And used passive sensors to find radio emissions from the hostiles who had fired upon the decoy boat. The emissions were also reporting to the ship which had brought these warriors. THAT information would go to the Spurting Flame, which would attack the enemy ship after pretending to notice nothing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The infiltration capsules, once grounded, changed color to be inconspicuous where they landed. They had just enough power to get aloft again after the mission. If their mother ship should be destroyed or crippled, and no other friendly ship was in range, the capsules could reconfigure as concealed hibernation units, in the hope of eventual retrieval.

The two men's goal was a factory alongside one of Mororlessa's longest rivers. Local residents remaining loyal to the United Civilizations had gotten word out that the anti-Earth revolutionaries were using the plant to manufacture munitions. Worse, personnel of the Introductories were believed to have landed there unannounced. But the two infiltrators, as they split up, anticipated finding things out on the run. They urgently needed to get their own diversionary attack underway-- so that the enemy would mistake the warship's launch of the decoy boat as the real attack or the real whatever.

. There was no way of knowing which Mororlessan humans would be friendly; but the precision tactics favored by both men would by their nature minimize the risk of anyone innocent being killed.

Stone Wolf opened the dance by breaking open a thick locked door with the Tuning Fork. Charging inside, he turned on his loudspeaker with a recording in the locally-dominant language. You know, just in case any locals DIDN'T know that language barriers aren't supposed to slow down a story. "Evacuate this plant! No one is to be harmed, we are only interested in destroying the munitions. Evacuate now!"

Security guards fired low-power bullet guns at him, without effect. Stone Wolf used the Tuning Fork at a mild setting to stun them, then gestured for unarmed workers to carry them outside. When he was sure everyone was away, he stood in the center of the factory, readied one of his temporary protective shields, and fired a rocket point-blank into a stack of bombs.

Outside, Aristocrat Six had some fun. With nine successive shots of his rail gun, he disabled four empty ground vehicles, damaged a broadcasting tower (two shots) -- and shot objects out of three men's hands, all without harming anyone. Enough to create a stir, while reminding the locals that U.C. Space Marines were not wanton murderers.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Up in orbit, Captain Dillard's tracking specialists detected a similar-sized Introductory combatant coming out of stealth --a capability which the United Civilizations Galactic Navy lacked--to destroy the unmanned spaceboat. Its apparent course passed through the most likely part of space from which the enemy ground force could have been deployed. The alien ships, unlike invisibility rules in Dungeons & Dragons, could attack WHILE cloaked; but for a small mercy to the good guys, the alien weapons were much less accurate when fired from a stealth posture. Dillard's tactical officer, Lieutenant-Commander Zenobia Harris, directed a lethal rear-quadrant missile attack at the hostile vessel.

The Introductory ship was not disintegrated by a weight of fire which would have utterly annihilated a comparable U.C. ship, but it was "mission killed," meaning it still existed, but was too damaged to be a threat. The human leadership knew by now that the space-lifeboats carried by this class of Introductory warship had no hyperspace capability; so capturing the enemy ship's survivors was not a priority.

Sarcasta sent a wide-beam all-channels request for any lawful authorities on the colony world to report their status. Minutes later, a reply came in an unimpressive male voice: "This is Prime Executive Benedict Quisling Iscariot, acknowledging. Thank you for stopping those renegades who departed from the gentle teachings of the Preliminary Oracles. Other beings who adhere to the true Preliminary way, as preserved by faithful Introductories, will be glad to meet you, now that they're safe from the extremists who hijacked their wonderful philosophy of tolerance. Let me put my Defense Minister on the frequency."

Next: "Greetings in the name of the universe! I am Mororlessan Peacekeeper-General Backstabbicus Maximus. I am informed of your demonstration raid in which your personnel avoided killing anyone. Allow me to upload landing coordinates for you. The nearest suitable open area close to the capital is right at the center of our seldom-used artillery practice range......"
 
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After swiftly relocating four miles away from the place they had raided, Stone Wolf and Aristocrat Six were keeping radio silence. They had heard Sarcasta's broadcast, but the narrow-beam dialogue which followed could not reach their personal receivers. The sniper cautiously shifted position, moving close enough to the close-range killer that they could signal each other by non-electronic means.

Sarcasta was not an artificial INTELLIGENCE for nothing. She realized that First Sergeant George's platoon might not, and the two proto-Crackshots could not, have heard the ship's dialogue with the Prime Executive and the Peacekeeper-General. She accordingly "just happened" to make her next transmission another full-network message: "People of Mororlessa! You will not regret welcoming us. My Captain is authorized to conduct early-stage talks with your government about resolving all grievances your people hold. We are now setting down on the artillery range you designated for our landing."

Wolf and Aristocrat realized that they were much too far away from the planetary capital to have any effect on events there. But they knew that the First Sergeant WAS close enough to intervene. They stood by for more developments......

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Spurting Fire took its time entering atmosphere, using every not-too-obvious excuse to be slow descending toward the ground and the Mororlessan leaders. This gave Jeffrey George's Marines time to sneak up on the camouflaged artillery positions.Minutes before the warship would have been in danger from the old-fashioned but still deadly guns, the gunners and their spotters had all been rendered unconscious or immobile. Captain Dillard dropped off Zenobia Harris with several ship's guards, to help retain control of the artillery range, then moved the ship to land instead at the nearest safe location to the Mororlessan equivalent of a president's mansion.

Sarcasta the ship's A/I went ashore in an emitter carried by Tactical Officer Harris. While Captain Dillard assumed a hovering posture above the capital, Sarcasta reclaimed the planetary media, allowing Zenobia now to address the population:

"People of Mororlessa, the Galactic Navy is obliged to speak to you again. I am Lieutenant-Commander Zenobia Harris. My personnel have taken over control of the artillery range near your capital. Under voiceprint reading, your troops here have confessed that Peacekeeper-General Maximus, under orders from Prime Executive Iscariot, had them standing by to fire upon our ship once it landed here as they expected it to. Once the Spurting Fire was too damaged to take off again, your troops were to board it..... and hold it ready to be examined by personnel OF THE INTRODUCTORIES. Those aliens would have taken it apart, examining every component and every data record, thus increasing the military advantages they already possess.

"This has gone beyond political disputes between humans and other humans. Officials of your government, whatever sort of reward was offered to them by the enemy, have broken faith with all humanity, and with all sapient races friendly to humanity. We ask all military personnel who REALLY love Mororlessa to arrest Benedict Quisling Iscariot and Backstabbicus Maximus! We further warn all your civilians that they are in deadly peril-- NOT from us, but from the Introductories, who may show themselves at any moment, now that their trickery is unmasked. If you have civil-defense measures, right now is the time to activate them!"
 
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Sarcasta was deeply enough dug into planetary networks that she could pick up signs of space comms in progress. With some effort at code-cracking, she had cause to call Captain Dillard:

"Skipper, someone on a military channel is talking, encrypted, with an unidentified ship, and I know how to bet my money regarding who owns that ship. Can't be sure, but what hints I can catch, say it's a major combatant, and probably a single system-width away from the outer planets. I recommend you launch ALL your messenger drones now; this much is enough to tell Earth about, and you know it's possible that none of us will make it home."

Greco Dillard replied: "Will follow your recommendation, except I'll keep ONE drone-- in case we win after all."

Bunches of running around and doing stuff ensued. The traitors were arrested with minimal bloodshed. Mororlessans really wanting to cut all ties with the United Civilizations quickly forted up in strongholds which they clearly had made ready in advance. They probably had contact with the Introductories. Greco Dillard, Zenobia Harris and Jeffrey George remotely conferred on tactics; Jeffrey's Marines could serve well either on the planet, or on the Spurting Flame to repel boarders. The outcome was that Corporal Pauline Hashimoto, Jeffrey's second, would stay planetside as an advisor to whoever succeeded the now-deceased Backstabbicus Maximus........

Because Aristocrat Six and Stone Wolf remained as hole cards, as per their code name. Zenobia, back on board Spurting Flame, oversaw the secret delivery to them of ammunition and other necessities. The new Peacekeeper-General, a gentleman by name of Yao-Sung McTavish, was the only Mororlessan informed of the identities (not the whereabouts) of the two "free agents."

Sarcasta accompanied the Marines back up to their ship. By means of her, Yao-Sung McTavish was able to supply the Spurting Flame with a most useful product of the planet: a sort of quick-setting foam which-- up to a certain width of aperture-- could seal air leaks from the pressure hull. McTavish also furnished some technical specifications (which had been shown to his treasonous predecessor) for the loitering Introductory ship. This information went out in the messenger drone which Dillard had kept in reserve, less than two hours before the enemy battlecruiser charged into the inner system.

In the fireworks that followed, the inside facts acquired about Introductory ship design (and the new resource against atmosphere loss) prevented Spurting Flame from being utterly destroyed. Many crewmembers were killed in action, and First Sergeant George with all of his Marines died thwarting alien boarders. The human ship's hyperspace capability was ruined beyond repair; but the Introductory battlecruiser was itself so badly hurt that it could not pursue as Captain Dillard retreated into a thick asteroid belt.

Sarcasta told her captain: "Since we were able to report our intel back to the fleet, we can hope for the cavalry. But I calculate that our best chance of surviving till then is to jettison as much debris as possible-- including the honored dead-- and then anchor the ship against some large, irregular-shaped asteroid and go dormant. I'll keep watch."

Captain Dillard gravely nodded. "But what if we keep sleeping beyond your software expiration? What if our guys aren't able to retrieve us before then?"

"I will have done everything cybernetically possible to prolong YOUR lives. If we don't speak again, Greco, it's been an honor serving with you and the rest."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Introductories also paid a serious price invading the planet. The two "hole cards" killed hundreds of aliens, without revealing themselves. Yao-Sung McTavish and Pauline Hashimoto both died gallantly in the fighting, so the presence of Aristocrat and Wolf remained a secret. When they saw they could accomplish no more for the present, the secret soldiers used their hibernation capsules to drop out of sight for about two Earth-months.

The overconfident Introductories had counted on their corruption of authorities, plus colonial resentment against Earth, to make their occupation of Mororlessa easy. But in the event, nearly half of their own surface invasion force perished. And reinforcements were slow to appear, because the Introductories had other problems in other sectors. (Halo players, you are invited to assume that something resembling "The Flood" in the canonical game was concurrently menacing them.)
 
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