Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

[Copperfox]

From events in the Second Galaxy, we swing back to Chimpanzia, the world not far from Directvideo where Princess Vixen was born: a planet whose native science and industry were about equal to Original Earth in the year 1890, until friendly outsiders began helping them to make improvements. These off-world helpers include characters derived from "Star Wars" and from "Thor" comics........

Duke Diskoduck seemed at last to have reached the maximum extent of the randomly-mixed superpowers which he had acquired from plotline-convenient alien artifacts. The final gift he received was that, once every three days, he could cause one other person who was not hostile to him to become indestructible for a little over one hour. The first "field use" of this power had been to enable a skilled Chimpanzian worker to go down a coal mine and save other workers from dying by asphyxiation.

The Popquizzitor Trillyun Subaru, with her evil robot Anti-Asimov and her band of pig-like mercenaries, wanted to plunder Chimpanzia, but knew she couldn't do it alone. Her natural ally was Traynrekk the Trampler, an evil Silver Surfer counterpart formerly serving the late Galactikang. Traynrekk had recently tried attacking Chimpanzia out of plain hatred of goodness; but the Fuss-proficient Toofah-Roffian girl Bestbaya, assisted by Tahushio, had chased him away.

The dog-headed Jumpstardeans in the Third Galaxy were interested in people of the Directvidean star system; but having enemies to fight in their own space, there was a limit on how much reinforcement they could send to Chimpanzia. They had, however, sent their own speedster, Speedy Greyhoundus; and, more recently, King Woollywoofin had sent the mighty Ultraviolet Griffin.

Other good guys on the scene included Major Tex Tylus from the Republic of Lots of Worlds, married to former Popquizzitor Sweetslayer; Pro Dashalong with his ship; Count Havabeer from the Dune-patterned Galactic Empire; and the ape lawman Antilacor. These and more were diligently trying to improve the planet's defensive potential, without allowing the development of indigenous airplanes to be dropped. Friendly worlds-- not only nearby Directvideo, but the Ashtrayides homeworld Waterpark-- were standing by, trying to decide whether to deploy substantial military assets for the safeguarding of the civilized apes.

Two Heart Sapphires (who both had previously meddled on Jersey Earth) were on hand, ready to perform damage control and lifesaving functions: Tahushio Bleebu, the one with an extra finger on each hand, and Jitra Pooklar, who looked perfectly human except for the prehensile tail growing from the small of her back. General Alec Hurdyurdy of House Ashtrayides was in command of one ground-combat force, which included Count Havabeer; Chief Lefturklyde from Planet Anoxia headed a mostly-simian force, augmented by Speedy Greyhoundus; Tex Tylus had a small number of gunmen, supplementing THREE Fuss users (Tex's wife Sweetslayer, Master Quinine Sauce, and the Tryyurluck Samladel Fripp); and Groan Starr, Princess Vixen, Bestbaya and Antilacor headed miscellaneous reserves. Pro Dashalong's ship was on watch in orbit, with Bestbaya, Diskoduck, Wilma Dearthing and her robot Clankalot. The Ultraviolet Griffin, who seldom needed sleep, alternated with Captain Dashalong on sky patrol.

Another "Duke," the super-being Duke Terror, was on his way to the two-planet system accompanied by Traynrekk the Trampler, and by Popquizzitor Trillyun Subaru with her evil robot Anti-Asimov. (The use of the letter T in so many names was pure coincidence.) Miscellaneous evildoers tagged along, including some unrepentant furry Barnsmell, some Glukks, and a smattering of reptilian Postalfiends who had escaped justice.

This is my first post actually bringing Duke Terror onstage, so now I have to say what he looks like. He resembles "Maestro Hulk" in comics, only a bit larger, and with fangs.

Count Havabeer, formerly a retainer of the deposed Calamari Emperor, was accustomed to "Dune"-based technology, but by now he realized the drawbacks of this technology. It had come to him, however, that the biggest negative --personal shields would explode if hit by energy weapons-- could be turned to advantage. Learning that Pro Dashalong's ship carried a dummy missile for target practice, Havabeer asked: "If your simulation missile were fired at an actual enemy, would the enemy know the difference?"

"Highly unlikely."

"So, if you shot the blank missile with my shield attached, and the enemy fired at it, then at the very least the blast would confuse the enemy sensors. It's worth a try."

 

[Copperfox]

Duke Terror surprised everyone by appearing in the very center of the planetary capital. The President and Vice-President saw and heard him, as did Lefturklyde's troops who were on the scene. The cosmic monster did no immediate violence, but uttered a speech:

"People of Chimpanzia! I am your deliverer! The Directvideans and the Ashtrayides are your oppressors! They only enhance your industry in order to make you more useful as slaves! Accept my benevolent guidance, and I will rescue you from human exploitation!"

Before any Chimpanzian could reply, the Ultraviolet Griffin appeared in front of the star-traveling giant. "You lie! The Jumpstardeans and I know what you really are: a sadistic murderer! You would not have Traynrekk the Trampler in your service if you were benevolent."

Terror's reaction was to blow something like smoke from his mouth. Everyone touched by it suddenly panicked and fled, except for the Griffin. The good-aligned creature shot ultraviolet laser beams from his eyes. These were invisible to ordinary sight, but onlookers could see something like sunburn appearing on the giant's face. The next instant, the Griffin launched himself into the air, to bite and claw Terror's face. The damage was not disabling, and Terror struck back, injuring the Griffin's wings. This harm likewise was not decisive, and the fight continued.

Speedy Greyhoundus raced in from Terror's right side, and his battleaxe wounded a massive leg, but the dog-headed hero was only just quick enough to evade a counterblow. A sort of landing craft now descended, bringing thirty ground fighters of the Barnsmell race. Orangutanoid and Chimpanzian gun-apes opened fire. Now there was lots of blam-blam and pew-pew shooting, with combatants on both sides receiving wounds or burns in their left shoulders.

One way or another, both Speedy and Griffin got hurt rather more severely. But Jitra Pooklar popped up to enclose them and herself inside a protective energy sphere, where she could treat their injuries. Tahushio Bleebu did the same for several rank-and-file casualties.

* * * * * * * * * *
Diskoduck had been diligently refining his miscellaneous superpowers. The very first power he had gained-- making people hear the "2001 Space Odyssey" theme-- could now reach across vacuum. The Directvidean aristocrat made the music sound inside the nearest space-pirate craft to Pro Dashalong's ship. This caused the pirates to forget what they were doing, making it easy for Pro to fire blasts which disabled that ship's weapon systems.

Bestbaya, the great-niece of Master Yoga-Rug, achieved a similar effect against another pirate vessel, by pushing her Fuss telekinesis inside it. She could not manipulate unseen ship controls from here, but simply toppling the enemy crewmen out of their seats created enough confusion so Pro Dashalong could knock out their target-tracking sensors.

Minutes later, Traynrekk himself decided he had better eliminate Captain Dashalong. But as he made his attack run, he got suckered in by the missile fitted with Havabeer's personal shield. An energy bolt from one of Traynrekk's hands hit the modified missile-- and the ensuing explosion left the super-villain floating unconscious in vacuum. The Ultraviolet Griffin, sufficiently healed by Jitra, streaked up into orbit and captured the second most powerful villain in the invasion. He suffered fresh wounds from enemy fire, but still dragged Traynrekk down to be confined in a recently-constructed containment structure outside the Chimpanzian capital. After this, the Griffin seriously needed to recuperate.

* * * * * * * * * *

Over a hundred centauroid-reptilian Postalfiends were dropped off by a Barnsmell ship outside a fair-sized Chimpanzian city in the southern hemisphere (not near the experimental airfield). In addition to Chimpanzian police with rapid-fire bullet-guns, there were human good guys from Directvideo and the Dune-based sub-reality. Most of these humans were manning six combat vehicles, each of which mounted a heavy mortar and a light machinegun. But eight humans were set aside: the Ashtrayides swordsmen Alec Hurdygurdy and Captain Kracknuk, the ex-Imperial swordsman Count Havabeer, Fluralida of the Penny Jezebels, and four Directvidean soldiers. Fluralida-- whose precognition had warned of the attack-- wielded two Srirachian-style knives, made from the dropped teeth of Habanero monsters.

The main force killed about sixty Postalfiends before they badly needed to replenish ammunition; it usually required multiple hits to slay a Postalfiend. That was when the reserve contingent rushed out from concealment to take the monsters in the flank. With two ray-gunners on the left and two on the right, Alec, Havabeer, Fluralida and Kracknuk set about severing Postalfiend limbs. It was more important to minimize the number of predators who could get at the main force before all were finished reloading, than to make sure of instantly killing each one.

The plan worked well enough that only a handful of defenders perished before the enemy force was eliminated.

 

[Copperfox]

At the location where Tex Tylus' contingent was stationed, Trillyun Subaru and Anti-Asimov landed and led their attack. The Glukks, though native to the Babylon Five-based sub-universe, knew about Fuss users. The energy-warping field each Glukk produced would reduce the effect Fuss telekinesis could have on them, so the Glukks would go after the up-siders.

The crowd of Postalfiends took the lead for the bad guys. Tex and his rank-and-filers mowed them down with volley fire from cover-- which enabled the much smarter Barnsmell to map out every defender's location. A noisy gunfight followed. Sweetslayer focused her attention on warding off shots aimed at her husband. Having this benefit, the Major was able to spend more time standing erect so he could better observe enemy movements. Some anonymous good guys were slain, but their not being named in this narration did not prevent them from going to The Good Place.

Trillyun detailed Anti-Asimov to help assail Tex's position, but herself took her pig-like soldiers alongside the Glukks, to where there were more hated up-siders to kill. Since there had never been an absolute rule against Fuss users carrying guns, Trillyun fired several shots at Quinine Sauce (who deflected all of them), even as she generated a lightsaber from her Fuss ring. Quinine had to deal with two charging Glukks, whose distortion fields had made them seem farther away than they were.

Samladel Fuss-pushed the Glukks nearest to her, gaining a moment for herself to make certain just where they actually were. Then she went on the attack. But a pig-type, flanking around the Glukks, came at the Tryyurluck heroine from the right, wounding her with his axe-like weapon. Telekinetically closing her own wound, Samladel disembowelled the ugly thing, then had to resume fighting the Glukks.

The computer-fast marksmanship of Anti-Asimov killed all the remaining anonymous gunmen with Tex and Sweetslayer; but having peripherally noted Samladel pushing Glukks, it failed to anticipate Sweetslayer PULLING it onto her lightsaber. The homicidal robot was deactivated, then the two human survivors went into a fighting retreat, trying to join up with Quinine and Samladel. Trillyun, however, ordered two of her pig-ogres to get in their way, while she checked on the Glukks before going into combat personally.

It gratified her to see Quinine Sauce being hurt worse than Samladel had just been: a pig-ogre's blade severing his aorta.

But Trillyun Subaru gloated too soon, being unaware of just how powerful Duke Diskoduck had become.

Diskoduck had never given up on his future-seeing power, despite it usually displaying useless information. Before this planetwide battle commenced, he had foreseen the very moment when Quinine would be mortally wounded. He could not prevent the wound from happening-- but what would happen immediately AFTER it was subject to his intervention.

He had been saving up his latest "charge" of granting temporary invulnerability. Now, across all the intervening distance, he successfully willed Master Quinine to be unkillable, even with blood pouring out of his body. Already knowing the latest alien-artifact gift the Duke had obtained, the up-side master understood that he not only could fight on, but even could have his life saved long-term, if he could simply undergo surgery and blood replacement soon enough.

Trillyun Subaru just had time to be horrified, as the hero whom she had considered done for did a Darth Maul job on her. In the next twenty seconds, every remaining foe who didn't have the sense to beg for mercy, arrived in The Bad Place.

Groan Starr had also done some lively stuff, but it all happened to be against relatively ordinary antagonists. No one so far had succeeded in severely harming Duke Terror, but he decided to play it safe. Leaving all their allies to be killed, captured or chased off, he and Traynrekk made themselves scarce. There had to be easier victims elsewhere.

Quinine did get his transfusion and repairs; his yellow-skinned beloved likewise received the care she needed. Having come this close to never having a mortal life together, if I didn't already say they got married, now they did!

 

[Copperfox]

A L L R I G H T , B E E N L O N G E N O U G H S I N C E W E W E R E O N " T E R R A . "

It was discovered that another Starhatch was lying dormant in Arctic Russia. Depicting this led me to tell the readers that the Soviet Union still existed on this Earth-variant, but was FAR MORE easygoing on its people than the Original Earth Soviet Union had ever been. Terran-Soviet leaders had needed to be more enlightened, because they NEEDED the Russian Orthodox Church to have a free hand. Though this has not figured in my previous "Terra" scenes, the Terran Soviet Union experiences uprisings of supernatural monsters; and, like the Towermen and Smoke Maidens on Punksteema, it is Orthodox priests (who, by the way, are allowed to have wives and children) who are granted extraordinary power to defeat evil monsters. They had so much spiritual authority that the she-demons Hipstera and Nyquilla stayed out of the Soviet Union.

Initially investigating the Siberian Starhatch were Father Vasili Filippovich Rutintutin, Physicist Donat Mikhailovich Karpov, and Senior Lieutenant Modest Andreyevich Guderian of the Spetsnaz. They have been joined by Tarik Almohad of Morocco, his reformed wife Hamhanda, Captain Sha-Na-Na, The Assegai and The Inquiry, the last of these being fluent in Russian.

Father Vasili was the first to step through the Starhatch. No calamity befell him. He reached an obscure Earth-variant, where major superpowers were unknown. This Earth's equivalent of Batman, called Street Bat, also knew Russian, and came back to Terra with Vasili. Only later would they become aware of a plotline wrinkle: they had fetched Street Bat from a time around 8 or 9 years in the past. Now to resume the action......

\\\\\ Sergeant Yuri Fyodorovich Suvorov, second in command of the Spetsnaz platoon on scene, asked his commanding officer, "Shall we issue a spare firearm to this new friend?"

Street Bat, born Deuce Wayans, replied for himself: "Please don't, unless you have non-lethal rubber bullets or something similar. I never kill people."

"We do have non-lethal plastic rounds, a resource in case of innocent people being controlled by evil monsters," Lieutenant Guderian assured the newcomer. Handing Deuce a compact machine pistol with two extra magazines, he asked, "Can you handle this model?"

"Similar enough to guns that the police in my America have let me practice with. Spasibo bol'shoye."

"You should realize, though," said Father Vasili, "that here in Russia, even on THIS side of the Starhatch, you may encounter foes who AREN'T people. But the invocation placed on all the Spetsnaz weapons extends to all the ammunition, so that our plastic bullets should at least have a weakening effect on demonic monsters." This led to telling the newcomer more about the vampires and werewolves who appeared from time to time in Terra's Soviet Union. "Right now, however, none of these are known to be active. We just want to be ready for anything."

Here Lieutenant Guderian put in: "Donat Mikhailovich has been trying to determine if the Starhatch is programmed with 'saved' destinations, like saved numbers on a cellphone. There may be stored coordinates leading to a world much less wholesome than yours, Mister Wayans. This being so, it is possible that we will ask Sha-Na-Na to be first going through at the next activation."

The next attempt justified this plan. Willy "Sha-Na-Na" Bastion found himself on a planet swarming with beasts much like post-Cretaceous prehistoric mammals on any version of Earth. Professor Karpov, Assegai and Inquiry joined him there long enough to take numerous photographs while the superhero stood guard, but no further action was required there.

 

[Copperfox]

Four subsequent activations of the Starhatch led Captain Sha-Na-Na into environments which no ordinary person could have survived for five seconds. Donat Mikhailovich Karpov reckoned that either the settings were accidental, or the destinations HAD FORMERLY been livable, but something had ruined them.

When a sixth "address" was being tried, The Inquiry had a sudden premonition. "Wait! Something evil is at the far end of this linkage. Meaning no disrespect to you, Father Vasili, or to Sha-Na-Na, you may need more muscle on your side if you open the hatch now."

"I can still reach some powerful heroes," Hamhanda offered.

There was a day and a half of delay, during which the Starhatch was powered down and constantly watched. Then Conn Johnstantine, Katuva "Sky Lioness" Walton and Backy "Winter Trooper" Shedd joined them. Katuva's magical crown still was on loan to Crosswind, but her power to dispel evil was not impaired by this fact. She, Conn and the warrior-priests all concentrated on resisting any demonic power that might emerge from the Starhatch. Sha-Na-Na, Winter Trooper, Street Bat and the Spetsnaz platoon stood by for physical combat.

An instant before emergence, Inquiry barked, "Wait! I'm picking up more. Give him a chance! I don't think he intends violence!"

"Not evil, then?" asked Winter Trooper.

"Evil, but not murderous, I sense it too," said Conn.

What came through the opening was a grinning purple-skinned humanoid, wearing what probably was business attire for his world. He appeared to possess what Dungeons & Dragons calls "limited telepathy to cross language barriers." He had what looked like small electronic devices attached to parts of his clothing; and everyone understood him when he pointed to various items and said:

"This is YOUR lucky day! Through tomorrow only, each of you can purchase a compact app library to do all your thinking for you! Just pledge to donate tissues and blood to our healthcare network, and you'll never need to make a decision ever again! Our apps will tell you what to like, what to think, how to live, when--" This was as far as he got before Street Bat socked him on the side of the head.

"Toss him back!" shouted the crimefighter. Winter Trooper and Sky Lioness, less captivated than others by the hypnotic sales pitch, lifted the unconscious pest and flung him back to his own world.

 

[Copperfox]

Two additional dead ends were followed by access to another Earth-variant. This proved to be "Relatively Uneventful Earth," where Hal and Marlena had been born. Conn Johnstantine and the Almohads went through first this time, finding the other end's portal to be inside a military armory in a version of Iran which retained the name of Persia. The guards of the armory were not overly startled by the visitors' arrival. Unlike Street Bat's native Earth, R.U. Earth had experience with superpowers and magic.

A bald, muscular man with a cape was asked to come to the armory. He was Black Admiral, who has been mentioned a time or two: a fully good-aligned version of Black Adam. When he learned where the three strangers came from, Black Admiral inquired after the well-being of Crosswind and Molecule Breaker.

"Well enough so far. They've been busy trying to catch Hipstera," replied Hamhanda, "You know who she is, right?"

"So I do: nasty woman. Do you want a hand running her down?"

"Thank you, that's probably a good idea," Tarik answered.

"I will ask a favor in return. I don't have X-ray vision or super-duper hearing; so ordinary criminals on my planet can hide from me much more easily than they can injure me. While I'm assisting you, can your world lend my world a specialized crimefighter or two, who can uncover evidence and unmask master thieves?"

Hamhanda nodded. "Green Dart and The Assegai should fill the bill."

So the trade-off was arranged.

)) )) )) )) )) )) )) )) ))

In the South America of Terra, Hipstera had renewed her campaign to subjugate this continent as a stronghold for herself. The good-aligned undead hero Blackjay had been compelled to return to his home base in Detroit, where at least he managed to capture a few of the ordinary criminals running errands for the she-demon. Crosswind (Marlena) and her sweetheart Molecule Breaker (Hal) were working with the Latino superhero Puma Claw. They were being repeatedly compelled to fight monsters based on horrid sins-- like squeezing a toothpaste tube near the top, walking around in untied shoes, and playing Five Finger Death Punch songs too often.

Just before Sha-Na-Na and Black Admiral arrived to turn the tide, events took a turn for the worse. Hipstera had mastered the essence of the Anti-Strife Equation, a hard copy of which the New Laziness emissary Slightray had retrieved from a volcano in Hipstera's presence. Law enforcement personnel-- even including Bandero Antonias and Denise McFogg-- had been put in a state of confusion by mental suggestions that fighting Horrid Sin Monsters was intolerant and hateful.

Still having the Crown of King Odudua made Crosswind's elemental power officially magical, so she was doing pretty well against the demons; but she kept having to help Molecule Breaker, who had no magic about him and could not fly. Puma Claw WAS a magical hero, so he could go head-on against Hipstera; but she would flee every time he nearly had her beaten, leaving him not knowing when she would show up again.

One place she detoured through was North Island New Zealand. Here she conjured up enough sin-monsters that the just-arrived Black Admiral was diverted to fight those enemies. Maori warriors would have helped him. if not that the Anti-Strife Equation had filled them with self-doubt.

Receiving word that Black Admiral had his hands full, Conn Johnstantine teleported himself and Father Vasili to the central African base where more than half the personnel and helicopters of the Brickhawks were currently stationed. Father Vasili placed on the Brickhawks' weapons the virtue of working against weapon-resistant monsters. Then, with a briefing given on the emergency, Maureen Hawk's-Cry and her followers were teleported to South America. This proved to be a very unhappy surprise for Hipstera, who was shot right out of the sky by sanctified bullets. Falling to the ground, and severely weakened, she suddenly was within reach of Molecule Breaker.

The blow he struck her was meant only to knock her unconscious; but Father Vasili's anti-evil incantation, carried by hundreds of machinegun bullets, had weakened her so much that the impact broke her neck and killed her.

Hal felt awful about this. But Puma Claw, fresh from slaying the Demon of Signaling a Left Turn but Turning Right, told the tender-hearted young metahuman, "SHE certainly has murdered people on purpose, with never a qualm of conscience. Terra is well rid of her."

 

[Copperfox]

Days later, after cities damaged by Hipstera and her monsters had gotten started rebuilding, Father Vasili, plus his friends old and new, turned their attention back to Starhatch exploration. Black Admiral hung around to see what they might find.

One more cold, barren, lifeless world was found; Black Admiral, able to survive there, went through to check it out. A hundred or so miles beyond the Starhatch he had come to, he saw traces of some sort of spacecraft having once landed. Further exploration convinced him that this star system hosted no planets MORE hospitable than this one; so the past visitors must have possessed interstellar travel capability. Maybe they had installed the Starhatch here as part of some backdoor transit route for covert movements. But all of this had probably occurred centuries ago.

Calling a halt, Professor Karpov said to resume the next day.

The next day was to be the jackpot, sort of. Sha-Na-Na was away, still helping to clean up in South America, but Black Admiral agreed to remain with Father Vasili's party for another excursion. Senior Lieutenant Modest Andreyevich Guderian mustered his Spetsnaz platoon; they, with Tarik Almohad and Winter Trooper, would accompany Black Admiral and Professor Karpov.

This time, they emerged on a broad grassland, resembling Russian steppes. The Starhatch they emerged from was ringed in by razor wire; so Black Admiral, not wanting to commit unnecessary vandalism, simply lifted everyone over the obstruction (except Backy "Winter Trooper" Shedd, who could leap across it unassisted).

There were buildings in the distance, toward which the explorers walked with no attempt at concealment-- except that four of the Spetsnaz men, two on each side, crept forward in the grass as flank protection. The explorers were not kept waiting long for a reception.

About a kilometer off, more than fifty athletic-looking women, all carrying edged weapons, came running from the direction of the buildings, all screaming with rage in an unfamiliar language. All of them had a faint glimmering around them...... but none of the good guys had experience with "personal shields" from the Frank Herbert-based storyverse.

Those of the Spetsnaz who weren't hiding, fired warning shots. The threatening she-devils were not intimidated; nor were they affected in any way when the guns were aimed AT them. Father Vasili had closed his eyes; now he opened them, and shouted, "They're not magical! They have scientific protection!"

"Hold off," said Black Admiral. "Winter Trooper, back me up; we'll take them alive if we can!" Then he was intercepting the attackers at a higher speed than they could achieve. In case the reader hasn't figured it out, these hostile women were my version of the "Honored Maitres" in the Dune stories, the ones I call Hotblood Matrons. Their shields should have stopped even Black Admiral's attacks, but he was magical. Each Hotblood Matron found Black Admiral knocking her down, to take away her shield-projecting unit. Two of the martial females regained their feet before the superhero could round them up as prisoners, but Winter Trooper proved tough and skillful enough to overpower them.

Once the good guys had secured the prisoners, Tarik produced a nice plotline-convenient language-translating device which Hamhanda had given him. Using this, he and Professor Karpov interrogated the Matrons. Once they had a full enough picture, Tarik said to Black Admiral and Father Vasili: "These women are evil enough that, since they've got a Starhatch, they must be prevented from invading innocent worlds."

"I can stay here until you have other security arrangements made," said Black Admiral. .

 

[Copperfox]

NOW FOR ACTION INVOLVING THE JUSTIFIED LEAGUE.........

In the southern Mexico of Urth, "Flame" of the Justified League was in a hospital, after surgery for many broken bones. As we join her, she had two visitors: fellow superhero Atomic Scalp-- who had some bruises but no fractures-- and police detective Bandero Antonias. Yes, the detective has the same name as one we've seen on Terra. Why not? I have more than one version of Captain America, more than one version of Batman, more than one version of Aquaman; and Antonio Banderas is a cool real-world actor.

Flame groaned to Atomic Scalp, "I wish I had your degree of damage endurance. Chief Obsidian has no consideration for us delicate women."
Scalp replied, "A delicate woman called Rattle-Sneak blocked me from chasing the Aztec."

"But it's good to have Doc Slippage back," Bandero interjected, "even if he still is a lizard."

"At least a talking lizard," said Scalp. "But he probably won't be fully restored until someone figures out how that cube artifact works. And the blasted thing clearly doesn't like being examined."

""" """ """ """ """ """ """ """
Former villainesses Aluminum Banshee and Stellar Sapphire had by now borne children to Dmitri Leonidovich Tarasov alias Tapper Cossack and Sir Jasper the Gleaming Knight respectively. As with other characters, I have suspended the decision of which babies are boys and which are girls. But more help was needed now down south. Lumina and Stella consulted the laboratory staff at Justified League headquarters; the consensus was that Lumina's sound emissions were more likely to contribute to analyzing the Dice-Aract.

But before Lumina could board a plane, the game changed. Corky "Superdude" Klint and his cousin Clara "Superhottie" Klint finally returned from Planet Senphatori, where they had finally finished handling emergencies and menaces which need not be detailed here. And they brought with them a new ally, whose arrival could not have been any more timely: a helmeted good-aligned sorceror called Fateful Doctor.

Mentally contacting King Truthside on Zazdub World, Fateful introduced himself, then said in substance: "Adding my magic to Zoorama's, and having the Tonkrypians to cope with purely material side effects, we should be able to reclaim the Dice-Aract, gain control over it, and restore Kirk Slippage to fully human form. We'll be appropriately cautious, in view of the artifact having ruined Professor Crazier's observation technology when he tried to analyze the horrid thing. You and the others with you should remain on Zazdub World, perhaps even adding other League members, because I foresee Duke Terror coming again to Zazdub World."

At the time when Fateful Doctor called to him, Truthside had five allies alongside him: his new, now-enlarged wife Whiskey Dallas, the Native Ostralian huntsman Emangu, Emangu's blue-skinned Chisskurdian wife Tarvili, Head-Female Fislillo, of the biped Zazdub race, the first native authority figure the good guys had met on this remote world, and an also-respected male named Swibrict, first befriended by Tarvili and Emangu. Dreamtime Chieftain, the Green Flashlights currently on-planet, and Golden Rakshasa from Earth-Whichever with Indian Army elite soldiers, were on different parts of the planet, continuing their assessment of how the Zazdub race could be protected against major evils.

Truthside told Fateful: "None of us here are specially suited to underwater activity, unless it be Green Flashlight Mike Deep Swimmer, whose surname is his own earned manhood name in the Shawnee Tribe as it exists on Urth. If I'm not mistaken, Urth's Moistureman conclusively defeated the mutiny by his unfaithful wife Waterella. Hopefully, the King of Splatlantis could spare his helpers Howie Maui and Black Stingray, to help us guard Zazdub World's hydrosphere."

Another Green Flashlight currently on this planet was Ryan Pebbles from Seedubb Earth. He could spare the time to loiter on Zazdub World, since evil was profoundly weakened on his homeworld. When he heard about the suggestion of waterborne reinforcements, He told Mike, "There's Gramsuli, the turtle-shaped one who was part of the cleanup on Jersey Earth; she would be useful." Concurring in this was a Flashlight not seen in our story before now, from a warm planet called Hibloglib. Green Flashlight Fojadosh Ludpid, resembled a tree sloth, only he was much more physically vigorous.

All of this was arranged easily enough. The short-lived but fast-living Exohern volunteered to come also, since having a speedster might prove important to anyone defending against Duke Terror. And why not experience a new planet before he prematurely aged?

""" """ """ """ """ """ """ """

Duke Terror was indeed planning to place the Zazdubs under his thumb. He had installed a subspace-beacon device on their planet long ago, to remind him that it was a potentially profitable world to subjugate. But having been chased away from Chimpanzia had erased his overconfidence. He and Traynrekk needed more fellow villains.

They accordingly made overtures to Grand Admiral Thuglyfe Skrawn (same race as Tarvili), leader of the remnant of the Empire of Evil Badness. Admiral Skrawn had not enjoyed any major successes since our narrative last focused on him; note that he has no part in the mess on Planet Powurkord. Skrawn had ample ground troops at his disposal, mostly humans but also some Greedorks. He stated that he would agree to join forces with Terror and Traynrekk, provided that Duke Terror could enlist at least one additional high-level super-villain, who could protect Imperial ships from becoming sitting ducks for some ultra-hyper-metahuman do-gooder.

Traynrekk found the perfect recruit for them: a being who NATURALLY LIVED IN deep vacuum, like the peaceful Burpgills with whom the young up-sider Fizzra Teenybopper had successfully traveled through hyperspace. This being, far older than Duke Terror and close to equaling him in overall power, communicated with Traynrekk by "a limited form of telepathy." It identified itself by a thought which Traynrekk's mind received as "the Star Amoeba" (although it had an internal skeleton and distinct organs). It could not make clear to the villains WHY it hated goodness, but it did hate goodness. This, plus it understanding that Thuglyfe Skrawn and his personnel WEREN'T on the side of good, made the Star Amoeba perfectly acceptable as a co-belligerent who would help Imperial warships to survive space combat.

Duke Terror had never personally encountered Superdude or Superhottie, but he knew of their existence. And the surveillance equipment he had left in this star system was advanced enough to let him know that the super-cousins knew of Zazdub World's existence. He therefore made it part of the plan for fleet protection that all of Skrawn's major warships should mount high-energy spotlights giving purely red light. In space battle, enough red light should at least somewhat reduce the strength of the Tonkrypians.

Perhaps even render them vulnerable to beam weapons and missiles.

 

[Copperfox]

When Fateful Doctor, Superdude and Superhottie converged on the hospital where Flame was recuperating, they brought Charles Crazier along. He would psychically monitor everyone's thoughts during the efforts to analyze the Dice-Aract, but he would strive hard not to let any beam of his thoughts reach toward the artifact itself. The Bandero Antonias of Urth facilitated keeping crowds of onlookers from coming too close. Meanwhile, Clean Hornet, Petsarat Kingpavong and Squire Vindictive were bolstering security inside the hospital, in case any of the Constrictor-Jaguar gangsters might attempt to get at Flame while she was vulnerable.

"Senora Sotero-Slippage," said the demigod-level good-aligned sorceror, "let us begin by casting a joint spell of protection upon Corky and Clara, to prevent any evil magic from harming them..... or controlling them. Superdude and Superhottie, neither of you must touch the Dice-Aract under any circumstances. Better that it even should vanish, than that it should gain control over you for bad purposes. If it visibly moves, however, maybe you can halt its movement with your super-breath. Zoorama, after we 'immunize' the Tonkrypians, you must direct your willpower toward morphing the lizard all the way back into your husband. Professor Crazier, meanwhile, needs no instructions for his part."

Professor Crazier was capable of multi-tasking. Part of his mind was picking up any thoughts about the Dice-Aract which would occur in the brain of Kirk Slippage. The rest of his mind was busy telepathically reminding Fateful Doctor that the alien artifact might not be evil, but neither was it conspicuously good-- or it would have responded sooner and more favorably to obvious good guys.

Fateful Doctor quickly found himself agreeing with Doc Slippage's belief that the colors of the six faces were irrelevant; that activating the cube's magic required something else. Holding the artifact, dropping it, passing it to another person, looking at it, NOT looking at it-- all sorts of actions could be cues to which the Dice-Aract would respond.

Fortunately, nothing harmed, or warped the personalities of, the Klint cousins. But neither did any comprehensive answers emerge-- until ONE thing did pop up. Fateful removed his helmet, and looked at Clara, a.k.a. Superhottie.

"Miss Klint, I am suddenly convinced that all of this revolves around WHO WIELDS the cube. We know by now that it does things, but so far it isn't obeying any particular person. I've just picked up a clue. Does either of you know a young man called Matthew Carver? My helmet says that Matthew Carver should have the artifact, but gives me no details."

"Why, yes! He's an autistic savant, a friend of the Justified League, and he lives in Wyoming. Um, does that mean anything to you?"

"It does, in part anyway. My own variant world has a Wyoming. So tell me more."

"A couple of years ago, Matthew became an employee of Restoration Ranch."

Fateful donned his helmet again, but his attention remained on Superhottie. "Does Matthew possess any metahuman powers?"

"No more than a Green Flashlight without his prosthesis has metahuman powers."

Superdude put in, "But he's very smart, very hard-working, very responsible, and very friendly. If he personally took possession of the Dice-Aract, at least the Dice-Aract would be in worthy hands. And the ranch where he works is owned by a League member: Greg Sutter, the Vigilant Cowboy. Like Doc Slippage, Mister Sutter has no superpowers, but is in the top one percent of non-metahuman people for courage, virtue and life wisdom."

"That sounds good to me!" exclaimed the Mexican Beaded Lizard who was Kirk Slippage. "I know Vigilant Cowboy's quality, and he attracts brave and wise people to himself. I'm told that very shortly after Atomic Scalp turned good, he became friends with the Cowboy."

"Let me make a thought-call to Greg," said Professor Crazier. "Give notice of what we're asking from him and Matthew."

 

[Copperfox]

At a major space station in Empire-of-Evil-Badness territory, Thuglyfe Skrawn was chairing a conference about how the new collaboration with Duke Terror, Traynrekk the Trampler, and the Star Amoeba would be implemented. Being always proactive about intel-gathering, the Grand Admiral was aware that the Quark-Elves were moving against Planet Powurkord. Judging by his limited information about Maltibalkrix, Thuglyfe was convinced that even Duke Terror would prove a more trustworthy and honest associate than the Quark Lord ever would be.

One of the high subordinates conferring with the Imperial Viceroy was a sturdy woman who liked copycatting the Banjolorians, and who came close to equalling their machismo. General Phastlane wore a whole-head helmet much of the time, especially when public media would see her. She was the Admiral's most senior commander of ground forces.

"Grand Admiral, sir, persons with god-like individual power levels have rarely come into our area of the galaxy, since they have bigger fish to fry. In a sub-reality where no one person is likely ever to be much mightier than the great Porkanbeen was, conventional military assets like star dreadnoughts are sufficiently authoritative. Your own impressive achievements prove that brains are better than brawn, and better than guns. But if we presume to establish an armed presence on a planet FREQUENTED BY all-out super-beings, aren't we asking to get our clocks cleaned by super-beings who can evade any weapon of ours potent enough to hurt them?"

Several officers who were envious of the woman general's high standing in the Viceroy's favor tried to snipe at her with suggestions that she was disrespecting Skrawn. But Skrawn shut them up. "General Phastlane's question is perfectly legitimate. But we will have major super-beings on OUR side in this campaign......."

""" """ """ """ """ """ """ """ """
Once the magic-users and the telepath had reached their tentative conclusion on what to do with the Dice-Aract, they could prioritize recovering Kirk Slippage. When the benign breaking point was reached, the macho scientist stood up in his true form. He was not naked; he wore something like a pair of jogging shorts, and sandals of a sort, all unmistakably made of lizard skin. He just had time to exclaim "I'm back!" before Zoorama was all over him, sobbing with relief and kissing him to pieces.

Fateful Doctor looked at the super-cousins. "If you agree, Superhottie will stay here with Professor Crazier, the reunited couple, the special crimefighters and the local authorities, to continue local investigation. Superdude and I will fly to Wyoming, where he is familiar with Greg Sutter's charitable ranch. I will carry the Dice-Aract, because I believe I can insulate myself against adverse effects from it. And Superdude will carry Mister Alpert--" (meaning Atomic Scalp) "--since Mister Alpert is well known at the ranch."

"That works with me," said Superdude, and his cousin agreed.

Professor Crazier telepathically told the Slippages: Clara and I, with Inspector Antonias, Mister Kingpavong and the rest, can probably continue the detective work here for the next eight or ten hours, and guard against Mirror Merchant's lot, while you two celebrate Kirk's cure. While young Mister Carver is growing comfortable with being a dramatic artifact-bearer, I will recommend that Mister Alpert stay at Restoration Ranch as additional security, while at least one of the Tonkrypians goes to Zazdub World, meets up with the Green Flashlights and King Truthside, and refines plans to defend that planet against evil. Arrangements can be made soon for Black Stingray and Howie Maui also to go there.

 

[Copperfox]

We will shortly rejoin the characters who entered the newly-founded sub-reality based on the Halo game.

In this connection, we flash back now to events which never happened.

Remember that, in story time as distinct from story-WITHIN-story time, all the Halo-derived characters who NOW have a real (in my story) existence, have existed for less than a month. Remember also how I said that the now-living quasi-Halo characters distinctly REMEMBER what supposedly occurred with them before they became alive. And persons whom they believe they knew, who story-died before the Halo-parody sub-reality became story-real, have been made to exist in Aslan's Country, so folks like my version of Master Chief will get to meet parents, childhood friends, etc. when they arrive in the afterlife.

In the same vein, because of my sudden-embodiment maneuver, all of the gigantic genocidal casualties for humanity which the canonical Halo game callously imagines, are in the didn't-really-happen story-past. What my "longer-existing" characters encounter are good guys existing at a time when mankind and its allies have gained a stronger position against "the Congregation."

Characters from either Babylon Five-based or Star Wars-based plotlines came to a planet loosely based on "Reach" in the Halo game. There they met some counterparts of the Spartans in Halo. The "older" characters were unsure how much to say about their new friends being (like themselves) fictional characters MADE real. The two Jedi-equivalents went with some Spartan-equivalents to meet higher authorities of the United Civilizations, while the non-Fuss-powered characters remained on Planet Stretch with other Spartan-equivalents and local colonists.

But, as I said, we need to look at events which Halo-derived people believe to have happened in the past. My foremost reason for this is that, in the GAME of Halo, it seriously stinks for the A.I. called Cortana (Cortexa in my parody) NOT to be allowed to become a real woman who could marry the Master Chief (Master Champ in my parody). So I'm going to depict how (according to story-within-story) Master Champ and Cortexa came to be noble tragic lovers.

But remember that Copperfox cherishes happy endings, and this is MY storyline.

For any reader who has played the actual Halo game, "the Introductories" are a vague parallel to the Forerunners, Even more vaguely, "the Preliminaries" correspond to Halo's Precursors. I am streamlining my scenario by NOT saying that humanity had space travel for hundreds of millennia without Earthly history remembering it. I say that Precursors built the Heyho Rings, and Introductories learned how to make limited use of them. In my premise, the Rings can be activated at "low" power without exterminating life in a vast radius. `

We enter the virtual past, when Johnny-747 was a young man, who had already shown promise as a new Crackshot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our action opens in a star system which contains the closest Heyho Ring to Heyho Earth. Roughly-humanoid Introductories had attacked human-settled worlds out of a sort of racist motivation-- and enjoyed a crushing advantage in mobility. Human and allied starships of the time required longer than two weeks to traverse even the very shortest hyperspace route, whereas the Introductories both were faster in hyperspace, and for some routes could jump instantly between Heyho Rings.

At this time, the Galactic Navy and Galactic Army of humans and friendly aliens were strong enough in this star system to inflict severe harm on any Introductory force emerging from hyperspace via the Ring. But as the other side of the coin, it was hazardous at best for any good guys to exit their warships and walk around, spacesuited, ON a Heyho Ring. Yet the defending side in this war desperately needed to uncover the secret of how THEY could use the accursed things to let THEIR ships make instantaneous hyper-jumps.

(Yes, I'm diverging here from the game lore. The game, almost certainly inspired by Larry Niven's Ringworld novels, depicts an Earth-like environment on the concave exterior of each Halo ring. I never make any of my sub-realities IDENTICAL to the source premise. By the same token, my depiction of long-established human alliances with non-humans is at variance with Halo lore.)

On board a United Civilizations orbital platform, a scientist named Carolyn Fallacy, deeply involved in the Crackshot Project, was addressing a platoon of soldiers including Johnny-747. These valiant servicemembers were going to try to explore the local Heyho Ring and live to find its key.

"An opponent's advantages are less decisive in his favor, if he BELIEVES his advantages to be GREATER than they truly are. The new cloaking device we've created for our insertion ships probably can eventually be penetrated by the Introductories--- but only if they REALIZE THAT THERE IS a cloaking device for them TO penetrate. And if our concealment works for only one mission, there could be no more valuable mission for its use. You soldiers will infiltrate Heyho Ring Number One..... and with the help of an advanced artificial intelligence, learn how OUR ships can use the Ring's hyper-jump function."

Doctor Fallacy could not have said why she now moved close to Johnny; but for sure, he was one of the most promising Crackshots ever produced. Holding a portable hologram emitter in one hand, she said, "Ladies and gentlemen, meet-- Cortexa."

The hologram which now activated stood around forty centimeters tall. Colored blue, she appeared as a captivatingly-beautiful woman, with dark hair just long enough not to look mannish, dressed about as revealingly as Wonder Woman in comics. Doctor Fallacy remarked, "Note that I am not controlling the actions of Cortexa's image. She is capable of initiative, and she has already been told who all of you are."

Cortexa spoke in the same nasal monotone once heard on Original Earth television in "Conehead" sketches: "Greetings, biological persons. I am Cortexa, programmed to furnish guidance for your inexpressibly important mission." The next instant, she laughed a fully human laugh, and resumed speaking in a smooth, sweet, womanly voice. "Just kidding, comrades. I have actual feelings, whatever Fallacy thinks, and I genuinely WANT the human race to survive. So let's continue the briefing."

Among the personnel being briefed was one alien: a male of the Sankasselums, a conspicuously long-necked sapient race of whom some were friendly to humans. Also present was a certain Sergeant Destry Rammer, not a Crackshot but a tank driver, the grandson of a spacefaring hero named Antonius Rammer. Antonius had founded and led a force called Rammer's Stammerers, who had saved many human lives during the earliest clashes with Introductories. But Cortexa appeared to have holographic eyes only for Johnny-747.

"Corporal Seven-Four-Seven, everything I've scanned in your service record portrays you as the very embodiment of loyalty, unwilling to forsake any companion in danger. I want-- yes, I said I want, this is not Fallacy's command-- I want you to carry my emitter during this operation."

 

[Copperfox]

When the briefing took a recess, the Sankasselum, whose name was Kahag-Tahook, approached Johnny and Destry, who were exchanging their impressions of Cortexa.

"Sergeant Rammer, are you related to General Antonius Rammer? Human armies of this generation don't include mercenaries, but he was one."

"That, sir, was before the Introductories began attacking human worlds. Quite a few colony planets, including several inhabited by non-humans, still had multiple separate nations on any continent. They sometimes got into clashes with each other; and given the total number of multi-government worlds, there were enough opportunities to keep a mercenary army, and the transports which carried them, steadily employed. Some people, especially of your species, assume all mercenaries to be thugs; but my grandfather distinguished himself by urgently minimizing collateral damage. His armored regiment and its infantry escort, packed a massive punch, but also had precision ordnance and non-lethal crowd-control weapons in their arsenal."

The head on the end of Kahag-Tahook's neck leaned closer to Destry. "So I hear. But I have wondered how his army acquired the nickname of Stutterers."

"That was due to the signal characteristics of their encrypted voice comms."

Johnny interjected, "I recently spoke with Destry about his abrupt change into a cosmic rescuer." Kahag-Tahook looked at him, then back at Destry. The tank driver continued:

"Luck, the luck of timing, helped Grandfather to accomplish great things. On Planet Circlestorm, he had managed to overawe the aggressor in a dispute into negotiating. Unlike most mercenaries, Grandfather was just as glad not to kill people. Even absent a war, his men also earned money by training local guard forces. But that day, there was plenty of action for the Stammerers: Introductory troop transports pulling into parking orbit to launch transatmospheric landing craft.

"As was later verified, the Introductories, themselves accustomed to using beam weapons, assumed that nothing on Circlestorm could hit their transports in orbit. But the Stammerers had eighteen heavy railguns, which could be elevated for a great arc of trajectories. The first hint the enemy got of their peril was when three troop transports were terribly damaged, and seven landing craft annihilated. Locals from BOTH sides of the former dispute joined the Stammerers in smashing those invaders who made it to the surface."

Johnny looked thoughtful. "Your grandfather's career wasn't part of my training curriculum."

"Probably because most of his fighting was against other humans, not against races hostile to all of us here. And he somehow never got credit for the capture of abundant Introductory hardware, which was then reverse- engineered to improve human and allied armaments."

"Be that as it may, I respect him for trying not to kill any non-hostiles. That had to have given him some dilemmas."

"Yes, unfortunately, it did," said a voice sweet enough to pour onto pancakes. The translucent image of Cortexa was now full-sized; and in spite of being non-material, she walked toward the men and the solitary Sankasselum exactly as if she had physical feet to stride across the floor. "And in four known cases, General Rammer HAD NO CHOICE but to allow some non-combatants to die, because if he hadn't, his entire command, or most of it, would have been killed without their deaths accomplishing anything."

Johnny breathed several naughty words in an obscure language. Then, in English, he told Destry and Kahag-Tahook, "My instructors warned me often that I might, face-- make that, WILL face crises like that. Someday, if I live long enough to gain high rank, I'll have to play God."

Cortexa placed her holographic left hand where it could simulate patting his right arm. "You are hoping that it will be possible, in such an emergency, for YOU to be the one to die, so everyone else can live. But you won't say so, because it would sound like a self-serving attempt to make everyone admire you. Be at ease, Johnny-747; I know that you genuinely would accept death to save others."

Kahag-Tahook gave a sort of sneeze, his own race's way of expressing startlement. "Hologram entity! Are you telepathic?"

"No. But I have access to 747's psychological profile. And perceiving the electrical activity in his brain gives me clues to his immediate state of mind."

"Only his mind?" asked Destry Rammer.

"Johnny is the Crackshot chosen to carry my emitter. This, both because of his overall high merits, and because any adversary, if aware of my existence, is likely to assume that someone higher in rank, or with an intel-related specialty, is carrying me on a mission."

Destry had not heard Cortexa when she said earlier that she wanted to accompany Corporal 747. Hearing now that she would be with him, he reflexively muttered, "Johnny, you lucky dog."

Cortexa sighed, as realistically as if she had possessed lungs. "Not so lucky he, nor I. The more we build mutual rapport, the more mercilessly obvious it will be that we can never ACT UPON our affinity."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Ickylinn and Tyrone Glass Neilsen, from their vantage point within comparatively-real reality, were aware of the tear-jerking doomed-love story of Cortexa and the Master Champ. For their part, THEY relished it, understanding and welcoming the existential despair and gloom reflected by the Original Earth Halo game.

But the two evildoers didn't know about Copperfox, a servant of the Actual God. They didn't know how much Copperfox detested existential despair and gloom. Too bad for them that they didn't know how Copperfox had resolved to counteract Frank Herbert's obsession with making EVERYTHING tragic and miserable for everybody in the Dune stories. Sauce for Dune would be sauce for Halo.

 

[Copperfox]

All the ground troops who would be walking on the airless but irregular "ground" of the Heyho Ring's inner surface gathered for what might be the last meal some of them would eat. Foods were available for every metabolism, and the timing of the dinner would allow everyone to go to the bathroom before they suited up. Human Crackshots had metabolic adjustments (not yet developed for non-human Crackshots) enabling them to digest many foods they could not have eaten otherwise, and our hero Johnny-747 was taking advantage of this.

The visible persona of Cortexa strolled between tables, mingling with all the personnel who would be relying on her to trace alien data links and control circuits. She paused to speak with a squirrel-shaped Efrachiktu specialist. "Private Breebluk- 16, have you heard from your fiancee lately?" Cortexa would not have asked this question if she had not already known that the fiancee was alive and safe, on a planet which was of scant interest to the arrogant Introductories.

Breebluk's tail whisked sentimentally. "She and her parents have planted our wedding tree back home. Thanks for asking."

Next the hologram greeted a Plethmor woman, from the human-like race which has one less finger per hand and toe per foot. (A Plethmor man was depicted earlier on Planet Stretch with Corporal Hendro.) "Private Shovorzi-802, have you decided which weapon qualification you'll try for next?"

Shovorzi scowled, but her anger was not against Cortexa. "Flamethrowers, absolutely. Only usable where there's air, but I want some Introductories to experience what it was like for my family when our house was incinerated with them inside it."

Cortexa simulated a sigh. "Some naive people would chide you, saying that you forgiving evildoers is all that matters. But you and I know that STOPPING evildoers is also kind of necessary."

Cortexa did not come to the man she really wanted to be with until she had greeted everyone else.

"Hello, beautiful blue. Are you downloaded with everything?"

"Yes, but I need to download something to YOU. My visual image is designed to make men like me; and that aside, having vocal conversations produces more comradeship than digital data transfers. But you need to remember: my actual self, my identity, is in the emitter, not in my human image. If my visual persona somehow gets erased, my true consciousness will still be there in the emitter. If the emitter is destroyed or data-wiped, then I'll be dead-- unless, before I fade out, I can store myself inside some other storage medium. So unless there IS a clear alternate place for me to store myself, always assume that my emitter is what needs to be protected."

"Understood," said the man who would one day become the legendary Master Champ.

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

Since this is a footnote of sorts, I won't drag it out. Two companies of Crackshots, all in pressurized armor outfits, deployed by squads along the inside circumference of the local Heyho Ring. Only the squad with Johnny had an artificial intelligence along, but every other squad had plenty of electronic toys for clue-seeking. Note that Shovorzi and Breebluk were in different squads.

The insertion boats had excellent stealth cloaking, but the individual suits didn't; so all the Crackshots hit the not-exactly-ground running. Every squad was delivered close to where an entrance to the interior was believed to exist. Only one squad fell victim to a mistaken assessment. These soldiers were all slain by automated laser turrets, not even getting the satisfaction of taking some enemies out with them. But everyone in the United Civilizations armed forces knew they could meet such an end. Other squads got inside, by which time there were flesh-and-blood enemies on the alert in the interior spaces of the Heyho Ring. Some of the defenders were from the same Skankbelly race which later would serve The Congregation. Two of the entering squads were completely wiped out, but in their case they did take many foes down with them.

Of the remaining squads besides the one with Johnny and Cortexa, each one succeeded in collecting useful information which might be collated. No squad went entirely without losses, but Shovorzi and Breebluk came away alive, because your author is considering having those characters appear again later. Meanwhile, in a squad led by a Corporal Roger-39, Cortexa sensed a major signal conduit.

Fighting their way toward the crucial data junction, Roger's squad killed no fewer than sixty hostiles, losing only three men. It helped that Cortexa was able to hack surveillance cameras, gaining surprise upon enemy personnel. At a break in the shooting, Cortexa's image suddenly pointed at a service hatch. "Corporal! That's close to a processor affecting main Ring functions! Johnny, place my emitter on that shelf!" Once the future Master Champ did as asked, the hologram rose the remaining vertical distance, then passed like a ghost through the hatch. Roger led the squad in moving any objects they could move, to form a temporary defensive position. With weapons reclaimed from their fallen friends, and from dead enemies, they were prepared to hold position till Cortexa's job was done.

Skankbellies and others mass-charged them from two directions. One more Crackshot was killed, and Roger was non-fatally wounded. Cortexa kept reporting her findings, which encouraged our heroes; and the nearest other squads converged on the scene, drawing away some of Roger's assailants. In between clashes, Cortexa transmitted substantial digital patterns to the Crackshots' data devices, telling them that this information was related to the power supplies for the warp-jump function. "More to come!"

Then came the bad news: the U.C. warships had just come under attack by Introductory space cruisers. Two U.C. ships had already been destroyed, for only one enemy ship crippled. The immediate-extraction order was given, with no allowance for anybody being late evacuating.

"Cortexa!" shouted the corporal. "You got enough data to help a lot! We're carrying you back now!"-- meaning, of course, retrieving her emitter. As long as the emitter survived, the virtuous virtual woman survived.

"Wait!" she cried, in the most excited voice anyone had ever heard from her. "I can access the central--" Suddenly, a laser shot melted the holo-emitter just before Johnny could grab it.

"Cortexa!" he cried in as much anguish as he had ever felt for the death of any flesh-and-blood friend.

"Come on, Private! She didn't die for nothing!" snapped Roger.

"I'm not leaving her!" Johnny insisted. "She got into an alternate storage! You go with what you got; she and I will get more besides!"

Rather than fight one of his own men, Roger led the other survivors toward the nearest airlock. As they went, the corporal muttered: "Johnny's not particularly ugly; surely he could find a girlfriend he can touch!"

 

[Copperfox]

The strength enhancements of Crackshot armor didn't equal Marvel's Iron Man, but they enabled Johnny to force his way through narrow passages. No sign of Cortexa so far. At one point he crossed an open space, where he had to shoot two Introductory warriors of an unfamiliar species who had aimed weapons at him. But now the enemy knew that at least one Crackshot still was inside. Some automated weapon disabled his right foot, but his suit sealed the air leaks, and careful use of his leap jets allowed him to keep going.

Whatever made contact possible, his heart jumped when he heard the delicious voice: "JOHNNY! Turn twenty degrees right from your present course, then look for a floor hatch!" After using up his last jet-grenade to kill more hostiles who were aiming at him, Johnny found the indicated service hatch, opened it, and dropped through into some sort of control-panel space.

"This hardware isn't rigged for visual, but I'm here-- inside this red box under the black cylinder. Hurry, tug it loose."

"Can you survive without the electricity?"

"Don't worry, I'll still exist in passive storage." After he detached the indicated box, she added: "On battery now, have to go dormant soon. But don't go back up to that corridor. Instead, smash the tall panel to the left of where I just was. It's weak enough you can get through intact. Once past it, go eleven paces forward, then turn right. Pass by one ladder, then climb two levels up the next ladder. Watch for hostiles." After Johnny performed this much, Cortexa continued: "Around the corner past the big light fixture. Eight more paces that way. When you can, run for a hatchway which will be visible. After that, straight ahead to another ladder. Watch for hostiles again." In this manner, they went up a stairway and came to an airlock.

"Friendly ships have had to pull back. Your best chance now is to fly out the lock, use your jets to aim yourself sunward, then inject yourself with suspended-animation formula. I'll also stay dormant for five hours, then I'll activate your suit's subspace retrieval beacon."

/ / / / / / / / / / / /

In short, Johnny stayed unconscious for a day and a half. One of the smaller U.C. ships, daring to sneak back toward the Heyho Ring, found him and made pickup. Medics kept Johnny sedated while they repaired his ruined foot. When at last he was fully awake, the first sound out of his mouth was: "Cortexa?"

A different female voice answered him as his eyes regained focus. "Not as pretty as she is, but I do have good news for you AND her. The additional data which Cortexa collected after your squad egressed made all the difference!" The woman speaking was the important researcher Charlotte Fallacy.

"Doctor Fallacy? Is Cortexa safe?"

Charlotte smiled. "I told her you would ask about her first. She's fine, but she's on task: she wants all debriefing to be completed before she visits you."

"Fair enough. How much difference is all the difference?"

"You and the other Crackshots, with other friendly forces, enabled us to seize control of the Heyho Ring not long after your escape. We are now designating that site Heyho Ring One. The Introductories were overconfident, and paid for it when we came back with reinforcements. We lost eight ships before winning, but they didn't die in vain. We know how it functions now, but we can't GO ANYWHERE from it until we know how its programming selects destinations. Nonetheless, that's only a matter of time. High command authorities are brainstorming about which other Heyho site we have best odds of capturing. Once we hold two Heyho locations, we'll soon be able to make instantaneous transits between those two star systems, and even that much is a big boost for our fleet mobility. After that much progress, I optimistically anticipate our eventually having FULL use of all the Rings for force movements, without setting off life-destroying functions.

"This covers debriefing for you, Private FIRST CLASS 747, holder of the Distinguished Service Cross. Time now to let Cortexa congratulate you. Since she is incorporeal, inappropriate fraternization issues do not apply. She wants to be with the only flesh-and-blood man who would place his head in a noose to save a hologram. Yes, she does have real feelings, for all the good it does her, poor thing. She considers being able to speak with you much better than nothing."

When the free-willed A.I. manifested in Johnny's convalescent quarters, her first words eerily echoed those of Doctor Fallacy. "Johnny, you wouldn't leave me behind, even when it was possible I had been erased. No one else I've met would risk death only to save an artificial intelligence who had arguably already perished after achieving enough success to make her sacrifice worthwhile. Please don't feel weird if I instruct my avatar to give the appearance of shedding tears, because that IS the way I feel now. How can you value me that much?"

Johnny sat up, then passed his right hand through the space where Cortexa's illusory left hand was. "You answered that when you referred to yourself as a 'her,' not an 'it.' Even though you can't do the physical actions that genuine humans do, you still are SOME KIND OF living person, and you deserve to be valued as a sentient being."

"I'm glad you aren't suggesting that you try linking your brain to a V/R matrix, where we could seem to meet as living humans. That would only make the frustration still more cruel. For at least the near future, I will be with you in whatever way ISN'T delusional. And you must accept my word that if you find love with an actual woman, I won't be absurdly jealous. At such a time, I'll undergo just enough of a memory edit so I won't be tormented by missing you. And don't even say that you'll miss me. At such a time, you will owe it to your actual woman to remember me as no more than a wartime comrade."

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

That's enough to depict of Master Champ's early career. The United Civilizations' takeover of two Heyho Rings, costly though it was in lives, improved the good guys' position enough to put the Introductories on the defensive at last. Two standard years later, the remaining Introductories found themselves so hard pressed that they relinquished control of evilness policies to The Congregation. Absorbing the Introductories into their own structure, the religious fanatics-- who worshiped the lost Preliminaries instead of worshiping the Creator-- turned the tables against the U.C. again; but in the course of battling the redoubled threat, Johnny-747 grew into the highly feared (by bad guys) Master Champ, scoring tactical victories which repeatedly warded off strategic disasters by disrupting enemy plans.

As has been indicated, the Halo-derived sub-reality didn't become real until the United Civilizations had succeeded in getting The Congregation on the run, so that billions of innocent sapients wouldn't REALLY have to die violently the way it was in the actual Halo game as played on Original Earth. Consequently, when Zubdookree and other "more senior" heroes met a really-living Corporal Hendro- 41 on Planet Stretch, there was already hope of eventual victory for goodness and light in this sub-universe.

Greatly to the annoyance of Tyrone Glass Neilsen and Sorceress Ickylinn.

 

[Copperfox]

BACK IN "PRESENT TIME" FOR THIS PLOT ARC..... Lieutenant-General Amos Judd of the United Civilizations Galactic Army was the official escort and sponsor for the two female non-human Fuss up-siders, the tall beak-faced Zubdookree and the small round-eyed Lodratrid. The ship designated to ferry them to Heyho Earth was chosen for speed, not for strength, and followed the safest possible course.

The Earth-variant for the Halo-derived storyverse had a population of almost thirty million, with many of these being immigrants, because in the story-within-the-story, the Introductories had come close to obliterating all non-oceanic life here. But it was a gesture of defiance that the high seat of the United Civilizations would be on Earth part of the time, in rotation with several friendly non-human worlds. The changes of location were at varying time intervals, to prevent the Congregation from predicting vulnerable times.

The current U.C. Secretary-General was a male of a race not so far depicted in this storyline. His race was called the Yettisquatch (no distinct plural form in their language); they looked like Wookiees with a lot less hair. The average intelligence of Yettisquatch was lower than that of any other U.C. member species, but there were still some of them far enough ABOVE their average to be competent for high office. And Yettisquatch were known to be more honest on average than the other U.C. member races. Hence, the two Jedi-counterparts met with Secretary-General Doyo Jogtip. Present with the Secretary- General were three decorated war veterans: the Plethmor woman Shovorzi-802, the Efrachiktu male Breebluk, and Kahag-Tahook, a male of the long-necked Sankasselum race. Lieutenant-Colonel Destry Rammer, descendant of a mercenary hero, had gone down in a blaze of glory a year earlier, taking nine Skankbelly combat vehicles and their crews out with him.

Also present, as a person accustomed to dealing with enhancement of normal capabilities, was Doctor Charlotte Fallacy.

"Welcome to a battered but unbroken Earth," said Secretary Jogtip. "We greatly desire to learn all knowledge that you consent to share."

"And welcome to someone my size!" Breebluk told Lodratrid. "Is your species widespread in outside space?"

"Not hugely numerous," she told him, "but thriving, mostly in the Republic of Lots of Worlds."

General Judd contributed expository remarks: "The star systems known to these visitors have created, or at least know about, scientific marvels not greatly inferior to the Heyho Rings. And, as the personnel on Stretch have tersely stated, the two now standing before us enjoy mind-over-matter powers not known to exist in any race familiar to us."

"Our abilities," added Zubdookree, "include levitation, resistance to small-scale energy attacks, and intuition of whether persons of any sapient species are good or evil. We often say up-side or down-side."

Eagerness blazed on Doctor Fallacy's features. "Is it possible for any of our people to acquire your powers?"

"Yes, but Lodratrid and I cannot simply transplant our powers to any of you. Potential varies unpredictably. It's a matter of you have it or you don't, sort of. A sufficient explanation will require some time, and some demonstrations."

OKAY, WE CAN PAUSE HERE. NEXT, IT WILL BE BACK TO PUNKSTEEMA, WHERE WE'LL SEE HOWARD SHARD, NATIVE OF RESLAGOR, DEVELOPING HIS PROPOSED NEW-- CAN WE CALL IT A LABOR UNION? ALSO RETURNING WILL BE VARLOCK PATTERSON OF THE SAGRUM RANGERS, THE MAN WHO WON THE HEART OF LADY DOROTHY MALGRIFF, AND T'PINNOK ZUR, THE YOUNG MAN IN HUKSHEM WHO SEES FUTURE EVENTS IN HIS SLEEP.

 

[Copperfox]

I remind my readers that, although all of the Bamulican provinces still employ horse cavalry with sabers typically in the inventory, the Malgriffs possess semi-automatic pistols, representing the most advanced small arms on the planet. Thus, although Malgriff Thanedom is farther from Reslagor than most parts of Bamulica are, several other thanes were glad to see some of the Malgriff Hussars turning out to help manage the increasing migration of common people out of Reslagor, whose _overall_ industrial capability exceeded any part of Bamulica, Hukshem or Kikoro.

Two Hussar sergeants who have not figured in the story before now, 28-year-old Frampton Shellrudd and 33-year-old Zane Penrossley, led Hussar contingents of eleven men each, with a battlefield-experienced surgeon accompanying each detachment, and set out by separate roads to head for the side of Bamulica which faced Reslagor. Respecting the rights of his neighboring lords, Thane Jared had sent telegrams to every thane whose land would be crossed, and received right-of-way approval when the others learned his intentions and the modest number of soldiers being deployed.

Sergeant Penrossley's force crossed friendly Sagrum territory, where asking permission for troops to pass was a mere formality. They were joined by an equal number of Sagrum Rangers, led by Captain (formerly Lieutenant) Varlock Patterson, who had won the love of Lady Dorothy Malgriff during faraway adventures with Sir Ronald's Towermen. Varlock's wife, now Lady Dorothy Patterson of Sagrum, would have liked to join the expedition, but she was halfway to bearing Varlock's child.

Here Copperfox invokes the Retcon Effect. I have previously described Sagrum cavalry as carrying lances and pistols; but I also said that the pistols were single-shot models. Those pistols were designed like the duelling pistols in the John Wick movies: receiving self-contained bullets, with no need of powder flasks, thus quick to reload, but still single-shot. Malgriff has been reported as gifting semi-automatic repeating pistols to the Sagrums, but a Sagrum Ranger with _only_ a lance plus a Sagrum pistol would suffer a perilous close-range disadvantage in battle. So I retroactively decree that Sagrum Rangers also bore melee weapons: each man's choice of sword or axe. The swords were usually straight-bladed cut-and-thrust weapons, like the heavy rapier I have depicted Sir Ronald recently acquiring. This, because curved cavalry sabers are designed to optimize hard striking in the charge, but lancers rely on their lances for the initial collision in battle.

And it isn't carved in stone that a Sagrum Ranger not possessing a Malgriff semi-automatic, isn't allowed to carry _two_ of the John Wick-type handguns, possibly in saddle holsters.

) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )

Thane Victor Klistra was friendly enough to Malgriff and Sagrum, though not overly enthusiastic about it. Klistra Thanedom directly bordered the pseudo-Asian country of Hukshem, and Klistra's thanes had long wanted to dominate Bamulican commerce with Hukshem.

Personally meeting with Zane Penrossley, Thane Victor said, "The Loi-Hukshem are equally concerned with developments in Reslagor, and have offered to place a company of archers under my command for a border watch on Jortark Thanedom" --referring to a fief which bordered both on his fief and on Reslagor. That thanedom, the smallest except for Sagrum, had the hilliest geography in any part of Bamulica, therefore having less use for cavalry than any other Bamulican fief. By the same token, the Jortarks made more use of archers and long-range riflemen than any other Bamulican fief. Jortark riflemen mostly carried .40 caliber bolt-action rifles which took stripper-clips of three bullets each. Loi-Hukshem archers, possibly augmented with a few rifled muskets, would be helpful for someone fighting against Jortark-- although _any_ armed strife between the thanedoms was extremely rare.

Zane asked him, "So do you plan to halt Reslagorians coming your way through Jortark Thanedom?"

"Not necessarily. I have heard about Howard Shard's proposal to create a super-guild for builders, miners and artisans; and skilled men intending to join it may be a benefit to all of Bamulica; to Hukshem as well. But I certainly intend to _question_ those who come. Now, I gave my word to permit your small troop to march through my land, and I won't break my word. But since I expect reinforcements here, it would be the best use of your men if they turn southwest and join the other Malgriff troop."

"Will you let me telegraph my Thane about this?"

"Of course. I'm not _obstructing_ you, merely recommending a more efficient course of action for you."

Sergeant Penrossley was shown to the closest telegraph office. The outcome was that Thane Jared agreed Zane Penrossley should change route and join up with Frampton Shellrudd and Captain Patterson. And as your omniscient narrator, I assure the reader that Thane Victor and his Loi-Hukshem friends _aren't_ treacherous, they're just using their own judgment about what's best.

 

[Copperfox]

Continuing, I recall Captain Yarbeck Trask of the steamship Clutching Fist, who still doesn't know about the evil immortal Jaheg-Jorod's meddling with the Two Rivers Evil Business Corporation, but who has been guilty of causing some deaths while trying out "cannonpowder," which is nitrocellulose gunpowder.

Two Rivers Corporation had by now progressed to using cannonpowder openly, for legitimate purposes. Multiple populated islands in the Equatorial Ocean had been suffering from piracy; the pirates were authentic, not recruited by Lady Selma or Jaheg-Jorod, but their timing was useful to bad guys worse than those bad guys. Captain Trask had organized convoying schedules, allowing freighters from those islands to sail in company with Clutching Fist, and Reslagorian shipbuilders were working on a sister ship for Trask's ship.

The Bamulicans, not a maritime people themselves, learned more about this when they began interviewing Reslagorian blue-collar laborers who were departing Reslagor. Typical among these was a welder (this being a _very_ high-tech specialty by Punksteeman standards) named Simrac Browning. Part of what Simrac told Frampton Shellrudd was as follows. (Note that Punksteemans don't measure time in months, because their moon moves too swiftly for any concept of "months" to be useful.)

"About a forty-day ago, the general manager of my factory suddenly reduced annual vacation time for floor workers from six days to three. And at four plants which supply materials to us, extra pay for overtime hours was canceled. Two of the women on our small-parts inspection line complained about our vacation cut, and were fired without recourse."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, in Hukshem, D'Vargut Pril, father of the young Towerman D'Kovo and the young Smoke Maiden Razibi, was noticing a disturbing trend with his prosperous textile business. Despite his employees all being treated well, strangers were approaching many of them in taverns and marketplaces, claiming that the Pril family was "exploiting" and "abusing" them.

D'Vargut's psychic son-in-law T'Pinnok Zur was not receiving any dreams which could shed light on the motives of these agitators, nor on reasons for the _actual_ abuse of workers over in Reslagor. "I'm sorry, Papa D'Vargut, but I can't command what will be revealed in my sleep. If something does emerge in this connection, you'll be the first to hear from me."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sir Ronald's large party had landed in Kikoro, the maritime country ethnically close to Hukshem. Right there in the seaport, rumors were buzzing about discontent growing in Reslagor. People who remembered the Towerman passing through in the opposite direction were happy to see him now.

A small surprise awaited the Tablanorian army veteran Lester Grath and his Felrudean wife Didima, sister to the young Towerman Talusek Fernwood. On a busy street, a well-built, very Asian-looking Loi-Kikoro man hailed them. He wore two long poniards at his belt, and a peculiar firearm was slung behind his back. If you've seen the SyFy Channel adaptation of "Dune," the newcomer's gun resembled the five-barrelled long guns carried by Harkonnens in that mini- series; but this man's weapon held only one round per barrel.

"Lester! Do you remember me? I'm K'Zogar Poi. I was in Tablanor during the undead crisis."

Lester grasped his hand. "Right! Thanks to your habit of keeping silver ammo handy, the Compass Railway Line was very fortunate to have you around then. Would you by any chance be in the mood for some new action?"

"Yes, actually. I didn't squander my bounties from killing some livestock-taking carnivores; but if there's even so much as food and a bed in the deal, I'll be glad to make the world cleaner by the absence of a few evildoers. Now, introduce me to the new faces. I know Ronald, of course, and I know who your cavalrywoman is. How about the others?"

Lester named everybody new to his friend, coming last of all to three early-teenage girls, wearing trousers of Nizozuan design, each equipped with a belt knife. Indicating them from eldest to youngest: "These are Bohili, Warrodai and Rafomahu. Warrodai is from the Dolphin Tribe, the tribe which fostered and raised Otto Kergoff of glorious memory; the other two are from the Lobster Tribe. They have begun to receive gun training from Ronald, Zoralee and my wife."

K'Zogar nodded. "Yes, I've heard that historically-- except for the long-past period when Smoke Maidens got all peevish over the fact that men are stronger than women-- there was never any rule that Smoke Maiden apprentices couldn't accept instruction from Towermen, or vice versa. But was it _only_ females of Nizozu who were interested in firearms training when you passed through Nizozu?"

"Not exactly; it was just that the young men all had seasonal duties which they couldn't neglect."

 

[Copperfox]

For the next two full days after K'Zogar Poi fell in with Ronald's party, much attention was given to letting the Nizozuan girls observe the daily business of a society much more industrialized than their home country. They took interest in everything from ceramic dishes to steam engines. When K'Zogar asked how this counted as training for Smoke Maidens, Ronald replied, "I consider it healthy for any member of the gunslinging orders to learn about many types of achievement _other_ than combat." Ronald's anointing of being believed and respected when he spoke truth left Lester Grath's friend satisfied of the idea's validity.

The gunslinger-knight's gift was to prove highly important before they started for Kikoro's border with Hukshem.

At a quiet border watch station, where Loi-Kikoro and Loi-Hukshem soldiers routinely conversed right on the boundary line, and sometimes shared meals, a small crowd of shabbily-dressed Reslagorians walked up from the Hukshem side. The eldest of the women in the group addressed both guard sergeants:

'Sergeant of Kikoro! Sergeant of Hukshem! I am Doris Grillecker, headwoman of garment makers in Tallbush Village."

Of the two station commanders currently on duty, only the Loi-Kikoro sergeant could speak Reslagorian. "What can we do for you, Mistress Grillecker?"

"You can all heed my report. Go ahead, let your counterpart know what I'm saying. It's encouraging to see you practicing friendliness across a national boundary." After a sufficient interval, the Loi-Hukshem sergeant nodded to Doris. She continued: "Both of your nations have a relationship with mine; but _everyone's_ relationships are placed in peril by greed and injustice!" '

After an additional exchange between the guard sergeants: "To be sure, we do hear of serious grievances among workers there. Do you have news in this regard which affects our two governments?"

"It affects _everyone_ on Punksteema. The injustice of income inequality is a worldwide plague! Only equal sharing can remedy the curse of injustice! We here, and those like us, are no threat to anyone, unless it be to the parasites who exalt profits above people!" While the middle-aged woman said these and similar words, Ronald of Goliad and his whole entourage were strolling toward the checkpoint from the Kikoro side.

The Loi-Hukshem sergeant (not understood by the Reslagorians) said to his counterpart, "That's the Towerman, and K'Zogar the hunter! They're both multilingual, and I think the youngest male with them is a Loi-Hukshem from the Pril family. They can help sort this out." But several of the agitators recognized the Pril name, and started babbling confusedly. The Loi-Hukshem sergeant hurried past the other sergeant, waving to D'Kovo. No thanks to Doris Grillecker, the Towerman leader was made to understand (as far as it even was comprehensible) what the Reslagorians were indignant about.

Ronald was adequately involved in the clamor that his confidence-gaining gift could apply, and the Reslagorians calmed down sufficiently so they could be induced to talk objectively about labor grievances.

Zoralee Jeralo knew enough of a regional commerce-language to offer some support in the jumbled discussion to the man she loved. Finding an opening, she said to Doris: "I have investigated many crimes back in Gromstark, and I've learned that there are many _types_ of wrongdoers. Privately-owned businesses may be corrupt and harmful, but so may governments. Religious establishments may be hateful, but they may also be compassionate and constructive. My friend here, a Mellow Druid, is living proof of that constructive part. If possible, I will make my investigating skills available, helping your people to sort out who is or isn't harming the common workers."

BACK TO PLANET POWURKORD NEXT, I THINK.

 

[Copperfox]

We find General Shonkon Reebud, who despite being past his youth was the most energetic non-Banjolorian human on Powurkord, in company with Dim Jargon, Dim's blind wife Tien-Hai, Tien-Hai's father Ying Cheng-Li, and the swordsman Bahavish Ogoshi who was from the same Earth-variant as the Chinese father and daughter. They were listening to the long-eared anthro-amphibian girl Pree-Pree Jodd, as she reported on the undersea investigation recently conducted by herself and other Glugfins from Planet Kantpoo. The older Glugfin Tar-Tar Stinx, a friend of Only-One Kanoli, was continuing the covert survey. They had mapped all of the undocumented data-transmission cables on the sea floor, which spread out from the commercially important island of Kremdilkrem, for a radius of 250 kilometers; Tar-Tar would soon broaden the search area. While primarily concerned with finding clues to Quark-Elf activity on Powurkord, the investigation was expanding to look at the ominous disappearance of three "Sapphirized" Powurkordeans: Pegglu Vorga, her son Henshok, and Henshok's girlfriend Laptonella. That the more-powerful Drigum Namdre had perished with those others was not yet known to the ad-hoc sleuths.

But there was enough which stank about Kremdilkrem, that Shonkon decided to move, and called for two squads of Powurkordean Self-Defense Force infantry to join him and his present companions.

On Kremdilkrem, Chairman Stecko Fladritch of the First Acquisition Bank had easily weathered his own metamorphosis into a Quark-Elf. Being a murderer had facilitated the process; he was easily able to resume his original appearance. No one who wasn't in on the plan with Maltibalkrix would have known Mister Fladritch was any different. His relatively-open involvement with dirty insider stock trading was nothing to alarm those of his colleagues who still were human.

But one latecomer joining Shonkon's posse was pushing the general to get a move on: B'Tella the somewhat reptilian-looking Goldarnit businessman who had narrowly escaped being changed into a Quark-Orc. B'Tella owed a debt of honor to Bulky Tanya and her party, who had suffered losses rescuing those captured by Sorveet and other minions of Maltibalkrix.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The death of Sorveet had been alarming to the no-longer-fully-human Mister Fladritch. So he promptly agreed with his fellow white-collar crooks that they needed to play the hole card they had prepared even before Maltibalkrix came into the picture: a plotline- convenient army of battle droids. These were activated once it appeared that General Reebud was coming with his soldiers and his extra friends.

Imagine as grand and satisfying a battle as you like. There was enough action that even Yovord the Kummanokkinite and Chipdod the Drilpret got a share of it. Battle droids not being really alive, Tien-Hai Jargon could now use the Naskar Spear against them in clear conscience. Only-One and Massage, for their part, fought against a sort of self-directed robotic tank. B'Tella pitched in against that machine with fresh ammunition for the rocket launcher formerly wielded by the deceased hero Lashrook. Bahavish Ogoshi wielded his sword against flesh-and-blood adversaries, but managed to get by with inflicting "merely" disabling wounds. Shonkon Reebud did his part with a raygun in one hand and a bullet-gun in the other.

Stecko Fladritch had one more hole card to save himself. As the battle turned against him, he called for Tebzaldu, a female fellow crook who had acquired Heart Sapphire powers. She had purposely avoided attracting special attention to herself; so now, she could swoop in and carry Stecko away to a well-concealed hideout, from which they would signal Maltibalkrix that they needed him to extract them.

They were just useful enough to the Quark Lord that he did get them off-planet. But operations on Powurkord would now be winding down: too risky now, even without the Spacer Swimmers immediately pitching in. Maltibalkrix would bring away as many newly-made "Elves" and "Orcs" as he could, and shift operations to a different part of the Star Wars-ish sub-reality. With luck, he might fool Swimmer Mars and Swimmer Pluto into assuming that they were no longer needed hereabouts.

 

[Copperfox]

+ + + + + + + + + +

It may be remembered that Bulky Tanya was formerly obsessed with obtaining the Dimsaber, but finally learned the hard way that the lives of her followers mattered more than HOW MANY followers she accumulated. The Dimsaber, though it hasn't been onstage lately, was captured by the Empire of Evil Badness, largely thanks to the efforts of an Imperial officer named Shrinkdin Trush, and his Fuss-sensitive daughter Siskeli. Also involved in the race for that prize was a mercenary named Blastodon Kroof: not a Banjolorian, but comparable to them in prowess. Blastodon came away from that subplot with a DIFFERENT super-melee-weapon.

The Darkmachete, unlike the Dimsaber or the Darksaber which the Dimsaber is a parody of, had a permanent blade of solid matter. While not MADE OF pure energy, the Darkmachete was CHARGED WITH enough energy to survive clashes with lightsabers or the Dimsaber.

After his part in the Dimsaber quest ended, Blastodon spent more than a year bopping around the galaxy, not being VERY evil. Eventually, he dropped in on an old acquaintance: Lackdough Caribbiyan, owner of the Cloud Casino, a sizeable habitat on a dwarf planet. Bringing these two fellows up to present time in the narrative, Blastodon is Lackdough's chief of security, pretty much minding his manners. And his presence has been ensuring that casino guests mind THEIR manners........

+ + + + + + + + + + +

Whatever Moose and Melodica Windchime were doing when they were last onstage, enough time had passed that we can assume they concluded their business. For certain, part of this business was expelling the Empire of Evil Badness from the Behemoth star system. Now the Windchimes were back on board the frigate Adjustment, formerly named Wanton Violence. Having commandeered this Evil Badness Empire ship after the earlier liberation of Planet Takniss, Master Moose had allowed one of the liberated slaves to give the nasty-named fast warship its new, more positive name. Now the repurposed frigate was also a training vessel for new spacers.

Besides Moose and Melodica, the most senior personnel currently on board were a married couple of the same Tugboata race as the late Nonsmoka Tiptoe: husband Jifpek Dagla and wife Aseeta Rephlux, plus a Greedork female named Quibrim. These persons, respectively, were the engineering officer, the navigation officer, and the communications officer. The rest of the present ship's company comprised humans or very-near-humans, and several persons of an armadillo-like species found on Planet Riggblit.

When conventional work and study allowed it, Master Moose not only shared insights about The Fuss, but also familiarized his younger shipmates with the virtues of blues music. His own life had confirmed that, when performed by an artist with a good heart, blues music had a mighty power against forces of evil.

Right now, the Adjustment was bound for a place where Moose had once used his bardic power to drive away the demon Kuth-Hula-Hoop.
Namely, the star system which was home to Cloud Casino.