Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

RETURNING TO LEGIT STAR WARS-BASED ACTION.........

On Planet Kantpoo, Queen Kordramil had completed her elective term, and had been succeeded by a late-blooming stateswoman: Vazlisi Subor, a fifty-year-old farmer who had spent much of her adult life researching how to make the Kantpoolians' customary vegan diet better balanced where vitamins and protein were concerned.

Soon after her coronation, Vazlisi instructed her database-keepers to figure out where Master Only-One Kanoli and his formerly-evil wife Breathless had gotten to. It was known that they had spent considerable time in the "Dune"-based sub-reality, joining Seedubb-Earthlings in thwarting an invasion by the Hotblood Matrons. The researchers were pretty sure that the Kanolis had gone on from there to assist Mediumgard Earth in squelching the disruption caused by Drigum Namdre and the Queen of the Goshdarned. Beyond this, the data trail became vague.

Note that we're at a stage long after Dim Jargon, his wife Tien-Hai, and the Anime Earth-born hero Black Giraffe left Kantpoo and headed for Powurkord. If I happen to have left the Kanolis in the middle of some business, just assume that it was resolved and they could revisit the home planet of the Spacewalker family.

The narrative now moves to the Kantpoolian human capital of Tweet. A crowd of amphibious Glugfins had just returned from several weeks learning and working on worlds of the Bubblewrap Coalition. Several of them had personally met President Loxbagel, Master Drool on Upsydaisylon, or Ambassador J'Unkycar of the Goldarnits. Vazlisi, who had not yet been in office when these aquatic Kantpoolians left home, gathered the returnees for a relaxed debriefing. All Glugfins tended to be talkative; the most outgoing of the group was an adolescent female named Pree-Pree Jodd.

"The environment managers on the Bubblewrap station are marvelously efficient! Since the planet they orbit is mostly dry and lifeless, they don't rely on it as a source of potable water. Of course, Coalition worlds take turns shipping water to the station, but this is not frequently necessary. The on-site personnel run such an efficient reclamation system, that scarcely three or four liters of water inside the habitat ever gets lost beyond recovery in any twenty-day period."

Vazlisi nodded when Pree-Pree took a breath. "We Kantpoolians are spoiled, with our abundance of safe water. If we ever get serious about colonizing the other planets of our own star system, we might do well to invite maintenance women from Bubblewrap Five to help us plan the environmental management of pressurized habitats."

MEANWHILE , Master and Mistress Kanoli, the latter now being well along carrying their firstborn son (who would be named Quite-A-Guy, in honor of Only-One's heroic mentor, were busy offstage, efficiently completing whatever it was they had lately been doing (besides making their son), so they could reappear in the Republic of Lots of Worlds.
 
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Queen Vazlisi welcomed the Kanolis in her chamber of state, and the long-eared amphibian exchange student was present.

"Master Only-One, Mistress Massage, allow me to introduce Pree-Pree Jodd. She was among the Glugfin volunteers who went to live and learn for a time in Bubblewrap Coalition space. Her family and I agree that she has enormous potential. In all of Kantpoolian history since we achieved star flight, only four or five Glugfins have ever served as ambassadors to other star systems. I believe that Pree-Pree can become the next one."

At a nod from the Queen, Pree-Pree approached the two up-siders. "May the Fuss be with you, noble warriors! I understand that you already know who the Anflaktikshok Rangers are; their martial spirit is much like yours, though they display less perfect emotional control than you and others like you possess. If I could serve as an intern with our diplomatic service, I might have the good luck to facilitate cordial interaction between you and them."

Massage Breathless-Kanoli was quickest to answer. "Little sister, even without Fuss insight, I can tell that you are capable of achieving great things in the cause of interstellar understanding and amity." Turning toward Vazlisi: "Your Majesty, how can my husband and I best encourage the furtherance of this fine girl's career?"

"By accompanying her to Planet Powurkord, on the outlying fringe of the Republic. Many of the most well-behaved of Banjolorians resettled there some years ago, and are now finding themselves the principal upholders of organized society."

Only-One cocked his head. "It would have to be the better-behaved ones."

"To be sure, Master Kanoli. You know that Bulky Tanya has shown greater maturity and wisdom since a couple of her followers perished in a battle against evil forces. She now supports the effort to remedy an unusual sociological problem on Powurkord....."
 
Bulky Tanya had temporarily departed Powurkord to gather more humans, Banjolorians and Moxiboxans, who were looking for adventure. On Kantpoo, the same high-ranking Glugfins who had supported younglings like Pree-Pree traveling abroad, subsidized fully-adult Glugfins to join the expedition to Powurkord. One particularly good reason for some amphibians to go there was that NO Glugfin had ever become fascinated with artificial-reality games.

Vazlisi Subor bankrolled a large Fetlocker transport vessel, to carry both Human and Glugfin adventurers to the troubled frontier world. The Kanolis would fly in company with the big ship on board their own vessel. Notice was given to the Heptarchy that help was coming. The transport was an always-in-space type; the first shuttle it would send to the surface would be taking Glugfins to the seaport of Raxamento. Tanya wanted to see Dim Jargon, his wife Tien-Hai, Tien-Hai's father Cheng-Li, the swordsman Bagavish Ogoshi, the superhero Black Giraffe, and Giraffe's Heart Sapphire fiancee Joza-Varu-Paf. Meanwhile, war veteran Vin Gasleen and the Kummanokkinite hopper-dwarf Yovord, with some of the human travelers, would meet with Spacer Swimmers "Mars" and "Pluto," to get briefed about the threat of Quark Orcs.

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Only-One and Massage, building acquaintance with Jared and Joza, went with them and Pree-Pree Jodd to visit the town where the Ugandan hero and the Sapphire Sister had found true love. Various townspeople were happily curious about the Fuss users. After dining with some locals at the town's main restaurant, the newcomers got an abrupt bit of news from a male server.

"My wife has been chattering about the Heart Sapphires ever since we learned of their existence. And just the day before yesterday, she disappeared."

Joza-Varu-Paf sighed. "I have to confess to you that, while my Sisterhood boasts of promoting love, we have never allowed respect for existing relationships to slow down the progress of our influence campaigns."

The waiter's name was Grolo, and he soon gave his missing wife's name. "Welpura never seemed overly interested in meeting off-worlders. But she had never met any Fuss users. When she glimpsed you at the dance, Joza, she was intrigued. So if she later met a Sapphire Sister in less public circumstances, she must have jumped at the chance to find out more about that sorority."

Massage whispered in her husband's ear, then looked back at Grolo. "Only-One and I know the nature of Jared's abilities--" (Jared is Black Giraffe's name) "--and we've wondered if we could create synergy with him."

Jared contracted his neck, lowering his head to a level with the Kanolis. "Sounds promising. Do you have in mind working with me to track Mister Grolo's wife?"

"To track her if she has gotten Sapphire-ized," said Only-One. "Failing that, we try to track any Heart Sapphires who contacted her."

"Let me ALSO link up for this," offered Joza-Varu-Paf Nabirye. "We Sisters can detect each other; and if I can blend power with the rest of you, it should be easy to locate even someone who has TALKED SERIOUSLY with a Sapphire Sister."
 
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During the Sapphire Sisterhood's meddling on Jersey Earth, a one-eyed Heart Sapphire Sister named Vilkarezdu had been extraordinarily diligent about urging young humans to care about nothing but their emotions. Having no distinct assignment lately, Vilkarezdu became aware of Heart Sapphire activity on the frontiers of the Republic of Lots of Worlds.

Not long before the events in the previous post, the cyclopean lady landed unannounced on Powurkord. She was the one who influenced Welpura the wife of Grolo. Welpura having heard some news of Sapphire Sisterhood enlistment, she and Vilkarezdu flew to find Veshbard, one of the very first new Sisters elevated on this planet. Veshbard in turn helped them to locate Henshok Vorga, the pioneer of Cosmic Fact Checkers on this planet. With Henshok was his new sweetheart Laptonella; and if I didn't say Laptonella was already Sapphire-ized, then assume that Vilkarezdu facilitated this initiation.

Judging that Veshbard was capable to mentor Welpura, Vilkarezdu took the new couple under her wing. Small as Powurkord's population was compared to major worlds of the Republic, this outlying planet could surely produce a hundred or so Sapphires and Checkers.

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Swimmer Pluto still was scouting the star system for signs of Maltibalkrix, but Swimmer Mars went with Vin Gasleen and Yovord the one-footed Kummanokkinite to meet the nearest thing Powurkord possessed to a secretary of defense. Shonkon Reebud was also the most macho non-Banjolorian man on the planet, gray-haired but very fit. He had served with Republic surface forces in the short but urgent war to expel the minions of Emperor Porkanbeen. With General Reebud was a thin but energetic dark-skinned lady whom the General introduced as Jojepsi Pling, a data-systems analyst.

"Miss Pling has my complete support for her proposed measure against the gaming addiction. Tell them, Jojepsi."

The cyber-expert's voice was quiet, but the two visiting adventurers listened attentively.

"We can't just shoot or torture people for wasting their time in virtual reality. Have you gentlemen heard of operant conditioning?"

"Not by that name, anyway," replied Vin.

"It means using good or bad consequences to redirect people's behavior."

Yovord had never played a video game in his life. On his homeworld, however, he had taken part in training their peculiar backwards-walking draft animals. "You make them want to avoid something bad, and obtain something good."

Jojepsi smiled. "You're getting it. Instead of simply switching off the power to their consoles, we will INSERT NEW VIRTUAL EVENTS into their games. Changes adverse enough to spoil the fun. For instance, when women pretend to be thirteen-year-old princesses riding saddle-beasts on lonely quests, we'll make the imaginary steeds dump them onto the ground."

Swimmer Mars nodded gravely. "The sooner you can break your citizens loose from their fantasies, the better. Pluto and I can't say how soon Maltibalkrix will make a move, but he HASN'T forgotten this planet as a target."

"Then we'll step it up, and get gamers to start rage-quitting."
 
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Henshok's mother Pegglu Vorga, also a novice Heart Sapphire, came flying to meet Veshbard, whom she had known for years. Introduced to Welpura, and learning what Welpura's husband did for a living, Pegglu launched right into a sales pitch for collectivism. "Why should Grolo have a boss? Why is there any such master-and-slave relationship?"

Welpura frowned in thought. "But Grolo doesn't think he's a slave. Not only is he paid for his work, but he has a say in which hours he works."

Veshbard hugged her new friend anxiously. "Any business owner having authority over someone else is a violation of the spirit of oneness. Sharing in harmony overshadows old-fashioned fables of investing and owning. If all is one, everyone is fulfilled. Equality is enlightenment!"

"Wellll," muttered Pegglu, "there probably has to be SOME kind of seniority. As far as I know, no planet where the Sapphire Sisterhood established itself has ever had actual Heart Sisters as more than one hundredth of a percent of its female population. And I'm told that the Cosmic Fact Checkers only even began to exist within the past year or two, which means that males have only barely started to become awakened."

All the while Pegglu, Veshbard and Welpura were conferring, Joza-Varu-Paf was flying in their direction, carrying the Kanolis, Pree-Pree and Black Giraffe. Besides Joza being much more advanced in power-usage than the novices her party was seeking out, Only-One and Massage used their levitation power to make themselves, Pree-Pree and Jared a lighter load for the high-ranking Sapphire Sister to carry in flight. Thus, less than an hour after the above-described point in the novices' discussion, Joza's party traced the others to a sort of public meditation temple. This place existed for the enjoyment of people who didn't want The Fuss to have any connection with a personal Creator.

"Look, it has a pond!" exclaimed the amphibian Pree-Pree. "I've still got warpspeed-lag; may I please take a nap underwater?"

"AFTER we mentally probe to see if there's anything already in the pond which might devour you," replied Master Only-One.

There wasn't; so the Glugfin girl had her nap. Joza-Varu-Paf led the others into the temple.

Inside sat a teenage boy of the Tryyurluck race, one with yellow skin. Jared was the first to notice that he had red gems plugging his ears. "Looks like I'm the only one he'll be able to hear," muttered Joza.

"Maybe not even you," said Jared, "since you have better sense now."

Joza shrugged. I can only try." Approaching the tail-headed boy: "Can you hear me, son?"

"Yes, I hear you. My name is Daffrug. Have you seen my parents and my sisters?"

Only-One told Joza: "Persons of his race have been known to visit here occasionally, as crew members of merchant starships."

Joza knelt close to the youth. "I have not been on this world very long myself. Neither I, nor these others with me, have encountered any of your kind on Powurkord. But YOU must have met someone with a forehead gem like mine, yes?"

"Yes, I did. She had dark skin, and said her name was Tahushio Bleebu."
 
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"That's impossible!" Joza cried. "I know that Tahushio is far away, on a planet called Chimpanzia, in the same star system where the tyrant Bob Snooze attempted genocide upon a neighboring planet!" She turned toward Only-One. "Also there with her are acquaintances of yours: Pro Dashalong, Tex Tylus, and Quinine Sauce."

Black Giraffe tapped his bride on the shoulder. "Sweetheart, let's link our sensory powers again. Tell Daffrug this won't hurt him, we're looking for signs of something influencing him without his knowledge."

The tail-headed boy showed no fear. Massage joined in the probe, while Only-One scanned widely for any unseen threat to them. What he eventually detected sent him running right out of the temple, shouting, "Pree-Pree Jodd!" Being an excellent swimmer, he dove into the pond. His prior sense of nothing deadly to the Glugfin girl had not been wrong; the gleaming coconut-sized object she held was not harming her. But it was an amazing find. The up-side master hauled Pree-Pree to shore, then plucked from her hands what he was sure was a Harmonicron.

WORDS appeared in the image space of the device:

THE FOLLOWING IS A COMPRESSED SEQUENCE OF STORY EXPOSITION, TO HELP THE NARRATIVE KEEP MOVING.

MALTIBALKRIX THE QUARK LORD IS TRYING TO AVOID A HEAD-ON CLASH WITH SPACER SWIMMERS AND FUSS UP-SIDERS UNTIL HE CAN BUILD A NEW ARMY FOR HIMSELF. DAFFRUG'S FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE BEEN KIDNAPED, WITH INTENT TO CHANGE THEM INTO QUARK-ELVES, WHO WOULD BE THE EQUIVALENT OF OFFICERS LEADING AN ARMY OF QUARK-ORCS. AT THE SAME TIME, THE QUARK LORD IS INVITING POWERFUL EVIL BEINGS TO COME JOIN HIM.

JOJEPSI PLING, THE PROGRAMMER WHOM YOU RECENTLY MET, WILL SUCCEED IN COUNTERACTING THE LAZINESS PLAGUE. YOU AND YOUR COMPANIONS, WITH ALL THE BANJOLORIANS YOU CAN GATHER, NEED TO GET ABOUT OPPOSING MALTIBALKRIX.

Pree-Pree Jodd was already in the temple, alerting Joza-Varu-Paf and the others about the new priority.
 
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On the northern continent (Arcondoyla) of Planet Punksteema, in Lower Wenzeppu, Diego Smith took center stage at the formal funeral of his faithful Cousin Klemrath, who had perished gallantly fighting against goblins in the northern land of Samplibam. Diego's fellow Towerman Ilya Trostel (the Vodranorian youth, now armed with an axe and one of Sir Ronald's magnum revolvers) was well remembered in these parts, as were their absent companions, including huntsman Burzu Yunsh and the "Javelin Sisters." The family and the gunslinger-knights were joined at the ceremony by the Gahurrite huntsman Roy Crinkly, who had been with them in the great battle against the monstrous Rogbal, the Bloody Diggers, and Black-Thumb Stedriff's gang.

Wyatt Hickok, Sir Ronald's best friend who had recently been brought out of hibernation by the Colorless Quetzalcoatl, tried not to attract undue attention; but since he was famous, Ilya had explained to some of the locals (naturally including Diego's parents) how it was that Wyatt was alive at all. Introducing himself to Wyatt, Roy asked, "Aren't you the man who beat a werewolf to death with your bare fists?"

"Yes, I am. Since God saw fit to permit evil supernatural beings to trouble our world, and since He isn't Stephen King or Anne Rice, He also has allowed some flesh-and-blood human beings to possess power against evil. The more we can promote the increase of Towermen and Smoke Maidens, the LESS undeserved advantage monsters will enjoy."

"Sounds good. Is there any way I could become a Towerman at my age?"

"From what Ronald's told me about fighting beside you at Oxhide Spring, you're not far from being one already. Hey, Diego, I know your parents would rather you DIDN'T ride away again so soon. You learned plenty from Ronald, and you have the anointing. So I want you to stay here; and for as long as Mister Crinkly is free to remain here, you will explain to him everything you know about the Order of Edgar Pallendin."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Our "Dark Tower"-suggested story arc has yet to depict any events INSIDE Ronald's native country of Goliad, on the continent of Wellvernia. A long way back, I did show a man from Goliad named Brewster. Well before the battle in Gahurr where Otto Kergoff met his heroic end, Brewster spoke with Mukuma, Florence, Abigail and Halima, the four black women who had camped on Disappointment Plateau: the ones having ancestral connections to Towermen and Smoke Maidens. Mukuma is the elderly widow who is now in Samplibam, working on a translation of the Bible. Hundreds of miles west of Disappointment Plateau is the part of Wellvernia where Wyatt and Ilya will come ashore after an uneventful sea voyage: Azguhemlat, a small council-ruled nation which depends partly on mining silver and lead.
 
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Here we rewind time, ten days before the scene with Wyatt and Roy. Ronald, Talusek, D'Kovo and whoever I said was with them, reached Mifdola safely. They still intend to visit the Dolphin tribe of Nizozu and see Malaru, friend of the deceased Otto Kergoff. And they still aim to seek Otto's surviving relatives in Pathamel, roughly southeast of Kikoro. First, however, they sit in on a conference in the Mifdolan royal palace, presided over by Queen Sotavalit and her wizard consort Felipe Catalano. Among the participants is the Loi-Jeltua dirigible pilot Kring Dakamish, representing his government.
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A Mifdolan Bear Brother, and his tundra-bear partner, had lately come home from a scouting mission in the unsettled land area between Mifdola and Jeltua, the latter being the birthplace of the Queen Mother. The human and ursine spies had made good use of the noisy winds created by a flyover of Punksteema's abnormally-low moon, to avoid being heard.

Less than an hour before the Queen's confidential meeting, Dijond Lotak recounted seeing Sledge Nomads doing something which was highly unusual for them: building a serious log fort, with corner blockhouses, near the centerpoint between the two civilized kingdoms. Thanking Dijond for his timely report, Sotavalit asked the scout to tell the Bear-Uncle (similar in authority to an army colonel) to join in the impending conference. The Bear-Uncle's first response to the news of a barbarian fortress was: "They probably got the idea from some other tribe they have dealings with, on the far side of the north pole."

Ranwyn Brightpetal, a female Mellow Druid who had been part of her fellowship's official visit to Mifdola, and who had remained here as a contact person, remarked, "Yes, outside influence is most likely. The Sledge tribes, when living by their own customs, are exquisitely skilled in surviving harsh conditions without permanent residential structures."

A man not previously onstage spoke now: "They obviously DON'T want a ground corridor established between our nations." This was Master Prant Zoldo, the royal architect.

Kring politely gestured for a turn to speak. "What do they think they can accomplish, when we have airship transportation between our lands?"

"THE USE of the intervening territory is what they want," replied the Bear-Uncle. "For themselves alone."

The Queen scowled. "We would be far more inclined to concede the buffer land to them, if they weren't so prone to raid and plunder everybody in reach."

Also present in the chamber were Vicar Tegmorsh, who had officiated at the wedding of Don Ysidro to Dona Mercedes; and young Denram son of Bivgof, Lord of Hanzidrel in the south of the kingdom. The former had been instrumental in stopping Mifdolans from blaming the latter for Lord Bivgof's crimes. The Queen had invited Denram to this meeting as reaffirmation of the youth being in the crown's favor.

He now said, "Will Your Majesty perhaps try offering to recognize the barbarians' ownership of the immediate surroundings of the fort, then see what counter-offer the Nomads come back with?"

In a quick reaction, Tegmorsh interjected: "This, in fact, would be similar to an incident on distant Earth, recorded in the Bible, when a young chieftain--" (he smiled at Denram) "--made concessions over well-digging rights, and eventually got what he needed without violence."

Reminding the readers that Mellow Druids worship Actual God, Ranwyn observed: "Yes, Isaac's diplomacy may prove to be a guide for Mifdola and Jeltua. It is known that beyond the pole, aggressive tribals closely akin to your Sledge Nomad neighbors recently suffered a major defeat, for which part of the glory belongs to the ronin Jonawiku. If the Nomads near us have heard this news, they may have become sobered by a realization that their warrior ways do not confer invincibility."
 
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The Bear-Uncle harrumphed: "They never learn, even if they lose three times as many men in a battle as they manage to slay of their opponents. No one can deal with them without being in a position of GREATLY superior strength."

Denram caught the Queen's eye. "Perhaps build TWO forts for their one? A Loi-Jeltua garrison on the west side, and a Mifdolan garrison on the east?"

"If we do this," replied Prant Zoldo, "I recommend NOT placing our forts in a straight line with the Nomads' fort. If we locate our forts on a line which passes by the hostile fort on the south side, this should seem less threatening to the Nomads, yet would still support our inter-kingdom surface corridor."

Sotavalit swung her head toward her prince-consort. All who noticed her doing this, realized suddenly that Felipe had not been saying anything. "Felipe, dearest, why have you been so quiet?"

"I've been keeping my mind receptive to any intuition which may come of this. Master Bear-Uncle, how far south is the most southward movement you have ever known the Sledge Nomads to make when they were NOT waging war?"

"Let's see. I know that at least twice they have pushed their hunting range five leagues south of the southern end of Mifdola, which is two leagues south of the southern end of Jeltua. There have been similar movements down past Valtork."

"Am I right that those greater southward movements always happened in autumn? The very time when the Nomads would need to hunt more game animals, to provide meat they can dry or smoke as preserved food for the winter? Likewise hides to keep their cleverly-insulated tents in good repair? Moreover to chop timber, soon enough ahead of time so the wood can dry and be usable for fires?"

"Your Highness is correct on all points."

Felipe settled his elbows on the table, steepling his fingers near his face. "Then any ground-movement corridor we define, if it doesn't detour substantially south, may still be trespassed upon by those tribes. Which is as much as to say that we CAN'T have a secure corridor-- beyond the SERIOUSLY south-veering routes which already exist anyway."

Looking worried, Sotavalit grasped her husband's right hand. "Dearest, are you leading up to recommending that we crush the Sledge Nomads by using every advantage we possess? Batter them till the survivors dare not challenge us anymore?"

"No, my queen. I am changing the direction of our deliberation. Everyone is talking about geographical distance, locations, boundaries of place. Our best hope of an enforceable accommodation with the tribes is a matter not just of real estate, but of TIME. Let us tell the Sledge Nomads that we are prepared to relinquish control of the between-lands to them in their season of necessity. If they offer no violence against our two nations during the period when they gather winter supplies, we will stay out of their way. For the rest of the year, THEY must withdraw north again, and stay out of OUR way. After all, ground commerce between Mifdola and Jeltua is better conducted in warmer weather.

"Note that for this to work equitably, we must not build new towns IN the between-lands, as this would make the territory unusable to the Nomads. Treachery by us would make us no better than they. But maybe, just maybe, some farming could be permitted-- especially if the NOMADS get the idea of trying it themselves."

Sotavalit leaned forward to kiss her consort happily, then addressed everyone else: "I mean it when I say I love Prince Felipe for his wisdom!"

Ranwyn Brightpetal clapped her hands. "Perhaps the Nomads' new fort can become the site of negotiations for this purpose."

Kring Dakamish put in, "With armed airships watching the Nomads from both west and east, reminding them that we could if necessary annihilate their fort from above."

"Hopefully never necessary," said Vicar Tegmorsh.

The next Punksteema segment will focus on Ronald and his disciples journeying to Pathamel. Accordingly, I'll go ahead and tell you that Felipe's counsel succeeds, and the goal of lasting peace with the Sledge Nomads will be accomplished. Along the way, some truce-breaking Nomads will be caught raiding inside the Loi-Jeltua border, and will be returned to their clans with their backs hurting and their foreheads branded. Eventually, relations will improve enough so that the fort becomes a time-shared trading post.
 
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On the frontier of the Galactic Empire based on the Dune stories, in the general direction of Gumwad but not as far off, was the largely-tropical planet Vojodren (accent the second syllable). Several standard years before this point in my narrative, when Paul Muddy-Drip Ashtrayides had been compelled by the Hopecrushers to wage galactic war, the not-very-numerous Vojodrenites had avoided massacres by swift surrender to Srirachian forces.

Among those escaping death was the one man on this planet who really deserved to die: a wicked Lazytaxie Mentalcat named Piper Dizeeze, who had personally invented elaborate new torture techniques for the use of the Imperial special forces. Against the historic anti-A.I. laws of the Empire, he had built a quasi-sentient robot whom he named Ironhide. The robot could not feel pain, but would simulate human agony reactions, and served as a training device for Calamari Dynasty torturers.

At a point in time even with the last scenes written for Planet Chimpanzia, Piper Dizeeze received an encrypted message from some of the exiled Hotblood Matrons, with whom he had long enjoyed illicit contacts. They belatedly informed the Mentalcat about their failed invasion of Planet Gumwad, described the superheroes who had vanquished even Block Atom, and requested him to brainstorm some way to regain the initiative against the restoration of House Ashtrayides.

Eventually, a smaller-than-usual starship of the Spaced-Out Guild-- a ship whose crew had evaded being placed under Ashtrayides authority-- materialized over Vojodren. The actual Naughtygators all remained in orbit, but several Hotblood Matrons made planetfall in a trans-atmospheric shuttle. Piper and Ironhide welcomed them at a convenient location. The leader of the party, a woman who has not heretofore appeared in our story, was a bit less gorgeous than most Matrons: "only" a nine. Her name was Narzasissa.

"Thank you for accepting our comms overtures. Between women in Imperial space being disgusted with our SLIGHTLY violent procedures, and men being afraid to antagonize the Srirachan-Ashtrayides coalition, we are short of ground troops. Can we assist you in constructing robots like Ironhide?"

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Meanwhile, Miss Tutti Howizzit, the daughter and student of my version of Thufir Hawat in "Dune," was doing well overseeing the continued environmental decontamination of Planet Greedy Crime. She was acting in the place of Alec Hurdygurdy, who was currently in the Directvidean star system. Chief Sleevecard, my version of Stilgar, was keeping on top of things on "Srirachiss," my version of Arrakis. Enough time has passed that Groan Starr's nephew Stillneater, my version of Leto the Second, will have completed anything else he was doing. A bright female Chimpanzian called Likkoreesha came to Srirachiss as a sort of exchange student, accompanied by the Waterpark scientist Felicia Baenboox.

All of these characters had the pleasure of my learning that my version of Mel Brooks' "Master Yogurt" was finally ending his long interval of staying offstage. The Fuss ghost of Nonsmoka Tiptoe had informed Yoga-Rug that Stillneater Ashtrayides was about to come under a spiritual attack. Despite the Fuss-Ghost-equivalent of Paul Muddy-Drip having already alerted Stillneater about the danger of the False-Gold Path, the forces of Hopecrusher Central were still stubbornly determined to convince the young Duke that changing into a cruel, murderous monster and causing galactic misery FOR CENTURIES would somehow result in an eventual blossoming of justice.

But Yoga-Rug would be adding all of his own power to helping the son of Muddy-Drip and Grainy reject the warped nonsense which, on Original Earth, had conned shallow fantasy lovers who DIDN'T have to endure the tyranny of a monster themselves.
 
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At the recently-founded Neato Ashtrayides University, situated at a cooler latitude, Bunkem Isotope's Mentalcat ability and heroic history had guaranteed him great prestige as a lecturer. Joined by his wife Trala-Lalia and the scientist Felicia Baenboox, he presented the she-ape Likkoreesha to talk about her native world. All the students present, accustomed to an all-human civilization, had never seen any non-human sapient in person, except that some of them had met Puke the Kashorcheckian, Groan Starr's friend. The black-furred visitor began like this:

"My fellow reasoning creatures, I thank you for the privilege of addressing you. I am informed that your enormous community of worlds existed for many generations, even after achieving spaceflight, without knowing that races existed who were NOT so close to you genetically as to enable intermarriage. Well..... on the smaller scale of my own single native planet, even with another inhabited planet relatively close to us, we lived a great deal of history before being discovered by the humans from our star system's other inhabited world. Our 'pre-space' era was long enough to let us learn that, within one race, all the possible moral and intellectual types can coexist....."

After telling enough about her own planet and race, Likkoreesha described other sapient peoples of whom the Chimpanzians had become aware in recent years, including Plow Korn the tusk-faced up-side hero who had helped to thwart Face Twister infiltration of Chimpanzia.

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On a different part of the planet based on Dune, Haxxadoff, one of the Spaced-Out Guild members who had sworn allegiance to House Ashtrayides, was inspecting a brand-new ship, designed much like Groan Starr's "Selenium Falcon." Lately built on Waterpark, it had been flown to Srirachiss by two nieces of Alec Hurdygurdy, named Valluree and Vallurah.

"You called in under a registry number," said Haxadoff. "Did the shipyard management decide on a name?"

"They christened it 'Careful Hand'," replied Vallurah.

"That," added Valluree, "is in honor of a Waterparkian welder named Bashledd. Four times during construction, his careful attention to detail prevented potentially disastrous flaws in the structure."

Haxxadoff nodded. "It isn't only warriors and healers who save lives of people on their own side. I'll recommend that Bashledd be promoted to a supervisory position, so more workers will be taught to emulate his good habits."

''' ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' '''
At the Ashtrayides home estate on Waterpark, overlooking the ocean, Lady Jazzica and several of her trusted servants were teaching a dozen Srirachian children to swim. It was well that there were many adults keeping the desert children safe, because the mother of Muddy-Drip, Groan Starr and Trala-Lalia suddenly was distracted by a vision.

"Servants, continue the lesson until it's time for lunch. I need to attend to something."

What Jazzica attended to was a subspace radio set in the castle. Now that only a few Naughtygator ships were available to her family, interstellar voice comms had become highly important. The dowager duchess got hold of one of Chief Sleevecard's sons, a fierce and loyal warrior named Holecard.

"Lieutenant Holecard, please advise your father that I have had a plotline-advancing vision. The inhabitants of Planet Vojodren are in peril of an attack, and the Hotblood Matrons are involved. You will organize an intervention force to defend the Vojodrenites. I will alert Tutti Howizzit on Greedy Crime, and have her coordinate with you."

HOWEVER..... before the expedition could be organized, Jazzica had another psychic revelation. This told her that the Vojodrenites would not be harmed by the Hotblood Matrons any time soon-- whereas planets in a different sector were in immediate peril from evil-robot aggression. So the son of Sleevecard and his force would be sent be sent to that region instead.
 
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Readers may recall that heroes from Seedubb Earth, having become acquainted with Groan Starr and Princess Vixen, ended up assisting House Ashtrayides and its friends to defeat the aggression by Hotblood Matrons. The helpful heroes back then included The Whoosh, Cyberdork, and Raisin of the Teen Tryouts. Giles Magg, the Goulash clone of Duke Neato, had participated as well.

Since that time, Seedubb had enjoyed a considerable cleansing from super-villain problems. This potentially freed up many metahumans to combat evil elsewhere. Not only were Seedubb's heroes on friendly terms with House Ashtrayides, but one of their own, the Mexican wrestler-hero Luchador Hidalgo, still was in the Dune-derived sub-reality, helping to control prisoners of war. Three locals and a guest-hero ended up going to see how their Ashtrayides friends were doing. These were Steve "Captain Patriot" Roughroad, the college-age martial-artist girl nicknamed Degreaser, and Green Flashlights Ryan Pebbles and Bowsaw of Anoxia. The last still was green as a Green Flashlight, so Master Katmatao on Planet Wawa had sent him to Seedubb to "learn by doing" alongside the experienced Ryan.

For best effect, Katmatao sent these four, with advance notice given, to Healthyopolis, formerly Filthopolis, the former Snarkonnen capital city, where they could meet up with Tutti Howizzit for some two-way fact-sharing. It was recommended that the two Flashlights then facilitate Holecard and his volunteers transiting to Greedy Crime and meeting with reinforcements to be chosen by the young Mentalcat woman.

Early on in the planning stage, even before the Seedubb contingent arrived, Captain Kracknuck joined in with men of his own, so he and Holecard would be able at need to lead their respective teams in pincer movements against any foe in ground combat.

The Chimpanzian people already knew what Green Flashlights were. When Likkoreesha the ape-girl exchange student found out that two Green Flashlights were coming to Greedy Crime, she began urgently requesting a chance to go with Kracknuk and Holecard and meet the Flashlights.

''' ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' ''' '''
In the star system which contained the planet Vojodren, there was an asteroid station which was in good condition for occupancy, but which had fallen into disuse years ago. Narzississa the Hotblood Matron, and Mentalcat Piper Dizeeze with his robot Ironhide, secretly took possession of this useful base. Piper and his robot possessed the knowledge to construct a Starhatch..... which could be used to smuggle more Hotblood Matrons into Galactic Empire territory.

Eventually, given the advantage of surprise, they could hope to conquer Vojodren, and even keep this takeover secret for a time. Time in which the creation of more automatons like Ironhide could proceed.
 
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While I'm deciding which story arc to resume next, here's a music video.

The Dark Tower movie is a VERY condensed summary of SEVERAL Stephen King novels. His pure-hearted gunslinger hero is great in the books, and Idris Elba totally crushed the role of Roland Duschene in the movie. My "Punksteema" epic bears about one-fifth as much resemblance to the Dark Tower books as the movie does.

 
We turn our metaphorical camera to "Terra," the Earth-variant whose population includes versions of Shazam, John Constantine, Green Arrow, Winter Soldier married to a reformed version of Harley Quinn, The Falcon married to a reformed version of Poison Ivy, Eric Draven from "The Crow," and the old-time DC Comics hero-team The Blackhawks. Also at least two fully-original superheroes: the Korean warrior Kimchee Man, and the Ghanaian sorceress Sky Lioness. The latest activity I've depicted here involved the "Anti-Strife Equation," which was also a factor in events on "Jersey Earth."

The current scenario involves magical super-villainesses resembling those in the movie "Shazam Two, Fury of the Gods," plus guest heroes native to "Relatively Uneventful Earth." One of the villainesses, the air elemental Nyquilla, was probably killed or depowered or something. We pick up events in the South America of Terra, since a copy of King Highfyver's Anti-Strife Equation had been concealed near the tip of that continent.

In the time since the pretty-much-immortal Slightray from New Laziness had unearthed this Earth-variant's copy of the mind-confusing artifact, he had permitted Hipstera to use it for a couple of weeks: mostly to render good guys in South America ineffectual. The Marxist guerrillas in Bolivia had benefitted by this, overthrowing that nation's government and starting to infiltrate Peru and Paraguay. Those good guys having the force of will to resist the mental interference-- notably, Inspector Bandero Antonias and the superhero Puma Claw-- had their hands full.

Gofer Gorman, the Canadian thief and smuggler who had been recruited by Hipstera over the (Northern Hemisphere) winter, had been placed in charge of shipping useful things to the Marxists. They already were in good shape for armaments, having several rayguns in their possession; but furnishing them with other kinds of supplies had become Gofer's wheelhouse.

Hal a.k.a. Molecule Breaker, and Marlena a.k.a. Crosswind, were entrusted by the other heroes to work with Puma Claw and the regular good guys south of Mexico. The young super-couple had themselves previously helped to extinguish a wildfire in Canada caused by the super-villainesses.

Seeing just how many law-enforcement personnel had been turned wimpy by the Anti-Strife Equation, Bandero Antonias went on a secure online channel, asking for Backy Shedd the Winter Trooper and his wife to come down. Carly Whiz- Shedd, like her counterpart on Seedubb Earth, had regained her psychiatry credentials after she joined the side of good; so Inspector Antonias believed she could effectively diagnose what the Anti-Strife Equation was doing to people's minds.

Bandero called in a Venezuelan psychiatrist named Alejandro Golpedoble, who had worked with law enforcement all over the continent. He would collaborate with Carly Shedd, studying any detectable trends among people affected by the alien artifact. Alejandro was a handsome and flirtatious type; but realizing that Carly Shedd's husband had killed over two hundred men in his time, the Venezuelan doctor carefully stayed purely professional with Carly.

One other outside helper was imported: a woman who, like the redeemed Harley Quinn variants, had no superpowers, but who was highly skilled, and had WORKED WITH superheroes. This was the mounted police officer Denise McFogg, a friend of Dreadfuldevil. When Denise came to meet Bandero and Alejandro, the latter ascertained that she was unattached, and proceeded to make perfectly-courteous overtures to her. When he gifted her a sturdy mare who had been trained by gauchos, she decided she would give him a chance to court her further-- AFTER the present crisis was ended.

You know what? It is DIFFICULT juggling twenty or more plotlines at once. I can't find actual references by me to Nyquilla OR Lady Blast getting killed. Something I did find was the forgotten story-fact that the undead good guy Blackjay has also come to South America. Well, JUST ASSUME that Hipstera feels confident enough to carry on with only assistants like Pierre LaCarabine and Rusted Scimitar. If alive, we'll figure that Nyquilla and Lady Blast decided to move on to "Relatively Uneventful Earth," imagining that they can find easy victims there. But the high-level hero Black Admiral will prove capable of dealing effectively with them.
 
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Puma Claw, noticing that he had not yet had any onstage action worth mentioning, asked Conn Johnstantine to survey the continent magically and see if there were any magical evils going unopposed. Conn determined that there was a nest of Aztec mummies in Panama which had frightened locals now and then for years. They had never actually harmed anyone, but just since Hipstera had come to Terra, people had needed to flee from them in earnest. Many of the slower mortals had suffered fractures of their left shoulders.

Panama fell within Puma Claw's jurisdiction; and Blackjay turned up to join him. When they found the catacomb where the mummies rested in daylight hours, Puma finally had the chance to demonstrate his magical ability to become briefly insubstantial. He thus entered the enclosed burial network, where he used his magical night vision to locate the animated corpses. It took him about half an hour. Then he used his knowledge of ancient languages to say, in substance: "Hey, you guys! If there still are human spirits inside you, surely you can't ENJOY shuffling around like an old black-and-white movie." For the mummies actually were all black-and-white in appearance. "If by any chance you AREN'T irreversibly condemned to The Bad Place, we may be able to help you move on to the GOOD Place. You certainly owe nothing to Hipstera."

Unlike the Harley Quinn variants, however, these undead figures had no humanity left. Their human spirits were already in whichever place each one had gone to upon dying; and their husks were animated only by evilness. It just hadn't been a very aggressive evilness before Hipstera had stirred the pot. So they all attacked Puma Claw.

Blackjay, however, had meanwhile dug his way inside, since his teleportation didn't work here. So he joined, and stood back to back with, Puma Claw. In the ensuing battle, everybody was magical, so nobody was immune to anybody else. Everybody was kung fu fighting!-- or close enough to it. The two heroes both took damage, but in the end they destroyed the mummies. This being achieved, Blackjay reached out mentally to Conn: I think I'm needed back in Detroit, before conventional crooks get a new foothold there.

Sorceror Johnstantine gave Blackjay and Puma Claw time to exchange contact information, in case either of them later might have friends going to visit the other one's territory; then he sent Blackjay back to Michigan.

= = = = = = = = = = = =

Since Captain Sha-Na-Na (Willy Bastion) had also been away from Detroit, numerous minor crooks from Toronto, mostly acquaintances of Gofer Gorman, had come down to make petty trouble. Since the heroes might return at any hour, the crooks made sure not to do any serious harm. They sprayed naughty graffiti, stole toilet paper from public restrooms, broke windows, and (worst of all) prevented pizza shops from being able to offer pineapple topping to customers.

Blackjay returned before Sha-Na-Na did. Rounding up every one of these vandals who didn't get out of town fast enough, he forced them to turn themselves in to the law. A municipal judge named Brenda Stokely, who was on good terms with the undead hero, sentenced the surrendered culprits to community service, which included performing maintenance work on the orphanage where Willy Bastion lived when he was being an orphan boy.

Once back in Canada, these punks bragged in taverns about having met Blackjay and lived. Easy to say, since Blackjay never killed anyone without valid cause.

 
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In the New York City of Terra, Mutt Muckrake and Sherri Subpoena received surprising visitors. Readers may recollect that the former corrupt bureaucrat Hamhanda Blubber had lost weight AND lost most of her cynicism, then had married Tarik Almohad, an important army officer serving the progressive Muslim administration of Morocco. It was Tarik and Hamhanda who now visited the law office without warning. Only Mutt and Sherri were in the office; Mutt's partner, and two new interns, were in court.

"I haven't lost all of my intel connections," Hamhanda told them. "I know that you, Miss Subpoena, know by now that Mister Muckrake is Dreadfuldevil. This will hurry things along for us. Tarik knows that I was formerly guilty of causing trouble concerning a long-hidden Starhatch."

Sherri smiled coldly. "Which resulted in you getting such a scare that you finally gave up evilness."

Tarik smiled warmly. "And I ultimately benefited from that change."

"As I'm benefiting from finally knowing who Dreadfuldevil is."

"When's your wedding date?" asked Tarik, knowing that a subtle difference in sound perception would reveal to the blind superhero that he, not Sherri, was now the one being addressed.

"Three weeks after the narrative leaves our Earth-variant and picks up the new Halo-based arc."

"Halo what?" asked Sherri.

Mutt kissed her with perfect aim. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. My super-senses include some awareness of other worlds which figure in the Never-Stopping Story. What I mentioned won't affect us, it has no crossover with Terra."

"Speaking of crossing over," said Hamhanda, "the real reason for our visit is that my plotline-advancing intel sources have discovered a SECOND Starhatch on our planet."

Tarik added, "We hope to get at it BEFORE that evil immortal gains control of it. As a matter of fact, Hipstera being so active in South America may be partly intended as misdirection, since the Starhatch is located under a glacier in Siberia, about as far as you can get away from South America."

"Of course I'm up for any chance to help good guys defeat evil," Mutt assured the Moroccan. "But I'm far from being the mightiest hero on Terra. Why come to me?"

"Our own misdirection. You are known to have helped us and the Spanish against The Sly Evolutionary. If we're known to be visiting you now-- and we're permitting evil spies to 'discover' this fact-- Hipstera may be slower to realize that we want to get Captain Sha-Na-Na on board." (The reader is reminded that many strong Terran superheroes have gathered in South America; but if I haven't said that Sha-Na-Na is now in Detroit, assume that he returned there SINCE any post that showed him in South America.)

Mutt shrugged. "If I'm only a decoy, that still is a way to help. Just let me know how much decoy-stuff you want me to do."

"You being seen once visiting the Moroccan Embassy AS Dreadfuldevil will serve nicely."

"And," Sherri pointed out, "your not being needed actually to go to Siberia yourself will avoid any interruption of your aiding poor people who desperately need legal representation."

"More than one way to be a noble hero," said Hamhanda Almohad.
 
When following the adventures of Terran characters like Sha-Na-Na, Green Dart, Sky Lioness, The Assegai and The Brickhawks, I seem to have said little or nothing about how conditions are in Russia on this Earth-variant. Until further notice, assume that on Terra, the Soviet Union still nominally exists, but this world's version of Mikhail Gorbachov went far enough with reforms that people gained increased liberties, including total freedom of religion and freedom of the press. Even before that Gorbachev, things had not been as bad there as on our Earth-- partly because Iosif Stalin died sooner. Metahumans like Sha-Na-Na, accordingly, had no cause to take punitive action against Marxist tyranny there.

Somebody WITHIN the Terran Soviet Union contributed to the mellowing of social conditions many years before my story begins. He was an Orthodox priest (note that they can get married, though this one so far isn't married) named Vasili Rutintutin. Think of him as a high-level lawful-good cleric in Dungeons & Dragons. His late appearance in the "Terra" sub-topic does not really signify a retcon; he's just been busy on his home turf.

In Original Earth history, the surface atheism of the Soviet Union did not prevent occultism from cropping up here and there. On a fantasy-friendly Earth-variant, this could be and was more serious. The Eurasian region of Terra had seen the rise of werewolves and vampires. The need to combat these menaces had forced Lev Trotsky (yes, on Terra, Trotsky outlived Iosif Stalin) to keep the church viable. Grigory Rutintutin, his son Pavel Rutintutin, Pavel's son Filipp, and Filipp's son Vasili, had led spiritually-powerful warrior-priests against evil forces, requiring the Party in turn to grant some liberties to the citizens. ("If you insist on excessively controlling the people's lives, we won't protect YOU against monsters.")

The Russian Orthodox Church had been too busy countering "local" monsters to cooperate with other Terran heroes, but they had also succeeded at making Hipstera, Nyquilla and Lady Blast keep out of Russia. Very recently, however, the protector-clerics had become aware of the long-hidden Starhatch in Siberia, and had secretly communicated with Hamhanda Blubber-Almohad, whose shady career and eventual reform they knew about.

So people did stuff, and other people did more stuff, leading to the eventual arrival of the Almohads, Captain Sha-Na-Na, African Union agent Richard "Assegai" Berhanu, and the mystical gentleman called The Inquiry, in Petrograd. From there, a Russian military transport flew them to the desolate site under which the discovered Starhatch lay. Father Vasili awaited them there, along with six other warrior-priests, a Moscow-based physicist named Donat Karpov, and a Spetsnaz platoon with silver bullets in their guns AND a priestly invocation against evil placed ON the guns.

Of the outside visitors, Inquiry was the only one fluent in Russian. Assegai spoke it fairly well, but couldn't read it. On behalf of the Almohads, Inquiry greeted Father Vasili, Professor Karpov, and Senior Lieutenant Modest Guderian of the Spetsnaz.

Vasili Rutintutin and Donat Karpov were the only Russians present who could read English, but most of the others could at least somewhat understand spoken English. Vasili raised his three-barred Orthodox crucifix toward the newcomers. "Meaning no dispute with differing beliefs, I know by experience that MY faith has in fact aided me against supernatural evil. Without demanding any personal response from any of you, I invoke the Triune God's protection for you against evil forces. My brothers and I have already prayed over the Starhatch, that no demonic power should be able to make use of it, in either direction."

"I wish you had been there when Screendoormammu nearly killed me," said Hamhanda. "But that worked out okay, no thanks to me. Are you going to have someone go out through the aperture, or do you expect someone to come in?"

"The former," Karpov replied, "since we cannot tell if anyone 'at the other end' will be monitoring our activation."

Lieutenant Guderian and his men held their automatic weapons not quite levelly aimed at the iris of the Starhatch. Not one to hide behind subordinates, Father Vasili waited only to receive the Professor's confirmation that there was breathable air, survivable warmth, and solid ground at the other end. Then he passed through the shimmering C.G.I.-looking barrier.

Eight minutes later, the warrior priest reappeared. Right behind him came a man of such athletic build that he might well be tougher than any of the non-metahuman men awaiting him. He wore a cape, with a cowl which at present was lowered behind his neck. he carried no visible firearms, but had a variety of equipment at his hips. Portions of his costume probably were bullet-resistant.

"He can speak Russian," Vasili told his friends old and new. "He is from a Terra-variant which has very little in the way of specially-powered men or women, but which is in good shape scientifically. He calls himself The Street Bat."

Street-Bat proceeded to utter sentences in both of the two languages used here. "I greet fellow fighters in the war against evil." / "I come from a counterpart of what you call the United States of America here." / "Conditions in my world are safe enough at present that I can be spared for a while."
 
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RESUMING THE NEW HALO-DERIVED ARC, WITH NECESSARY EXPOSITION :

I remind the reader that EVERY sub-universe within the Never-Stopping Story was created at some point with its action already in progress: hence, with billions of genuinely-living sapient persons coming into existence AS ADULTS, in a fully-furnished world, believing that they remembered a normal childhood. And in AsaLion's Country, never-mortal persons were created TO BE the deceased parents, grandparents, etc. whom the new people remembered. This benevolent retconning was especially necessary for sub-realities carrying a LONG history separate from Original Earth history, such as "Dune." The Halo game-universe does have real-world roots, but has enough of a futuristic history that its "present time" is about on a level with Jean-Luc Picard's universe. So here we are, with my "Heyho" sub-universe being visited by characters from longer-established realities.

The green-skinned Noherra Synthmusica-Salad, as a veteran pilot, was fascinated when United Civilizations personnel showed her the Coleslaw-Sushiroll Engine on their starship. The galactic travelling time it enabled was less than ten percent as fast as the SLOWEST of starships in the Bubblewrap Five storyverse, thus hopelessly inferior to Star Wars-copycat stuff; but it still was good enough to make regular wide-ranged interaction feasible among a large number of star systems.

Noherra, Snack, Zubdookree, Lodratrid Guft and Karbeena Owtfeeld, accompanied by the squirrel-like Fradlobli, would not at this time be cruising to what I'm going to call Heyho Earth, but they would be received at a nexus world called Bigspoke (like "spoke" of a wheel). This world, occupied by humans and human-friendly aliens, controlled a Heyho Ring, which would allow instant jumps to any of the few other Heyho Rings currently controlled by the United Civilizations. This included a Ring not IN this reality's version of our Solar System, but as close to it as Proxima Centauri is to Original Earth.

The two nonhuman Fuss users had probed enough to be convinced that the United Civilizations was a morally upright community, deserving of support. But they would wait for the outcome of a meeting with higher-ups before making an offer to upgrade the U.C.'s interstellar movement capability.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
,
The hostile power bloc known as "The Congregation" was based on the way that atheistic sci-fi novelists want to think all religion must be: irrationally "hating everyone that's different." This was why, when bringing the Juggernasties and Skankbellies to life as real creatures, the True Creator had picked up the story at a time when the bad guys were losing. This way, at the very start of having a real existence, the villains would have incentive to make peace. In fact, some dozens of individuals from both races had already defected to the human side.

But the Congregation's leaders, by THEIR free choice, were brazening it out. And their stubbornness was being encouraged by the sorceress Ickylinn and the narcissistic scholar Tyrone Glass Neilsen. This couple's first meeting with Highmaster Starterus, a big, furry Juggernasty, was on a world a few light-years away from Stretch. Presiding was a big, furry Juggernasty, Highmaster Starterus, who is smart enough to KNOW that they're in a story! Male Skankbelly Hooshash has been seen as an aide of his. Master Drool contacted these evildoers, urging them to renounce evil, but they don't want to do that. They're trying to build a new Heyho Ring in this system.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Yes, there were civilian settlers on Stretch. Some of them came with a Crackshot platoon led by a female warrant officer. Sinchoodi-939, who possessed transplant organs based on combat injuries virtually suffered before she existed. She also carried planted memories of losing a husband who died heroically. Hendro-41 summarized for Sinchoodi all he had learned so far about the friendly visitors. Then the warrant officer introduced the Mossyhutches to the most senior civilian present.

"This lady has a no-number name. Taldora Beckpella's husband Frank was an atmosphere-fighter pilot, until he lost his eyes in a crash. Regeneration is technically available, but facilities for it won't be available on Stretch anytime soon."

"What's he doing in the meantime?" Raquel asked Mrs. Beckpella.

"We can't regrow organs here, but we do have procedures to enhance any senses which haven't been completely lost. Frank's hearing has been boosted, not just in sensitivity threshold but in the spectrum of sound frequencies he can hear. For the time being, he works in quality control at the one aircraft-repair installation on Stretch. He can HEAR changes in vibration which may reveal an uncorrected flaw."

"We acquired some regeneration tech on my native world," said Jacob, "but we didn't have means of expanding the base abilities as you described. If Mr. Beckpella does regain his vision, will he lose the hearing enhancement?"

"He shouldn't."

"Be that as it may," Raquel put in, "we should visit your aviation maintenance base."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Here is a condensation of how Jacob described his earlier adventures:

"My version of Earth was visited secretly in the past by the usual everything-doing super-aliens. The first open contact was made by some friendly green-furred fellows, called Pindowny, who had no warrior instincts, but who could provide fabulous technology to ASSIST warriors. They were dominated by less-decent aliens called the Barnsmell. The Barnsmell cared only about their own advantage, but the Pindowny nonetheless enabled us (and themselves and the Barnsmell) to survive a horrible threat. The threat was from big reptilian aggressors called Postalfiends. The green guys invented our gravity guns, which made a huge difference. Without them, our branch of humanity might have been annihilated. My own adventures mostly lacked the use of a gravity gun, but I eventually got qualified with it."

Noherra Salad, for her part, eventually described to U.C. officials just how much better Star Wars-ish free-movement hyperspace travel worked than anything the Heyho sub-reality possessed. "Your industrial base will require decades to assimilate such advanced designs; but the hyperspace technology of the Bubblewrap Coalition is close enough to your own, that you can reverse-engineer it within a year or less. And it will still make your non-Heyho-Ring transits quicker than your enemies can manage."

This disclosure was of the most immediate value to the United Civilizations; but Zubdookree and Lodratrid also told about The Fuss. It was at least possible that some good guys in this sub-universe would be able to become Jedi-equivalents.
 
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Brace yourselves: we need to establish that my Halo pastiche contains MORE THAN four or five worlds. Enter some brand-new characters, who (even in their virtual past) never met any of the people I've introduced. Nor do any of the new humans belong to the Crackshots.

Jerry Bakatoru had-- in the artificially generated virtual past which was his backstory-- lived all his life on Planet Hinterland. It was called this because its parent star was a blue giant, and Hinterland had to be eight planets out from the star to be cool enough to support human life without heavy shielding. FOUR of the planets to sunward of the colony world were much like Venus. Hinterland's planetary mass was eleven percent more than any version of Earth: not so severe as to make life a horrid ordeal, but high enough that colonial medical science emphasized skeletal firmness and cardio-vascular health.

Fourteen subjective years before everybody in the Heyho storyverse actually became real, Hinterland was bombarded by a space battleship (a never-lands-on-planets type) using kinetic-impact projectiles. This was in contrast with most major bad guys, who obsessively chose directed-energy weapons for everything more serious than a punch in the nose. No explosive warheads are needed when an object strong enough not to be totally destroyed by re-entry heat, falls for more than fifty miles to the surface of a planet. The attacker never communicated any demands, nor landed any invasion troops. It seemed contented to devastate industrial installations. But whoever was commanding the battleship must never have guessed that the Hinterlanders might house most of their heaviest industry VERY deep down in caves. The colonists thus recovered sooner than their cowardly enemies could have anticipated.

Jerry, a combination astrophysicist and observatory director, had risked his life to compile visual images and energy-output readings of the unprovoked enemy. He had, in fact, lost his right arm below the elbow in an explosion; but he now had a serviceable artificial forearm and hand. Gathering to him the smartest men and woman on Hinterland, he had spent the next fifty-five local days developing recommendations for how colony worlds not often visited by the military could defend themselves.

Fifty-five days was the time from start of deliberations, to the arrival of a United Civilizations ship. Hinterland had no subspace radio; so the officers and crew of the visiting ship had been appalled. The existence of Juggernasties and Skankbellies had already been known to humans and their allies; but the attackers of the frontier planet seemed like a third enemy race.

Ten subjective years before the change to genuine existence, beings of this third hostile race were captured. They looked like Kaminoans in the Prequel Trilogy, only with shorter legs and longer arms. Called Mipstipters, they could not compete physically with humans or near-humans, let alone Juggernasties and Skankbellies; but they were sly and sneaky, sort of like tall, space-traveling Gollums with clearer speech. The Congregation found them useful. It was Mipstipters, ahead of anyone else good or bad, who had figured out how to use the Heyho Rings.

This, in the narrative, had been almost a century before Jerry Bakatoru's birth.
 
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Some Efrachiktu, the ones resembling oversized squirrels, visited Hinterland weeks after Jerry received his prosthesis. Being highly talented with electronics, they asked to examine the artificial forearm and hand. Jerry consented, and what ensued was fascinating.

"Mister Bakatoru, if you give your further consent, we can install a connection to your brain. The palm of your bionic hand will be able to sense irregularities in your planet's magnetic field. It helps that your huge star produces enough energy to make for an extra-strong magnetic field. If any large metallic object, or anything generating its own sizeable magnetic field, cuts through Hinterland's force lines, you'll know it, including its general direction. Only a general picture, but it'll be a heads-up at least."

"With Mipstipters poking around our sector, I'll take any advantage I can get."

About a month later, a Mipstipter ship, with good emission control, tried sneaking down to the human world's antarctic zone; but its physical presence could not be hidden from Jerry's new "sixth sense." This enabled Hinterlanders to pull off a ground attack, slaying or capturing all of the invaders. This gave Hinterland a new starship to use. It also brought them closer attention from The Congregation; but the Efrachiktu for their part had asked the United Civilizations to support Hinterland.

About ten Earth-months after the capture of the Mipstipter ship, a major space battle occurred outside that blue-star system. The Congregation ships were now manned by Skankbellies, and it was a close thing; but the U.C. fleet prevailed, killing thirteen enemy ships for eight friendly ships lost. It was noted that the retreating Congregation fleet made no attempt to rescue survivors from their shattered vessels; accordingly, the good guys took plenty of live prisoners. These would yield both information and labor, and were startled at how mercifully they were treated.

--- NEXT, BACK TO THE MAIN TIMELINE OF THIS ARC. NO GUARANTEE THAT JERRY WILL BE ONSTAGE AGAIN.

Ickylinn and Tyrone were still hanging out with Congregation bigwigs. Ickylinn sensed a tremendous force of goodness entering the Heyho sub-reality. She wasn't sure what it was; having contended with Mighty Male's crowd on Planet Alwaysurnia, the witch assumed that some obvious superhero had landed on Planet Stretch. She urged her new allies to pull all evil forces off of Stretch until they knew more about the threat.

As Mister Lewis observed, evil can never understand good as accurately as good can understand evil. What was alarming Ickylinn was not any metahuman demigod. It was Jacob Mossyhutch, veteran of the Postalfiend War. For sure, his impossible gravity gun was a threat to evildoers; but HE HIMSELF, by his bravery, integrity, decency, and inspiring example of noble heroism, was the real danger to The Congregation. Think Dungeons & Dragons paladin. Think a less-gloomy Batman who shoots bad guys.
 
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