Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

On Planet Bigspoke, the visitors were interviewed by a woman from Heyho Earth: Captain Veronica Blythe, an intelligence analyst for the United Civilizations Galactic Navy. Since the Halo game on which this region was based assumes the existence of Earth, Copperfox has not been compelled to invent an explanation why the visitors could communicate with their hosts. The Babylon Five premise ALSO assumes Earth, so Snack Salad and Karbeena Owtfeeld can for sure speak fluently with Captain Blythe. Noherra has been around English speakers, mainly Snack, long enough to have picked the language up; and heck, why not, The Fuss empowered Zubdookree and Lodratrid to absorb some English quickly. But Snack Salad, as a native speaker of English, did almost all the talking with Captain Blythe.

"Chief Salad," said the captain at one point, "I'm deeply impressed by what I've been shown concerning the space-travel capability of your civilizations. What the Republic of Lots of Worlds possesses is too sophisticated for us to replicate any time in the next two decades; but what your Earthlyforce uses is within our potential to learn and imitate much sooner. Just that much will enable us to outmaneuver The Congregation's fleets. Now, you have mentioned a disparity in lightspeed movement between one race and another; who in your Coalition is the best in this regard?"

"Absolutely the Mintcandybarri, Captain;" and Snack began telling how the Mintcandybarri warrior caste had dishonorably relished killing outgunned humans. Only the revealed messianic status of Jack Playfair had saved humanity from destruction. This led Veronica to look at Noherra.

"But your own interstellar community greatly excels even the Mintcandybarri in starship design, is it not so?"

"Yes, Captain; AND in ship defense against directed-energy attack forms. Mintcandybarri who have witnessed Republic warships in action, were served with an enlightening dose of humbling."

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Two Bigspoke days later, with informal mingling having filled the time between, the visitors were introduced to the most senior officer stationed full time on Bigspoke: Lieutenant-General Amos Judd of the United Civilizations Galactic Army. During the interval, Judd had studied all the information about the newcomers that Veronica Blythe could provide to him. Interviewing Zubdookree and company, Blythe had mostly questioned them about material technology, since this could in principle be duplicated by the U.C.; but Judd wanted to get straight to the special-powers topic.

"Master Zubdookree, the kind of psychokinetic power which you and your protege have let our people witness is outside the grasp of our science. Would it be accurate to describe 'The Fuss' as magic?"

The tall up-sider shrugged her feathered shoulders. "It depends on where you draw the boundary between the paranormal and the supernatural. Any sapient brain is, in a sense, supernatural, since the Creator Himself endows our brains with the ability to CONCEIVE OF the supernatural. Magic, though, is more aggressive than spiritual intuition, even more than levitating material objects. As far as our Mintcandybarri friend Master Drool can ascertain, your sub-universe is not home to any totally magical creatures; but people in the Heyho reality should be as capable as anyone else of receiving The Fuss. And any Fuss user native to your sub-reality would certainly enjoy some ability to resist and counteract literal magic spells."

"Then where does this put the clerics of The Congregation? We have no clear evidence that they have paranormal abilities."

"The genuineness of their deity is not proven or precluded by the question of whether flesh-and-blood Congregation leaders can work marvels. Those who uphold truth are serving the Creator, whether they possess miraculous powers or not."

There was plenty more dialogue along these lines, but you've seen enough to get the idea.

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Meanwhile, Jacob Mossyhutch explained to his new friends on Stretch how his already-formidable main weapon had been rendered even more superior by Nawtyfeller from Forgeworld. Jacob would no longer need to seek industrial sites to produce fresh ammunition. The gravity gun could now be placed upon any large mass of stone, ceramics or scrap metal, and it could create new pellets for itself. Also, it could repower itself not only from any electrical circuit, but also from sunlight or lightning.

Hendro remarked to Jacob: "Our spacegoing army has one extra-superior warrior, Johnny-747, commonly called the Master Champ. If you consent to help us against the Congregation, Master Champ won't be jealous; he's all about duty, not about bragging on himself. He'll be glad to have someone share the load."

Raquel nodded and smiled. "You can call my Jacob the Major Chief."

Warrant Officer Sinchoodi smiled even more warmly, glancing between the Mossyhutches. "I love seeing the love between you two. My husband and I had that. Which brings me to something concerning the Master Champ. He has a-- but all things in sequence. Does either of your native worlds possess advanced cloning technology? On a level to produce adult bodies?"

"I'm pretty sure that the Pindowny can do it, if we can get in touch with them," said Jacob. "Why do you mention it? Are you thinking--?"

Sinchoodi sighed. "No, not my husband. Nothing useable was retrieved from his remains. Anyway, even a clone who LOOKED LIKE him would not be his actual self. What I'm thinking about, however, is-- well, it SORT OF would be simpler."

The newly-dubbed Major Chief peered at the lady soldier. "Are you thinking that a clone of the Major Champ, though not the same person, would at least replicate his talents and strengths?"

"That isn't a bad idea, but still no. What if there were a disembodied mind which could benefit by HAVING a body? Not erasing an existing personality, that would be murder; but growing a new human body for which the disembodied mind would BE the personality, would be a different ball game."

Jacob Mossyhutch brightened. "Why, yes! The Pindowny actually DID that on my Earth-variant! There was a seagoing ship, with an artificial intelligence controlling it. This intelligence had free will and genuine emotions; so the Pindowny cloned a female human body for her. She retained control of the ship, yet could also...... LOVE a man, and raise children with him."

"On target!" exclaimed the warrant officer. "The Master Champ works with an artificial intelligence who has personality and self-awareness. It, no, SHE is called Cortexa; and she loves Johnny-747 as fervently as any woman ever loved a man."

"Does Master Champ love her in return?" asked Raquel.

"Everyone's afraid to ask him that, but we all believe he does. He certainly resists any suggestion of erasing her."

Jacob suddenly grinned. "You're talking to the right people, ma'am. Raquel and I are among those who explicitly desire to see stories END HAPPILY, rather than the opposite. When your own immediate peril is ended, we'll see about contacting the Pindowny."
 
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We haven't looked at Jersey Earth for some while. I'm pretty sure that enough time has passed so characters native to this Earth-variant should have completed any business they had on other planets. Possible exception, the Chinese-Malaysian Green Flashlight Tong Sao-Tu. I'm pretty sure that there _won't_ be any continuity conflict if I say that the following natives of Jersey Earth are on-world:

Trace Dickey, Jersey Earth's first Jedi-equivalent, and Commandant of the New Jersey State Police. He has never attempted to use a Fuss ring (remember: Spaceballs rules in my story), but he can form a sort of energy gloves around his hands, which enable both defense and attack. His biggest specialty is not just _influencing_ people, but _commanding_ them against their will. This has not pulled him onto the down-side, because he uses the ability only for good. His wife Bess Dickey is now a Heart Sapphire.

John Stewmeat, close friend of Trace, and (I'm pretty sure) the first Green Flashlight born on Jersey Earth. He already knew about Heart Sapphires before they were introduced onstage in my story. He had been the male half of what Hopecrusher Central wanted to be a tragically-unsuccessful romance, with Nolarivu Pamizo, who is sufficiently human-like to have children with him. She has has purple skin and hair, except that her hands and face are pale-skinned. Only after Joza-Varu-Paf and other Sapphire Sisters devastated Jersey Earth's infrastructure terribly, did Nolarivu see that Green Flashlights _weren't_ as dumb as the Sisterhood wanted her to believe.

Sharon Rockwell, a firefighter in Magnet City and harmlessly friends with Trace, received unusual gifts from The Fuss. She can move at least half as fast as The Flash, is immune to burning, and can extinguish fires with her mind.

Roger Tree Root, an Algonquin Indian from Canada, had sorcerous power conferred upon him someplace; I think that Crimson Witch gave him the ability. He makes up his own enchantments as he sees a need, but can only cast four spells a day. While helping to fight against evil powers on Mediumgard, he was given a bonus: a high-powered hunting rifle which is itself enchanted, so that any bullet fired from it can at least injure weapon-resistant monsters.

There are two more heroes who received Jedi-like powers many pages ago, but who so far have had no chance to see onstage action. Both of them are police chiefs known to Trace, and both were given specialties. Marvin Taylor serves in Chicago, and Jorge Feliciano in Milwaukee. Marvin was given healing ability, while Jorge now can slow down moving objects.

We will pick up the subplot with Roger and his wife, paying a visit to the Angola of Jersey Earth. Previous plot action on this Earth-variant, while not ignoring other parts of the world, had emphasized North America, because the Anti-Strife Equation had proven to be buried on that continent. Now that the fiasco of the "Cosmic Fact Checkers" appeared to be ended, the Tree Roots were undertaking to search for potential new metahumans.

The couple slept off their jet lag in a hotel which lacked air conditioning. It had formerly enjoyed air conditioning, but Heart Sapphires meddling in Africa had seriously impaired energy infrastructure. Fortunately, Roger had not used any of his four-a-day spells during their travel. He had to use all four spells to fix enough things that the city would regain a near-normal degree of utility service (this, before they slept). The family which owned the hotel was so grateful that they told the Native American couple, "Use this hotel as your base, free of charge, for as long as you are in Angola!"

Mrs. Tree Root, with Roger's agreement, accepted this offer, provided that they would pay for their meals.

The next day, Roger cast one spell, saying: "Let me know the name of someone whom we have reason to look for." A moment later, he became aware that a young man called Kahilu Baloval worked at a vehicle-repair shop at the north end of town. The magic _didn't_ tell him whether Kahilu possessed any special abilities, but it was a beginning.

Walking along a street which allegedly ran to Kahilu's workplace, they were startled to see what looked like a fellow Native American, a boy of perhaps age fourteen. He ran toward them, and they soon saw that he had red gems plugging his ears. He cried out to them in English, "You're Indians too!" He would not say "Natives" here; in this part of Angola, they were possibly the only people who _weren't_ natives. "You can see that I'm a Cosmic Fact Checker! I'm probably the only one of Sawyer Boyd's followers who _didn't_ go to Mediumgard Earth. My name's Carson Wendell, of the Hochunk Nation, I'm tired of stealing what I need, and I _hate_ not being able to _hear_ anybody talking! Can you help me?"

Mrs. Tree Root hastily said to her husband, "It might be that just letting non-Sapphire voices reach him will meet less resistance than forcing the gems out of his ears."

Roger accordingly exerted his magic as his wife had suggested, then asked, "Can you hear me now, Carson?"

"Yes yes yes!!!"-- and soon Carson was hugging the rugged old Algonquin and sobbing.

Some locals who had heard about this odd male offshoot of the Sapphire Sisterhood gathered around, asking questions. Roger told them, "If the kid stole anything while he was on his own, I'll help him to make restitution. The powers he has are not evil in themselves."
 
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Roger didn't need his second spell of the day for the next step. The city's chief of police, a certain Tomas Danduji, came to them and introduced himself. He could speak English without needing any special plotline contrivance.

"The Heart Sapphires left no nation undisrupted. We Angolans haven't seen any of their peculiar boy apprentices, but may I assume that this youth is one of them? A few small things have been swiped around town: loaves of bread and the like. You, son, was that your doing?"

The boy hung his head. "Yes, sir. My name is Carson Wendell; I was born in Iowa. The Heart Sisters told me that conventional masculinity was the root of all social injustice, but that I could be part of redefining manhood in a way more harmonious with Mother Universe."

Chief Danduji nodded. "Sounds like what we've heard. Heroes from a different Earth came here to help us fix the mess; and Mister Tree Root visited yet _another_ version of Earth, to help _that_ world cope with red-gem interference. It's mostly been set right by now; and at least one Heart Sapphire who got her head straightened out, the purple one, is now part of our Earth's hero community."

Without looking up, Carson mumbled, "I want to do that too. I want to do _actual_ good for people."

Tomas patted Carson's shoulder. "They messed with your head, son. I think that our municipal court can draw up a community-service program by which you can make sufficient amends for any petty crimes you committed. After that, I'll wager that American superheroes can mentor you."

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Jersey Earth's North America was in good shape now, so the newly-minted up-siders Jorge Feliciano and Marvin Taylor wanted to get in on the investigatory action. John and Nolarivu Stewmeat provided the two police chiefs with hypersonic transportation to Uzbekistan: this, because Trace Dickey had received a Fuss-vision that there was somebody there in similar circumstances as the Angolan boy.

Experienced at activating radio sets with his Flashlight artifact, John courteously asked Uzbekistan's air-defense force to approve his party entering Uzbek airspace. Intriguingly, the local authorities already had an idea why the visitors were coming.

It soon emerged that the new Sapphire Sister, who had sort of slipped under the radar, was one Fatima Kutuzova, daughter of the commanding general of that very same air-defense force. Akhmed Kutuzov, the general in question, invited the arriving foursome to land at his headquarters and receive a formal bread-and-salt welcome. He assured them that no life-threatening or society-devastating events had ensued from his daughter's transformation, but that _some_ difficulties existed.

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Meanwhile, after promising to stay available in case their assistance was requested with Carson Wendell's rehabilitation, Mr. and Mrs. Tree Root finally introduced themselves to the vehicle repairman Kahilu Baloval. He proved to be what the movie "Sky High" referred to as a Technopath. Meaning, he had a quasi-magical ability not only to repair machines and electrical devices perfectly, but to give those machines or devices _greater_ capabilities than they had originally possessed.

The young man had a back story, in which he had been desperately needed to transport a sick woman to a hospital. Coming to a river whose bridge had collapsed, Kahilu had made his car perform a Dukes-of-Hazzard leap across the river, enabling the suffering woman to reach medical help in time to save her life. This had been the first revelation of his talent.

Roger and his wife were satisfied that Kahilu was very much on the side of good, so they simply asked him to stay in touch. Grinning, Kahilu replied, "Not a problem. I can take an outdated stand-alone desktop computer, and _make_ it able to access the internet remotely. Just give me an e-mail address to reach you in Canada."
 
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Akhmed Kutuzov, his wife Sabella, and several military aides welcomed the Stewmeats and the two brand-new Jedi-counterparts. Before anyone mentioned the absent Fatima, two hours passed cheerfully with questions and answers about John Stewmeat's adventures, and about the past visits by super-people from New Laziness and from Earth-Whichever. Sabella said very little during this, but she eventually was the first to mention her daughter Fatima.

"Fatima has acquired the Heart Sapphires' ability to create food. There's nothing wrong about that; but Uzbek men are finding that an attempt to live _only_ on Sapphire porridge produces a slight, but verifiable, reduction in their strength and stamina. Unfortunately, Fatima is now trying to _impose_ a vegan diet on our whole country. This has included scattering flocks and herds all across the plains, and the _owners_ of those flocks are losing patience."

Copperfox reminds his readers that Jedi-equivalents cannot read anyone's thoughts in precise detail, but they can pick up a sense of what others are thinking about. While the Kutuzovs narrated their daughter's antics, Marvin and Jorge sensed each other forming an identical intent. Falling silent, they both concentrated on trying to discern more about the causes of the situation. At last, Jorge spoke for them both:

"It's the Halal!"

"What about Halal?" asked Akhmed.

"The Halal system for meat production makes no effort to eliminate suffering for the animals being slaughtered. It is _natural_ for humans to be omnivores, not vegans; but it is possible to kill meat animals humanely."

Marvin added: "A lady scientist named Temple Grandin exists on many versions of Earth. From careful study of animal behavior, she devised methods by which cattle brought for slaughter can be spared from preceding terror, in addition to being killed _quickly_ instead of slowly bleeding to death."

"Similar consideration is given to meat animals on my native planet," said Nolarivu.

Akhmed looked at John Stewmeat, the only one of his four guests who had visited Uzbekistan before today. "You realize that my countrymen will not accept a child telling them what they can or can't do, not even if the child were a boy."

"And you _won't_ be letting a child change the substance of your laws," John told the general. "You will still eat meat. I eat meat myself. But it isn't so much to ask that cattle, sheep and goats can be allowed a painless death. _Unlike_ the former meddlers with whom Nolarivu broke ranks, we'll never try to dictate to you. But we will support any effort you put forth to amend the Halal rules; and across the board, you will find the superhero community much more friendly to you if you embrace more humane policies."

"I'm willing to endorse this idea to my government," said General Kutuzov.

"Then we," John replied, "will gladly speak with your daughter, in your presence, and urge her to accept the compromise."
 
===> On Seedubb Earth, conditions were better than they'd been in the current century. The stronger heroes, including Green Flashlight Ryan Pebbles, Doctor Unusual and The Whoosh, were able to rotate off-world absences. In the sorceror's case, this entailed his visiting Jersey Earth, Earth-Whichever, Federation Earth (home of the Starship Grunts), and Planet Freesoil (having some ties with Federation Earth). This goodwill tour yielded abundant information, which Doctor Unusual would provide to the database of Spark Laboratories.

Harpy Nickelworth, Kelly-Faye Fixxit, the former Fertility Stoke of Startled City, Queen Maritima of Tatlantis, Princess Reelnyce of the Fishfolk, and what's-her-name the former Snarkonnen slave, had all by now borne children to their respective husbands-- Alphonse Nickelworth, Lucius "Flatwing" Fixxit, Green Crossbow, Aquaticman, Beef Boy, and Sergeant Chip Thursday of the Kansas State Police. We'll decide the sex of each baby later.

No new supervillains had made themselves known; but some ambitious non-superpowered criminals, with more nerve than good sense, decided to rock the boat. This became apparent when a brazen kidnaping occurred at the Country Kingdom resort in Missouri. The news of it was brought to the personal headquarters of The Whoosh, in Central Municipality, by the wife of singer and producer Kenny Garth Jones. This was the lady who had once lent a wig to Princess Vixen.

"My husband, with all of his Mustang Minstrels, plus all the members and roadies of Maxie's Daylight Riders, are being held hostage by Actsnarky, Rocky Hippo, Jetpack Jolene, Wild Whiner, and Monitor Lizard. They promise to release the hostages if Batfellow, and two other non-metahuman crimefighters of his choice, will fight them on the New Orleans lake bridge. Everybody unarmed. Hostages die only if any super-powered heroes interfere, or if the good guys use weapons. Win or lose, if conditions are met, Actsnarky promises they'll not only release the hostages either way, but even surrender themselves to the law if they win. That seems to be a macho thief's-honor point in his view."

The Whoosh nodded. "I'll call up all the suitable heroes, and Mister Dwayne--"(remember, Batfellow admitted his real identity) "--will choose his fight partners."

"What's to choose?" asked Mrs. Jones. "He'll take Duskwing and Goldfinch."

"Maybe not," said The Whoosh. "He'll want them safe to become Batfellow successors."

In the end, Brutus Dwayne chose Degreaser, the girl martial artist with the Teen Tryouts-- and Major Alphonse Roderick Nickelworth, Royal Army Retired, who would not hear of being left out. Even Harpy, though fearing for the safety of her true love, accepted that he must be allowed to do this for the Dwayne family.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The Southeast Asian gangster Monitor Lizard, Actsnarky's most recently gained associate, made an opportunity to speak alone with his new ally before the morning of the group duel. "I know you well enough by now to know that you sincerely relish scoring machismo points; but is that enough to justify us maybe getting killed?"

"If Batfellow held with killing his enemies," the anarchist replied, "I wouldn't have issued my challenge, or not on these terms. But he never kills his adversaries. Which means that even if we lose, we won't die..... whereas WE never promised not to kill THEM."

"But-- surrendering EVEN IF we win? Where's the advantage in that???"

"The advantage is defined by our current DIS-advantage. With superheroes ascendant all over the world, and even China making nice with them, it's hard for us to acquire any new gang members. But if we enter prisons while carrying the prestige of having given Batfellow a hard time, dozens of convicts will be offering to join our crime coalition as soon as they finish their sentences. Doctor Nickelworth, the former Harpy Grinn, might even help us without realizing it. If she tries to 'cure' us of being gangsters, we could pretend to change our hearts, and thus ourselves get paroled relatively soon."

Monitor Lizard raised an eyebrow. "You do remember, don't you, that Harpy Grinn persuaded Glueface and Tightrope Tito ACTUALLY to go straight?"

"I grant you, she did. But those wimps didn't have the self-esteem to stay true to themselves. We won't change."
 
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The showdown was at hand. Wild Whiner, Actsnarky, Monitor Lizard, Rocky Hippo and Jetpack Jolene stood facing south on the lengthy bridge. A hundred yards away on the New Orleans side stood Alphonse, Degreaser, and a Batfellow in practical civilian attire-- no cape, cowl, or utility belt.

"Why is the skinny geek in front of the others?" Degreaser asked Alphonse.

"Perhaps because he's the most expendable, in case WE pull some dirty trick."

The unmasked Batfellow shouted: "Actsnarky! Country Kingdom needs its musicians back. Your promise not to kill them, and I do believe you mean it it, gains you some grace. I won't break any of your bones if not necessary. Shall we begin?" He then started north on the untrafficked bridge, his companions following. This was where the surprise came in.

The skinny brat Wild Whiner had no super-powers; but his voice had operatic force from a lifetime of being a spoiled brat. Sitting down on the pavement, he wailed: "You're full of HATE! You just hate everyone that's different! It isn't fair! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" The three heroes winced at the repulsive noise-- and the four combat-capable crooks charged. Not quite cheating, but a sly tactic at the outset. When they had passed him, Whiner stood up, turned, and stalked away, mumbling about wanting a safe space.

Jetpack Jolene ran the fastest. Knowing that she was the weakest fighter on her side apart from Whiner, she also knew that the two male heroes would hate to injure a woman. First pretending to aim at Degreaser, she swerved hard left and went for Alphonse instead.

Copperfox reminds the readership that, when Alphonse was miraculously rejuvenated early in our saga, he still LOOKED OLD though becoming young and strong in every way that mattered. Jolene hoped to dazzle him with her agility. What ensued was the beautiful dark-haired thief attempting high kicks again and again, only to see the war-veteran butler easily blocking every kick that could have injured a vulnerable place, and shrugging off a few kicks which landed on his ribcage. After forty seconds of this politically-incorrect encounter (Alphonse definitely having not received the Hollywood memo that every woman is tougher than every man), he trapped both of Jolene's arms against her body with one arm of his, held her against his moderately-bruised right side. trotted south a short way, then tossed her in the air hard enough that hitting the bridge would knock the wind out of her.

Rocky Hippo, massive though he was, was also an intellectual. He had always been the one to research data on superheroes, and he knew that Degreaser was a far better fighter than Jetpack Jolene could ever hope to be. He trusted in his extraordinary-though-not-metahuman strength to defeat this Teen Tryout scrapper, but he would not underestimate her. This became a much more even contest than Jolene's attempt to beat Alphonse.

Actsnarky and Monitor Lizard-- a consummate streetfighter and a superb martial artist --were both of the skillful sort that would stand the best chance against Batfellow. Attacking together yet not impeding each other, they sent a deluge of hands, elbows, feet, and the occasional head-butt against the Caped Campaigner. A few blows got through, but it became apparent that Brutus Dwayne had not gone soft just because he technically retired. He definitely needed to take these two crooks seriously; but he had the stamina to keep going while he figured out patterns in their movements. This was harder where Actsnarky was concerned, since the anarchist-felon was much less predictable than Lizard or Hippo; but Brutus was holding his own.

Unexpectedly, Wild Whiner showed something resembling boldness. Returning to the battle even while crying like a baby, he flailed his fingertips at the hero's face. It would be beneath Batfellow's dignity to harm such a sissy-boy, so he merely pushed Whiner away. This, however, gave Monitor Lizard his opening to kick at Batfellow's leg. Hitting just above the knee, he bruised that leg badly enough to weaken the hero's stance. But Alphonse caught Lizard in turn with a perfect left jab. The Southeast Asian villain backed up, then squared off against the champion boxer. Alphonse didn't USE kicks, but was trained to defend against them.

Now there were three terrific one-on-one fights in progress. Degreaser needed to outlast Hippo, wearing him down while evading attempted grabs which would have put her out of action. Brutus needed to use defensive techniques appropriate for his reduced mobility, while watching for Actsnarky to get careless. And Alphonse needed to find openings for punches, while guarding against kicks and leg-trips by Lizard.

It was a group fight worthy of movies. But since this is a print medium, we need to get to the finish.

Each of these duels could still go either way. But then Jolene, her wind regained, ran in behind Degreaser, and leg-swept the heroine's feet out from under her. Jolene intended now to sit on the good girl and pound her with fists-- but she forgot to discuss this with Rocky Hippo. The huge crook was dropping in for an elbow smash-- which hit Jolene instead of Degreaser. Jolene would now for sure be out of commission for the next minute or longer, but enough weight still fell on top of Degreaser that she also would be helpless for a time.

Landing a hard elbow on Actsnarky's ear when the street fighter came close, Batfellow then attacked Hippo with rapid-fire punches to the face and the solar plexus. His adrenaline at a peak, the Caped Campaigner alternated blows between Hippo and Actsnarky, weakening them while his great endurance kept him going. During this, the two aching women, lying near each other, extended arms toward each other, to engage in an index-finger swordfight.

Alphonse's cautiously aggressive boxing style paid off, taking a toll of Monitor Lizard with fierce hits to the head and ribs. He received some punches AND kicks in turn, but his greater stamina prevailed, and at last a haymaker sent Lizard into la-la land. He was in time then to sock Actsnarky in one ear while Brutus was pummeling Rocky Hippo; this was enough to let Brutus complete the job of beating both crooks into unconsciousness.

Ignoring the irrelevant finger-duel still in progress between Degreaser and Jolene, Batfellow declared, "Looks like we win, Alphonse."

"I daresay Mrs. Dwayne and Mrs. Nickelworth will be pleased, Master Brutus."

Henchmen of Monitor Lizard released the hostages as promised, then fled. Louisiana law-enforcement commanders would see to it that the captured super-crooks would all be sentenced to separate prisons. And Seedubb Earth could look forward to an interval of peace and quiet.
 
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BACK TO PUNKSTEEMA!

I remind you that this magical planet has two continents: Arcondoyla in the north, and Wellvernia in the south. The bulk of the planet's water is in the Equatorial Ocean, completely encircling Punksteema. The Towermen order was founded on the south continent by Sir Edgar Pallendin, long before the discovery of gunpowder. The strangest feature of Punksteema is its relatively tiny moon, which travels INSIDE the atmosphere, yet is magically prevented from crashing into the planet, because fantasy. Any given spot on Punksteema between fifty degrees north latitude and fifty degrees south latitude will experience a short-lived total or partial eclipse of the sun about every three days.

In previous posts, Towermen Ronald of Goliad and Wyatt Hickok parted company: NOT because of any quarrel, but in order to pursue separate missions. With Ronald are the young knights Talusek Fernwood and D'Kovo Pril, the latter being the first apprentice Ronald acquired within this epic. With Wyatt, initially, were young knights Diego Smith (youngest of the lot) and Ilya Trostel. But Diego stayed behind in Lower Wenzeppu, due to family obligations. WE WILL BEGIN WITH WYATT AND ILYA......

Ronald and his disciples, before finding Wyatt many days earlier, had crossed paths with four black women of a south-continent ethnicity very close to Ronald himself. Mukuma, the eldest of these, was now a semi-permanent resident of Samplibam. There, with the Shogun's approval, she was working on a translation of the Bible into the local language. Yes, people on Punksteema are aware of the existence of Earth, although there has never been travel between the two worlds; and they understand that the events in the Bible occurred on Earth.

The youngest of the quartet, Halima, had married Mukuma's son Gatmorbek, a professional surveyor who could find employment in almost any civilized country. The other two of the quartet had joined the work of the Long Quest Church Alliance. This Christian organization was the strongest group of its kind on the planet, and wielded serious power against spiritual evil. Be it understood that Long Quest has a strong presence in the coastal community of Elsitobrek, where Gatmorbek had a long-term contract. Ilya had made the acquaintance of the just-described black people during the violent adventures in the land of Gahurr; and just before "present time" of this post, he and Wyatt picked Gatmorbek's brain for information about maritime nations west of Elsitobrek.

Buying passage on a Loi-Tidumo merchant steamship (that's from the south continent), Wyatt and Ilya rapidly made friends with Dingtoza the ship's first mate, a man halfway in age between the two gunslinger-knights. Dingtoza was fluent in a Wellvernian commerce language, of which the southern-born Wyatt had already taught some to Ilya. And since Ilya came from a seagoing family, he soon became able to join in some of the crew's tasks, which gained additional goodwill.

Since they were steaming westward, the permanently east-moving equatorial current obliged the Tidumo-based crew to stay only just off of the Wellvernian continental shelf, where they wouldn't have to double their coal consumption to make headway.

One subject which Dingtoza brought up was the disaster, more than a year ago, when a Loi-Tidumo ship had been hit by a mysterious explosion close to homeport, and had lost some of its crew.

None of the Towermen or Smoke Maidens knew that the crippling of that merchantman had been the work of the Two Rivers Evil Business Corporation in Reslagor. The heroes didn't know that the immortal necromancer Jaheg-Jorod, precisely because he feared the virtuous warrior orders who could resist his magic, was trying to diversify his resources with improved technology.
 
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The Equatorial Ocean was not exactly swarming with monsters, but there certainly were some.

Two days after Dingtoza mentioned the attack off the Loi-Tidumo coast, a non-technological attack transpired. Three squid-like sea creatures, big enough that their tentacles would have covered a twenty-foot radius if extended straight outward, began trying to climb up the ship's seaward side. Dingtoza quickly shouted to the two passengers: "Hard to kill with bullets! Cut their tentacles!" He handed a cutlass to Wyatt, while Ilya hefted his heavy axe.

Wyatt and Ilya stayed together, since they could be sure of understanding each other if needing to give warnings. Understanding their intent, the first mate waved them toward a spot at the base of the stern-castle, where their presence would not hamper calls back and forth between the Loi-Tidumo sailors. From this post, they saw that the sternmost monster was trying to climb up where the helmsman was. Not dropping his cutlass, Wyatt drew his left-hand revolver and put two bullets into the quasi-squid. As desired, this got the cephalopod's attention.

Making sure to leave his elder enough elbow room, Ilya chopped into a tentacle as far to his right as he could reach. He wounded it, just before the neighboring tentacle started to snake around his neck. But the Song-Fist skill he and his peers had miraculously acquired upon the passing of Otto Kergoff served him now. Before the tentacle could anchor itself around him, he threw his weight on top of it, resisting its grasp more effectively than his hands could have managed. This enabled him then to roll away from the gunwale, freeing himself to deliver an axe-blow. Two men atop the stern-castle fired pistols into that monster's head, weakening it at least some. Wyatt meanwhile fully severed two tentacles with his borrowed blade.

The sailors fighting the amidships monster and the forward monster showed similar coordination; most of them had faced such creatures before, and not a man was lost though several were injured. Four lost arms each was the limit of the pseudo-squids' aggressiveness, at which point they withdrew, diving to lairs where they could hide (and live on slow-moving crustaceans) until replacement tentacles were at least partially grown.

* * * * * * * * * *
The steamer made landfall in Pathamel without further difficulty. To the surprise of the two knights, a large group of smiling people approached the pier. Ilya, who had spent plenty of time with Otto, noticed that some of the faces resembled the face of his deceased comrade.

A woman whose age might make her one of Otto's grandmothers-- and the travelers would shortly learn that this was almost the case, she was a great-aunt of his-- came front and center. She knew the same commerce language which was used on board the steamship.

"Welcome, friends of our Otto! So that you need not be puzzled, we were notified of your coming by the same good spirits who sent Ronald of Goliad on his mission to Arcondoyla. My name is Helga Schiller. Pathamel possesses very few craft which can cross the equator, and for a long time after that shipwreck we thought Otto had perished with the rest. By the time we learned that Otto was alive among the Nizozuans, he was well settled among them. No sense then in depriving him of his SECOND loving family."

"It was for the best," replied Ilya. "Otto definitely followed the path which the Almighty set before him. Neither his life nor his death was in vain. The rest of us apprentices received his power, so as to carry forth his legacy."

"This is comforting to hear," said Helga.

"Now, please tell us if the friendly spirits had any further news or guidance for us," Wyatt requested.

"So they did," Helga assured him. "There are two lads among us, not related to Otto, but who know about the Towermen, and who the spirits told their parents would make excellent gunslinger apprentices."
 
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Now to catch up with the guy who looks like Idris Elba wearing a cowboy hat.

Our hero had left his saddle-buck Polarboy in Mifdola, where he would be well cared for. The good beast had been uncomfortable at warm latitudes on the other side of the continent. For this expedition, because mules have excellent long-term endurance, Ronald of Goliad had acquired a particularly sturdy mule named Stonyhoof. Ronald's special gift of inspiring trust had induced the new mount to accept him easily.

Sir Ronald was not only accompanied out of Mifdola by the other two young Towermen; he had a far bigger entourage now than Wyatt Hickok did. His war-veteran Tablanorian friend Lester Grath had finally gotten married to the Felrudean cavalry scout, kinswoman to Talusek, Didima Fernwood. The bride being granted leave by General Seldunin, the newlyweds were glad to join Talusek on an expedition, and became acquainted with the young swordsman's fiancee Feshri, one of the "Javelin Sisters." Billyboy Jeralo of Gromstark, the werebeast with his animal nature fully under control, was now married to his beloved songstress Judy born Lightheart. Billyboy's elder sister Zoralee, who by now was absolutely frantic to win Ronald's heart, also came along.

Two others coming along had never before personally traveled with Sir Ronald, and one has not even been previously named in the story. Ramseth Holst has been seen briefly: a Tablanorian sheriff who had once investigated some criminal activity seemingly connected with Jaheg-Jorod. And finally, there was an elderly female Mellow Druid named Wildroot Seedoil. I say she hasn't been seen, but she was known to the lady detective; Wildroot was one of the Druids who had cared for and mentored a younger Zoralee.

The matronly good-aligned nature-mage was all in favor of Zoralee's desire for the pure-hearted hero. She repeatedly and truthfully assured the thirty-plus woman that Mellow Druid health-magic would render her able to start bearing children at her age as easily as if she were starting at age eighteen.

Ronald was not against considering marriage to Zoralee; she wasn't a BAD person, and for sure, she had kept up her looks and her physical fitness. But he realistically knew that he had more dedication to pure goodness than she had yet attained.

( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( (

The movements of Ronald's party take them about two weeks farther along in time than Wyatt and Ilya have gotten. This was largely due to detouring through Yanstark to pick up Lester and Didima Grath who had come from Felruda, and Ramseth Holst from the south end of Tablanor. When questioned by Ronald, Sheriff Holst revealed that nothing had occurred recently which bore any recognizable connection with Jaheg-Jorod.

Ronald's reaction to this was: "The necromancer must have a new long-range plan, completely unrelated to all of his former ghoul-making. As soon as our mission of honor to the Tribal Union of Nizozu is completed, Talusek, D'Kovo and I, with anyone else who's willing, need to follow that scent."

"You have to know that I'll come!" exclaimed Zoralee passionately. "And if my brother finds it compatible with his marriage vows to Judy, he'll come too." The detective had bought a not-too-heavy revolver and ammunition for her sister-in-law before they left Mifdola, and had already invested many hours in training Judy to handle it.

Ramseth could not pledge to stay with Ronald's posse indefinitely, since he had obligations back home; but the rest, even Judy the peace-loving (but now armed) singer, were all in. Their short-term destination was Frefkonda, a coastal nation east of, and at peace with, Nizozu. Ramseth would continue as far as this country, because he had been there in the past and knew some of the language. The Tablanorian lawman could thus break the ice with the Frefkondans, and also inquire for any information which might reinvigorate his efforts to determine what Jaheg-Jorod was up to these days.
 
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Zoralee, Billyboy, Judy and Wildroot were completely unknown in Frefkonda. After Sheriff Holst introduced them to various prominent Frefkondans, and facilitated supply purchases from local merchants, a plotline-advancing clue emerged for him. A harbormaster told him the following:

"Forty-three days ago, a Reslagorian steamer pulled into port and unloaded some pre-paid cargo. A clergyman acquaintance of mine, Padkutch Robseldo, was around. Reverend Padkutch has an anointing from God, which enables him to detect magic and detect evil. He took me aside, and confided what he had just sensed. He told me that the sailors from the cargo ship were not evil themselves, much less wizards, but that they were somehow connected with someone or something both magical and wicked. It was funny that THIS vessel should be enchanted; when I did my onboard inspection, I saw that all the machinery was more complex and sophisticated than anything built here. With purely material science that high in quality, why would their shipping company feel a need to hire any magic-users to improve their vessels?"

Ronald, Talusek and D'Kovo looked at each other upon hearing this. They all knew that Reslagor's leadership, and its most influential privately-owned company, were shady to say the least. T'Pinnok Zur, D'Kovo's psychic brother-in-law back in Hukshem, had intermittently passed news about residents of Reslagor emigrating from there. Those emigrants, if they said anything, spoke about being afraid of they knew not what. When Ramseth Holst said farewell to Ronald and company, D'Kovo made sure the Tablanorian lawman was briefed about events which might be linked with Jaheg-Jorod.

""" """ """ """ """ """ """ """ """
The Nizozuan fisherman Chinlorum, from the Sand Slope Clan of the Lobster Tribe, was acquainted with the clan and family which had adopted Otto Kergoff. Chinlorum had been impressed when he saw Otto practicing Song-Fist moves. On a mid-morning when he and his sons had just hauled their boat and their catch ashore, a steamship came into sight from the east.

Although the Nizozuans didn't build large long-range ships, they saw many such vessels coming to trade. The approaching merchantman captured Chinlorum's close attention when a sort of tapestry or banner was unrolled down the shoreward side. What made this display remarkable was that the fabric bore the unmistakable image of a dolphin. Every Nizozuan remembered that it was the Full Moon Clan of the Dolphin Tribe which had adopted and raised the orphaned Otto Kergoff. So there must be someone aboard the approaching steamship who had known, or who at least had knowledge about, the gallant descendant of Edgar Pallendin the First Towerman.

Hundreds of Nizozuan fisherfolk and artisans would gladly welcome Sir Ronald's party; and Otto's adoptive parents in the Full Moon Clan would weep with pride when presented with the dagger which their adopted son had heroically wielded.
 
Farther west, beyond the Gulf of Kobason, in the multi-segmented land of Bamulica, Thane Jared Malgriff mounted his official chair in the audience chamber. Standing at his right hand was his loyal son and heir Lawrence (whose sister Dorothy had recently married a gallant officer in the army of Sagrum, which was the Bamulican fief most consistently friendly with Malgriff). To the Thane's left was Robrist Lorcan, a scholarly gentleman who had been appointed High Justiciar about two years ago, after Sir Ronald had unmasked William Sparrek, the treasonous former Justiciar.

These three dignitaries watched as a fourth dignitary escorted two visitors into the chamber. Hussar Captain John Telbroc presented a Reslagorian couple who had never before met the Malgriff Thane, but whose existence was known to Jared.

"Howard and Gillian Shard," Captain Telbroc announced. The semi-retired Smoke Maiden and her muscular husband advanced, bowed to the Thane, then settled into chairs to which the Justiciar directed them.

"I understand" said Jared Malgriff, "that you, Missus Shard, have successfully trained up a new Smoke Maiden among the mercantile social class in Hukshem."

"Yes, my lord: Razibi Zur, who is at once married to a far-seer named T'Pinnok Zur, and sister to D'Kovo Pril whom Ronald of Goliad trained to be a Towerman."

Lord Lawrence put in: "If I'm not mistaken, Mister Zur's powers are exercised when he sleeps, and in that state he can communicate with friendly magicians far away."

Gillian nodded. "This is correct, my lord. By this means, he joined other magicians in providing guidance to Sir Ronald. They were instrumental in enabling Ronald and other heroes to defeat an army of Bloody Diggers in faraway Gahurr. Since that time, the same sorcerors have been concerned with assisting the good-aligned Mellow Druids to oppose the wicked Frantic Druids."

"And what are the Frantic Druids up to?" asked Jared.

"Something which may be MORE ominous even than the necromancer who plagued eastern lands with ghouls. Your own Lady Dorothy was present for a great part of the events when Bloody Diggers and evil humans fought against the Towermen and other heroes. Upon returning, did she tell you that the Frantic Druids are now believed to possess A DWELLING PLACE on the moon?"

"She did mention it. She also reported that an engineer from Quelidar hopes to pilot an airship TO the moon. This must be making him a target for murder."

"Without a doubt, my lord. But from what I know about the kingdom where Jizbrol Tazaff now dwells, it won't be easy for enemies to get at him. Have you ever heard of Snake-Hand Ysidro Lopez......?"
 
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Howard Shard had kept quiet for a long time. He was neither stupid nor henpecked. He was in fact a genius for practical mundane purposes; and while he had no such firearms talent as his wife had, physically he could have broken her neck with one hand. He simply was a modest man, contented to perform his own labor and meet his responsibilities faithfully. But the time had come for his own revelation to Thane Malgriff.

"My lord, there is a good witch far east of us, in Felruda, named Rizlaya Tohir. She is one who has been in communication with T'Pinnok Zur. Through the young dream-seer, Mistress Tohir communicated to me that I also am destined to assume a spiritual mantle of some importance."

"And this would be what?" asked Robrist Lorcan.

"To create an order of my own, sir. It will be called the Captains of Skilled Labor. Men and women both will be admitted to this fellowship. As with Towermen and Smoke Maidens, new members will not be required to possess huge skills already; but they won't get far if they're not good learners. Mistress Tohir assures me that anyone genuinely qualified to be a 'Captain" will know it intuitively; but just as non-Smoke-Maiden women could fight beside Jillian, 'ordinary' workers could be advisors to, or work under the direction of, actual 'Captains'."

"You have us intrigued," said the Thane. "But since all will toil together, exactly what will be the distinction which marks one of the true 'Captains'?"

"Intuition, my lord. I have been granted an expansion of my already-possessed instinct for structures, materials and processes. When Jillian and I were escorted into your mansion, I noticed subtle flaws in your masonry. Once our present interview is concluded, I will request writing materials, in order to advise your lordship what places need attention."

Lawrence's eyes widened. "How serious are these flaws?"

"None of them will bring the roof down onto your heads any time in the next two years. But I can advise your own workers how to correct the weak places before there is any danger."

Jared frowned in thought. "Mister Shard, and Mistress Shard, can you offer an explanation of why the Almighty would choose this particular time in history to raise up specially-gifted craftsmen?"

Howard fell quiet, looking at his wife. She explained: "The evils developing in our native land appear to be interwoven with advances in engineering and manufacturing. Of course, industry is not bad in itself; but if evil makes use of industry, the righteous ought to do better at industry than wicked people do."
 
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In the planetary capital on Powurkord, two very smart human women were busy in a secure computer chamber. Tulsi Blash, a spaceport manager who was among the first Powurkordeans to befriend Dim Jargon, was watching the work of network analyst Jojepsi Pling.

"You're going to love this bit, Miss Blash. Just when players in this sequence think they're going to gain a new power charge, their avatar changes into a long-eared canine creature, and falls off a cliff to hit the ground, where a long-necked bird laughs at them and runs away."

"I'm glad you're on this job, Doctor Pling. Countering this worldwide gaming obsession can't be done too fast."

An instant later, a beautiful, vaguely Asian-looking woman materialized inside the room with Tulsi and Jojepsi. Recognizing this as one of the Spacer Swimmers, the two locals were not alarmed.

"Greetings," said Swimmer Mars. She and her sisters lived in a derivative Solar System (the same where Black Giraffe had been born) which contained planets identical to those in the original- universe Solar System. "I've come to tell you that the Quark-Elf revival is progressing. Doctor Jojepsi, how soon do you think a majority of your affected workers will come back to their senses?"

"Creator willing, no later than three days. A few communities where persons with good sense are numerous, like the seaport of Raxamento, are already completely cured of having people neglect their duties."

"I'm glad to hear it. Maltibalkrix, or his agents, have already kidnaped some people-- a family of Tryyurlucks to start with-- to be reprogrammed as Quark-Elves, so he'll have intelligent officers to lead his Quark-Orcs."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

At the Powurkordean version of a police station, the tail-headed boy Daffrug was telling the duty sergeant all he could about the abduction of his family. His description of the kidnapers matched the Dark Elves in the Marvel movie 'Thor: The Dark World." Pree-Pree Jodd, the Glugfin girl who had found the informative Harmonicron, stayed nearby to lend moral support to the grief-stricken Tryyurluck adolescent.

In a conference room at the same location, Only-One Kanoli was talking to several other local cops.

"I have the good fortune to be acquainted with Prince Thorpe of Hallpasscard, and I learned some things from him about the Quark-Orcs. They are magical enough to be able to damage weapon-resistant beings, but not so magical as to be weapon-proof themselves. Still, they are DIFFICULT to kill. If you come up against them, try to have at least two guns firing at the same place on the same Quark-Orc. If a Quark-Elf, make that three guns."

Massage Kanoli, Vin Gasleen, Yovord the one-footed Kummanokkinite, and the locally-resident Banjolorian Dortabesk, were also listening in.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nabirye Jared, we remind you, is from the Uganda of Anime Earth; and, as in the Uganda of Original Earth, his family name came before his individual name. Very soon after the yellow-skinned Heart Sapphire Joza-Varu-Paf got enlightened, she and Jared fell in love. Her Sapphire power confirming for her just what a very good guy Jared was, made the courtship very short and the honeymoon fabulous.

Having found true love, Jared and Joza felt intense empathy with a restaurant waiter named Grolo, whose wife Welpura had formed an obsession with joining the Sapphire Sisterhood and had run off. In the chaotic state of events on Powurkord, one lead seemed as good to follow as another, so the newlyweds gladly went hunting for Welpura. They found her on an island which has not until now been depicted, called Krastolba, a popular location for surfing.

Welpura wasn't exactly hiding. Eager for the prestige of recruiting still more Heart Sapphires, the promise-breaking wife was using an energy construct as a surfboard, while her levitation power prevented her from wiping out even on the biggest wave. All eyes were on her..... except the eyes of six Quark-Orcs. Maltibalkrix had recently grabbed up six petty criminals-- not worthy to be transformed into Quark-ELVES, but suitable to become cannon fodder for a fight scene. They were lurking in wait, precisely in case anyone tried to interfere with what was coming.

Unknown to ANY Heart Sapphire on Powurkord, the Quark Lord wasn't waiting for any captives to undergo the deeper metamorphic work needed to generate Quark-Elves; he reckoned to sow confusion and fright immediately.

After Welpura came ashore, the hidden Quark-Orcs rushed at six randomly-chosen beachgoers. Each brute inflicted a non-fatal but messy bite on the left shoulder of its victim. "Catch Welpura!" Jared shouted; then he waded into the Quark-Orcs. Each of these was stronger than any ordinary human being, but Jared had the strength of a giraffe. And an adult giraffe can put out the lights of a lion. Jared would not kill his adversaries, but each of them fell unconscious in turn before his mighty fists and feet. It could thus be hoped that a cure for them was feasible.
 
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The Fetlockers, my counterparts of Sebulba in "Phantom Menace," are assumed here to be very good with science and machinery. Chipdod, the male Fetlocker who has been in the story for a while, is in company with Bulky Tanya.

Soon after they landed on Powurkord, Tanya, Chipdod, the veteran Banjolorian Lashrook, and the new cadet Peeluva were introduced to Hissfadred the shipbuilder in Raxamento. Having studied archives of industrial firms all over the planet, and being advised that Hissfadred owned a yacht with high-grade underwater-search apparatus, the sort-of-hand-walking sapient asked the businessman to let the quartet ride on the yacht. The ship had its own superb data-processing suite, which could correlate any new underwater installations with possible intentions.

Five days after they embarked, Hissfadred gathered his passengers around him at the console. "Look here, and here. The highlighted parts don't match any data connections on record."

"Do you know where they lead?" asked Bulky Tanya.

"I know the best answer. This terminal is on Kremdilkrem, an island whose residents are businesslike and prosperous. Over here is a mainland city...... which is home to one of the two foremost stock exchanges on Powurkord. The logical inference is that the new connections were created for the purpose of illegal insider trading."

"Who gains by this covert project?" asked Peeluva.

"That remains to be seen, but it presumably is part and parcel of the other troubles we've been seeing."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Vazlisi Subor, the current Queen of Kantpoo, opened a subspace radio channel to the Heptagorta, the elected council which governed the outlying planet. When she got through, she asked what was the Powurkordeans' most urgent need at present. The Heptarchs told her that, since their crisis included underwater activities by unidentified wrongdoers, they wanted more Glugfins to come and help out.

Tar-Tar Stinx, a middle-aged male Glugfin who had been a friend of the deceased heroes Quite-A-Guy Jim and Acne-Skin Spacewalker, volunteered to lead the aquatic investigative team. They were destined to uncover additional evidence about the crooked Kremdilkremmer businesswoman Tebzaldu, who had acquired a Sapphire implant AND a worse attitude under the influence of Pegglu Vorga.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Eight Powurkordean years before this plot arc, in a hilly region where iron had long been mined, far-sighted mining executives had started a large recycling facility, called the Ferrous Hills Metal Reclamation Plant. This had worked well, processing every type of metal used for industry. The labor force here was of such high quality that none of them had fallen into the video-game obsession. But a different problem had hit harder.

The problem was Drigum Namdre, the apostate Buddhist monk from the Earth-variant which had a version of The Avengers. He had secretly come to the Ferrous Hills accompanied by two recently-empowered Heart Sapphires and a similarly-powered Cosmic Fact Checker: the above-mentioned Pegglu Vorga, Laptonella the country girl, and Pegglu's son Henshok who was now Laptonella's lover. These four had bewitched recycling workers, convincing them that the whole installation should be "shared by the people's collective."

The meddlers departed congratulating themselves that they had implemented "economic justice;" but even they had not foreseen one extra consequence. Six different Ferrous Hills employees EACH decided that he or she should be the only one ORGANIZING the "fair distribution." As a result, "harmonious sharing" turned into bitter six-way brawling.

Dim Jargon, his wife Tien-Hai, Tien-Hai's father Ying Cheng-Li, and the swordsman Bahavish Ogoshi joined in the effort to break up the rioting. Since they didn't want to kill anyone, Bahavish temporarily swapped his sword for a wooden baton. Tien-Hai similarly laid aside the Naskar Spear, instead wielding the Powukordean equivalent of a bamboo pole. Dim's protective armor with gauntlets would give him all the needed immunity to take his time with immobilizing rioters. As for Ying Cheng-Li, his Eagle Style Kung-Fu equipped him to trap the limbs of opponents and put them on the ground.
 
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While the mess in the Ferrous Hills was being dealt with, Drigum Namdre's party barged into the offices of the First Acquisition Bank of Kremdilkrem. Seated at a desk, looking remarkably unconcerned, was the bank chairman, Mister Stecko Fladritch.

"You're an evil international tycoon!" Laptonella blurted out. Stecko Fladritch laughed at her.

"Spoken like a script reading," he jeered. "Powurkord is politically all ONE nation, and I don't do any off-planet banking."

"But you are illegally receiving advance information about changing share prices in large companies," Drigum scolded. "This can only be justified if you plan to distribute your gains equally to everyone on this island."

Pegglu and her son loyally chanted, "The collective is all!"

Mister Fladritch sneered. "Only if it's the collective headed by my new master, Maltibalkrix." Without giving them time to react to his words, much less to realize their peril, he drew a concealed blaster. Knowing the ex-monk to be most likely of the four to be ready to defend effectively, he shot Drigum's head off, then rapidly did as much for Pegglu, Henshok and Laptonella. Two Quark-Orcs then entered the room and removed the corpses...... to a kitchen which was equipped to cook them for supper.

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \

Hundreds of light-years away, on Drigum Namdre's native world of Mediumgard Earth, in a women's penitentiary, Shelley Heflin, a de-powered Heart Sapphire, awoke from sleep screaming and weeping.

"He fooled me! He lied to me! He let me think I was a goddess, only so I would advance HIS agenda! I treated my husband like dirt! I stole my own daughter's honestly-earned money! I encouraged others to steal as well! All so that I could pretend to be a heroic liberator! All so I could flatter myself, while never ACTUALLY caring about humanity! How could I have been so selfish????"

Shelley grew so hysterical that the warden placed her on anti-suicide watch. Lance, the husband she had long dominated, could offer no comfort, since he was in a different prison for larceny. But their daughter Adelaide eventually visited them both, once each, to forgive them. After this, she went on with her life. The Revengists would periodically look in on her to make sure she was all right.

And Oliver Hackman, Mediumgard's recently-elevated Jedi-counterpart, promised that he would ask prison management to let him periodically visit the Heflins in prison, to sense whether they were GENUINELY sorry for their crimes.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / /
 
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Only-One and Massage teamed up with Yovord, Vin Gasleen, Dortabesk, Tanya, Lashrook, Peeluva and Chipdod. The last two would stay on board the Tantrum, flying it to this or that place as needed. The Heptarchy saw to it that any relevant law-enforcement findings would be relayed to them.

The Powurkordean version of forest rangers detected signs of wild animals being stampeded in a vast wooded region. When this was reported to the Tantrum, the two Fuss users began mentally scanning as Chipdod began electronically scanning. Shipboard sensors noted electrical power signatures where none should be present; and the Kanolis detected the presence of more than a hundred living sapient brains in the same area. Tanya called for the ship to proceed almost at treetop level, with a noise-reduction field activated.

} } } } } } } } } } } }

The relatives of the Tryyurluck boy Daffrug were not the only captives facing conversion into Quark-Elves or Quark-Orcs. Many regular humans were there; also in bondage were several Goldarns from the Babylon Five-derived sub-reality, who had had the bad luck to be doing business on a Republic planet which was infiltrated by Quark-Elves disguised as Mintcandybarri scientists.

Tanya searched for some target where a diversionary attack would not harm anyone. After all, so far the heroes could not ascertain whether the Quark-people had been BORN as Quark-people, or forcibly transformed into such. A solar-panel array servicing the bad guys' power needs had no people near it; this was the place to strike. But with an extra flourish.

"Lashrook, you and Yovord will make it a double fake-out. You will bail out and jet your way to ANOTHER place with no innocent bystanders. After we blow up the power station, you will fire two rockets into some rocks, while Yovord yells a nice weird-sounding Kummanokkinite battle cry. Hearing this noise after the first explosion should convince the kidnappers that the 'real' attack is approaching from where you two are. THEN the rest of us will descend farther around."

{ { { { { { { { { { { {

The tallest and strongest of the Goldarns, a male named B'Tella, had put up a savage fight from the moment of his abduction. The Quark-Elves had refrained from executing him, because they anticipated him becoming an extra-fierce Quark-Orc for front-line combat. But his resistance was beginning to interfere with OTHER captives mentally submitting. So he needed to be discarded.

Something similar to crucifixion was planned for B'Tella. He was just being tied in place when the solar station was blown up.

The only Quark-Elf present who had been born as a Quark-Elf was a tall female named Sorveet. When the second fake-out occurred, she ordered five Quark-Orcs to charge that way; but leaving her deputy in charge of the execution, she took two Elves and nine Orcs directly AWAY FROM either of the distractions.

Being smaller than any other combatant on either side, Yovord moved closer to the enemy encampment. Finding a hiding place where he could see the crucifixion site, he gripped his laser gun and waited for his moment. The courageous Goldarn ought not to be allowed to perish.
 
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Lashrook shot a third rocket into a hill, redirecting the attention of the five Orcs heading in his general direction. Forcing himself to remember that the five ugly scouts might be innocent victims of transformation, he used his whip to capture one who eventually searched too close to him. The big Banjolorian was strong enough to knock this one out cold with a gauntleted fist. Placing his unconscious captive where the ship could pick him up, Lashrook resumed looking for more action.

He would later be glad that he had done as he did. The knocked-out Quark-Orc WAS in fact a tampered-with Powurkordean man.

Only-One and Massage, meanwhile, ran through the woods, a hundred paces or so beyond Bulky Tanya, and their Fuss-based near-telepathy to try to pinpoint more hostiles who were victims of brain-scrambling rather than truly wicked. But four truly-wicked ones found THEM. With Fuss rings activated to form lightsabers, the spouses took on two opponents each. When raygun shots failed to penetrate the Kanolis' defense, the one Quark ELF in the quartet showed his intelligence by shooting into the ground near the couple's feet.

"A worthy opponent; I want him!" cried Massage, after barely avoiding a stumble which could have gotten her slain. So Only-One indulgently took on his wife's "extra" antagonist. The Quark-Elf and the Quark-Orcs all were now brandishing melee weapons resembling the energy-maces used by robots in the Prequel Trilogy. Only-One fought the three less-dexterous foes, while Massage fought the one skilled foe. Vzzzzt! Vzzzzt! Sksssshh! Vzzzzt! Sksssshh! Sksssshh! Vzzzzt! Vzzzzt!

All four of these bad guys being authentically and profoundly evil and bad, Only-One and Massage went ahead and slew them.

Meanwhile, Tanya led the local Banjolorian Dortabesk and the Republic soldier Vin Gasleen into the center of the camp, to scatter the enemies guarding the captives. Tanya wanted to release the still-breathing B'Tella, but had to fight actively-threatening opponents; after all, if the prisoners were kept safe, THEY could soon set the Goldarn free. Presently, Lashrook arrived at the main engagement, striking right and left with his whip. Hurrying up from a different direction, Only-One Fuss-pushed one Quark-Orc off his feet, because he was sure this was one of the curable ones.

Victory went to the partly-Banjolorian force. But again, the good side can't always be exempt from casualties. Lashrook was killed protecting some of the slaves whom Sorveet would have had murdered out of spite. Even as the big warrior began rising to The Good Place, Vin Gasleen sent Lashrook's killer to The Bad Place. Sorveet herself was presently slain by Tanya.

And then emphasis could be placed upon rescuing B'Tella and the other innocent captives. Also upon curing transformed persons of being Quark-beings.
 
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WE'RE OVERDUE FOR ANOTHER LOOK AT GALAXY TWO. The Cosmic Federation has been cleansed from tyranny: partly by heroes born in Federation space, and partly by outside help including a couple of Green Flashlights. My version of the tragic BBC-TV hero Roj Blake was allowed a much better outcome: not only did he not die, and not only did he get to marry his brave and virtuous second cousin Royurbota, but he got to become a Class-A superhero known as Captain Rightawrong.

We pick up the action on the Federation's capital planet, where a courteous televised debate was taking place. Every sapient species in the Federation, including the people of Poobeedoo who resembled milking stools, had a voice and a vote in this conclave. They all wanted representative government, but there was honest dissension about how the mechanisms of such an administration should operate. The debate moderator was the long-armed Braskorim, of the Ziblamot race which had first begun the Cosmic Federation. As a friend of the victorious Lodge "Rightawrong" Flake, Braskorim enjoyed profound interstellar prestige, and his moral authority ensured good behavior in even the most heated argument.

As we open the scene, a woman of the human-like Dahudoran race had the podium.

"The judicial function of a government, naturally linked as it is to law enforcement, is what continuously touches everyone's life. This is what puts flesh and blood on the skeleton of society. Under Vernacula Scurvylaff, judicial and police powers were invaded, hijacked, by a dictatorship. Now that Coordinator Scurvylaff is in the Razztazzem prison colony where she belongs, we have the platinum opportunity to set judges, prosecutors and advocates free. An _independent_ judiciary is the very breath of liberty."

She spoke along these lines for her allotted three minutes. Following her came another female, but from a reptilian race which didn't happen to be depicted in earlier episodes of the "Blake's Seven" takeoff. She said, in part:

"There's a reason why all of our languages contain separate words for 'judicial' and 'legislative.' Judges and law enforcement handle _individual_ cases. They bring to these cases the _laws_ which are decided on by lawmakers. The 'independence' of judges _applies_ to the individual cases. When a judge refuses to be intimidated or bribed, when he or she follows reason and conscience, _that_ is the meaning of 'independence' for the courts. Being 'independent' was never supposed to mean being autonomous, immune from being answerable to the constitution. If judges assume they can create new laws out of nothing, they are just as tyrannical in spirit as Vernacula Scurvylaff was."

Of the many "First Galaxy" heroes who had helped overthrow the Scurvylaff regime, only two still were in the Cosmic Federation. They weren't _required_ to remain here; they were simply curious to see more of the healing of the Federation. Like some others who had assisted in the liberation, Human Denzel Powder and his Tryyurluck wife Lumlabbish were pioneer inhabitants of Planet Freesoil. Each had been widowed in the past; after numerous formerly-enslaved Tryyurlucks immigrated to Freesoil, Denzel and Lumlabbish had found themselves to be wonderfully compatible in temperament, and had soon gotten married.

The good wizard Mazash was prepared to transport the couple back home when they felt ready to return.

] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]
 
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Mister and Missus Powder didn't want to leave this galaxy without seeing Lodge and Royurbota Flake once more. After having been kept apart for too long by adverse events, that couple were now back on their home planet Madmaksilon, where they planned to make numerous babies. It remained to be seen if their children would inherit any of the superpowers their father had acquired.

Spaceman Lugwin Hestrum-- one of the few full-human men who had avoided being stupidized by the former brain-weakening attack, was due to skipper a passenger starship to Madmaksilon, by way of Umbaderra. Lugwin's wife Carsala was on the trip, along with her father Taglamso the forest ranger (who had been part of the search for the cause of the mental assault against men). It was they who gave the Powders a ride.

Soon after landing on Madmaksilon, they were met by a female Shmeehobber named Bloopa-Kubkug, who had a Highway Patrol badge pasted onto her translucent outer membrane. "Welcome to the less-wild frontier! Taglamso, congratulations on getting your stolen brains back!"

The rugged old woodsman grinned. "My only remaining serious memory blank seems to be that I can't remember the rules to the tabletop games I used to play as a boy. For sure, I got off easily. So tell me, are there more Shmeehobbers driving cop-cars now?"

Having no true head, Bloopa could not nod; but with an extruded limb, she adequately imitated a thumbs-up. "Yes, there are. Being able to see in all directions at once is useful, and we're good at surviving blunt impact in case of a crash. But you'll want to see the Flakes......."

=========

Since the cleansing of the Cosmic Federation, it had become routine in waking hours, when off duty, for Lodge and Royurbota to remain in each other's arms unceasingly for an hour or longer. Once greeting their visitors at the door, they went back to snuggling on the sofa while exchanging questions. Taglamso asked the most purely businesslike of all questions uttered on the visit:

"Before the trouble started, some of my ranger buddies and I wanted to run a genetic study on your planet's trees. In particular, their extraordinary ability to cleanse polluted air. Now that we can think again, we want to look into botanical gene splicing: determine whether native Umbaderran trees can acquire the same atmosphere-scrubbing virtue."

"He's told us about this too," Lumlabbish put in. "We don't have much industry on Freesoil yet, but it has to come eventually, so we'll want to minimize its environmental impact."

"Sounds great," said Lodge Flake. "Just try to avoid silly flip-flopping between extremes. For instance, don't say that plastic bags are wonderful when shopping for consumer goods, _then_ turn around and claim that plastic bags are destroying your planet."

Carsala now asked Lodge: "Can your new superpowers contribute to environmental safeguards?"

The lately-established Captain Rightawrong shrugged. "Probably some. But probably not in any way that ordinary intelligent people in large numbers couldn't achieve just as well. For myself, I dearly hope that Royurbota can have several years to raise children. But if something worse than plastic bags turns up, I'll have a responsibility to fight it. And I need to be _available_ to fight it. Characters from outside our space, like Block Atom, helped us to bring down a dictatorship; but the outside might also send new enemies against us."
 
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In a distant quadrant of the same galaxy hung the planet New Laziness, the realm of King Highfyver. Like a secret investor in a shady business, Highfyver was the _real_ originator of the Heart Sapphire Sisterhood. Not being evil in the usual sense, he had conceived the Sisterhood's powers to perform life-affirming, charitable acts, and the Sapphire Sisters really did perform such acts regularly. But what he _hadn't_ equipped them to perform was a realistic stand against evil.

Less than three Earth-years ago, an alliance of heroes including Iron Gent, She-Hunk, Unfindable Man, Woman Torch, Dreamtime Chieftain, Golden Rakshasa, Doc Slippage and the good-aligned undead woman Erica Vincent, had vanquished Highfyver's opposite number Twerpseid. One of Twerpseid's sons, named Graypvine, had been slain in this war, as had Granny Rudeness, commander of the War Witches. Twerpseid's other son, Kamelbakk, his daughter Grrrryll, and his sidekick Trippenwonk, had been drained of special abilities by Erica, who then conferred all of this power onto her husband Preston before she retired to Heaven. Becoming "King Truthside," Preston was now mightier than Superdude, Block Atom, Sha-Na-Na or Captain Rightawrong, and was devoting much of his time to transforming Planet Awkwardlisp into a stronghold of goodness and wisdom. Twerpseid's former chief scientist Greensodd had been turned to the side of good, and was now assisting Truthside.

Truthside had placed Twerpseid and his household in Highfyver's custody, to keep them from ever regaining their former strength. Highfyver should have set about to convert _them_ to goodness; but he was too enamored of the false concept of "cosmic balance" _requiring_ active wickedness to thrive. He didn't allow his well-treated prisoners to seek means of re-empowering themselves for violence; but at one point he had bestowed a Heart Sapphire implant upon Grrrryll, so she could join in the relatively-gentle subversion of Jersey Earth.

Now, learning what a severe beating evil had suffered in his own galaxy, in the Cosmic Federation, Highfyver was upset over the fact that the great evil had been overcome by force, not by merely pleading for peace. In his eyes, this was made worse by the fact that a Sapphire Sister, Gambisu Luvardra from Dahudor, had assisted her husband, human Green Flashlight Parbellik Magta, in liberating the Federation. She hadn't killed anyone, but she still had failed to practice the cherished "neutrality" which always helps evil in the long run. This disturbing (to cowards) trend was why Highfyver was ramping up his retrieval of copies of the Anti-Strife Equation: an undertaking in which his trusted agent Slightray was currently engaged on the far side of the Red Streak Wormhole.

With Slightray being so far off that fetching him via warp-tube would actually demand some _effort,_ King Highfyver decided to put the married pair Big Barndora and Wispy Mythical back to work. He knew that these two had misgivings about the extent of his moral cowardice, but they had never been outright disloyal to him. So let the lady warrior and her space-manipulating husband go to the Cosmic Federation to unearth copies of the Anti-Strife Equation. Captain Rightawrong was reputed to possess evil-detecting talent; well, there _wasn't_ any evil to be detected in the hearts of Barndora and Wispy.

The cosmic balance, Highfyver convinced himself, must be maintained. If the prestige of the Federation's liberators were to spread outside their sector of this galaxy, other sapient races might begin asking why King Highfyver wasn't _doing_ anything himself to defeat evil.
 
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