The Real Duffers (please don't delete)

There now. Chakal is online, and you've posted pretty recently...unless it's TheDryadHobbit, I'm practicaly certain you're Chakal.

Still...Keep it up! :D
 
Dernhelm said:
There now. Chakal is online, and you've posted pretty recently...unless it's TheDryadHobbit, I'm practicaly certain you're Chakal.

Still...Keep it up! :D
Click to expand...
ooc- no, I will vouch for thedryadhobbit. The duffers are not her, this I promise you.
 
Dernhelm said:
Yes...I think Chakal is a lot more likely. BTW, what does "ooc" mean? :eek:
Click to expand...
ooc- but Chakal is a mod. Would a mod have really created three accounts? (Chakal, The_Chief, dufflepud*) That just doesn't seem realistic to me.
 
Home again

Well, well, I says, it be nice t' be home again, especially after bein' gone. An' why? 'Cause it's home!

Wait - what's all this? Land o' mercy, a duffer cain't be gone a mere day on busyness without folks a'comin' in an' traipsin' all over 'is home, an' leavin' notes here an' there all over? Why...I've 'alf a mind...
 
Thaz right, Chief, thaz right! Couldn't'a said it better ourselfs! You've haf a mind, we've always said so! Half a mind it is, an' none better!
 
That be right, lads, that be right! An' when I've half a mind, I do somethin' about it! An' why? 'Cause I've a mind to, see? Stands t' reason, it does!

Now, my good gents who've wandererd over here t' speak with us, would ye kindly state yer business? We duffers are hospitable, 'ceptin' when we hain't, o' course. And why not? On account o' we hain't, at that time, so ter speak. We will be again, sometime, and that eventually, if ye catch my drift.
 
Catch it, Chief, so we do! Nobody caught it better than us! And whyfore is that? 'Cause you drifted it, that's why! There's nobody as can drift better than our Chief! Are you all catchin' this?
 
Dawn vengance

The night has been balmy outside the duffer's house, so balmy that they have been able to sleep their favorite way: outsided, closely clustered together, their great feet sticking into the air above them like great umbrellas. They'd been up a couple hours earlier to milk the cows, but returned to their slumber. It's Saturday morning, so they're sleeping in a bit. They rustle a bit and snore, the slight sounds the only indication of their presence on the manicured lawn.

With uncharacteristic silence the visiting party approaches. Pirate Fish and his carpenters have been working feverishly all night to prepare this morning's surprise. Now the pirates approach, led by their captian QueenAravis48, First Mate Machia, and Chief Gunner TwilightTerror. The crew is carrying a strange assortment of lumber and bundles of rope, as well as some odd bags. The still-limping PrinceOfTheWest and a couple of knights accompany them.

A couple of pirates holding buckets detach and head for the barn. Silent as mice, the rest of the pirates approach the duffer's house. Listening carefully, they locate the sounds made by the sleeping duffers. Carefully walking about to discover the perimeter of the snoozing dwarfs, the pirates and knights begin their work. Using hand signals, they silently execute the tasks they have discussed and practiced. With barely a sound, cleverly constructed wooden frames are unfolded and placed all about the duffers. Netting is strung about the frames, reaching from two feet above the ground to almost directly above them. Off to one side, a special team supervised by Fish herself erects a sturdy framework whose centerpiece is a long, thick board with big notched carved out of it. The board is about thirty feet long and two feet wide, and is mounted about five feet above the ground. The notches are about three feet apart, each notch being four inches wide and cut about a foot into the board. It looks odd, but it is very specialized and the pirates know just what it is for.

Within five minutes the task is finished, and there has been no sound from the duffers but their gentle snoring and sleep-rustling. They do not realize they are surrounded by frameworks festooned with netting, without a gap of even six inches between any part. Outside of them stand the pirates and knights. The Prince nods to the pirate captain, who nods back and unhooks her cutlass from her belt. The others follow suit.

"Now, lads!" she cries, and the entire party begins hollering and shouting as only pirates can. Cutlasses clash against scabbards and raucous whoops shatter the morning silence.

"Wha? Who?" the waking sounds of confused and frightened duffers comes from within the circle of netting, but a familiar voice soon rises above them.

"Attack! Lads, we be attacked! T'weapons, lads! T'weapons, an' drive off th' miscrants!" comes the familiar voice of the Chief.

"Right ye are, Chief! Weapons it is!" comes a chorus of cries as the familiar thumping starts. The pirate captain and first mate grin at each other - things are unfolding just as they'd hoped.

The netting begins to jump as the unwary duffers bound right into it. Casting their cutlasses aside, the pirates move quickly to pull the netting closely around the struggling duffers. Cries of dismay and alarm fill the air.

"It's a trap, lads! Watch yerselves, 'cause it's a trap! Th' villans 've laid a trap!" cries the Chief, now a struggling form ensnared in one of the nets.

"That th' did, Chief! Right ye are! Couldn't've laid it better ourselves!" the chorus answers. But the warning has come too late. Nearly a dozen forms are wrestling against the strong nets. Amazingly, where the netting wraps most closely about the duffers, it becomes invisible, so it looks like the pirates are handling torn nets. But invisibility does not diminish the net's strength, and soon the duffers are immobilized.

"Make sure there are none left!" cries QA48, and a few pirates step inside the circle, cutlasses drawn, and sweep the area with their hands to insure none of the duffers are crouching in silence.

"All clear, ma'am!" they cry. The Captain nods to the Prince with satisfaction.

"So far, so good. Now, lads, as we planned!"

Strong pirate hands reach into the nets and pinion invisible arms and legs. Bonds are lashed tightly but not cruelly around the struggling dwarfs. It takes two strong pirates to carry each wriggling duffer by the ankle over to where the rack stands.

"Gad, but they're strong", one pirate says as he and his mate wrestle to control their feisty captive.

"Wait!" calls out the Prince. "Which one's Cudlip?" Everyone stops and the duffers stop struggling a bit, but nobody answers. "Chief? Which one's the Chief?"

"That be me, ye sneakin', cowardly..." answers a familiar voice being held by two pirates. The Prince limps over to him.

"Chief, we know that Cudlip is wounded, so we wish to treat him carefully."

"Aye, so ye can cut 'is throat separate, is that it?" growls the Chief.

"You have my word as a Knight of the Stone Table, and the word of these pirates by their Code, that he will not be harmed, if you let us know who he is", the Prince assures him.

The Chief mutters for a bit, then grumbles, "Cudlip, speak out!"

"Aye, Chief!" one of the bundles cries. The Captain nods to First Mate Fish, who goes to the pirates holding Cudlip. They set him down on the grass with a pirate with drawn cutlass seated on either side. The remaining pirates drag their bundles to the rack and fit their muscular ankles into the notches in the board, lashing them firmly into place. Presently there is a rack full of invisible duffers hanging from the board like drying fish in the morning sun. The frame bounces and shimmies as the dwarfs struggle against their bonds.

"Right, then", the Prince says. "How many do we have?"

"Eleven here, sir, plus Cudlip over there makes twelve", confirms Twilight Terror.

"Aye, a dozen of us there be", the Chief growls. "An' why? 'Cause there's twelve o' us. An' we we stan' together as duffers, no matter what vile, unspeakable torture ye sneakin', connivin' cowards 'have in mind. Right, lads?"

"Aye, Chief! Right ye are! Couldn't'a said it better ourselves!" the invisible voices echo. The Prince smiles to notice a certain lack of enthusiasm in the response. He walks over to where the Chief is suspended.

"Well, Chief, after what you did to their beautiful ship, my comrades wanted to tickle you with cold steel", the Prince says, crouching a little painfully. "But we agreed that another treatment would be more appropriate." He nods to the Captain, who nods in turn to her pirates standing behind the rack. The pirates move in and wrestle with invisible socks and laces, amid cries of "What's this? Ye villans! Unhand us!" The duffer's footwear becomes visible as it is removed, and soon there are eleven great shoes and stockings on the ground, while pirate hands firmly hold eleven ankles.

"Now, lads", the Captain confirms, and with broad grins the pirates draw out great gull feathers. With gusto they apply these to invisible bare feet.

"Wha'! Hoo! Ye villains! Dastards! How dare ye?" The duffers cry out in protest, but they are terribly ticklish, and shortly their protests dissolve into howls and cries of laughter and great gasps for breath. Remembering their humiliation, the pirates are thorough, and the rack rocks and shudders as the duffers gyrate.
 
Last edited:
Proposal

"Enough, lads!" the Captain finally cries, and the pirates cease.

"There, now", the Prince asks. "That wasn't too bad, was it?"

"Is that all ye got, ye villans?" gasps the Chief.

"As a matter of fact, no", the Prince grins. "We were asked to deliver a message from the wizard Curumo." With that, two pirates holding a basket take their place about twenty feet in front of the rack. The start taking out eggs and pelting them at where the duffers lie suspended. Some of them miss, but most strike the invisible forms. The contents vanish as soon as they hit, but from the cries of the duffers, it's clear that the mess is making its point. From the smell, it's also clear that some of the eggs were rotten.

"There", QueenAravis48 says. "Now we can smell ye comin', as well as hear ye."

"Oh, aye", growls the Chief. "That be very funny, that is. Bleedin' hylarious, hain't it, lads?" For once there is no answering chorus.

"Now, look here, Chief", the Prince says. "We appreciate that you're true Narnian duffers and all, and we also appreciated that you didn't do the kind of damage you could've the other morning - and the Rangers too, I understand."

"Aye, that we did", the Chief replies.

"But what you did was mischief enough, and these good pirates had a lot of work cleaning it up. Now, as you can see, we've figured out how to deal with your peculiar - advantages - but we'd rather not have to string our camp and ship about with netting, and scatter sharp objects about the ground to prevent you hand-walking into our midst. So we'd like to come to an agreement with you."

"Don' listen, Chief! 'E's lyin' t'ye!" some voices called out, but the Chief muttered.

"No harm listenin', lads", the Chief says. "Say on, Prince."

"We want to be real Narnians, too", the Prince says. "The pirates here, they're trapped in our world, and are still learning our ways. Their firearms are the weapons they know, so you can't blame them for that. We knights even used them for a bit. They've volunteered to help us against the giants."

"G-giants?" a tinge of fear edges the Chief's voice.

"Aye", the Prince confirms. "Now, we don't mind shenanigans and playful things, but we can't be always looking over our shoulders wondering when an invisible enemy is going to chuck a spear. How about this: we'll be as Narnian in our activities as we can, and you agree not to sneak up on us and pull pranks. If you have any complaints, you come and discuss it with the Captain here and our Queen, and we'll accommodate your concerns as best we can."

"Ye'll - ye'll hacommodate us?" asks the Chief. "An' what about those Rangers, wi' their staffs an' all?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to deal with them on your own - they're waging war on us", the Prince sighs. "But you'd be welcome to visit, and we could do things together. We could play croquet, and the pirates could show you how to sail, and we could even teach you a game you'd probably enjoy very much - basketball."

"Arr", growls Twilight Terror. "A team of invisible bouncers. Ye'd be unstoppable!"

"Well", grumbles the Chief. "Hit - hit sounds worth considerin' - but it's hard t'be thinkin' while hangin' here like a load o' laundry. How 'bout ye cut us down, an' we'll think it hover."

The Prince and QA48 look at each other. "We can't be cuttin' ye down unless we have yer word that ye won't be doing us harm until ye tell us yer decision", the Pirate Captain said.

"Aye, we agree t' that, don't we lads?", the Chief replies. The chorus cries out in affirmation, and the pirates cut loose the bonds and help the duffers to the ground.

"Ow!" grumbles the Chief's voice. "Hangin' upsidown gives one a right proper headache. An' why? 'Cause hit hurts."

"Aye, Chief, that it does", the duffers respond with less than typical enthusiasm.

"So, when will we know your decision?" asks QueenAravis48.

"By th' end o' th' day", the Chief responds. "We need t' talk things hover."

"Talk 'em over, Chief. Couldn't'a said it better ourselves. Hark t' him! Talk it over we must."

"Very well", the Captain replies. "We will take our gear and await you at our vessel. But before we go - we've left you one final memento of our visit." She nods toward the barn, where two pirates are leading the duffer's cows out into the morning light. They are docile and unharmed, but every horn is painted shocking pink. "We thought it'd help you find them better."

Gasps of dismay and horror come from the invisible dwarfs, but the pirates just grin. "C'mon, lads - pack it all up!" the Chief Carpenter cries, and the pirates begin to wrap up their gear.

"We'll await your word by the end of the day, Chief", the Prince says, and he and the Pirate Captain shake hands.

"Aye, we'll need that much time hat least t' bathe", the Chief grumbles as the knights and pirates head back to the ship.
 
Woo! Hif that waern't - that is, I never - o, th' poor cows! - o, m' poor head! Lads! We was worsted! An' that's not th' worst o' it! We did our best, but was still worsted! O, m' poor head!
 
Back
Top