war of the dwarves and elves!

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While the Keeblers are baking more lembas, we Dwarves work on upgrading our detachable beards....installing some really clever surprises for the Elves.
 
The Elves finish baking lembas before the Dwarves finish with their beards. Since the beards are being updated, they are unusable, and the Elves utterly destroy the Dwarf camp and lock all the Dwarves in the Dwarves' own underground rooms. They are careful to be sure that there are no passages for the Dwarves to escape through. *baby Elf claps hands*
 
:rolleyes: I learned from books (thinking of Eragon specifically) that there are always other entrances and exits to dwarf tunnels. *stands with back to a boulder and her bow drawn* be on your guard.

Kittens: *go as messangers to get elven recurits*
 
You naive Elves haven't considered the implications of our super-powerful Dwarvish snoring, which was mentioned awhile ago. Now, we simply all swallow air, then unleash super-belches in unison. The resultant shockwave pulverizes the surrounding rock into fine dust (and we don't mind getting dirty). Not stopping there, the tremendous vibrations destroy EVERY Elvish weapon within a hundred-mile radius.

Emerging in the midst of the startled sissy Elves, we literally boot their butts back to their sissy camp. Then, with guided energy from super-sneezes, we form the rock dust into perfect new weapons for ourselves; and by the time the sissy Elves can get any more weapons, we HAVE completed our beard upgrades.
 
EXCEPT for my weapons most of which are not considered weapons because technically they're a scythe, something else (I have no clue what it is :p) a small gun (I think its a pistol or something) and my rusty dagger, and almost everything else I have in my Hideout for that matter! *hands out makeshift weapons to elves* *hefts makshift-I-have-no-clue-what-it-really-is shield* :p
*begins sharpening new arrows and making new bows while watching for a dwarf attack*

oh yeah *moves elf camp to a location not known by the dwarves*
 
We're safe for now. *starts checking bow string* Just in case....*does the 200-Deadly-Arrows-Trick again*New password,and only i know it.I won't even tell my fellow Elves(sorry guys).
Are we planning any raids/midnight Elf yowling?*evil laughter*
 
Here is where the new nanotechnology in our detachable flying beards comes into play. A formation of flying beards tracks down the new Elf camp with infra-red sensors. Then some of the beards dive down, grab hold of the tents like tentacles, and pull them right up into the air. (Any arrow shots merely pass between whiskers, not affecting the beards' function at all; the beards are also flame-proof.) The rest of the beards are seeding the clouds with silver iodide particles, and in short order the sissy Elves, with no tents over them, have a torrential rain pouring down on them!
 
*takes out specially-made Elf umbrellas(which are weird-Dwarf-beard proof,of course)*
Fine,arrows don't affect them,so let's use other weapons *starts hacking the beards to pieces with her sword*
 
I allowed Mozart her direct contradiction of my statement about Elvish weapons being destroyed; now, it is a LESS radical contradiction when I tell you that you CAN'T be hacking any of the flying beards. The only time they came anywhere near the ground was in the fleeting moment when they pulled away the tents; by the time any sissy Elf was even aware of them, they were all FAR too high above the ground to be touched by any hand weapon.
 
What if it's a throwing dagger?*arched eyebrows*
Since normal bows and arrows don't work,fine.I'll use something more effectively sticky.
*starts shooting superglue smeared arrows*The arrows glue will get tangled in the beards.In the confusion,the beards will ram into each other,creating a sticky,pulpy,non-effective mass of beards.Then we Elves shall net it.Observe.
*two beards crash into each other,sticky,and start careening through the air*
:p
 
Daggers in missile use are penetrating weapons, not slicing weapons, and so are as useless as arrows in themselves are. As for the glue-bearing arrows, those would affect the few beards they reach; but given the suddenness of our attack, the vast majority of the beards get away clean. They toss your tents into the nearest hideout of Orcs, leaving the Orcs to wonder what happened. Those beards which are caught by the glue, self-destruct once they hit the ground, releasing nanotechnic particles which make beards grow on all female Elves.
 
*sprays Beard Remover*
And BTW,we have small collapsible tents hidden,so your little ploy didn't bring great effects.I'm still ready with the 200 arrows *looks innocent*
ELVES,ELVES,HELP!We're being attacked by rabid Dwarf beards!!!
 
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You'll have use for your 200 arrows sooner than you think. The outlaw Orcs, having cut up your tents that fell on them to use for toilet paper, have decided to see if you have any more tents they could use in the same way. Here they come now--though it was not the intent of the Dwarves to bring Orcs in on a private fight.
 
(you two have my cracking up!:p)

*steals the dwarves goo thingy-ma-bobber* *sends it down a hill carening towards the dwarf's camp* *due to the pressure applied on it the goo explodes from its container drenching the dwarves camp in goo*

oh and I stuck superglue in the goo before I sent it off so you dwarves beards will be a sticky mass by now.:p
 
Mozart the Meerkitten said:
(you two have my cracking up!:p)

*steals the dwarves goo thingy-ma-bobber* *sends it down a hill carening towards the dwarf's camp* *due to the pressure applied on it the goo explodes from its container drenching the dwarves camp in goo*

oh and I stuck superglue in the goo before I sent it off so you dwarves beards will be a sticky mass by now.:p
Click to expand...
Thanks,thats a compliment.:) And with the superglue-YOU STOLE MY IDEA!DIE!
*hits Mewsie with pie in the face* Nah,just kidding.That was your lunch.:p
Keep the superglue thing in mind,while i check the 200 arrows *skips to check the arrows*
 
*Makes some new tents (again!)*
*Cleans up Elf camp*
*Tosses all the garbage (except any leftover lembas, of course) into the Dwarf camp*
 
Thanks Zella.You just did my chores for me:D
ANYWAY-let's get down to business.*runs to check all the defenses*Haha time to check the Bombshell Weapon *climbs to the 200 arrows,and checks EVERY SINGLE bowstring*Yup,all nice and taunt*shimmies back down the tree* now if the Dwarves come,they're dead ducks!:D
 
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