war of the dwarves and elves!

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The Dwarves with glued beards merely shed them (our skin is thick enough that we can facilitate the detachment by dropping the outermost skin layer) and grow new ones, still with the nanotechnology. We then advance upon the sissy Elves with prune-whip pies at the ready. When the sissy Elves shoot their arrows at us, the nanobots in our beards coat every incoming arrow with a healing potion, so that the arrow itself instantly heals the damage it does and passes out the other side leaving an intact Dwarf! Then we launch our volley of nasty-tasting pies!



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"Every liberal is in reaction against the previous form of liberalism."

-- Archbishop Fulton Sheen​
 
But all the Elves throw themselves flat on the ground, and the pies sail over their heads and land smack on the ground. Then the baby Elf throws the messy pies back using a catapault, and the Dwarves are all splattered in their own pies.
 
Ah yes, the sissy Elves keep forgetting how little we earthy Dwarves mind getting messy. At the moment they would expect us to be reacting to our pies coming back at us, we instead rush in and smash the catapult into splinters. Then some of our beards take off again, and swipe away the LATEST Elf-tents to have been made.
 
*moves elven camp to the Menoa tree (which is a giant tree that attacks any dwarves that come near it and is like hundreds of feet tall) * now we have no need for tents.:p
 
How little the sissy Elves know about the extent of Dwarvish TUNNELLING. Contrary to the lies of Dwarf-bashers, we do not wantonly destroy trees without cause....but if there should ever be a need, that Menoa tree will go down, roots and all. Meanwhile, we retire to our own camp, to sing:


"Every Elf is just a sissy,
So effete and soft and prissy;
We can beat them in a jiffy,
As they miss their shots and squeal!

It's the Dwarves who fight like lions,
Helped by all our clever science;
Those who place a wise reliance
On the Dwarves are getting real!"
 
Poor tree!:(
Sigh... I think I'll give up making tents. They don't stay intact for more than a few hours anymore.
 
Don't feel bad about the tree, we didn't _actually_ do it any harm at all. That's only a possibility for extreme emergencies. Besides, you'll doubtless say that you come up with something to protect it. We would much rather fight you sissy Elves by insulting you. :p


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Elvish.
Elvish who?
Elvish Presley on his worst day could fight better than the sissy Elves!
 
*steals dwarf research on flying beards* *modifies*
I decided we elves need to make an advancment on our technology so I invented detachable flying braids! They have all the dwarves advancments for their beards only for elves and slightly modified to fit. And our version has a shield that comes up to stop flying projectiles (like pies for instance) and sticky things (like goo) from reaching us elves.
 
Congratulations,Mewsie.And if the Dwarves even think about coming close to our Menoa Tree,they're gonna get a nasty surprise *patsc mechanism that activates 200 arrows*My little army is still waiting patiently.*snicker*
 
Thousands of spare beards absorb it all in moments. When you live underground, flood control is something you prepare for.


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"Every liberal is in reaction against the previous form of liberalism."
-- Archbishop Fulton Sheen ​
 
The Elves hire giants to stomp on the Dwarves' tunnels and crush them. The giants are impeccably thorough.
 
Mozart the Meerkitten said:
*steals dwarf research on flying beards* *modifies*
I decided we elves need to make an advancment on our technology so I invented detachable flying braids! They have all the dwarves advancments for their beards only for elves and slightly modified to fit. And our version has a shield that comes up to stop flying projectiles (like pies for instance) and sticky things (like goo) from reaching us elves.
Click to expand...

Brilliant idea!
 
The giants were detected coming by vibration sensors. As they finish stomping the shallow-depth tunnels which were the only places even their weight could affect (remember that we Dwarves excavate halls with ENTIRE MOUNTAINS above them, and they don't cave in), our sensor system triggers a shrinking device of our own, which reduces the giants IRREVOCABLY to hobbit-size. Then we arrest them, and put them to forced labor clearing away rubble.



"Every liberal is in reaction against the previous form of liberalism."
-- Archbishop Fulton Sheen ​
 
The Dwarves then accidentally shrink themselves to ant-size with their incredible system, and the giants chase them all into the ocean.
 
The first touch of salt water, however, sets off an electrolytic reaction in our nanotechnical beards, causing us not only to regain our normal size, but temporarily to absorb the genetic pattern still in the cells of the former giants. Thus we grow to giant size. While our hugeness lasts, we get payback by thundering into the camp of the sissy Elves, grabbing every one of them (which is no more of "god-modding" than what you just wrote :p), sticking them up to their pencil necks in extra-filthy bog holes, and throwing all their weapons into the same ocean we had been chased into. By the time our giant size wears off, we're already re-established in our caves, and still keeping the hobbit-size ex-giants performing forced labor for us.
 
:rolleyes: well I'm not getting stuck in the Swamp for one! *escapes dwarves and hides in reeds before she is put in the Bog* and anyway the Bog isn't even that deep, the Swamp..... well I'm not going to tell you about the swamp. *frees her fellow elves* *grabs a stick* Okie doke, now lets see.... *drains swamp* *re-floods swamp with clean water* There.:D
 
Suddenly, an army of lawyers brings an environmental-protection lawsuit against the sissy Elves, under the docket title "Middle-Earth E.P.A. versus Sissy Elves," charging the aforesaid sissy Elves with spoiling the nice yucky wetland bogs with all that clean water.
 
*Elves kick the lawyers out*
If you wanna a corpse-filled swamp,then you're gonna have to deal with the Sissy Elves.:pAnd because i was absent from our war,i must catch up!
*screams*PEANUT BUTTER!!!!!
*200 arrows whizz at the Dwarves,once more imbedding in thier bushy,tangled beards*I changed the password again!*runs back to Elf camp*
 
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