How To Kill Fred the Box 2,892 times

526. Put an address label on him to the State Office, with a return address of "Osama Bin Laden". Let the FBI and CIA get their hands on him.

527. Put him on the first NASA craft to land on the sun.

528. Build a magnifying glass so big you can incinerate him with MOONLIGHT.

529. Recycle him. After all, it's a bit like reincarnation.

530. Use him as a target in the Super Hadron Collider. Maybe he'll get sucked into a tiny black hole.
 
531. You don't kill Fred the box. Fred chooses when he lets you kill him

532. Fred doesn't eat. Because he's a box. Therefore, every 3 days he starves himself, only to be reborn.

533. Fred doesn't like feet. They smell too much. So you can use your feet to crush his box. Shoes are recommended.
 
(every time i see hb replied to a thread, the first thing i do is look if he closed it... *shudders*)

534. let van gogh get his hands on him.

535. put him in front of the tv and turn on the insane asylum documentary (suicide).
 
536. Get Fred alone, swing your shiny pocket watch back and forth, and recite softly, "Yoouuuu are getting non-existant..."
 
538: Have Theorangejello write a cute limerick about Fred--but NOT write the last line. Then Fred will die from frustration over not knowing how it ends!
 
537: Lol...Put him in front of that crazy maniac laughing clown in Englands, BlackPool Pleasure beach.

he'll die of fright...from seeing such a hideious creature.
 
holyboy said:
531. You don't kill Fred the box. Fred chooses when he lets you kill him

532. Fred doesn't eat. Because he's a box. Therefore, every 3 days he starves himself, only to be reborn.

533. Fred doesn't like feet. They smell too much. So you can use your feet to crush his box. Shoes are recommended.
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Whoa. That's really weird. HB, um, posting methods in this thread??? (okay, the first two don't count, but still!)
 
539. Mail him to John Smith, 104 Elm Street, Springfield. That's the whole address. Yeah. He might not die but you'll be rid of him forever, especially if the return address is Jane Jones, 201 Main Street, Springfield.

540. Hire a professional boxer to hold a lit match to him...on Boxing Day. That gets you points for deadly double irony.
 
EveningStar said:
539. Mail him to John Smith, 104 Elm Street, Springfield. That's the whole address. Yeah. He might not die but you'll be rid of him forever, especially if the return address is Jane Jones, 201 Main Street, Springfield.

540. Hire a professional boxer to hold a lit match to him...on Boxing Day. That gets you points for deadly double irony.
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i thought john and jane don't talk anymore since they got divorced?

541. glue a few glass stones to him and put him in the tower of london where the crown jewels used to be.
 
542. If it's going to the Tower of London it should die the traditional death. Beheading. With a box cutter, of course.

543. Melt the glue, remove the staples, and using perverse yet effective origami techniques turn him into something very unboxy such as a rhino, a raccoon, a rodent, or some other animal beginning with R.

544. Perhaps he'll grieve to death if you tell him the plastic peanuts and styrofoam inserts he used to treasure ran off with the UPS man.

545. Know that little round imprint on the bottom that talks about capacity, crushing strength and so forth? Tell him there's a dispute about that and he should give his life for his country to prove or disprove that information.
 
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