Roleplay By Monologues

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Meanwhile, the boy who had written a post contradicting Aslan's Deity status and then quit the forum, went out and decided to try emulating his politician hero. Finding a house whose front door was unlocked, he walked quietly in, unplugged a TV set, and started out with it. When the man of the house appeared, the teenager quickly exclaimed, "Remember, spreading the wealth around is good for EVERYBODY!"

As the homeowner advanced on him with a golf club, the boy's eyes went wide. "Change!" he shouted, expecting this to cause the man to let him leave with his loot. "Change! Change! CHANGE!!"

And then he got his change: he was changed from a conscious thief to an unconscious one.
 
After Bat-Bat set the pseudo-writer straight, he had a great fruit lunch and after paying for his meal, he walked down the streets again and happened to see the final moments of the confrontation between that "smart" teen and the homeowner. Bat-Bat immediately intervened by helping the homeowner carry his TV set back inside.
 
When the young thief awakened in handcuffs, he fleetingly wondered if he might be able to get off by accusing the homeowner and the cops of racism. But the homeowner was Korean; the cops were a black man and a Hispanic woman; and Bat-Bat, who was talking with them, definitely looked like MORE of a minority than anyone present.

The 13-month-old hamster, having been giving a catproof mobility sphere, had escaped from his house to go questing, and happened upon the arrest scene. The boy thief caught the sphere between his feet, and tried to create a hostage situation by threatening to crush the hamster.
 
But since the hamster was on a quest of his own similar to any quest any one of our thirteen-year-old girls may be on, he had the ability to post anything he wanted and come up with powers even he did not know he had so he said (and posted) this:

But hamster-quester immediately drew upon the forty seven winds and the powers or Zeus, Odin, Neptune, James Bond's stunt doubles, etcetera, etecetera, etcetera, and immediately he received all the powers necessary to first chew out of his ball and then devour the head of that plucky teen in one gulp. Everyone else was amazed at his power, even Bat-Bat, so the hamster-quester crowned himself King of the Universe and ordered many hamster balls to replace the chewed up one. He jumped inside the prettiest ball and immediately set out on another quest which no one else understood.
 
Although the young thief was given his head back in the next post, he had learned a valuable lesson from the transformation of the hamster: "change" can mean so many things that it's useless even to _say_ the word unless you _specify_ what kind of change you mean.

Meanwhile, some of the 13-year-old girls were encountering a new and helpful role model: a woman called Lady Sarah, who was the age of the mothers of the 13-year-old girls, but who was better-looking than any of the 13-year-old girls themselves...and _smarter_ than any ten of them put together. Lady Sarah began to explain to the astonished girls that they didn't have to be isolated on one-girl quests; that they could actually become responsible and contributing members of society; AND that helping society called for more than parrotting the word "change" and playing on people's class envy.
 
Meanwhile, our civil war heroes, Beauregard T. Beauregard (the T still stood for "Beauregard") and Colonel Eugene Templeton Singleton and his Pippin drummer boy were all in Washington DC, with a fresh new batch of pies waiting for that nutcase candidate to show up.
 
Meleanie who had spent the last two weeks going through lockers looking for her phone gave up. She then wonderd into a class room and saw it lying on the desk with her bag. "Ahhhhhh" she shouted. She looked at her phone and saw the bajilion missed calls and messages she had and moaned. She then sat down and started to go through them all.
 
Bab-Bat, using his super sonic Bat sense, augmented by all his bat gadgets, immediately came down to where Melanie was sitting and asked:

"Are all those messages from vampire fans? How many vampire fan friends have you got, missy?"

Melanie wanted to answer but as it's the case with everyone else, she succumbed to one ob Bat-Bat's powers and only stuttered.

"And most importantly," added Bat-Bat in a serious tone, "are YOU a vampire fan?"
 
"Yes to everything" was all she answerd. It was all she could do as one of Bat-Bat's powers was to confuse and amuse.
 
In a galaxy far away ALF played his guitar while listening to the radio. Suddenly a storm appeared and ALF was taken from Melmak to the Earth.

" Hey! What's this? A joke or something?"

Emmett shook his head.

" And another nutcase in this story"

ALF took his guitar and started to play AC/DC but the 13 years old girls didn't like it. Then ALF changed his strategy and started to play popular music.
Howard Shore was so impressed and offered ALF a contract. ALF signed the 35 year contract and changed his looks. He had surgery to change his melmak look and he changed his name into Elvis.
Elvis started to compose his own songs. Alf didn't like to be on the Earth that much and he felt like he was in prison. While he had to clean Howard's house he found inspiration. Jailhouse rock was born.
 
After ALF had had enough time to adjust to Earth, he happened to see the movie "Silverado." When he realized that he had met one of the characters from that film, he asked Emmett if the Gunslinger Steakhouses would ever consider serving cat meat. Getting a sharp "Nope!" to that, ALF changed the subject, asking what had become of Emmett's brother Jake.

Emmett sighed. "Poor Jake was embarrassed to pieces because Kevin Costner--that's the actor who played Jake onscreen--had such a nice-guy reputation, but then he dumped his wife in favor of a smutty affair with his female costar from the junk-science movie 'Waterworld.' Jake's embarrassed to be seen in public ever since; but I got him a job cooking in the kitchen of the original Gunslinger Steakhouse, where he can stay out of sight."

"I've got an idea that might help your brother," said the runty alien. "I got it based on what's filling Earth's media right now. Tell Jake he can appear in public again; and if anyone confuses him with Kevin Costner and acts angry at him for the wife-desertion, he can just shout 'CHANGE!!' Then everyone will assume he can do no wrong."
 
Emmett shook his head.

"You see? Everybody seems to follow this trend. Every goodlooking actor or actress cheat on their spouses and seem to have no respect at all. This Kevin is a nice guy but he has become weak by this flue...the hollywood flue. All actors seem to get it, whatever age".

Alf nodded his head.

" That's true Emmett but it's never too late to change".
 
Bat-Bat immediately threw his Batarang towards Melanie's phone and completely obliterated the little thing.

"Let there be a lesson to you missy," he said to Melanie. "Quit messing with my kind. We are not evil, you understand?"

"And now, where are all those thirteen-year-old girls at?"
 
As if he had signalled them by sonar power, some two dozen of those 13-year-old girls came toward Bat-Bat, walking and leading their horses to give the faithful animals a rest. The prettiest of the group, a girl who looked the way Lucy the Marshwiggle must have looked at age 13, said to the superhero: "We've just been talking to a really smart lady named Sarah, and she convinced us that there are better things to do than ride around flattering ourselves for being heroic while actually accomplishing nothing. So since you're a superhero, can you suggest some constructive civic-duty things we might try, while our horses are getting some time off?"
 
While the girls were seeking Bat-Bat's advice, the weaselly "change" politician was reviewing all fiction and roleplaying posts on TDL. He remarked to his wife, "Here's how it will be when we get the Fairness Doctrine reinstated. For every post on this forum taking the narrow intolerant view of 'Lord of the Rings,' there will have to be another post saying that Sauron was right and Gandalf was wrong. For every intolerant post about Narnia, there will have to be another post saying that Aslan was wrong and Jadis and Miraz were right. For every intolerant post about Batman, there must be a post siding with the Joker. And for every intolerant post about the Star Wars movies, there has to be a statement that the Jedi were wrong and the Empire was right."
 
Melanie burst into tears. "I spent two weeks looking for that!" She shouted. "You tell me you are not evil and yet you destroyed my phone" she then continued to cry and roll around on the floor like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum.
 
Aslan appeared and instantly restored the broken cellphone to intact condition. Then He said to Bat-Bat, "Son, you need to be working more on answering wrong ideas with RIGHT ideas, rather than trying to silence them forcibly. Listen in while I talk with these 13-year-old girls on the same subject."
 
Melanie stoped the stropping like when a little kid got the sweets they wanted. "Thank you Mr Lion Sir" she said before sitting down again and going through the rest of them.
 
Bat-Bat decided that his next move, in order to render all phones useless to vampire messages was to scan every post in TDL for any hint of evil vampireness. Whenever he found one, he would report it to the mods for deletion. Once there was no one in TDL talking about those silly stories, he would then move on to other family friendly forums and do the same thing there.
 
Meanwhile, Haldir the Elf had finished work on "The Wizard of Oz." He had barely collected his pay when he felt himself turning into a Vulcan again. So he hitched a ride with one of the hundreds of super-duper aliens of the Star Trek universe, actually went to Vulcan and married a female native. Thanks to his indefinite Elvish lifespan, he was okay with only getting to make love once every seven years. In the intervals between, he made more movies.
 
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