Roleplay By Monologues

Status
Not open for further replies.
Suddenly the dike sprang a leak! Hans Brinker hastily stuck his finger in the dike to buy time for a repair crew to come; but all the Dutch repair crews figured they had to wait to ask permission to act from European Union headquarters in Brussels. And so all the Netherlands was destroyed by flooding, or rather by the bureaucracy that prevented action in the emergency. Every person in the country drowned...until the next post, when they all came back to life again.
 
Suddenly, the water dissapears, and they're all back at Fawlty Towers (because it's awesome)! Basil is freaking out, trying to hide everybody under a rug, so Sybil doesn't see them. A space ship randomly lands in the lobby, and Ford Prefect steps out, reading a map.
 
Emmett the Silverado gunslinger steps up to Ford Prefect and says, "Excuse me, pardner, but is there any chance you could get me a flight to the planet where the Vogons hid their supposedly public plans to destroy the Earth? I'm startin' to think that that's the only place where I might find a network executive willin' to try a series adaptation of my movie."
 
Meanwhile, Thirteen-Year-Old-Girl-On-Solo-Quest Number 13,944 was so successful at closing her mind to everything but herself and her horse, that she didn't even notice when they blundered onto the Churchill Downs Racetrack. They crossed the finish line ahead of all the other horses, but the girl on a quest that no one else could understand had to have a bucket of water dashed into her face to get her attention sufficiently so she could be given her prize.
 
Then the girl went into a building that turned out to be a an Elderly Care facility. Inside she noticed a lot of cameras and movie equipment, but she was so bent in her quest that she did not notice that the movie producers were here to actually film "Indiana Jones Against the Mysterious Adult Diaper Stealing Mummies" The film crew was here because if they had moved Harrison Ford to a stage, at 105, he would have collapsed and died.

Despite this fact, the movie producers, and most American moviegoers thought that Harrison Ford still made a good Indiana Jones anyway, and they were willing to come up with any silly script to make that happen.

Of course making the movie took another 5 years (Harrison Ford was 110 when the finished filming) because HF had to constantly "go" and had to nap 3 times a day.
 
Janay Linn was walking home to her apartment late at night. As she passed a 24-hour corner store, she heard a strange sound coming from behind the dumpsters. It started like a faint squealing sound and grew into something across between an elephant's trumpet and of a bad violin string. It stopped suddenly with a thump. A femenine voice, and rather put-out from the sound of it, emanated from behind the concrete barrier.

"This doesn't look like Saxocaligus VII at any time period I know of. Not to mention the clouds."

Janay startled at the voice, overly loud for the time of night.

"What about the clouds?" A second voice, much deeper, answered. A man with a great mop of curly hair and a ridiculous scarf strode out from the dumpster area, followed by a blonde woman in a long, pink coat.

"Saxocaligus VII doesn't have clouds! Neither do Saxocaligus IV, V, or VI... and-"

"Hello!" called the man, spotting Janay staring from the end of the alley. "Would you be so kind as to direct us to the Royal Gallabballitt?"

Janay blinked, worried that she may have run into some escaped crazies or something of the like. What's the easiest way to make them move along without talking to them?...

She picked a sidestreet at random and pointed.

"See, Romana? It must be Saxocaligus VII - none of the others possess such punctual natives."
 
Meanwhile, the TV network executive whom Emmett the gunslinger wanted to see was too busy to see him. The executive was working on a deal to sign William Moseley for a series that would be a combined spin-off of the Chronicles of Narnia AND Doctor Who. The premise would be that THE WALDEN MEDIA VERSION OF Peter Pevensie discovers a lost TARDIS, and knows what he must do with it. He has to travel throughout all of space and time, telling everyone he meets that he, Peter Pevensie, is a miserable dweeb and failure, incompetent and stupid in matters both temporal and spiritual, whom nobody needs for anything. A working title for the series would be "Infinite Inferiority in Infinite Combinations."
 
Very long ago, on a planet far far away, two Jedi Knights were arguing:

"Your thoughts betray you."

"No, it's _your_ thoughts that betray _you!_"

"No, _your_thoughts betray that you know _I'm_ right that it's _your_ thoughts doing the betraying!"

"Stop that! _Your_ thoughts betray that you're just playing Jedi headgames with me!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

This was the very first beginning of negative emotions in Jedi: the reason for the origin of the Sith.
 
Thirteen-Year-Old-Girl-On-Solo-Quest Number 28,117 pulled her horse to a halt. She had been riding along so intently, speaking to no one because no one else could understand her lonely quest, that she now realized she couldn't be sure when was the last time she had eaten anything. The thought made her terribly hungry, and for a moment she was afraid she might starve.

But then she noticed that all this time questing, she had been riding in circles. Her house was actually within sight. So she rode home, unsaddled her horse and gave it a good rubdown, then went inside for lunch. After lunch, she logged into an online forum, and joined a roleplay--in which, at the very earliest opportunity, she declared herself to be riding off alone on a quest that only she could understand, and from that moment she refused to pay the slightest attention to what other characters were doing.
 
candy lies and daisy crimes, she was oblivious to the natural state of his elogant chimes. She pitied him, he lusted for her, what a tangle of knots these two lovers infer. But trust, they love, as if it were must. Wait until they see, what their eyes forbade them to be.
 
Then all the other Thirteen-Year-Old-Girls in the forum noticed this and they all wanted to do better. Each started her own RP thread and each proclaimed in the rules that she would play the heroine, her horse, her love interest, and all her attendants and slaves. The list of the other characters that others could chose from included the Evil Dragon, a Witch, A Vampire, and Snoopy and the Red Baron, which were the characters the heroine was going to defeat.
Also, each wanted other players to play minor characters that would mostly be there to call her "Your Majesty" or "Yes, Princess."
As they began their role play, each set out on a quest which only she understood.
 
Last edited:
BarbarianKing said:
Then all the other Thirteen-Year-Old-Girls in the forum noticed this and they all wanted to do better. Each started her own RP thread and each proclaimed in the rules that they would play the heroine, her horse, her love interest, and all her attendants and slaves. The list of the other characters that others could chose from included the Evil Dragon, a Witch, A Vampire, and Snoopy and the Red Baron, which were the characters the heroine was going to defeat.
Also, each wanted other players to play minor characters that would mostly be there to call her "Your Majesty" or "Yes, Princess."
As they began their role play, each set out on a quest which only she understood.
Click to expand...

(lol I hope I wasn't the inspiration for this...)
 
One guy, in the midst of pondering whether to take on a supporting role, noticed the following lyrical phrase being posted:

>> Candy lies and daisy crimes, she was oblivious to the natural state
>> of his elogant chimes.

To this he hastily replied:

"Huzzah! Excellent! Whether that be from Tori Amos or elsewhere, it is EXACTLY RIGHT for this roleplay, precisely BECAUSE it has no connection with what went before! And as for B-King's wry observation, it need not be applied to you particularly to be an illustration of the egotism that poisons roleplays generally."
 
Copperfox said:
One guy, in the midst of pondering whether to take on a supporting role, noticed the following lyrical phrase being posted:

>> Candy lies and daisy crimes, she was oblivious to the natural state
>> of his elogant chimes.

To this he hastily replied:

"Huzzah! Excellent! Whether that be from Tori Amos or elsewhere, it is EXACTLY RIGHT for this roleplay, precisely BECAUSE it has no connection with what went before! And as for B-King's wry observation, it need not be applied to you particularly to be an illustration of the egotism that poisons roleplays generally."
Click to expand...

Ahh but the copper fox does not know of the tellings of The Ego. What is he? This Ego, man or woman, how do I know? The Ego is often on show, but little does our copper fox know, that the Ego wants his encore and flower bow.
 
OOC: The first time I ever got in on a Narnian roleplay, which was on the old Narnians At Heart forum, I purposely took on a supporting role as--surprise, surprise--an older guy. And sure enough, practically _everybody_ else, mostly girls but at least one boy, wanted to be THE STAR of the story, with complete and impenetrable disregard for what anyone else was doing or saying. I tried to hold it together...and ended up being the ONLY player even left, as all the superstars lost interest in competing with each other to be the central character. So I contrived a halfway decent ending, complete with a tribute to my first wife Mary, memorialized as "Wiljanetta the Healer" in the roleplay.
 
But Manfred von Richthofen was having none of that. He realized that Snoopy had a soft heart for a kid named Charlie and was friends with other kids, including one who still carried around a security blanket. The Red Baron decided that the only way to defeat the heroine was to get a blanket of his own, carry it around for years and then cut it in half and send one half to the heroine of the RP and the other half to Snoopy. With all the germs accumulated in the blanket, he was sure those two would die of some horrible desease.

But the Red Baron forgot that he also did not understand the quest in which this particular thirtheen-year-old girl had set out on. So in her next post the heroined discovered that she also had power over security blankets and as soon as she touched it, the blanket was immediately sterile and "shone like liquid crystal worthy of her stature," as she put it.
 
Last edited:
Another World War One biplane flew in for a landing just then, with Canadian markings. The pilot got out, and said to Emmett the gunslinger who just happened to be moseying through, "Hi, my name is Roy Brown, and I'm the man who actually shot down Richtofen."

"Pleased to meet yuh," said Emmett, shaking hands. "I hear tell that Richtofen wasn't actually called The Red Baron, either. He had the social rank of baron in Prussian society, but as a combat nickname he was called The Red KNIGHT."

"That's true," agreed Brown. "But the title of baron became so closely linked with Germany in the minds of most English-speaking people, that it was inevitable that later generations would start saying Red Baron."

Richtofen had come up in time to hear this exchange, and he now interjected, "Thank you, gentlemen, for clearing that up! I'm so glad to see some accuracy for a change, I even forgive you for killing me, Herr Brown."

"Well, that's really sporting of you, eh?" said the Canadian.

"Still, I don't reckon as how you two gents will want to hang around this roleplay," observed Emmett. "Ain't NOTHIN' accurate here nohow."

The two aviators thanked Emmett for the advice...and both of them immediately changed into Planet Pern-type dragons and blinked away into the "between" dimension.
 
The blanket piece that was sent to Snoopy did have an effect on him: it caused him to shift into an alternate timeline, in which Charles Schulz, Lord love him, lived long enough to start having the Peanuts characters grow into adolescence. But the venerable cartoonist, in this alternate universe, was forced to create new female characters--because as soon as they reached age 13, Lucy, Violet, Marcie, Sally and Peppermint Patty each got a horse and rode away on a quest that only she could understand.
 
This left a lot of New Englanders with more cheese than they could use, since they normally ate cheese with apple pie. So they fed the surplus to some Narnian Talking Mice, and asked the Mice in return to try to prevent Walden Media from ruining "Dawn Treader" the way they ruined "Prince Caspian."
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top